Monday:

Kyle XY -
Tonight is the season premiere for everyone's favorite innocent eyed test tube baby. "It Happened One Night" picks up right where last season left off, Kyle is searching for Amanda and everyone else has to deal with prom drama. The season starter is on ABC Family at 9 PM.

Kyle XY Promo:

Clip:



Clip:



Clip:



Clip:



Movies:
You can not hold a young scientist down, especially when they're as cute as Jake Gyllenhaal. Learn the trials and tribulations that came with being rocket-scientist smart in a coal miner's town in October Sky on AMC at 8 PM.

Big Red graces us with his big bad presence in the original Hellboy on FX at 8 PM.

Travel through time via letters — and sob with overwhelming boredom — with Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock in The Lake House on the Oxygen Channel at 7 PM.

Tuesday:

The Universe -
What are the chances that there's "Another Earth" floating around in the big black beyond that is space? The History Channel tries to figure it out at 9 PM.

Battlestar Galacitca -
The top ten things you need to know about Battlestar Galactica is on the Sci Fi Channel at 3:30 PM, so now you too can play the exhausting "who's the final Cylon" game.

Movies:
Will Smith, Converse shoes, and robots come together at 7:30 PM on FX, to bring you iRobot, the movie where a CG faced machine is more likable than both of the main characters.

Wednesday:

Spook yourself all over with the Tales From The Darkside marathon over at the Sci Fi Channel from 8:30 AM - 3:30 PM.

Movies:

See the original terrible end of the world movie The Day After Tomorrow on Fox FX at 7:30 PM, before 2012 comes out and ruins everything, again.

The Hills Have Eyes II is on HBO 10 PM

Thursday:

Smallville -
Chloe gets kidnapped by smoldering Doomsday, Lana comes back, and possibly Lex shows up (we can hope, anyway), on this week's Smallville episode, "Legion." Clark searches for the missing Chloe, while battling the Persuader (Fraser Aitcheson) with a little help from three superheroes known as the Legion: Rokk (Ryan Kennedy), Imra (Alexz Johnson) and Garth (Calum Worthy).

Smallville Legion Promo:

Smallville Clip:

Smallville Clip:

Supernatural -
An evil she-ghost kidnaps a new family's young son, and holds him hostage in the walls of an old house. It's up to Sam and Dean to get him out. Oh, and Lucifer makes his way back to Earth, in "Family Remains" on the CW at 9 PM. But to be honest, I'm really much more excited about next weeks' episode, "Criss Angel Is a Douche Bag." Because he is.

Supernatural Clip:

Supernatural Clip:

Supernatural Promo:

Supernatural Promo:

Eleventh Hour -
CBS' Eleventh Hour is back, with another crazy science riddle. What's in the water that's making everyone turn into bloodthirsty murderers? Hood has to get to the bottom of this Texan mystery before he too becomes a crazy killer. Eleventh Hour is on at 10 PM.

Friday:

Star Wars: Clone Wars -
Anakin is wounded, and it's up to little Ahsoka to save his life and convince the adorable natives of an uncharted planet to give them shelter. The first half of the two-part episode "Jedi Crash" is on Cartoon Network at 9 PM.

Battlestar Galactica -
Tonight is the night! BSG is back, baby, and hopefully bringing some answers about where the crew actually landed, and who the final Cylon is. (At the very least, we'll find out why the fleet had to jump away in such a hurry during those webisodes.) There will be an all day BSG marathon on the Sci Fi Channel from 8 AM until the 10 PM premiere.

BSG Season 4.5 Promo:

BSG Season 4.5 Promo

Saturday:

Movies:
TNT is having a movie marathon, starting with everyone's favorite awkward aliens from M. Night Shyamalan's Signs at 2 PM, followed with Jurassic Park 3 at 4 PM, Independence Day at 8 PM, Spider-Man at 10:45 PM, Ultraviolet at 1:15 AM, and Doom at 2:34 AM.

Catch up on your crazy reality show voyeurism fetish, with Jim Carrey's The Truman Show on TBS at 10:30 AM followed by the super-smart John Travolta in Phenomenon.

Sunday:

Movies:

Spider-Man is on FX Sunday morning at 5:30 AM, with the Mac-vulnerable aliens of Independence Day at 8 AM.

To celebrate the final passing of SGA the Sci Fi Channel is running a week long marathon.

