This could be the next Hangover, if executed correctly, and if all the jokes aren't in this trailer. Hot Tub will be in theaters next March.

Since Edgar Rice Burroughs' books are public domain, Asylum is fre to create their own take on the story of Deja Thoris, even to the point of inflicting Traci Lords on us again. And of course, they get to tie in with the John Carter-inspired Avatar as well as the eventual John Carter movie.

Here's that trailer:

And here are some utterly dismal sills, showing Traci Lords in her be-bikinied glory:

[via Slashfilm and Undead Backbrain]

The Crazies
This recent remake seems to be similar in spirit to Romero's original. Town gets infected, starts killing its citizens, military steps in, hell breaks loose. But watch the whole trailer below, right through the end. I'm quite enjoying the bloody pitchfork scene.

Synopsis:

The American Dream goes horribly wrong when the residents of this picture-perfect town begin to succumb to an uncontrollable urge for violence and the horrific bloodshed escalates into anarchy. In an attempt to contain the epidemic, the military uses deadly force to close off access into or out of town, abandoning the few healthy citizens to the growing mayhem as depraved killers lurk in the shadows. Sheriff David Dutton (Timothy Olyphant); his pregnant wife, Judy (Radha Mitchell); Becca (Danielle Panabaker), an assistant at the medical center; and Russell (Joe Anderson), Dutton's deputy and right-hand man, find themselves trapped in a once idyllic town they can no longer recognize. Unable to trust former neighbors and friends, deserted by the authorities and terrified of contracting the illness themselves, they are forced to band together in a nightmarish struggle for survival.

I Kissed A Vampire

Next up: Lucas Grabeel, the chorus line dancing, hat-wearing "director" from HSM is pulling out the fangs for this little vampire musical. It's not bad, but it's not good. I wish they had gone a bit more over the top... I mean, if you're going to do a vampire musical, do a vampire musical! Go bananas with puppets, sex and blood! But you be the judge.

The Revenant
David Anders, who did some time on Heroes as well as the Children of the Porn Syfy remake, stars as a friendly zombie in the much-chatted-about The Revenant. The film is a "horror movie/buddy comedy about Joey and his undead friend Bart who comes back from the dead as a revenant: an articulate zombie that needs to drink blood to arrest the decomposition of his body." It did pretty well at Fantastic Fest and is gaining a lot of chatty momentum. Check it out:

This instant classic will be out Dec. 4. Click the link to watch the trailer in higher quality. [MSN Movies]

The Plan 9 remake doesn't actually start shooting until April 2010 — director John Johnson had hoped to finish filming by last March, but he was able to increase the film's budget and film in 35MM instead of 16MM by waiting until next year. But he was still determined to put together this teaser in time for the movie's anniversary, and it includes a loving tribute to Ed and his crew. Do we lose points for admitting that a couple moments in this teaser were actually genuinely scary — particularly the car scene?

Johnson will be having a live chat, answering your Ed Wood-related questions — no cashmere sweater queries, please! — on Sunday at 8 PM, at this site.

[Plan 9]

Assault Girls
The first look at Mamoru Oshii's Assault Girls is out and filled with beautiful but deadly women hunting for prey in a washed-out world. And we mean seriously washed-out... The filter on this trailer is thick. Thanks to Nippon Cinema for alerting us to the trailer. Already I'm completely enraptured with the hunters, especially Lucifer and her little hat. I yearn for a future where film like this become the Sex And The City replacement go to banter talk: "Oh, you're such a Lucifer with your sass and spunk!" But all kidding aside, I cannot wait to see more of this film, based off his previous short of the same name.

Synopsis:

In the aftermath of global thermonuclear war, the Earth's surface has been turned into a desert battlefield. Three beautiful female hunters: Gray (Meisa Kuroki), Lucifer (Rinko Kikuchi), and Colonel (Hinako Saeki) traverse the barren landscape armed with powerful assault rifles to fight a group of deadly sand-dwelling monsters called "sunakujira" (sand whales). When the the epic battle eventually seems to be coming to an end, the sparkle of muzzle flash dies down and assault ship flies overhead. Suddenly, a gigantic super mutation called "Madara Sunakujira" attacks.

