This week sees the release of Fall Of The Hulks: Alpha, the first chapter in a story promising some level of closure to storyarcs that have stretch back to 2006 and, with any luck, thinning the Hulk Herd just a little. Because, yes, there are now seven different Hulks co-existing in the Marvel Universe, and that seems like at least five too many. We've come up with a scorecard for the Hulks of various colors, just to make it easier for you to jump onboard Marvel's latest big event.

The Originals
Bruce Banner and Jennifer Walters, these are your lives.
The Reds
Bruce Banner and Jennifer Walters, these are your potentially evil dopplegangers.
The Bastards
Bruce Banner, these are your children. Jen, you're off the hook for this one.

Fall Of The Hulks: Alpha is released on Thursday.

The Lost World (1925)

There have been many movie adaptations of Arthur Conan Doyle's 1912 novel, but for our money, the original is still the best, thanks to some pretty amazing stop-motion animation showing dinosaurs trashing London. The groundbreaking special effects, by Willis O'Brien, gave rise to later classics like the original King Kong — and O'Brien trained Ray Harryhausen. This is also the only Lost World adaptation that Conan Doyle seems to have approved of personally. The whole thing is on Youtube, and here's the climax — skip to about 4:58 for the beginning of the dinosaur-rampage awesomeness.

20,000 Leagues Under The Sea

Sure, it's a Disney movie, and it's got Kirk Douglas singing "A Whale Of A Tale." But it also has James Mason's understated, creeptastic performance as Captain Nemo, full of subtle menace. And the special effects still look pretty breathtaking, even 55 years later. Most of all, it captures the wonder and boundless curiosity of Verne's book.

Fahrenheit 451

The original film version of Ray Bradbury's book-burning classic is a vivid, lurid masterpiece — I saw it as a kid, and it still sticks in my mind. But what did Bradbury think? He wrote, in the introduction to one edition of the novel:

And what do I think of the film?

I have heard those cries in the past of outraged authors whose books have just been gang-raped by a studio.

Such is not the case, luckily, with me.

I think that Truffaut has captured the soul and essence of the book. He has been careful and subtle in his shadings and motions. He has escaped making a technological James Bond film, and made, instead, the love story of, not a man and a woman, but a man and a library, a man and a book. An incredible love story indeed in this day when libraries, once more, are burning across the world.

I am very grateful.

Clockwork Orange

According to Wikipedia (although it's not sourced), original novelist Anthony Burgess felt Stanley Kubrick's film was brilliant — but almost too brilliant for our own safety. Whether Burgess really said that, he'll get no argument from the hordes of people who've loved this uncompromising, brutal look at hooligans and social control in a dystopian future. It's Kubrick at the top of his game, honoring and transforming the source material. (Note: We considered including 2001 as well, but since the book was written after the movie, we decided against.)

Blade Runner

Yes, this film takes some liberties with Philip K. Dick's "Do Androids Dream Of Electric Sheep?" But it's also one of the best reflections of Dick's constant paranoia and flood-of-weirdness storytelling methods. And of course, Dick himself wrote an ecstatic letter praising this film's vision and his belief that it would re-energize science fiction altogether.

1984 (1984)

It was almost required that this year would see a movie based on the famous George Orwell novel. Thank goodness this one didn't commit the thought crime of bastardizing Orwell's story of a totalitarian society that controls its subjects with constant surveillance and "newspeak." It's worth tracking the director's cut DVD which restores Michael Radford's original bleak color pallette and the original orchestral score (with no Eurythmics.)

Bram Stoker's Dracula

Of all the Dracula films throughout the years, Francis Ford Coppola's version came closest to capturing the original novel's darkness, with Gary Oldman making for a captivating Dracula. The whole affair drips with sensuality, thanks to some incredibly beautiful designs. (Screencaps from DVDBeaver.)

Handmaid's Tale

This was a troubled production, in which the original director dropped out and screenwriter Harold Pinter washed his hands of the thing. That meant that original novelist Margaret Atwood, among others, stepped in to revise the screenplay. Despite the problems, the resulting film preserves the key themes of Atwood's novel, about a fundamentalist culture in which many women are infertile and the few fertile women are given to high-ranking couples to give birth to their heirs. More importantly, it's a harrowing, weird epic.

Lord Of The Rings

Peter Jackson takes some liberties with J.R.R. Tolkien's epic three-volume novel, but nobody would deny that the resulting movie trilogy really is epic, and really does convey just why so many of us fell in love with these books in the first place. The full-length DVD versions of all three movies will take you the better part of a day to watch, but it's an absorbing story and never loses the feeling of great events taking place.

Call Of Cthulhu

This 2005 silent movie comes the closest of all the many H.P. Lovecraft adaptations of doing a straight-up recreation of Lovecraft's world. The campiness and cheekiness are kept to a minimum, and in their place, you see only the pure majesty of Cthulhu. The Old Ones are, the Old Ones were, the Old Ones shall be, indeed.

Children Of Men

We debated whether to include this one, since it makes such a radical alteration to the book's storyline — in the book, it's men, not women, who are infertile. But this, and several other drastic changes from P.D. James' book, don't detract from the fact that director Alfonso Cuarón crafts a pretty gripping film in its own right, which preserves the dystopian feel and obsession with reproduction from the book. And the film's use of long, single-shot sequences in which huge events feel like they're happening all around you, makes it hard to forget afterwards. Here's a video about the making of the film, including those amazing long takes. And apparently, James herself was happy with it.

A Scanner Darkly

Philip K. Dick has probably had more of his books adapted to films than any other SF author — but Richard Linklater's film version of his undercover narc tripfest does the best possible job of giving you an audiovisual tour of Dick's universe. Watching this film, you feel as though you begin to understand what it might have been like to be Philip K. Dick — which is terrifying in itself.

Insect (1979-1982)

Gotta love the attention to detail here. "It's dancing horseshit," "music by the Beatles," and "The Movie Everyone Is Buzzing About!"

A closer look

Stalk of The Celery Monster (1979) A short short.

Romeo And Juliet, the Monster Movie!

Little Dead Riding Hood (1981)

Hansel and Gretel (1982). A storyboard from a Hansel And Gretel movie pitch, takes us to a world where the walls melt candy.

Mothera (1980-1988)

The Gardener
His hands are gardening tools. This was one of the many superhero villains Burton dreamed up, and he's very Edward Scissorhands-like.

Dr. Brain

Another villain, Dr. Brain, who needs two assistants to hold his head up at all times, or else it cracks open — see the right image. If only Burton got his own superhero movie, where he could dream up an entire new team of heroes and baddies.

Superman Lives - Brainiac

And finally here's a genuine concept art from Tim Burton's Superman movie with Nic Cage, that never saw the light of day. Still this is a pretty bad-ass Brainiac.

Superman Lives- Superman

And this is his Superman, who looks like Johnny Depp.

As always, you can download the whole thing as a printable PDF by clicking here.

Research by Cyriaque Lamar. Design and layout by Stephanie Fox.

Monday

It's the usual Monday evening decision between Fox's House, wherein the West Wing's Joshua Malina guests as a former patient of Wilson's who's now a little bit too close to dying for everyone's comfort, and NBC's Heroes, which promises an "unexpected destination" for Claire and Peter, who are struggling to come to terms with the truth. Both of them air at 8pm, so feel free to choose House and read our Heroes recap, instead. You know it'll be easier on everyone.