Monday:

The Stargate Atlantis marathon takes flight on Monday, beginning with Season 2 from 8 AM until 4 PM on the Sci Fi Channel.

Movies:
Fox FX has a great selection o' scifi tonight. Watch urinary tracts get healed with the mere wave of an inmate's hand in The Green Mile at 4:30 PM, followed with the rather unfortunate The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen at 8 PM. To top it all off, there is an 11 PM showing of Spawn.

Tuesday:

Stargate Atlantis Season 2 and 3 Marathon on the Sci Fi Channel from 8 AM until 6 PM.

The Universe -

Find out your chances for getting crushed by a world-ending asteroid here on Earth, in this week's The Universe on The History Channel at 9 PM.

Movies:

A three-and-a-half-hour version of Superman Returns is on FX in HD, at 6:30 PM

Wednesday:

Stargate Atlantis Season 3 Marathon on the Sci Fi Channel from 8 AM until 6 PM

Thursday:

Stargate Atlantis Season 3 and 5 Marathon on the Sci Fi Channel from 8 AM until 8 PM.

Movies:

The sexiest video game vixen, Lara Croft, comes to life via Angelina Jolie in Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle Of Life on TBS at 10 PM. How insanely hot would it be to have a Resident Evil Alice-versus-Lara Croft fight, and who would win? (It would have to be Alice from the first movie to keep it interesting.)

Friday:

Stargate Atlantis Season 5 is on the Sci Fi Channel from 8 AM until 6 PM.

Stargate Atlantis -
The final episode of Stargate Atlantis "Enemy At The Gate" brings a lot of old faces back to Atlantis to try and stop an invading Wraith Hive from getting into the Milky Way Galaxy and taking over Earth. Team up, SGA and make us proud, this is your last episode ever...until the made for TV movies sometime in the future.

Clips From The Final Episode Of Stargate Atlantis:














SGA Promo:





Batman The Brave And The Bold -
"Enter The Outsiders" pits Batman against a bunch of punk kids, and Wildcat comes along for the ride. The cartoon is on 8 PM on the Cartoon Network

Star Wars Clone Wars -
"The Gungan General" is a Jar Jar Binks-centric episode, mixed with a little chain gang runaway action. Hey, at least Obi-Wan is as unhappy about being around Jar Jar as I am. The next episode is on 9 PM on the Cartoon Network.

Clone Wars Promo





Sanctuary -

This week on the Amanda Tapping-and-monsters show, it's the second part of the "Revelations" two-parter, where Henry and Ashley are held captive by the evil Cabal. Find out if they make it out alive at 9 PM on the Sci Fi Channel.

Saturday:

Movies:

Adam Sandler in a gimmick movie — say what? Click the movie where Christopher Walken hands Sandler a remote control to his LIFE, which of course teaches us all a valuable lesson about something or another. Click is on Fox FX at 5:30 PM.

Here's A Trailer With Kate Beckinsale In Tiny Shorts:





But if that's not heartstringy enough for you. ABC family is showing Practical Magic at 8:30 PM. It's full of midnight all-girl margarita table dancing madness, and witch women Sandra Bullock and Nicole Kidman. I think it's like a rule from the 90s that if you made a movie with a predominantly female cast, you had to have a scene where they all danced around a table.





Sunday:

Movies: Let Wesley Snipes show you how it's possible for vampires to walk in the daylight and get hideous hair cuts. Blade II and Blade Trinity is on TNT at 3:30 and 5:30 PM.

Monday:

ABC has the gruesome green ogre lined up with all his buddies for Shrek the Halls on ABC at 8 PM. Fiona and Shrek take the kids to celebrate the holidays but Donkey, Puss-in-Boots and other friends keep getting in the way. It's amazing that Donkey hasn't been turned into glue yet, given how many ways he finds to annoy Shrek. The original cast returns for this special.

Tuesday:

Teach the younger members of the family how to flirt and drink like a pro, with a James Bond marathon starting at 10:00 AM until 5:30 PM on Spike.





Wednesday:

From 8 AM until 6 PM, there's a Scariest Places on Earth marathon on the Sci Fi Channel. So when little Susie won't get out of your TV-watching chair, just flip this on and surely the screams and creepy buildings will send her back down to the basement with the other tykes.