Cyclops
Set in the future world of New Madrid, the futuristic story wraps around two police brothers. One of the brothers is plagued by nightmares and can't come to grips with his position in life and as a member of New Madrid's police team. Then one of them makes a terrible mistake... and that's all I got, sorry. My guess? One dies, the other loses an eye and gets his dead brothers eye, and now his brother can talk to him through the dead eye. Well, that's what I would do anyways. Check out the trailer and tell me what you suspect.

Trailer:

The Dark Lurking
An Aussie creature feature The Dark Lurking has released its first rough clip. Thanks to 24 Frames per second for pointing this little gem out. Looks like a Down Under combination of viral outbreaks and The Thing, but with more pus.

Synopsis:

2017: Something has gone terribly wrong at outpost 30, a secret international research facility some five hundred meters beneath the snow blown arctic wilderness. All communications are gone, all means of escape destroyed and an extremely dangerous horde of ancient creatures is on the loose after a doorway to an unspeakable evil has been unleashed. Eight survivors, two former research patients, three SOCOM Troops, two research technicians and a cleaner barricade themselves inside a remote area of the facility with little food, almost no ammunition and little hope of rescue. Their one possible escape route is through thirteen levels of terror that will lead them to the surface. And one of them is not who they seem to be, the darkness

Trailer

Clip

Electronic Girl
Will we ever be rid of robots and their infernal feelings? New film called Electronic Girl takes place in the future where the human population is so low a robot work force is built, and of course eventually there's a need for sexy pouty robot women, as is so often the case. So a little she-bot is made, and then given feelings because why not make the future sex slave learn of its own shame or what not. The robot escapes but not before putting on a costume maid outfit and growing wings. Still the look to the film is interesting enough that I'll keep tabs on it.

The Wolfman comes out Feb. 12, just in time for your bloody Valentine's Day.

Following a somewhat mangled launch (Dear Apple, if you're going to have a countdown clock to something, it's always a good idea to have said thing ready once you reach zero, so that you don't get things like this:

Or "Alert: This URL is not valid" error messages.

Although maybe this is just following in the tradition of Avatar internet fail), the trailer was still unavailable on Apple's website an hour after its official US release. However, a version of it was available on France's MSN portal.

Avatar is released in the US December 18th.

(Thanks, William!)

Hypothermia
Ever since The Thing, we've been in love with snowy monster tales. Larry Fesenden's latest flick seems like a B-horror-film delight on ice. He explained the premise to Fangoria as

The storyline centers on two very working-class families with two very different ideologies who come to this lake to ice fish. They encounter this creature, and they deal with it very differently as they get picked off one by one.

I'm in.

Stake Land
Once again, the world has been flooded with vampires and it's up to one tough stake-wearing bad-ass to kill them all off... again. You know, it's that "All the vampires in the world versus one man" kind of thing.

AIDAN 5
The new comic book series AIDAN 5 premiered online. I like the look, but I worry about the excessive use of split screen and clones (Even if I do like the idea of a clone detective). Here's the first episode on youtube, but the <a href="http://www.aidan5.com/episode1.html" new website has a slightly more fleshed out series than what you see in this youtube below.

RoboGeisha
Here's an additional look at the robot carnage promised from the deranged minds behind Tokyo Gore Police. This robot won't quit until she's released the penile-nosed lady from within to kill you all.

As Cameron announced at Comic Con, you'll be able to go see around 15 minutes of Avatar footage for free, at select 3-D and Imax theaters, on the 21st. But that's also the day that the movie's first official trailer premieres, in theaters as well as online.

But meanwhile, Warner Bros. is saying that Christopher Nolan's next movie, Inception, will have its first "teaser trailer" premiering on that same day, in front of Quentin Tarantino's Inglourious Basterds. Even if the teaser trailer consists only of a few images or a mysterious voiceover, it'll still be 100 percent more imagery than we've seen so far from this movie set within the "architecture of the mind." All we know so far is that Ken Watanabe is blackmailing Leonardo DiCaprio, and Ellen Page is DiCaprio's sidekick. [JoBlo and Slashfilm]

Suck
Vampires and rock stars together and rocking the stage, what are the odds? The latest whack at the dead horse we call vampire movies, Suck, is on its way to Toronto's Film Festival. But this isn't your average Vampire Rock Star film with actors in fake leather gyrating about on stage with fangs - This movie has leathery old rock stars gyrating with vampires on stage. For instance...