Tuesday

Prophets of Science Fiction on the Science Channel at 9pm is about it, now that V has slunk its way off-screen for a few months (And am I the only person who spent the last episode waiting for a big lizard reveal, only to be thwarted? They even talked about skinning an alien just to tease us, the bastards). But in many ways, this documentary about science fiction creators whose work predicted the future is likely to be less frustrating than ABC's alien drama, even if it may not be more entertaining.

Wednesday

While Mythbusters carries on Kari-less on Discovery at 9pm (Adam and Jamie look into whether you can escape from jail using antacids, while I continue to unfairly criticize newgirl Jessi Combs purely because of my love for the missing Ms. Byron), ABC's Eastwick begins to draw to a conclusion with new episode "Tasers and Mind Erasers."

Thursday

With the CW shows on reruns, your evening viewing is wide open for a helping of Flashforward at 8 pm on ABC and Fringe at 9 on Fox. This week's FF promises to reveal more about Demetri's future death, Zoey's flashforward and, most excitingly, what actually caused the flashforward itself. Meanwhile, Fringe gets out the Lovecraftian influence as "Snakehead" reveals a spooky squidlike creature burrowing into host bodies. Calamari will never be the same again.

Friday

If new episodes of Ghost Whisperer and Medium on CBS (at 8pm and 9, respectively) or Stargate Universe and Sanctuary on Syfy (at 9pm and 10, respectively) don't float your boat — Although, SGU sees Young handing over command of the Destiny to Camille when he's accused of murder aboard the ship, so maybe you should tune into that just in case — then there's only one thing that could take your attention (Well, beside Star Wars: The Clone Wars on Cartoon Network at 9).

And that's the return of Dollhouse, with two new episodes starting on Fox at 8pm. "The Public Eye/The Left Hand" sees Senator Wesley From Angel finally stop talking and start doing something in his so-far-useless campaign against the Dollhouse, while Topher and Adelle meet a programmer with a connection to Echo and - Oh, never mind. All you want to know is this: It's the episode with Summer Glau. See? Now you'll tune in.

Saturday

NBC is showing the best Fantastic Four movie ever made, The Incredibles at 8:30pm. I'm sure most of you already own it on DVD though, right?

Sunday

Sure, Sunday night still belongs to The Venture Bros (a new episode is on Cartoon Network at midnight), but we're still kind of tempted by Syfy's Alice revival, from the people who brought you Tin Man. Bringing the story up to date and adding in various contemporary re-readings of famous scenes, there's always the possibility of things going totally wrong and it turning out to be another Prisoner, but we have hope nonetheless...

Let's say that one day the impossible happens and you wake up in the gleaming city of Metropolis. Or perhaps you get really lucky and wake up in New York, in the arms of Mary Jane Watson, or Peter Parker, or both, if that's your bag. You leap out of bed and throw open the door, ready to explore. You are in a land of imagination, heroism, and hot people in spandex! What should you do first?

Make you peace with god, my friends. Make your peace with god. You're in a world where even super-powered people drop like flies after being horribly tortured, where fresh blood needs to be spilled every Wednesday, and where sometimes whole universes get snuffed out.

In other words, you're already deader than a smushed opossum in the middle of an eight lane highway.

The moment you realize you exist in a comic-book universe, it's time to think about what comes next. I've provided a handy guide of religions to choose from. Read it now. You won't live long enough to hit the F5 key.

1. Greek Mythology

There's a lot to be said for Greek mythology. There is both a god of booze and a god of love. There is, in fact, a god of pretty much everything, so a few well-chosen sacrifices could theoretically get you whatever you wanted. Please a god, get what you need.

Then again, displease a god and that smushed opossum on the highway starts to look really damned good compared to your situation. The Greek gods had this thing called ‘irony,' and lacked this thing called ‘a sense of humor.' It started out small. For example, they would tell a set of parents that their darling new baby boy would kill his father and marry his mother, and then set it up so that all the ways they tried to avoid having such a thing happen actually helped it come about. It all ended up with that darling, innocent boy scooping his own eyes like they were ice cream and he worked at Baskin Robbins.

Lately in comics, meddling gods have gotten a little more serious, with invading armies, forsaken populations, and sudden coups. Let's put it this way: Wonder Woman is the quintessential Greek warrior. Wise, dutiful, compassionate, honorable, and brilliant, she embodies all possible virtues. This was her last meeting with the leader of the Greek gods.

Maybe you want to move on.

2. Norse Mythology

Want a few less Greek isles and a few more snow-covered mountains in your afterlife? More ski than sea? Well, then perhaps you're the Norse god type. Again, there are party gods and the random acts of violence gods, and on the whole, they seem less interested in consigning mortals to a horrific yet amusing fate.

On the whole.

There is, however, one god who'd do it with a smile on his or her face: Loki. I'm going to go ahead and include a link to Loki's Wikipedia page, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Loki_(comics) because trying to recount the stories would drive me completely mad. If you look over the sections, you will notice a theme. Loki tries to take over. Loki gets kicked out. Loki comes back. Loki tries to take over again.

That's right. Norse mythology seems to have one god who is pretty much just in charge of causing as much trouble as possible for everyone else. You know how one troll can ruin a message board? Picture that, only for eternity and all you can eat is apples (long story). You'd better love to ski, my friends.

3. Buddhism

Buddhism isn't much delved into in comics. There are a few heroes who will reference spending time in Buddhist temples, but often the most action your religion will get is being a backdrop for guys in robes kicking each other. Honestly? That's the selling point.

Not many good things happen to people in comics, a point I believe I made in the first few paragraphs. Wandering around a Buddhist monastery may be the best way to stay alive forever.

Or maybe it'll just seem that way. Connor Hawke is a Buddhist character several years out of the monastery, and he still only drinks milk. If you go Buddhist, you're not the guy who lives a normal life, slightly influenced by religious faith. You're the guy who wanders around in saffron colored robes being serene. All the time. Not that you are going to be half way as burdened as those who have chosen Islam.

4. Islam

Well, now you've done it. You've gone and picked a faith that has a lot of people saying dumb things about it. That means comics creators are either a) saying dumb things themselves, or b) being very, very careful.

This puts you in the position of being a ‘Splainy Laney. Dust, from the X-Men, who talks about her personal philosophy for wearing her abaya and niqab immediately before getting stripped out of them in many story lines.

You may also be the innocent person on the street in a superhero adventure. I know, it seems like that way lies roadkillandia. But because creators are being careful, you have a decent chance of living to the end of a story and getting the hell away from all superheroes. There's only one drawback. Goody-two-shoesism. Innocence has to be earned, like in the issue of Birds of Prey where Black Canary hijacks a cab driver named Masoud. What follows is an entire issue of Black Canary being crazy and Masoud being the voice of reason, culminating with the guy in a railroad car, alone, with a hot blonde in a short skirt offering him a bottle of booze. His response?

"As a devout Muslim I choose never to drink, Miss."

Oh, Masoud. At least your long life will give you a chance to bond with the Buddhists about how nothing interesting ever happens to you.

5. Judaism

Again we find a group which has a lot in common with the Buddhists, at least in comics. Although your religion has been recently augmented by heroes such as Batwoman and Sergeant Rock, you mostly get trotted out each December to round out a Holiday Special. Rest assured though, no one dies in a holiday special.