The James Bond marathon on Spike continues starting at 12 PM with You Only Live Twice, until 11:30 PM on Spike

The Discovery Channel is hosting a Project Earth marathon from 6 AM until 2 AM. This is the absolute best thing in the world to watch over the holidays, you can kill 5 hours at least in one sitting.

Ghost Hunters Seasons 4 and 4.5 run from 7 PM until 4 AM on the Sci Fi Channel.

You can't have Christmas without listening to George Bailey scream about Zuzu's petals. It's A Wonderful Life is on 8 PM at NBC, I've included the ending just to get you all misty eyed, or so you don't have to watch the whole thing over again, you wonderful old building and loan.





Thursday

Merry Christmas. Celebrate with an all day marathon of Star Trek The Next Generation on the Sci Fi Channel from 8 AM until 5 AM. Here is an absolutely it's so-bad-it's-kind-of-funny Borg Christmas Carol.





From 8 AM until 6:30 PM, The History Channel is having a marathon of UFO Files and UFO Hunters. Find out where Santa really comes from.

Just because it's the holidays doesn't mean you can slouch on the learning. From 9 AM until 11 PM, there's a ton of MythBusters on the Discovery Channel

Even more James Bond from 10:30 AM starting with Dr. No until 8:30 PM on Spike.

It's A Very Supernatural Christmas over on the CW with Sam and Dean from Supernatural at 9 PM. This is a repeat, but still pretty festive.

Celebrate family and friends with the best family of superheroes set in CG The Incredibles are on 8:30 PM and at 6 PM on ABC Family.

Catch up on all your Doctor Who Christmas Specials on BBC America from 4 PM until 6 PM are the back-to-back Dr. Who Christmas episodes. And if you're one of the luck few that get the actual BBC, then stay tuned for the big premiere of the new Christmas special, "The Next Doctor." Here's a sneak peek from the new special:





Friday:

Sci Fi Channel is having a HIGHLANDER marathon. The series runs all day and pauses at 6 PM to play Highlander: The Source. So I don't think anyone should even be outside on this Friday.

From 8 AM until 6:30 PM The History Channel is having a marathon of UFO Files and UFO Hunters.

Saturday:

From 11 AM until 5PM, the Sci Fi Channel is hosting the collection of the Children of The Corn movies, because you need to be reminded that no matter how cute they may be on Christmas morning, children are evil and must be stopped.

Sunday:

It's not Christmas without a singing Mogwai, so feast your eyes on fluffly Gizmo and his evil Gremlin buddies over at AMC. Gremlins is on 6:30 AM and the sequel, Gremlins 2, is on at 9:30 AM.





And if that's not enough to distract you from heavy family fun, then know this: StarWars.com and CartoonNetwork.com are having an online marathon of all of the Star Wars: Clone Wars episodes until January 2, so log on and turn your brain off if you need to. Plus many repeats will be airing on Cartoon Network throughout the week.

Monday

The Sarah Connor Chronicles -
Cameron is sick and tired of having Riley around this week. Also Sarah goes to a UFO convention and tracks down a blogger who knows the significance of the three dots. Please don't beat us up, Sarah! TSCC is on Fox at 8 PM

TSCC Clip:

TSCC Clip:

TSCC Promo:

Chuck -
It's a very merry Chuckmas special on NBC this week. Our floppy headed hero gets held hostage and Casey gets shot, but the biggest surprise of all is Sarah's gift. Chuck is on 9 PM.

Chuck Promo:

Heroes -
More fighting from the brothers, side choosing and destiny following as the "Villains" arc winds down. Start placing your bets on which brother is going to kick it this time. Heroes, the show with no real consequences, is on 9 PM on NBC.

Heroes Clip:

Heroes Promo:

My Own Worst Enemy -
Over on the personality switcheroo show, Edward thinks he can solve their problem once and for all — he just needs to sacrifice his children to the wraith god. Oh what, like you're watching this show? MOWE is on NBC at 10 PM.

Gundam 00 -
One full hour of mecha madness on the Sci Fi Channel from 11 PM until 12.

Movies:
Watch Uma Thurman kick Luke Wilson's ass as a crazy ex-girlfriend who just so happen to have super powers on My Super Ex-Girlfriend on 4:40 PM on HBO.

