Monday

What better way to start off the week than with a Syfy marathon of Stargate SG-1 running right now, from 8am all the way through to 3pm? Sure, there's that whole "work" thing, but come on. It's Stargate!

Otherwise, your television thrills are limited to an 8pm conflict between new episodes of House on Fox (A teenage girl can't distinguish between fact and fiction "after a wild night out." Am I the only one who feels like this could be either awesome or hideously embarrassing for all involved?) and Heroes on NBC, where Sylar is still trying to take control of Matt's body and Claire has to face off with her father's Sorority Girl Army. And, yes, I did accidentally make that sound more interesting than the actual show. Sorry, everyone.

Tuesday

For those calling in sick, I'd recommend skipping Syfy's Tru Calling marathon (8am through 3pm for those whose love of Dushku overpowers their bad-show gag reflex) and tuning into AMC, which goes dragon crazy with a 12:45 airing of Dragonheart (Dennis Quaid and a dragon voiced by Sean Connery!) followed by a 3pm re-run of Reign of Fire (You could stay tuned for a 5pm Batman Begins and 8pm Terminator 2: Judgment Day as well, if you were feeling particularly lazy).

If you'd rather get a delayed British take on the 40th anniversary of the moon landing, then James May On The Moon (BBC America at 8pm) takes Top Gear's Captain Slow and puts him in the driver's seat for an hour long look back at those heady days where men were men and the Moon seemed an obtainable destination.

Otherwise, click over to ABC for the second episode of V and see whether it still feels like FlashForward meets... Well, the old V, really (The official PR for the episode says "A seeker among the Visitors tracks Erica and Father Jack. Chad seeks redemption by investigating the aliens ahead of his next newscast while law enforcers press Erica for information concerning Dale M…").

Wednesday

Thank God for Mythbusters on the Discovery Channel at 9pm. Without their investigation into whether cars will automatically burst into flames after crashing (Surely we have empirical proof that the answer is no already?), I'd have to find some way to pretend that Glee (Fox at 9) was a scifi show just to have something to write about for today. I figured I could always claim that it was set in an alternate reality where people aren't creeped out by Will Schuester trying to rap.

Thursday
If it's Thursday, then it's time for all the shows to run up against each other again. Sure, you could pretend that the networks aren't showing anything and watch a double bill of Demolition Man and End of Days on AMC (Sly and Arnold! In two of their most underrated - for a reason - movies! It starts at 8pm, if you're tempted), after spending the day watching Syfy's Star Trek: Enterprise marathon (8am through 3pm, as ever), but come on. I know that you can't resist the big shows people are talking about.

On FlashForward (ABC, 8pm), Aaron discovers the truth about his daughter's death, Janis returns to work and Mark and Olivia's martial troubles bring everyone down yet again, man. Things are much more fun over in Mystic Falls where Vampire Diaries (the CW at 8pm) brings a mysterious new teacher, arguments over medallions and, according to the CW, "Damon finally reveals to Stefan the stunning reason he has returned to Mystic Falls." If I watched the show and/or cared, I couldn't wait!

9pm brings the real reason to wrestle over the remote; Fringe on Fox gives Olivia, Broyles and Peter a new reason to be suspicious of Massive Dynamic when the impossibly shady corporation turn out to be involved in a kidnapping case, but Supernatural (The CW) looks much more fun than even Walter Bishop could provide:

Super fan Becky uses Chuck's phone to trick Sam and Dean into attending a Supernatural fan convention, complete with fans dressed up as Sam and Dean. One of the activities is a live action role-playing game, but things quickly turn sour after a real ghost appears on the scene.

Seriously. How could anyone resist that?

Friday

Jericho fans! You have the Syfy marathon of the day (8am through 3pm, which I'm sure you already know by now) to keep you happy during the daylight hours; the rest of us will be watching the original The War Of The Worlds movie on AMC at 10:15am (And avoiding the following Star Trek: Nemesis at 12:15pm, a movie which can best be described by blogger Kevin Church here), instead.