Unfortunately, it won't be only smooth sailing. Since comic books are the place where Nazis never die, you will have deal with the fall-out from that. This, however, might be a welcome change from the real world. Generally comics need a few panels to show that Nazis, neo-Nazis and other hate groups are really, really bad people, and the easiest way to do that is to show them hassling some Jews. Remain calm. Unlike the real world, more often than not, this will give the heroes a chance to swing in, beat down the punks, and swing out, happy that they have shown us folks at home that superheroes are better than skinheads.

6. Christianity

There's an important theological lesson you must learn before you decide to become Christian: comics are a visual medium. Meaning, if it doesn't have a necklace with a cross or a black collar with a little white rectangle, it isn't a Christian. Don't be walking around in civvies and expecting to go to heaven.

Here's a second lesson: if you go the collar route, you will probably end up advising a superhero or supervillain at some point. This is a good sign! It means you won't be killed randomly. But you're not out of the woods yet. Be kind, be wise, be insightful, but do not, for any reason, be anything but professional. Bonding with a cape is the surefire way to get killed messily so he or she can mourn you. You're not there to be anyone's friend. Maintain your distance.

The drawback to comics Christianity tend to twofold: the religion seems, paradoxically, both highly procedural and highly metaphysical. A good example of this coming together would be the story of Zauriel. He gets kicked out of heaven for falling in love with a mortal woman despite his years of seniority and service (technical) and then has to abandon his pursuit of her to stop an angelic coup. Asmodel, the rebellious angel, managed to take his rebellion all the way to the throne room of heaven only to find it empty, because God is everything and everywhere (metaphysical).

On the one hand, it would certainly put an end to Loki being such an ass in Norse mythology. On the other hand?

Take away the cat, and that's what you're worshiping. Makes a big guy with a beard feel comfortingly substantial, doesn't it?

Star Wars
Whether it's Han Solo's unseen girlfriend, Anakin preparing for a podrace or a very human Jabba, these ten clips show that George Lucas' space opera was more fun before it was edited.

Star Trek
Klingon torture! William Shatner's original death! Skydiving Captains! Ten clips to give you a good feeling about what you've missed so far.

Robot Movies
Never mind the Transformers, it's the Terminator material amongst these five clips that are must-sees. Especially the Arnold bit from T3.

Super-Heroes Can Save Us
Fifteen clips from Iron Man, Hulk, the X-Men movies as well as Batman and Superman's long careers on celluloid to remind you that sometimes, deleted scenes can add little to a movie - and sometimes, they can add an entire character. Go check out the Superman clone you've never met before.

Whether you're buying for loved ones, loathed ones, ones you barely know but feel an obligation to get something something for or yourself, it's hard to go wrong with a well-chosen toy as a gift. But it's hard to know just what toys you should be looking at, which is where we come in; we've split our choices into three categories: Play, Display and Making Your Life Better, which is to say things that are useful (or, in one case, useless but kind of essential nonetheless). Click through to see our selections.

For Play
LEGO, action figures and things for you to hit other people with safely. After all, isn't that what "play" really means?

For Display
For some people, toys are things to keep on shelves, on their walls or in boxes. Here're a few ideas for the serious collector.

For Making Your (Or Someone Else's) Life Better
In which we suggest gifts offering education, amusement and/or something to hold onto at night. Yes, even that last one.

Additional research by Alex Eichler.

We're not going to argue that this season has been great - Or, at times, even good - but it feels like complaining about Zod's portrayal (In writing as much as performance from Callum Blue; I know that we're supposed to be seeing another side to Zod and everything, but there's no denying that seeing this Zod after seasons of a disembodied voice with schemes and evil oozing out of his every non-existent pore is more than a bit of a letdown. This is the guy we're supposed to kneel before?) or Clark's ridiculous Goth Matrix Hot Topic superhero outfit would be completely avoiding the real problem with the show these days: Smallville has nowhere left to go.

Okay, that's not true. Smallville has one particular place to go, but it doesn't want to go there just yet, and so we're left with a show that can't have significant character development with its lead characters for fear of reaching the (so-close-we-can-all-see-it) ending that everyone is already familiar with. When Smallville started, it had a purpose: These were the experiences that made Clark Kent from the awkward and insecure teenager into the superhero known around the world as Superman. But nine years later, it's not just that Clark is already at the age where he should be Superman already; he's at that emotional and intellectual point, as well. But, for obvious business reasons best described as "The CW wants to keep the show because it does well in the ratings," he's not going to become Superman just yet. What that means is that we get a lot of filler and distraction, which is what Smallville has become.

Sure, it's fun to see other DC characters make an appearance every now and again... But for a show that once used to try and keep the fan service (Well, maybe the comic fan service; there was always time for Lana or Lois to wear some ridiculous outfit) to a minimum of maybe a couple of "very special episodes" a year, this season has been (and, in the second half of the season, will be) full of non-Superman comic characters to try and grab the nerd nostalgia/recognition vote: Green Arrow, of course, but also Roulette, Speedy, the Wonder Twins, and upcoming, Amanda Waller, the Justice Society and rumored returns for J'Onn J'Onzz and the Legion. And, while Clark gets to meet all of these characters who'll theoretically be important in his future, he and the audience are distracted from the fact that he's going nowhere as a character. He's not learning anything he's not already learned, and even the step forward into the romance with Lois doesn't seem to be changing that.

Considering the show's frustrating "Blur" subplot - wherein Clark already has a secret crimefighting identity, it's just that's not Superman - it's likely that the show's creators already know about the problem, to some extent. A lot of the Blur plot is really just recycled Superman plot, especially the love triangle with Lois... But instead of alleviating some of the Superman problem, it just makes it more obvious: If your character development hinges on putting the characters into Superman plots with the serial numbers filed off, why not just make him Superman already? The Blur adds no value to the series that Superman couldn't, and to a greater extent... But pushing the series and characters in that direction so strongly just irritates; it makes the writers look as if they're being forced to keep Superman out of the show even though they really, really want to write him, and makes the characters look stupid (If Clark/Blur and Lois go through all of this now, no matter how it ends, doesn't the fact that they'll do the very same thing as Clark/Superman and Lois mean that they're not so good on that whole memory thing?).

The first half of the ninth Smallville season just underscores the problems with the show's set-up. Because we know how the story ends, there comes a point where the story has gone as far as it can and we're left expecting the end is around the corner. Despite all the sensible business reasons to deny that we've reached that point, the fact is, we're there. Until the writers and producers of the show accept that, it's all diminishing returns from this point onwards, especially when you make the unseen Big Bad of the show until this point into whiny, pale flesh.

Weirdly enough, it's not Doctor Fate or Hawkman that give us the most pause - Although there's something kind of off about Fate's helmet, or maybe that's just us - but Stargirl. Shouldn't a television show's costume department be able to come up with something that looks more convincing than the average SDCC masquerade fan outfit?

Smallville: Absolute Justice, the two-hour "event" starring the characters, airs February 5th.

'Smallville' sneak peek: Doctor Fate, Stargirl, Hawkman, and more! [Entertainment Weekly]

Though there's absolutely no denying Davies has successfully forged a massive popular (and, to a slightly lesser extent, critical) success with his revival of Doctor Who, I'm sorry to say that I'm still not entirely convinced he's all that good at writing episodes of Doctor Who. Of the twenty-two stories he's written for the new series (not counting his two recent collaborations), I'd only consider "Midnight" a classic, although I could maybe be talked into counting "Utopia" as well, if only for nostalgia value.