Tuesday

No new Fringe this week

The Universe -
Get a brain full of deadly comets and meteors and find out which one killed my friend Mr. Dinosaur. And what sky rock will probably Deep Impact our little planet. The Universe is on The History Channel at 9 PM.

The Universe Promo:

Wednesday

Pushing Daisies -
Norwegian detectives flood the pie maker's place of work, and they may uncover Chuck's secret. Pushing Daisies is on ABC at 8 PM.

Are the muppets fantasy or scifi? I don't know but they're having a kick ass Christmas special on NBC at 8 PM. Be there, or no longer be my friend.

Movies:
There's silver liquid robot madness over at AMC. That's right, the biggest and the best terminator (Terminator 2) is on at 5 PM. And if you're jonesing for even more Terminator madness, Terminator 3 is on FX at 8 and 10:30 PM.

Thursday

No new Smallville this week.

No new Supernatural this week.

No new Life On Mars this week.

No new Eleventh Hour this week.

Testees -
Ron and Pete are given a blind test from Testico, but they won't tell them the side effects. So the two stop eating and sleeping, and fall into madness worrying about what will happen to them. "Project X" is on FX at 11 PM.

Movies:
The best kind of wars happen with dragons, so brace yourself for Dragonwars on the Sci Fi Channel at 7 PM.

And later celebrate the holidays with a hottie mutants and buggy eyes. Total Recall is on the Sci Fi Channel at 9 PM.

Word is still out weather or no Whoville is another planet, I'm saying probably. Watch the original and see if you can tell what part of the galaxy the Grinch lives, in Dr. Seuss' How The Grinch Stole Christmas at 8 PM on ABC Family.

Friday:

No new Batman: The Brave And The Bold this week.

No new Clone Wars

No new Stargate

Sanctuary -
The monster squad over at Sanctuary track a rare creature while the news cameras are rolling. Sanctuary is on the Sci Fi Channel at 10 PM.

Movies:

I'm going to go ahead and argue that the Tim Allen Santa Clause movies are urban fantasy. The Santa Clause 2 is on ABC Family at 8 PM. Watch as Santa finds himself a mate for life.

Saturday

Movies:
Blow some shit up with Tom Cruise and friends, in J.J. Abrams' Mission Impossible 3 on TNT at 8 PM.

Sunday

Movies:

John Goodman plays Jolly Old Saint Nick and Delta Burke is the first lady of holidays, in this is the live action retelling of the classic stop motion The Year With Out Santa Claus. But sorry, no stop motion Snow Miser? No deal, fellas. The Year Without A Santa Claus is on ABC Family 11 AM.

Here's the original Stop Motion Miser dance:

Here Is the Live Action Miser Dance (I'm sorry):

Monday:

The Sarah Connor Chronicles -
Sarah and Cameron have to protect Derek's past family. But of course the family doesn't really believe them until Cameron takes a round of bullets to the chest and doesn't flinch. Then they start listening. The new Sarah Connor Chronicles is on 8 PM on Fox.

TSCC Promo:

TSCC Clip:

TSCC: Clip:

Chuck -
Find out why Sarah's con-man daddy (the fabulous Gary Cole) was in prison and watch Sarah move heaven and hell to help him get out of trouble from his last big con. Also there appears to be a Delorean in this episode somewhere. Because Chuck, if you haven't figured it out yet from NBC bludgeoning you over the head about it, is a GEEK. "Chuck Versus the Delorean" is on NBC at 8 PM.

Chuck Promo:

Heroes -
Hiro and Claire time-travel around, leaning about how Noah got the baby cheerleader from Kaito Nakamura, but I'm sure none of this temporal meddling will change the present a bit. Oh and there's yet another climatic fight that we've all been waiting for. Heroes, the show with no real consequences, is on 9 PM on NBC.

Heroes Clip:

Heroes Promo:

My Own Worst Enemy -
Nobody can get along this week, over at Christian Slater's magical super secret agent spy agency. Mavis and Alistair (real names) are arguing about how to rescue these hostages that Edward and Raymond found in Angola. Then Dr. Skinner (not the yellow-faced principal from The Simpsons, mind you, but a lady) is called in about her relationship with Edward. My Own Worst Enemy is on NBC at 10 PM. Watch if you dare.

Gundam 00 -
One full hour of mecha madness on the Sci Fi Channel from 11 PM until 12.