Written and directed by musician/actor Rob Stefaniuk - and featuring acting turns from
the likes of Iggy Pop, Alice Cooper, Henry Rollins and Moby - SUCK, follows a group of rock ‘n' roll wannabes in search of immortality and a record deal. Seemingly doomed to roadtrip doldrums and dives, the band The Winners break their slump when their female bass player disappears one night with a studly, stylin' vampire. She returns charged with sexual charisma that creates audience frenzy and eventually ensnares the rest of the band. Their "hook" launches them to fame. But fame turns out to be a different
kind of Hell than AC/DC promised.

Following an "incident" on a national radio show with "Rockn' Roger" The Winners hit mega-stardom beyond their wildest dreams. But Joey is haunted by an eerie bartender with a dark secret. And legendary vampire hunter, Eddie Van Helsing, is on their tail tracking them down despite his fear of the dark. But when a veteran music producer calls them on becoming a vampire freak show, their rock'n'roll bubble bursts.

Dust
Next up are two heavy on the art and emotion films pointed out by the lovely people over at Quiet Earth. First up is Dust: the movie that brings brother and sister together in the biblical sense, after the world had been all-but-destroyed in an outbreak. But what happens when the female half of the twins meets a new man?

DUST Trailer from Dust Trailer on Vimeo.

Here is the official synopsis:

Elodie and Elias are sixteen-year-old twins who live by themselves in the shadow of the dam of a man-made lake. We slowly find out that the world they are living in is depopulated, except for a few scattered survivors with whom they have no contact. Surrounded by this total emptiness, Elodie and Elias have gotten closer to each other than ordinary twins.

One day, on their way home after bathing in the lake, they discover Gabriel. He is a boy slightly older than them who just escaped a vicious attempt on his life. The twins agree to hide him at their place so he can recover from his wounds. This out to be a fateful decision: soon, Gabriel and Elodie fall in love with each other. Although they try to hide it from Elias, he is bound to find out eventually that he has lost his sister to someone else.

The conflict that slowly developes between the three teenagers is amplified by the isolation they find themselves in. Living in this empty world, they have no one else to turn to but themselves. This only serves to complicate an already tense situation which have dire consequences for one of them.

Womb
Do you love your significant other so much you'd grow a clone of them inside your womb if they tragically died before their twilight years? I still think that it's awfully creepy, but you be the judge. Also good eye readers that is the new Doctor Matt Smith.

Official Synopsis:

When Rebecca returns to her grandfather's house, she meets her childhood sweetheart Thomas again. Thomas leaves his girlfriend Rose and their love picks up where it left off, until Thomas dies in a car accident. Devastated, the young woman contemplates suicide until she finds consolation in the idea of cloning. Although society does not fully accept it yet, she plans to give birth to Thomas, bringing her lost love to life (again). Living in Rebecca's grandfather's remote old house, Thomas grows up believing his father died in an accident. Rebecca never mentions cloning. In spite of their secret, Rebecca and Thomas lead an almost normal life until Rose finds out about them …

Monday:

Shark Week: Deadly Waters -
Survivorman's Les Stroud takes on the deadliest water in the world. Using historical data, he will test the hotspots of the ocean and try to discover just why these spots are the deadliest on Earth, on the Discovery Channel at 9 PM.

Shark Week: Day of the Shark 2 -
Divers are trapped inside a shark cage after a great white breaks out of it — while a different shark attacks a former Navy Seal, and a bull shark joins a spear-fishing trip in the Bahamas. Without careful attention, your ocean trip can easily turn dangerous, on Discovery at 10 PM.

Movies:
Biker werewolves hunt down a boy who is the missing link between man and their species, and is destined to destroy their kind. Skinwalkers, starring Jason Behr of Roswell, is on TMC at 8:15 PM.

Tuesday:

Warehouse 13 -
Need a Stargate fix? Tune into Warehouse for a guest spot by Joe Flanigan, aka Sheppard — don't worry, his hair is still a scraggly mess. But Shep's not the only newcomer — last week's new cute hacker, Claudia, joins the team...Will the latest additions to the Warehouse churn up some sexual chemistry? Most likely, this is what Flanigan's hair was put on this Earth to do: relive the SGA glory days on Syfy, at 9 PM.

That's Impossible -
Death rays and laser cannons, oh my! Weapons from science fiction movies are examined in this show that discovers just how probable stuff of fiction really is, on History Channel at 10 PM.