The rest are a mix of solid but unremarkable filler ("The Long Game", "Smith and Jones"), weird morality plays with seriously muddled points ("Boomtown", "Love & Monsters"), decent premises let down by gratingly absurd setpieces ("Tooth & Claw", "Gridlock"), and fat jokes ("Aliens of London", "Partners in Crime"). Oh, and the finales. But more on them in a second.

There have has more than enough written over the last five years attacking Davies, and I'm honestly not interested in adding to that tally. Suffice it to say that while he's not my favorite writer, I still respect what he's done for the program, I do think he's been a fantastic executive producer and showrunner, and "Midnight" almost makes up for all the other missteps. There are definitely some things Davies knows how to do really well. But if there's one thing I'm really not sure he knows how to do at all, it's epic series finales. Which gives me serious pause as we head into the biggest, craziest, most epic finale of them all, as both he and David Tennant unfold their swansong on Doctor Who.

Still, I am above all a Doctor Who fan, and I desperately want "The End of Time" to be good. I'll try to keep this post spoiler-free, but if you don't mind getting a sense of why I'm cautiously excited, check out the trailer:

There's plenty about that to really like (I'm particularly excited about the guy doing the voice-over). But the track record here is mixed at best. Let's take a look back at Davies's four previous epic finales, and try to figure out what worked and what didn't.

"Bad Wolf"/"Parting of the Ways" (2005)

What Worked: When I rewatched the Christopher Eccleston episodes recently, I was struck by how much less predictable they felt than those starring David Tennant. Maybe it's because Eccleston never quite fit comfortably into the world of Doctor Who like his successor did, maybe it's because the creative team was still figuring things out as they went along, or maybe it's just that nobody has yet matched the flair director Joe Ahearne brought to his series one episodes, but there's a mad energy to this two-parter that no later episodes quite match. It's a bit hard to describe concretely, but there's a moment around when the Doctor thinks Rose is dead and morosely allows himself to be imprisoned (before leading a jailbreak, of course) that I got the sense that this really was a show where anything could happen. The series has gotten a little too comfortable over the past couple of series, and though that's made for a more consistent quality of episode I think it's robbed the series of a bit of its magic.

What Didn't: This episode throws into high relief two of my biggest problems with Davies. One, it relies heavily on a bunch of trite pop culture references that are almost certainly going to age even worse than the creaky special effects of the classic series. As an American, I still don't really know anything about half of the reality shows Davies was spoofing, and I can't for the life of me find any coherent satirical point in their inclusion. I think they're just there because...well, it's kind of funny, I guess, and it says something about people being lazy. Then there's the fact that the plot doesn't really make all that much sense. The Dalek plan is convoluted — to put it mildly — and a whole bunch of seemingly important stuff (like the Daleks melting entire Earth continents) is brushed aside in the rush to the Doctor's big moral dilemma. At this point, it's a cliche to point out that Rose resolves the plot through pretty much a literal deus ex machina, but that doesn't mean it's not worth pointing out.

The Bottom Line: Ultimately, this story did some things Doctor Who had never tried before. Sometimes, there's good reason for that.

"Army of Ghosts"/"Doomsday" (2006)

What Worked: Of all the Doctor Who finales, this is probably the most coherently plotted. The mystery of the void stuff is set up early with the 3D glasses, and a lot of the apparent logical problems (like the ghosts not looking anything like Cybermen) is deftly handled. The nature of the Genesis Ark is a nice touch, there's some amusing character stuff in the relationships at Torchwood One, and the reunion between Jackie and Alt-Pete always gets me, despite my best efforts. I was never a big fan of the special status the series accorded Rose, but I'll admit the conclusion is well handled.

What Didn't: There are still a couple minor plot holes, like exactly how an organization as elite as Torchwood One could fail to notice the Cybermen converting their own employees in one of their hallways. Davies can't resist a couple moments of abject silliness, like Cyber-Yvonne crying an oily tear at the end of the story. And for what is supposed to be the big Cybermen/Daleks showdown, the Daleks really do kick just a little too much ass to make the fight seem worth talking about. But then, they didn't face the real Cybermen. I'd like to see the Daleks go fifteen rounds with the original bruisers from Mondas. (Yes, the Daleks would still win, but there'd be way more insane schemes and cries of "Excellent!")

The Bottom Line: Honestly, for a story that is essentially one big excuse to pit the Daleks against the Cybermen, it makes a surprising amount of sense and packs a pretty decent emotional punch. This is probably my favorite of the bunch.

"The Sound of Drums"/"Last of the Time Lords" (2007)

What Worked: The Toclafane are probably the single creepiest idea in the history of Doctor Who. Just thinking about them weirds me out all over again, so I really have to give Davies credit for that. I have to admit, I hated this story on first viewing, but on a rewatch I realized why it's sort of insanely brilliant — the whole thing is about what it would be like if the Master won. Davies is so audacious in following through on that premise that "Last of the Time Lords" ends up being the most wonderfully perverse episode in Doctor Who history, as you slowly realize even the tiniest details of the Master's plot are meant to hurt the Doctor.

What Didn't: Well, there's the fact that President Winters is a really obnoxious parody of Americans (and as a politics nerd, I'm still bothered by the fact that he calls himself "President-Elect", which just makes absolutely zero sense). Davies writes himself into a corner by making the Master's victory such a complete one, and he never really comes up with a good solution. I'm sorry, but the Doctor being restored by the combined faith of humanity is one of the silliest things I've ever seen, even if it is kind of set up by the existence of the Master's telepathic network. And the ultra-ancient Doctor is really too ridiculous for words.

The Bottom Line: The Master takes over for two episodes, and Doctor Who goes completely insane. That's actually a pretty compelling way to look at it, I'd say, but I still don't think that excuses some of the just plain silly stuff Davies includes.

"The Stolen Earth"/"Journey's End" (2008)

What Worked: A lot of the setup is pretty strong. Honestly, Davies has always been a lot better at building up to the big payoff than actually delivering on said payoff ("Utopia" is a perfect example of this, as it's pretty much all setup and thus works surprisingly well, delaying the payoff to the finale). Julian Bleach's Davros might just be the best villain of the new series, even if he really isn't given all that much to do. The fate of Donna is actually kind of powerful, but its impact is diminished after all the gratuitous guest stars. The one thing those guests do help do, though, is really hammer home that all the Doctor's friends eventually leave him. So there's that.

What Didn't: Charlie Jane said it best with her recap - this is really just one big fan fiction. And it isn't even all that good as fan fiction. It just throws a bunch of unrelated characters together because they happen to have their own TV shows, sets up a pretty tedious moral debate that the Doctor is clearly going to win, and wastes time giving characters entirely gratuitous resolutions when they had already had much better ones (why yes, I am looking at Rose). I really don't like the fake regeneration, as I think it cheapens the whole concept, but that might just be me being cranky.

The Bottom Line: While "Last of the Time Lords" is insane, "Journey's End" is just nonsensical. There's a big difference, and I'm not sure what this episode does that any of the previous epics didn't already do.

So based on all that, here are the five things I'd most like to see "End of Time" accomplish:

1. Tell a coherent story.

Yep, I'm shooting for the moon right out of the gate. Considering all the unlikely returns and longstanding prophecies we already know are going to figure in "The End of Time", I fear that this is unlikely, but Davies has shown he's capable of doing this. I'd really like to not have to shut off my brain to get through these specials, and I really don't want to spend an hour afterward coming up with insanely convoluted, fannish explanations to resolve all the plot holes. If I wanted to do that, I'd probably just watch "The Two Doctors" again. (Oh, Season 6B. You're my oldest friend.)