Still, Friday evening starts the weekend off right with the double bill of Batman: The Brave and The Bold ("The Fate of Equinox!" Yes, the exclamation point is part of the title) and Star Wars: The Clone Wars (following last week's surprisingly brutal, "Are Jedi really advocating using flame throwers against living beings what the hell?" episode) on Cartoon Network, starting at 7:30pm (Clone Wars is at 8pm, if you have an aversion of Batman. And if you do, then I'm very, very sorry.)

If you're in the mood for MOR dramas teasing the supernatural, then CBS is the place to be tonight, with new episodes of both Ghost Whisperer (8pm, with Jennifer Love Hewitt "pulled into a murder mystery by a real estate power couple" - Yes, this is what people want to watch, apparently) and Medium (9pm, which at least includes a potentially amusing-for-the-wrong-reasons subplot about posting videos of someone on the internet and "getting into trouble") on offer.

The rest of us, we'll be considering Smallville on the CW at 8pm (It features the Wonder Twins! You know you want to), Stargate Universe on Syfy at 9pm (The crew of the Destiny get a message from their future selves from the past. Or something) and Sanctuary on the same channel at 10pm.

Saturday

If you're not looking forward to Syfy's Ice Twisters at 9pm ("A sci-fi novelist is summoned to help scientists after an experiment in weather manipulation goes awry and produces deadly tornadoes made of ice," apparently), then we'd suggest that AMC's double bill of trilogies is the best way to spend your day. Start with the Mad Max trilogy (Movies starting 1:30, 3:30 and 5:30pm) before a night of The Matrix trilogy (The three movies begin at 8pm, 11pm and 1am on Sunday, respectively). Otherwise, the only thing left is Discovery's Surviving 2012... which is about all the prophecies, and not, sadly, advice on making it through Roland Emmerich's latest.

Sunday

It's the best night of television this week! Who knew, right? Start things off right with Syfy's latest screening of Serenity at 6:30 before switching over midway through - Hopefully missing Alan Tudyk's least favorite scene ever in the process - to catch the premiere of AMC's brand new take on The Prisoner at 8pm. If Ian McKellan and Jim Caviezel can't bring Patrick McGoohan's classic paranoiafest back to life, I'm going to be very depressed.

Of course, the best way to finish the evening off is coming at midnight, with the latest episode of The Venture Bros on Cartoon Network. Can we all just admit that it's the smartest and funniest show on television already?

The new show - which, according to the Hollywood Reporter, already has a series commitment from the network - will see former Tru Calling writer Chad Hodge adapt Westerfeld's trilogy of novels about characters able to access a superpowered 25th hour called the "Blue Time" each day as a result from being born on the stroke of midnight.

This is the second time the novels have been optioned for television; the first saw conflict between the producer (Charmed's Brad Kern) and Westerfeld, and was dropped when the WB and UPN merged to become the CW.

NBC closing in on 'Midnighters' [Hollywood Reporter]

Monday:

This week we may finally get some answers in Sarah Connor Chronicles. After last week's Mexican fiasco, it seems the team is hungry for some answers, and Sarah has to spill the beans on what she's done to change the course of fate. Plus it looks like we'll be getting some crazy dream sequences with all the bots and Sarah. SCC is on Fox at 8 PM.

Sarah Connor Chronicles Preview:

Sarah Connor Chronicles Clip:

It's blondes versus brunettes on Chuck this week as the old flopsy haired Nerd Herder has to chose between his fake girlfriend Sarah and his ex-girlfriend Jordana Brewster. "Chuck Versus the Fat Lady" is on NBC at 8 PM.

Chuck Preview:

Everybody is gunning for Peter and Claire this week (pretty much just like every other week on Heroes). Sylar gets in Elle's face at Pinehearst, and oh yeah — that eclipse that gave everybody superpowers, well, apparently "It's Coming" again. Heroes is on NBC at 9 PM.