Movies:

Get a glimpse of a young Winona Ryder before she went all crazy. She's paired with a super emo Johnny Depp in Edward Scissorhands, on HBO at 1 PM.

Tuesday:

There is a Tales From The Darkside marathon on the Sci Fi Channel from 6 AM until 2:30 PM.

No new Fringe this week.

The Universe -
Curious to see the faces of our interstellar alien friends? Well, check out The Universe at 9 PM on The History Channel.

The Universe Promo:

Movies:

The Librarian: The Curse of the Judas Chalice — or National Treasure for dummies — is on TNT at 7 PM.

AMC has its usual scifi round up of sweaty chested lovelies Matthew McConaughey and Christian Bale getting all hot and bothered over dragons in Reign Of Fire at 8 PM, followed by more intense action with Terminator 2 on 10 PM.

Wednesday:

There's a Special Unit 2 marathon on the Sci Fi Channel from 8 AM until 3 PM. Wait, you don't remember Special Unit 2? Let me refresh your memory, rocking guitar opener and all:

Pushing Daisies -
Olive leads the team to crack the mysterious murder of the lighthouse keeper, and Ned has to deal with the sudden appearance of Chuck's Pappy and all his creepy bandages. Pushing Daisies is on ABC at 8 PM.

Pushing Daisies Promo:

No new Knight Rider this week.

UFO Hunters -
This week, let's crack the whole mystery behind the Arizona lights. Apparently there's been a bit of a situation with light/alien/just-a-plane activity in the Arizona skies. The new episode is on The History Channel at 10 PM.

Here's a news report about when UFO Hunters came to Phoenix:

UFO Hunter Promo:

Movies:

TCM is having a fabulous day of scifi specials. The Cat People are taking over at 6 AM, followed with Return Of The Cat People at 7:30 — and this classic movie is dayum scary especially when you can hear the cat person nom, noming it's prey. But for serious, it's scary.

At 12:30 and 2 PM, TCM will fill you up with evil children with Village of the Damned first, followed by Children Of The Damned.

2001: A Space Odyssey classic will be appearing at 3:30 PM on TCM, and at 6 PM there's 2010.

Thursday:

No new Smallville this week.

No new Supernatural this week.

No new Life On Mars this week.

No new Eleventh Hour this week.

Testees -

This week on Testees, the boys lose the ability to feel pain. So Ron becomes a daredevil, and Peter a boy toy for a dominatrix. "Mr. Pain and Danger Lad" are on Fox FX at 11 PM.

Movies:

Go crazy with board game fantasy and that hairy comic that talks really fast, when some poor children get sucked into a violent board game called Jumanji at 1 AM on TNT.

Embrace John Carpenter's wonder before they remake it into crap, with The Thing on the Sci Fi Channel at 7 PM.

Friday:

Batman: The Brave And The Bold -
Batman gets into the holiday spirit, bringing a bad Santa who's on a crime spree to justice. Batman is on Cartoon Network at 8 PM.

Clone Wars -
Finally, it's all Grievous all the time, or at least that's what I'm hoping this week's Clone Wars turns out to be, it's all about his Lair. To which I wonder: how does Grievous decorate his lair? Does he have a smoking room, or a pool? What about a balcony? This week on the Cartoon Network at 9 PM, we shall finally see.

"Lair Of Grievous" Behind The Scenes:

General Grievous Jam:

Stargate Atlantis -
Off with her head, or something close like it. This week Jewel Staite gets involved in a case of mistaken identity. So if Dr. Keller dies, does this mean I can have McKay? Because I'd be okay with that. Stargate Atlantis which has only THREE episodes left, will be on the Sci Fi Channel at 9 PM.

(editor's note: sorry I confused this weeks with last weeks, when clearly this last Friday's was "Infection" and this is "Identity.")

Stargate Promo:

Sanctuary -
This week the monster kids are tracking down a secret fight club where the people battle to the death. You know like Fight Club, only not cool in the slightest. The new Sanctuary is on 10 PM on the Sci Fi Channel.

Movies:

ABC family is premiering The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion The Witch and The Wardrobe. Check out James McAvoy as the little fawn, Mr. Tumnus, before he got all Wanted hot (I preferred the shirtless goat-scarf look, to be honest). The movie will air at 6 PM and 9:30 PM.

Tumnus!

Saturday:

Movies:
Get bouncy with Flubber at 9:40 AM on TBS.