2. Realize that giant stakes don't necessarily equal giant drama.

Davies has made no secret that he tries to make every finale and special more epic than the one before it, and there's been a solid progression of that in the last four finales. After all, we've gone from future Earth in jeopardy to present Earth in jeopardy to present Earth destroyed to entire universe in jeopardy. That last one was a bit of a big leap, but from the title of "The End of Time" I'd guess that he's upped the stakes once again, this time putting all existence for all time in danger. Which is all well and good, but the scope of the threat doesn't necessarily mean all that much in terms of the story's dramatic heft.

After all, look at the fourth and fifth Doctor's finales. In "Logopolis", the entire universe is under threat, and the whole thing is completely dramatically inert. In "The Caves of Androzani", the whole thing doesn't really extend beyond a few soldiers, a corrupt CEO, and some gun runners, but it's maybe the tensest four episodes in Doctor Who history because the Doctor is so completely invested in saving Peri. If there isn't a solid personal motivation for the Doctor's actions, the whole thing could become rather painfully abstract and devolve into yet another pseudo-profound moral dilemma. Here's hoping Donna will provide just such a motivation.

3. Lay off the pop culture.

"Bad Wolf" aside, most of this has been limited to the opening post-crisis flip through the TV channels. It's relatively unobtrusive, I guess, and I suppose I don't really have anything against Richard Dawkins having a cameo on Doctor Who (although everything I've learned about Ann Widdecombe suggests I should have a problem with her putting in an appearance). Even so, I'd sort of like David Tennant's swansong to have a more timeless quality. It's kind of a shame that Christopher Eccleston's final appearance will forever be linked to Big Brother.

4. Come up with a coherent reason for all the guest stars.

Again, I won't spoil it for people by naming specific characters, but characters are coming back. A lot of them. And it would be nice for there to be a better reason behind it than a thinly veiled excuse for Captain Jack to flirt with Sarah Jane Smith (although that was admittedly kinda awesome.) I actually think "The End of Time" has a shot at pulling this off, as it might in part be a lyrical look back on the Doctor's past, which would actually somewhat justify all the guest appearances. Such an approach requires a fairly deft hand, though, and Davies' strengths have generally been the polar opposite of subtlety.

5. Make it actually possible for the Doctor to resolve the conflict.

In "Parting of the Ways", the Doctor was sidelined in favor of Bad Wolf Rose, but then he had already shown he wasn't going to do anything to stop the Daleks. (This was somehow considered a good thing.) The "other" Doctor has to make the hard decision to destroy the Daleks in "Journey's End", which the real Doctor then kind of illogically excoriates him for, banishing him to a human life with Rose. (Not that anyone was complaining, but still.) "Last of the Time Lords" is just a little too batshit insane for me to really tell you how the Doctor resolved that one. I mean, I kind of understand it, but I think I go slightly mad every time I try to think about it.

That just leaves "Doomsday", in which he does actually solve the story's big problem. The reason the void stuff solution works so well is that it's scientific(ish). The Doctor is able to think of a solution that requires action, but doesn't require superhuman action. The threats in "Parting of the Ways" and "Journey's End" were just too big for him to really be capable of fixing. They're the kind of things Superman might be able to solve, but not the Doctor. Obviously, it's harder coming up with crises that a thinking hero can solve, but Davies has done it before, so hopefully he can do it again.

Ultimately, I'm going to watch "The End of Time", and unless it's a complete train wreck I'm probably going to enjoy it. (And even if it is, I'll probably still enjoy it, just on another level.) Like so much of Davies's tenure, I'm guessing it will be frustrating but largely enjoyable. But here's hoping that he can learn a few lessons from his previous forays into epic storytelling and deliver a swansong that's worthy of his best moments with Doctor Who.

For those previously unaware of this televisual masterwork, Martin Landau is John Koenig, commander of Moonbase Alpha, humanity's outpost on, yes, the Moon. After a nuclear explosion, the Moon gets knocked out of orbit, sending Koenig and his intrepid crew on an incredibly odyssey through SPACE… in the year 1999! The title admittedly leaves this point somewhat unclear, so I wanted to take the time to spell that out.

Now, some might ask why such a series needs remaking. Indeed, some might even argue television producers should put the limited resources available for science fiction shows into making bold, new programming. Those people have apparently willfully ignored the way the entertainment industry has operated since...well, since forever, really. Anyway, the Space: 1999 intro is the grooviest thing in television history, and by itself should earn the entire show a second chance.

And make no mistake, folks, this is a show that completely blew its first chance. If the original Battlestar Galactica was an attempt to turn Star Wars into a TV show, then Space: 1999 basically tried to do the same thing with 2001: A Space Odyssey. As you might imagine, they failed at this absurdly lofty goal. The physics at the heart of the show's premise were utterly laughable – no smaller luminaries than Isaac Asimov and Harlan Ellison considered the notion that the Moon could be blown out of orbit and then cross interstellar distances in weeks the most ludicrous thing they'd ever heard of. The show's early attempts to kick around obscure philosophical points in the context of the celestial void soon devolved into the endless chases and mindless action sequences of, well, the original Battlestar Galactica, only minus all of the iconic stuff with the Cylons.

As such, Space: 1999 shouldn't be remade because there's something brilliant there so much as because it would be such a wonderful challenge for its makers. After all, the show already has one absolutely massive stumbling block, and it's right there in the title. Who in their right mind is going to accept a science fiction show set ten years ago?

And even then, what exactly is the premise of Space: 1999? At least Battlestar Galactica has a simple enough setup and goal – humans fight Cylons, Cylons wipe out humanity, survivors go in search of fabled lost colony, the Earth. It's maybe a little silly on paper, but as the recent series showed, it can be the basis for gripping television. On the other hand, Space: 1999 was never too sure itself of what it was precisely about – people on the Moon get blown out of orbit, weird stuff happens for no discernible reason, weird stuff continues to happen for reasons that are somehow even less discernible than the first set of reasons. It was all a bit too abstract for its own good.

So, let's make it about something. Instead of focusing on the Space part, let's do something with the 1999 part. We have one huge advantage over the show's creators back in 1975 – we actually know what happened in 1999. A new Space: 1999 could be the ultimate nineties nostalgia show, exploring all that delicious Clinton era angst through the spectacularly ridiculous prism of a moonbase that's been blown out into deep space. It wouldn't even need to be a radically different world than our own; just one where the Apollo missions lasted long enough to set up a now antiquated, largely forgotten moonbase. (It's not all that implausible - like anyone remembers the International Space Station even exists.)

Think of it! Instead of just having bizarre metaphysical mind trips inside something called "a black sun", the new Space: 1999 crew can have bizarre metaphysical mind trips while debating Monicagate! And trading Seinfeld quotes! And complaining about how Saving Private Ryan got totally robbed by Shakespeare in Love! And trying to get Windows 98 to work! And assuming the economic boom will never, ever end!

Make no mistake - 80s nostalgia is almost over, and 90s nostalgia is on its way. We're already running out of 80s culture to obsess over, so we're going to have to relive the nineties one way or another. So I have to ask: if we're going to put up with an insipid recreation of nineties life, why shouldn't it be set on a runaway moon hurtling into the vast and dangerous cosmos? Honestly, that sounds like a fair assessment of what happened after 1999 anyway. Keep the original theme tune, and I think we've got ourselves a winner.