Shark Week!: Sharkbite Summer -
Shark attacks from 2001's Summer of the Shark are recounted, using first-hand accounts of what happened and visits to the scene of the attacks. A shark bites "clean through a boy's arm," on the Discovery Channel, at 9 PM.

Movies:
Two San Franciscans (well, kinda, since one is a humanoid) hunt down an extraterrestrial murderer in Alien Nation on FMC at 8 PM.

Wednesday:

Monsters Inside Me -
A parasite nom nom noms on your brains. Zombie parasites! Someone watch and let me know because the last episode of this "if you eat, breath or touch this, it could kill you" show kept me indoors in a sanitized tent for days. Monsters is on Animal Planet at 9 PM. Watch if you dare.

Shark Week! Man vs. Fish -
In the debut of this reality show, extreme fisherman Matt Watson heads to New Zealand to face off with a mako shark ... while aboard a sinking raft, all on Discovery at 10 PM.

Movies:
Three old men discover the healing properties of the pool next door, and the aliens who own it, in Cocoon on FMC at 10 PM.

Thursday:

Shark Week! Shark After Dark -
Aiming to learn more about how sharks behave after the sun sets, a team of divers tracks sharks around the world with the latest technology, to try to learn more about the aggressive animals, on Discovery at 9 PM.

Movies:
A man pops out of a board game and brings with him a stampede of elephants, monkeys driving cop cars and a hairy creature named Robin Williams. Jumanji is on AMC at 8 PM.

Friday:

Eureka -
The town's teenagers have been manipulated into building a strange structure out of electronics and scrap metal, on Syfy at 9 PM.

Movies:
Paleontologist Alan Grant is headed back to the infamous dinosaur island, accompanied with a group of idiots whose main purpose seems to endanger the lives of others, or create interesting plot points. JP3 is on MTV at 10 PM.

Saturday:

Being Human -
Annie meets another ghost, and she learns why she has been stranded here on Earth, and how to move on. Meanwhile, the forever miserable Mitchell continues to wean Lauren off blood, on BBC America at 9 PM.

Movies:
James Cameron's Oscar-winning sequel Aliens about returning to the space colony where it all began 57 years before is on Spike at 8 PM.

Cameron night continues, as we watch John Connor growing up in Terminator 2. Is the "mimetic polyalloy" T-1000 the best Terminator ever? We say yes. T2 is on Bravo at 9 PM.

Sunday:

True Blood -
In Dallas, Sookie's trials take a turn when Eric shows up just before the Fellowship's lockdown. Back home, Sam discovers a gruesome thing in his bar, and there doesn't appear to be anyone leaping to his defense. But more Jessica and Hoyt hook-up time is promised (yay!).

Raging Planet -
This new series premieres with two episodes, beginning with the dissection of tornadoes and their paths of destruction and followed with an episode about lightning, including some cool footage of how it's "born," on the Discovery Channel at 9 PM.

Defying Gravity -
A strange force on the crew's ship Antares begins to have extreme results on the astronauts' biology and personalities. More sexy space dreams, on ABC at 10 PM.

Symbol
The writer and director of Big Man Japan will be showing his latest work Symbol at the Toronto Film Festival, and Hitoshi Matsumoto's latest work really has me scratching my head with wonder. The latest teaser shows... well, I'm not really sure what, but some poor fella is obviously getting attack by tiny naked CG cherubs. I'm still not sure what to make of the dog reference. Creeeepy.

Here's the full synopsis... sounds like a trip:

In the central tale, a Japanese man (Matsumoto) wakes up alone in a brightly illuminated white room with no windows or doors. When he presses a mysteriously phallic protuberance that appears on one wall, a pink toothbrush materializes from nowhere, clattering to the floor and setting in motion a genuinely bizarre chain of events. Soon the imprisoned man is engaged in absurd and hilarious attempts to escape the gleaming room, releasing random objects from the walls, creating a life-sized Mouse Trap game in which a rope, a toilet plunger and an earthenware jug full of sushi might just be the keys to his escape.

Meanwhile, in a dusty town, a green-masked Mexican wrestler known as Escargot Man prepares for an important match. His family gathers around him, worried about his seeming impassivity before battle. As the nameless prisoner appears closer to escape and Escargot Man steps into the ring, Matsumoto amplifies the baffling yet suspenseful atmosphere to a crescendo of ridiculous excess.