Heroes Preview:

Heroes Clip:

Heroes Behind The Scenes:

Enjoy the last few episodes of My Own Worst Enemy while you still can. This week Edward kicks it with the KGB while Henry tries to uncover Angie's secret backstory (is she a spy too?). "The Night Train To Moscow" episode is on NBC at 10 PM.

Tuesday:

Get your fill of Elisha Dushku with a Tru Calling marathon from 8 AM until 3 PM on the Sci Fi Channel.

Walter goes back to the loony bin to uncover some time traveling ghost hunting craziness. Finally a more Walter-centric Fringe, which is exactly how I like my mad scientist, full of fruit-cup brilliance. Fringe is on 9 PM on Fox.

Wednesday:

Hooray, Pushing Daisies is back and this time with double the cheeky magic. Fred Willard is on as the top hatted magician who has been a surrogate father to Ned's half brothers. Fred's magical animal assistants are all dying off and the magician needs some help figuring out who's the culprit on NBC at 8 PM. Here are a collection of pics from the new episode.

No Knight Rider this week.

Movies:

Don your terrible wigs and even worse Eastern European accents: Van Helsing is on TNT at 11 PM.

Thursday:

Wedding bells are ringing for the secondary characters on Smallville. Will Chloe's wedding go off without a hitch? Probably not if Doomsday has something to say about it, plus Lana comes back and totally ruins the chances of Lois and Clark having an embarrassing open-bar wedding hookup. I bet she walks in right as they are about to kiss. Smallville is on the CW at 8 PM.

Smallville Clip:

Smallville Clip:

Smallville Preview:

Supernatural's Dean and Sam, have to make battle with yet more demons and angels, and Anna still isn't dead yet this week, but if the boys don't figure out how to kill a pack of angels, Dean's going straight back to hell — do not pass go, do not collect $200. "Heaven and Hell" is on the CW at 9 PM.

Supernatural Preview:

Supernatural Clip:

Supernatural Clip:

Supernatural Clip:

Sam Tyler gets to meet his Papa this week (who just so happens to be a crook) and holy cow — it's Dennis Duffy the beeper king, otherwise known as Charley Dixon from SCC. This guy is in everything! Life On Mars is on 10 PM at ABC.

Hood gets to meet some super secret super soldiers this week on Eleventh Hour at 10 PM on CBS.

Movies:

The ultimate reality TV show of the future follows baby Jim Carrey as Truman from conception to escape, in The Truman Show at 10 PM on TBS.

Friday:

Jar Jar is all over this week's Star Wars: The Clone Wars, so Binks-haters beware. He's actually mistaken for a Jedi and gets into wacky hijinks with C-3PO. "Bombad Jedi" is on Cartoon Network at 9 PM.

Clone Wars Preview:

The nerdgasm we've all been waiting for is about to air this week, in Stargate Atlantis' special "Brainstorm" episode. Not only is Bill Nye the Science Guy making a cameo, but so are Dave Foley and Neil deGrasse Tyson. This week McKay and Dr. Keller descend to Earth to watch McKay's rival Foley demonstrate his latest project. Atlantis is on 9 PM on the Sci Fi Channel.

Sanctuary's Will digs deeper into his father's past on 10 PM on the Sci Fi Channel.

Sanctuary Preview

Ben 10: Alien Force's Ship has to be saved from the Forever Knights on the Cartoon Network at 9:30 PM.

Batman gets face to face with some dinosaurs this week in Batman: The Brave and the Bold on the Cartoon Network at 8 PM.

Saturday:

Movies:

The Return Of The Joker is on 9 PM on the Cartoon Network.

Sunday:

Everything is going to Hell in a hand-basket on True Blood. Sookie starts to piece together the missing pieces of the local murders, and Sam gets a visit from an old buddy. Hopefully they meet in the shapes of animals. True Blood is on HBO at 9 PM.

True Blood Preview:

Movies:

Bill Paxton and Helen Hunt chase mother nature, but stay sexy in Twister at 6 PM on TNT.