Thank Mark Waid's podcast for the heads-up about this failed pilot starring a pre-Trek Shatner and pre-Batman West. Just think, if this show had been picked up, there might never have been a series about humanity boldly going where no man had gone before...!

This is just my own personal list of what I'm thankful for — feel free to add your own things you're thankful for in the comments.

1. That maybe, just maybe, movie audiences are developing some good taste.

I know, I know. Transformers: The Revenge of the Fallen made about $833 million. And New Moon just had the third biggest opening weekend ever. Not exactly strong arguments for the intellect of the filmgoing public. But even so, both of them still came up short when compared to The Dark Knight, which set all manner of non-Titanic box office records. And for all the financial success of Transformers 2 and New Moon, I think there's a solid argument to be made that neither really compares to the cultural impact of The Dark Knight.

The Twilight franchise has its extremely devoted fanbase, but almost no crossover appeal. To be sure, tons of people saw Revenge of the Fallen, but how many people now remember doing so? The Dark Knight, on the other hand, launched a ton of memes, established the definitive version of the Joker for years to come, and won a ton of awards, assuming you care about that stuff. (I don't particularly, but evidence is evidence.)

And let's look at all the movies that aren't sequels. District 9 made $200 million on a $30 million budget thanks to a clever viral marketing campaign, strong word of mouth, and the fact that it was actually a good movie. All the standard industry reasons to assume a movie like District 9 wouldn't make money — it's too political, it's too violent, it's too South African — turned out to be completely wrong, and I'm just going to be a ridiculous optimist and assume that the quality of the movie was the reason for its success.

Finally, there's Star Trek. If anything, the fact that it was the eleventh movie in the franchise just meant it had more baggage to overcome, and yet it was the first bona fide hit of the summer, making $384 million. The fact that it did all that while gleefully reveling in the very same continuity that had sunk so many previous revival attempts, all because the movie was just so damn fun... well, yeah, I'm pretty thankful for that.

2. That Dollhouse somehow, against all odds, got a second season.

Sure, it's a shame that Dollhouse is coming to a close, but that show had no business making it past season one. Hell, it probably should have, by rights, been canceled about six episodes in. The show wasted its first five episodes on variations on the personality-of-the-week theme before launching into the master plot — admittedly because of network interference, but still — and then proceeded to unfold its convoluted, off-putting mythology that left the show without a clear central hero and a whole lot of really uneasy questions the audience had to answer. And it did all this while comfortably settling into #132 in the ratings, bringing in a paltry 3.73 million viewers per episode.

And then, thanks to favorable internet numbers, some decent critical buzz, and maybe some lingering Fox guilt about the fate of Firefly (nah), it got a second season, and Joss Whedon went full tilt at making it the craziest, most nerderiffic show ever. I mean, look at all the guest stars. Jamie Bamber! Michael Hogan! Alexis Denisof! Keith Carradine! Summer Glau! Ray Wise! More Alan Tudyk and Felicia Day! Not to mention the fact that the show is, if anything, even better, crazier, and more gleefully off-putting than last season. Dollhouse might be going out, but under the circumstances, you can't really say it isn't going out on its own terms.

3. That Doctor Who and Futurama are coming back, and everything will be (never) the same again.

It's a been a long year, with so little new Doctor Who to get excited/thrilled/confused/conflicted about. But now "The End of Time" is coming to close out David Tennant and Russell T. Davies's tenures with the show, and it clearly promises to be the most bonkers thing ever made. And then the Steven Moffat and Matt Smith era officially begins, and I really can't wait.

I got into Doctor Who in 2003, back when the show was still very much in the wilderness and the closest thing to new Who were a bunch of audios starring Paul McGann. (Sure, they were pretty good, but they were also pretty far from the real thing.) As such, I'm probably one of the very last people who can even somewhat legitimately call themselves "old school" fans of Doctor Who, and though I can't exactly claim a long memory of the time before the series returned, I remember just enough to be eternally thankful that the show is simply back at all.

Meanwhile, Futurama is finally completing its long road back. It's survived one cancellation, come back for four direct-to-DVD movies, at least two of which were pretty good, gotten picked up by Comedy Central, and muddled through one hell of a tense negotiation with the voice actors. A decade after it began, this show has even less business than Dollhouse still being on the air. Yet...here it is. With lots more crazy stories coming! And the original cast back! And maybe a decent budget to work with! Honestly, at this point, it's all gravy anyway.

4. That this happened.

Nothing like a little Nathan Fillion fan service to put a smile on my face. And hey, Castle isn't exactly bad! (It's not exactly good either, but that's besides the point.) I'd still gladly trade every show I've loved for the past seven years just for another season of Firefly, though. Yes, that includes you, Battlestar Galactica!

5. Starcraft II is coming.

So what if it's "just" a computer game? I'd happily argue Starcraft is at least one of the five best works of science fiction in the last twenty years. At least. And now it's got a sequel coming? I can barely contain my excitement, and it's still months away. I mean, just look at this:

You know, I'm going to really miss my productivity. But I'm thankful it'll be put to such an important use - helping the Terrans defeat the Zerg! (And then, once that is completed, helping the Zerg defeat the Terrans!)

6. That, no matter what Roland Emmerich does to them, I'll still have all my Foundation books.

You know, in a world of seemingly endless unnecessary adaptation and pointless remakes, this is probably a very useful thing to keep in mind.

Showing in a few select theaters in the US, House of the Devil has been a word-of-mouth hit since it became available as a view-on-demand download on Amazon last month. It's the simple story of Samantha, a college girl who needs some extra money and answers an ad for a babysitting job. When her friend drops her off at the remote house where she'll be babysitting, a neurotic older man tells her that actually he needs her to take care of his "anti-social" mother-in-law, and offers her $400 to do it. The whole scenario is creepy, and also, did I mention there's an eclipse going on? Yeah.

Directed by Ti West, a veteran of indie productions, the movie is both a sly takeoff on the classic late 70s/early 80s babysitter-in-peril flick (complete with feathered hair, lurid yellow credits and Walkmens), and a stellar entry in the genre. It's also packed with brilliant cult actors Tom Noonan (Synecdoche, New York), Mary Woronov (Eating Raoul, Devil's Rejects) and AJ Bowen (The Signal). Noonan is pitch-perfect as the man who hires Samantha, and Woronov is simply delicious as his regal, fur-clad wife, who makes every sentence she utters seem replete with ironic double-meaning.

What's so wonderful about House of the Devil is the way director West sets the stage for what we know will eventually become a devil-worshiping bloodbath. Everywhere Samantha goes - school, town, a restaurant - seems strangely empty. Filling this absence of people is the music from her Walkman, TV broadcasts about the impending eclipse, and the realistic chatter she shares with her pizza-guzzling friend Megan. West transforms the necessities of low-budget filmmaking into a moody emptiness that sets the perfect surreal tone.

Adding to the surrealism is the fact that none of our characters behave according to the generic scripts handed down to them by decades of trashy Satan movies. Instead of being menacing, Noonan's devil-worshiper is apologetic and uncomfortable. When Samantha is left alone in the house, she accidentally opens the door to the basement, peers inside, and then withdraws immediately. Same goes for the moment when she almost opens the attic room which we already know contains the remains of a family slaughtered in a previous Satanic rite. Instead of doing the expected "going into the dark, scary place" thing, Samantha orders pizza, does her homework, and dances with her Walkman.