Bio-Slime

Aaaah, a new evil, gooey bio-killer. Here's the trailer for small budget slick Bio-Slime, which is your basic alien species monster flick. A bunch of strangers are trapped in an isolated area and one by one they get picked off until one clever member devises a plan to get back at the beast... Check it out.

Kung Fu Cyborg:
The latest Kung Fu Cyborg trailer is out, offering more Kung Fu Robots, but also showing off the movie's love story a little bit more. I mean, it's not called "metallic attraction" for nothing. We need more robots in love that don't look like Wall-E and an ipod. Jeffrey Lau's latest work should be out within the month, we'll see how long it takes to reach little old me.

Cold Souls
The funny little flick about soul extraction, starring Paul Giamatti as himself, is getting a limited release in New York and LA on August 7th. So to celebrate, check out this new clip. The film follows the saddened actor who looks to release a little stress by removing his soul from his body. But when his soul is mistaken for Al Pacino's soul and swiped by the Russian mob, the actor is sent on a journey to reclaim what is rightfully his.

New Cold Souls Clip:

Cold Souls Trailer:

Could we finally be about to get Russell T. Davies' theory of time travel? We've always had hints that there's a web of time, and certain events can't be changed or the whole universe comes apart. And maybe now we're about to get a bit more elaboration on that theme, which will make our nerdy little brains pulsate. For my money, the third best episode of Doctor Who season four was "The Fires Of Pompeii," and I'm hoping for a bit of a thematic sequel: Once again, the Doctor knows that history can't change, or it's all over. Of course, if his opposite number, the Master, turns up, he might just possibly have a slightly different agenda.

Rather than just being the throwaway adventure on our way to the final two-parter, it's beginning to seem like "Waters Of Mars" may be a corker in its own right. Here's hoping. Thanks to Jeremie for the heads up!

The whole thing is an ad for Rolling Thunder's own services, of course, and all the CG was done in house. It does all look very shiny, and we're suckers for glowing blue cityscapes with weird-shaped buildings and flying vehicles. At the same time, the trailer tries to mock the pomposity and grandeur of American trailers, but the satire actually rebounds onto the whole "Dubai is so futuristic" argument, by showing just how fake those pretty images really are.

And as various commenters have already pointed out, you can see some spaceships from Star Trek, Battlestar Galactica and other shows flying around Dubai. Do they know something we don't?

Monday:

Spectacular Spider-Man -
School's back from winter break, and so is the Sandman. But more importantly — superhero fiestas! Peter is invited to Flash's birthday party, and may never get this teen-angst thing under control. Meanwhile, is that Venom he keeps spotting?

The Spectacular Spider-Man: First Steps:

Movies:
There can only be one, until there was a fourth, movie, that is. Highlander: Endgame with Christopher Lambert as Connor MacLeod is on TMC at 10 PM.

Tuesday:

Warehouse 13 -
Thank your lucky Battlestars — Cylon Number Six (Tricia Helfer) is back as a guest star on this week's Warehouse, complete with her sexy walk and even sexier authoritative talk. Pete and Myka assist the much-missed Helfer as a string of bank robberies in Chicago leaves people stunned. Meanwhile, Artie tries to get to the bottom of a security breach at the warehouse. Warehouse 13 returns on the newly spelled SyFy channel at 9 PM.

Warehouse Promo

Better Off Ted -
Veridian makes a perfume for women... that causes hornets to attack. Linda is thrown under the bus by the company and Phil and Lem's friendship is tested yet again by the depositions. Support your local nerds, on ABC at 9 PM.

On The Set With Phil And Lem (le nerd sigh)

That's Impossible -
How long until we have real Terminators? And will they really look like Governator Arnold? The possibility of robotic soldiers who are able to think is discussed, and current research and developments are showcased. Welcome to your A.I.-dominated future, on the History Channel at 10 PM.

Wednesday:

Monsters Inside Me -
Now that this micro-terror show has already ruled out swimming, sleeping or even DRINKING WATER, what's next? Try not breathing. Tonight the show that scares the bejeezus out of us all continues to with a seminar on the sexual reproduction of parasites, including those of botflies and worms, which flourish in your lungs. I really, really hate this show.

