This is Garrison Dean, io9's resident viscount of photoshopperie, reporting in. Much like your significant other, I've been distant, busy with work, and just not fulfilling your needs. But it's Valentine's Day! And on Valentine's Day, I can make up for all my shortcomings and patch our fragile relationship with a…

Come on, we've got a hard R new Conan film coming out with plenty of red band footage online. Did you think I wasn't going to do a trailer?

There will come a day in the future where humanity wises up and realizes the brilliance of Sir Michael Bay. I only hope I'm alive to witness it. Remember: nothing succeeds likes excess.

Did you miss io9's 1980s-style Firefly intro, (now with more awesome), or Simon Tam's new TV-doctor drama? Don't worry — we've got the best of 2010's original video content, tributes, and the most deranged collection of Found Footage right here.

Last week Annalee told me that io9 was going to devote a week to "Disasters", and wondered if I'd like to do something special. Disaster being my "thing," I said yes.

Well friends, let's do it to it, shall we? ON TO DISASTER!!! As always click to enlarge.

Welcome Children to the weekly (when I get to it) spooky recap of this week in io9. Enter if you have the guts to face the terror that is...

For some reason, the Buenos Aires branch of elite ad company Young & Rubicam figured that the best way to advertise condoms . . . is with images of a burning apocalypse? We've got the full (mildly NSFW) ad below.

People complained that we left Simon Tam out of our 1980s-style Firefly opening credits. You failed to realize: That was Firefly's second-season intro. By then, Sean Maher had cashed in on his unbelievable popularity, with a spin-off. Check it out.

Joss Whedon's Firefly was awesome, but its title sequence really didn't sell the show. What Firefly really needed was a kick-ass, old-school, synth-happy, guitar-solo, Yay Spaceships, 1980s-style intro credit sequence. And here it is. Joss, you can thank me later.