Though this movie is scary, I think its main charm isn't an ability to deliver shocks or suspense. Instead, House of the Devil is thrilling because it's such a thoughtful re-imagining of a genre not exactly known for thoughtfulness. West has taken a cheesy story and made it a prickly, intriguing tale of youthful loneliness and paranoia. Even his Satanists are interesting and unexpected.

If there's any flaw in this fantastic film, it's in the final act when the horror we've been waiting for is at last revealed. All the dark, quirky satire is ripped away and we're confronted with something that looks deflatingly like what we expected. But of course this is only disappointing in context, because the rest of the movie surprises us at every turn. And ultimately you can't ask for more than that in a horror movie - cudos to West for doing something genuinely original with a subgenre so cliched it's become a parody of itself.

Whether you love 80s retro or simply crave a cool new cult movie, I can't recommend House of the Devil enough. It just goes to show that in the hands of the right creative team, Satanism never gets old.

via House of the Devil - official site
watch House of the Devil via Amazon

Learn To Make Fire.

In a post-apocalyptic scenario, you have to account for both short and long-term survival. Fire will be absolutely necessary in the short term. Have you ever watched one of those seasons of Survivor where one of the tribes can't figure out how to build a fire, and they don't win the flint for days and days? They can't cook their food or boil their water, and they fade fast, growing weak and ineffective until the producers take pity and slip them a Zippo when no one's looking. If you can't build a fire, you'll die. Learn to build fires in a variety of conditions, with a wide range of materials. Can you build one without dried grass? Can you build one when you're freezing cold and your hands won't stop shaking? Learn how, and practice it regularly. Of course, it never hurts to hedge your bets, and keep a supply of waterproof matches handy.

Build a Team.

I know you like to envision yourself as this awesome lone wolf bad-ass making your way through the wastelands with no one to depend on but your trusty shotgun, but the fact is you'll need friends after the apocalypse. It could be as simple as someone to stand guard so you aren't mugged or eaten by starving feral dogs while you sleep. You're going to need help, and you're going to want people you trust. You need to assemble your team long before the apocalypse happens. Make a list of friends and family who live nearby, then decide who you want with you. People with useful skills go to the top of the list (nunchuk skills don't count, but bow-hunting does). People with lots of children go to the bottom. Then make a plan and get your team in on it – if things go down suddenly, you won't all be in the same place, and there will likely be no way to communicate. Your plan should be simple, like: Step 1, get somewhere safe and wait out the worst of it; Step 2. Meet at the statue of Thomas Jefferson in Jefferson Square downtown, or better yet, your Uncle Jim's ranch 40 miles outside of town. Don't underestimate the benefits of having a plan – aside from its actual effectiveness, it gives you a goal to focus on, and that's been shown to be a factor is disaster survival.

Get a Gun. Learn to Use It.

I'm not a big fan of guns myself, but the reality is, any apocalypse is either going to caused by, or inevitably lead to resource shortages. Whether it's water, gasoline, food, or plague vaccines, there will be haves and have-nots. Some percentage of the have-nots are going to try to get what they need by force, and if you can't defend yourself, you're going to lose what you have (you're doing all this planning so you'll be a have, remember). There's another vital use for guns in a post-apocalyptic world, of course – hunting. We're all going to revert to hunter/gatherers for a little while at least. For this reason, a hunting rifle is a good idea. That's not a good weapon for close-quarters urban protection, however. For that, a shotgun is often the weapon of choice. Good thing you have a team.

Stockpile.

FEMA recommends one gallon of water per person per day, plus food. How many days can you possibly plan for? It really depends on your space and your plans. Do you have a shelter at your team's meeting place with a larger stockpile? Then a few weeks of water should be enough to get you through. You can never store enough drinking water, but obviously if you live in a 12th floor apartment, there's a limit. Don't forget a set of sturdy clothes and boots, a can opener, hand crank radios and flashlights, batteries, gasoline, and a fire extinguisher. Disaster survival experts offer a few other suggestions you might not expect: beer and cigarettes (they'll be the primary currency post-apocalypse), 3 mil. plastic bags (also known as contractor bags), duct tape (combine with contractor bags for water-resistant shelter or rain-water conduits), plus a few books and card games (you and your fellow survivors will eventually drive each other crazy without distractions).

Learn a Marketable Skill.

Once you've made it through the first few weeks, you'll eventually want to connect with other survivors, whether you're with your team or not. Any group trying to survive with limited resources is not going to accept new members unless they offer a net gain of some kind. No one's going to be impressed by your level 70 character in World of Warcraft, your discerning taste in wine or your extensive knowledge of 60s British Invasion bands (or your magnificent blogging skills, for that matter). Here are some suggested avocations to learn so you have something to offer the nascent post-apocalyptic society: small engine repair; emergency medical training; agriculture (emphasis on durable, high-yield crops); hunting/fishing; construction/carpentry; rigging/sailing (not so good in Kansas, but could be clutch in San Diego or Chicago). If all else fails, work out – no one's likely to turn down a strong back or a durable pair of legs.

Are You Ready? An In-Depth Guide to Citizen Preparedness. [FEMA]

"Not Your Ordinary Survival Checklist." Popular Mechanics, Oct. 2009.

Sometimes, you just need an escape from the relentlessness of the Thanksgiving celebrations, and Hollywood has been there for you — at least, some years. Certainly, in recent years, there have always been a couple of oddball films coming out for T-Day — but in previous years, it was hit and miss. Here's the complete list of Thanksgiving counterprogramming of the past 25 years, including some stuff that's not science fiction but is in some sense genre film.

All movie titles link to IMDB or Box Office Mojo pages containing release dates:

1984

Supergirl A movie guaranteed to make you give thanks that you're never going to see it again — and a strong contender for the worst superhero film of all time. What I want to know is, what sort of guy sees his buddy blown thirty feet across the parking lot, and then decides to try and attack Supergirl using a switchblade?

1985

Rocky IV The good news is, it would inspire you to go get in shape after eating all that turkey and stuffing, thanks to one of the most classic training montages ever:

1986

Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home The most fun of the original cast movies, this probably would have been a good one to escape to with your family. Although the famous "Shatner underwater" scene might have proved distressing.

Solarbabies I'm convinced there's something very broken about this post-apocalyptic rollerblading film, but at least on the surface it looks very wholesome. Except for the part where the woman with the huge shoulderpads says, "Lock it down and disembowel it."

1988

Cocoon: The Return I'm not sure anybody should have to deal with Steve Gutenberg on a full stomach.

1989

Back to the Future 2 Given that Marty McFly's mom gets bizarre breast implants and becomes Biff Tannen's bitch, this is definitely a good film for a family outing.

1990

Predator 2 The underrated cop drama/Predator attack movie starring Danny Glover... it's really not as bad as you remember.

Robot Jox This, on the other hand... giant mecha gladiators, fighting it out with chainsaw crotches and other armaments... this is what family is all about.

1992

The Crying Game Terrorists, thugs, and the great transgender panic of 1992. I bet you took your mom to see this one.

1994

Junior Pregnant Arnold Schwarzenegger, watching sentimental movies and crying a lot, will help you understand your own family. Really.

1995

Casino It's an underrated Scorsese classic, full of brutality and weirdness. Perfect Thanksgiving fare.

Nick of Time I may be the only person who saw this movie in the theater. Johnny Depp has 90 minutes to kill someone or other, or else Christopher Walken will kill someone or other. Mostly worth it to watch Depp and Walken overacting in a shopping mall. And for Walken saying, "I'll make you a sauce for that black Irish cocksucker's meat." I'm happy this and the Scorsese film were the main choices for Thanksgiving 1995.