Cough Up Blood With Monsters Inside Me:

MonsterQuest -
Forget Shark Week, killer crocs are on the prowl on the History Channel at 9 PM.

Movies:
Robin Williams escapes from a board game, only to face wild monkeys... and oh yeah, a stampede of elephants. Jumanji is on AMC at 8 PM.

Thursday:

J.K. Rowling: A Year in the Life -
Harry Potter and his origins are revealed in this special about the children's author. America finally gets a look at Rowling's intimate life, filmed in the year leading up to the release of the seventh HP novel. Elizabeth Vargas's interview with the richest woman in England airs on ABC at 8 PM. Can't wait? Check out this documentary from across the pond, of the same name.

Are We Alone? -
By checking out the extreme climates and studying areas with little to no water, can scientists prove extraterrestrial life exists? Some travel to the most extreme locations on Earth, including Death Valley in California, to discover if life on other planets is even possible.

And maybe some Sookie-Bill love will be shown while Anna Paquin's on Letterman on CBS at 11:30 PM.

Friday:
Eureka -
Carter has to get all certificated as sheriff again, and it hurts his soft little human brain. But this is Eureka after all, and problems can only be solved via more problems, so Allison heads out to scan the town with her DNA-monitoring system, injuring Deputy Lupo in the process. The season continues on SyFy at 9 PM.

Movies:
Keanu Reeves is the disaffected tattooed savior known as John Constantine. Tune in for Rachel Weisz, but stay for the devil. Constantine is on AMC at 9 PM.

Saturday:

Kings -
Here it is, folks: the end. The first part of the finale airs tonight, as Silas continues trying to pawn off Port Prosperity on Gath, throws Jack and David in jail, and generally looks unhappy. On a brighter Michelle looks for ways to save the jailed David. The show that NBC sent to Saturdays to die airs at 8 PM. It's wrong what they did to this series, just wrong, and if you caught the last episode, you should agree.

Primeval -
A strange woman from the future appears, as a stampede of homicidal rhinos head through an anomaly ready to attack. But, trust me, this future lady is way more interesting than the pack of CG rhinos. Find out her secret on BBC America at 9 PM.

Primeval Promo

Movies:
Monsters and gods rule the SyFy Channel all day. The games and fights begin with Dungeons & Dragons: Wrath of the Dragon God, followed by Rock Monster, Grendel, The Book of Beasts, the recent Thor: Hammer of the Gods and finally The Scorpion King. The hunt for monsters begins at 9 AM.

Sunday:

True Blood -
We need more quality time in Dallas — lots more. Let's hope the Hillbilly road show made of Eric, Sookie, Jessica and Bill can entertain us for just a little while longer, in the big bad city. Oh and if you didn't think this show could get any sexier, ED QUINN will be making his fanged debut. True Blood is on HBO at 9 PM.

True Blood Promo:

Movies:
Watch the world NOT be destroyed on the conclusion of NBC's latest campy miniseries em>Meteor on at 9 PM. Wouldn't if just be a peach if they actually let it explode?

Additional writing and reporting by Caitlin Petrakovitz.

The Gatchaman teaser trailer showed at the Anime Expo in Los Angeles, and somebody was able to download their visual impressions into a digital storage device. Directed by Kevin Munroe (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles) it looks pretty dynamic and exciting, at least as far as we can see from this low-res copy. Here's hoping we get to see more soon! Gatchman, based on the 1970s Japanese series Science Ninja Team Gatchaman, is out fall 2010. [Comic Book Movie]

[Cinematical]

Monday:

Spectacular Spider-Man -
At the turn of the New Year, Spidey has to take the fight to the Planner's lair, revealing the Planner's true identity in the process. But not before teen aged superhero has to navigate the murky waters of love, when Gwen is kidnapped.

Spectacular Spider-Man Promo:

Movies:

It's end-of-the-world day over at the Syfy Channel. First there's Meltdown: Days of Destruction, where the Earth moves threateningly close to the Sun. After that, Asteroid threatens the world with, what else? Asteroids, in the two-part movie starring Annabella Sciorra. All of this airs on SciFi Channel, beginning at 9:30 AM.