1997

Alien Resurrection The whole time you're with your family, you can imagine you're actually hanging out with lesbian android Winona. Or you can just daydream about what this movie could have been if they'd filmed Joss Whedon's screenplay.

1998

Very Bad Things A sex worker gets killed at a bachelor party — and then things turn ugly. Probably just like your family gatherings. It does star Jon "Iron Man" Favreau, and it's directed by Peter "Hancock" Berg.

1999

End of Days Satan and Thanksgiving — and Arnie! They fit together perfectly! Satan is looking for his Bride... so it's about family and relationships and stuff.

2000

Unbreakable A horrific act of mass murder brings to light a guy who can find the rapists and creeps in our midst. It's light family entertainment — but it does deal with some real questions about the power of story. So yeah, probably a good one to get out of the house for.

Quills This, on the other hand — the Marquis De Sade! In full effect! I'm betting many of you dragged your entire family to see this.

2001

Black Knight Martin Lawrence gets zapped back to the Middle Ages, and presumably, goes medieval on their asses. Enough to make your entire family commit mass suicide, Heavens Gate-style.

The Devil's Backbone An early Guillermo Del Toro classic, and more proof that horror owns Thanksgiving. Your family doesn't deserve this movie.

2002

Solaris You could watch Steven Soderbergh's trippy-ass remake of Tarkovsky's classic while you're already wigged out on tryptophan. Why not?

Wes Craven Presents: They Or you could have seen this gem — they're coming for you!

2003

Timeline "Your father is in the 14th. century." Hey, maybe he can hang out with Martin Lawrence there!

2006

The Fountain And speaking of trippy movies when you're already stoned on tryptophan... at least your entire family will each have different opinions about what happened in this film.

Tenacious D in: The Pick of Destiny Jack Black! Rocking out! It's bound to make more sense than The Fountain.

2007

Hitman A video game adaptation about a guy who kills people and thwarts some vague conspiracy thing. Probably the purest example of counterprogramming ever.

The Mist Given the shocking, ultra-secret ending, this is an... interesting choice for a family occasion. If you don't want to be spoiled, don't watch this clip:

2008

Transporter 3 It's a threequel starring Jason Statham. How can it be bad?

Twilight You probably have at least one family member who's as creepy as Edward. So it's good to get some perspective.

2009

The Road And then we're up to this year's crop... this whole movie is as depressing as The Mist's ending. But at least it does have a genuinely pro-family message.

Ninja Assassin This is the film we'll probably actually be watching on T-day. Ninjas! Wachowskis! James McTeigue! Out-and-out mayhem!

Additional reporting by Mary Ratliff.

Please add your favorite food-related gross-out in the comments too!

The photic zone is an area of the ocean that extends beyond the reach of sunlight, as deep as 5,000 meters. For the first time, a serious effort has begun to try and catalogue the vast array of deep sea life, under the auspices of the Census Of Marine Life (COML). Currently, they've identified more than 17,000 species inhabiting the dark depths, which will join with information from hundreds of other projects next October to reveal the complete results of the census.

Most of these creatures survive on marine snow—particles of decaying plants and animals that descend to the ocean floor. This transparent sea cucumber was found at 2,750m, creeping forward at a rate of 2 cm per minute, sweeping detritus into its mouth.

[via COML]

Photos courtesy of Larry Madin, Woods Hole Oceanographic Institution.

The tiny copepod, from the Atlantic.
Image © Büntzow/Corgosinho

One of the dumbo octopods, which can grow up to five feet in length.
Photo by David Shale



The jewel squid has tiny light organs all along its body, which emit and perceive light.

This is only the fifth ever found Neocyma, discovered between 2,000 and 2,500m. Image from David Shale.

The northern comb jelly has oscillating lights up and down its length.



The snake pipefish

The "wildcat" tubeworm, which drills for oil, then dines on the chemicals inside when it hits a small well.

It wouldn't be the deep sea without nightmare fuel. Like the loosejaw, with its extendible lower jaw and red-light sensitive eyes.

Or the swallower.

For some reason, everything related to Claire is great this season. Her lesbotic leanings brought in a cool new character, Gretchen, along with the chance that we might actually see some homo action on this rather straightlaced series. Her father, HRG, has left the mutant oppression business and is trying to find himself, along with his long-lost special agent partner/proto-lover Lauren (another great character). Meanwhile, Claire's mom has found a boyfriend who loves dogs as much as she does. And lucky for us, all these plot developments make for a beautifully awkward Thanksgiving dinner at HRG's apartment.

What I thought was genuinely fun about this scene, excerpted for you above, is the way it seamlessly combined an ordinary moment of family meltdown with HRG's evil agent past and Claire's mutant powers. This is Heroes at its best, speculating about how extraordinary people continue to lead rather ordinary lives. Even better is when Gretchen finally shows up, flirting ensues, and the two girls secretly decide to roadtrip out to Samuel's carnival with a compass that Claire stole from HRG. Lesbotic road trip with carnie action, here we come!

And then there was the Petrelli family dinner, which began with scary Mama P having her servants bring a bunch of prepared food to Peter's apartment where Nylar (AKA Body Sylar, Head Sylar, and Head Nathan) are brooding broodingly about being all screwed up by Mama. All the emo ends quickly when Sylar returns in an insanely cheesy burst of lightning and eats an entire pumpkin pie (but leaves the crust! WTF?). So now Sylar is back, but Nathan is still somehow able to fight him. In fact, by the end of the episode Nathan has emerged again to take over Body Sylar. The whole thing was a perfect scenario for a family controlled by scary Mama, whose sons are just pawns in a game so complicated we've completely lost track of it.

The episode was capped off by a lovely moment with the carnie family, where scary Samuel toasts everybody menacingly and Sprint sponsored a subplot where Hot Tattoo's hot daughter is in danger of becoming Samuel's little plaything. While everybody prepares turkey with their mutant stove powers, Hiro and Hot Tattoo sneak off into the past and witness (bum bum bum!) Samuel murdering his brother! It turns out his brother had given HRG that compass so he could find Samuel and reel him in.

Before Samuel shoots a rock into his brother's neck, he also reveals that Samuel's power could move mountains and cities and "kill millions," which gets our boy pretty excited. "I knew I was missing out on something!" he cries. Yeah, putting on eyeliner and black nailpolish all day is nothing compared to making whole cities do the pogo. So now Hot Tattoo and Hiro know the truth about Samuel's brother, and Hot Tattoo told Edgar too. But Edgar isn't really that smart, especially when he's not wearing his Sith gear. So he jumps up at the T-day table and accuses Samuel of doing the dirty deed, and then Samuel counter-accuses him of doing it.

You've gotta love a carnie Thanksgiving where the guys argue over who killed their brother. Meanwhile everybody else is all "this is aaaaawkward" and tries to pretend the mutant stuffing is super tasty. When Samuel tries to hurl rocks into Edgar, Hiro stops time and rescues the speedy knife-thrower. Then he puts the smackdown on Samuel and is like, "You need me. I'm not going to do anything for you until you tell me where Charlie is." I like Hiro with a backbone. But then one of the carnies does a brain-mangle on Hiro that is supposed to make him easier to control but instead causes him to disappear. Samuel's plans are just not going well! That's just what happens when you get the carnies together for family dinner - fratricide, time-hopping, dirt-hurling, and mind-scrambling. It's a fine American tradition.