Tuesday:

Warehouse 13 -
Two sexy Secret Service agents are put in charge of America's storage spot for weird crap. Even though the warehouse is stocked to the brim with time traveling and shape shifting whosits and what-nots, there's still plenty of unclaimed weird objects for this good looking duo to track down, in Warehouse 13. What will they fid next? My guess is, a big steaming pile of romantic tension. It's like a sugared-up X-Files, but with steampunky gadgets. The two-hour premiere airs on the newly christened SyFy Channel, at 9 PM.

Warehouse 13 Promo:

Better Off Ted - repeat on ABC at 9 PM.

Movies:

Nic Cage's rip-off of Indiana Jones, National Treasure, is on the SyFy Channel at 6 PM.

Adam Sandler is a pawn in the ultimate procrastinator's backlash that is Click, when his living Jiminy Cricket, Christopher Walken, hands over a real-life remote control, on FX at 8 PM.

Wednesday:

Time Team America -
The series premiere chronicles various archeological digs open with a trip to North Carolina's Roanoke Island, the first settlement in North America, which disappeared suddenly. Years later, the only remaining clue was the word "Croatoan" carved into a fencepost. The dig is on PBS at 8 PM.

Time Team Preview:

Monsters Inside Me -
The show that makes you scared to go anywhere, or do anything, returns with a new episode. Scientists rush to stave off what could become the worst parasitic outbreak in history, which may or may not already be eating away your intestines. Quick, stop drinking water — germs are EVERYWHERE, on Animal Planet at 9 PM.

Monsters Inside Me Promo:

MonsterQuest -
Adventurers hunt down the wily Sasquatch, on this new episode on the History Channel at 9 PM.

Movies:

Treasure Planet, an animated scifi update of Treasure Island featuring the voice of our favorite wrecked-faced Cobra Commander, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, is on Disney XD at 5 PM.

Thursday:

Naked Science -
Scientists try to prove their hypothesis that about 500 years ago a large meteor caused a tsunami, severely changing Australia's coastline. The theories fly on National Geographic Channel at 10 PM.

Also, we'll probably get another clip from Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince when Daniel Radcliffe is on Letterman, on CBS at 11:30 PM.

Movies:

Contact, the movie that refuses be constricted by things like common sense, blasts Jodie Foster off to alien worlds... or does it? Join the confused alien-stalker and her long-haired boyfriend, Matthew McConaughey, on the look out for aliens and space-bound millionaires, in Contact on TNT at 10 PM.

Friday:

Eureka -
Sheriff-no-more Jack Carter and his sharp wit return for the second half of season three as he applies for a job with the Department of Homeland Security. Meanwhile, the new sheriff in town seems to have a very robotic personality. Carter has to deal with becoming Allison's pal, as our friends who became lovers who became friends deal with Allison's baby on the way. Season 3 and a half premieres tonight on SyFy, at 9 PM.

Saturday:

Kings -
Treasonous David is on trial, and Silas hands the reins over to his son Jack. Will the pretty prince show mercy to the doe-eyed country boy? Side note, this is actually the second to last week for Kings — next week there will be a two hour farewell. And I will weep big fat tears as this beautiful show sputters out its dying breath.

Kings You Tube Good Bye:

Primeval -
You'd think these accidents the Primeval people would figure out a way to close these space-time anomalies — but no, another week another problem causes chaos on Earth. Meanwhile, Abby's brother decides to find out what she does for a living, and accidentally passes through an anomaly. Whoops. Now the team has to chase him down too, on BBC America at 9 PM.

Movies:

An all-day Harry Potter marathon is in order, before the new movie is released July 15. Harry and the Sorcerer's Stone kicks off the first three movies as they play in order on ABC Family at 12:30 PM.

Sunday:

True Blood -
Will we find out what Daphne truly is? Probably not. At least not before Sookie endangers the lives of everyone on the show one more time, just for kicks! As everyone's favorite grown-up vamp show becomes more of an ensemble effort, Sookie, Bill and Jessica travel to Dallas. And Tara hopefully gets her head screwed on straight, and Jason continues his vampire purification process. Let's go to Dallas, on HBO at 9 PM.

True Blood Promo:

Movies:

Meteor -
A curious cast of prime time favorites from long ago gathers together, to stop a giant asteroid from careening to Earth. It's like the recent TV movie Impact, only with slightly more interesting actors. Jason Alexander and Christopher Lloyd put their minds together, to stop the meteor Kassandra. Part one of the miniseries airs tonight on NBC at 9 PM.

Additional reporting by Caitlin Petrakovitz.