Sunday:

Movies:

One of the best Disney scifi movies ever is The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes, staring Kurt Russell. Please do enjoy this clip — it's on 12 PM on TCM.

Monday:

Heroes -
The eclipse is still going and all 1,000 cast members are rallying for the big moment where they find out if they'll lose their powers forever and ever. I'm on the side of no. The second half of "The Eclipse" two-parter is at 9 PM on NBC.

Heroes Clip:

Heroes Promo:

Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles -
What's the sexy glazed-eyed Summer Glau bot do all night whilst the Connor family is asleep? My guess is, robot clubbing. The new TSCC is on 8 PM at Fox.

TSCC Promo:

Chuck -
The best part of Chuck is being revisited this week: Captain Awesome's parents come to town. Let the high-fiving flow like the river Jordan. Plus we get to meet Casey's mentor. Chuck is on NBC at 8 PM.

Chuck Promo:

Chuck clips:

My Own Worst Enemy -
Our split-personality hero is still trying to find out who murdered his parents. Will he figure it out before the show ends forever? My Own Worst Enemy is on NBC at 10 PM.

Gundam 00 -
Get your mecha madness fix, with a double showing of Gundam 00 (season one) over on the Sci Fi Channel at 11 PM.

Tuesday:

Fringe -
This week on the Walter and Peter Bishop variety hour, Olivia meets a man that gets stuck walking through a wall and starts to lose her damn mind with all her ex-boyfriend's memories all floatin' around in her noggin. Fringe is on Fox at 9 PM.

Fringe Promo:

Wednesday:

There's an early morning Twilight Zone marathon starting at 8 AM with "He's Alive" on the Sci Fi Channel.

Pushing Daisies -
It's a battle of tasty wits on Pushing Daisies, as Ned and Olive try and win the comfort food competition. Until the chef is found dead. Was it the waffle nazi? Pushing Daisies is on ABC at 8 PM.

Pushing Daisies Promo:

UFO: Hunters -
Everything you've ever wanted to know about the little green men that landed in the desert near Roswell, New Mexico, will all be explained — including whether there was a second crash. Tune into UFO: Hunters on The History Channel at 10 PM.

UFO Promo

No Knight Rider this week.

Movies:
Watch one family try to pick up the pieces 28 weeks after the rage virus destroyed England. But of course, nothing will go according to plan. 28 Weeks Later is on 3 PM on Cinemax.

Thursday:

No new Smallville this week.

No new Supernatural this week.

No new Life On Mars this week.

Eleventh Hour -
Hood uses his smarts in Oklahoma to uncover why all of the students are dying of the bends (the scuba related condition, not the Radiohead album which is equally as relevant, since they're at a college). Eleventh Hour is on CBS at 10 PM.

Testees -
This week on Testees the human lab rats test out chastity belts which mean they can't have sex for a week. Which if you've seen the show, probably shouldn't be that big of a problem. "Abstinence Underwear" is on FX at 11 PM.

Movies:

Stamp your feet and hold your breath until daddy finally ponies up for that golden goose, when ABC Family screens Charlie And The Chocolate Factory at 6 PM.

All three Dinotopia's are back-to-back over at the Sci Fi Channel starting at 11 PM, and if you didn't know how to make a dinosaur-pulled cart before, you will now.

Friday:

Stargate Atlantis -
It's Jewel Staite's chance to act like a sexy prison-lady when Dr. Keller's consciousness gets swapped with a criminal's. It's about time this show got around to a body/brain swapping story. Stargate Atlantis is on 9 PM on the Sci Fi Channel.

Sanctuary -
This week Amanda Tapping's monster hunters head underwater, and into more trouble. Sanctuary is on 10 PM on the Sci Fi Channel.

Batman: The Brave And The Bold -
Batman teams up with the fish man himself — Aquaman — and they get to fight Ocean Master and Black Manta. Underwater squee! B&B is on Cartoon Network at 8 PM.

Clone Wars -
Sorry we got the episodes confused last week but this is the week that the baby jedi fights! Ahsoka is under attack on Star Wars: The Clone Wars and she has to fight with Luminara to protect their prisoner, Nute Gunray. Fight, baby Jedi, fight, on the Cartoon Network at 9 PM.

Ben 10: Alien Task Force is on 9:30 PM on the Cartoon Network.

Movies:
Smear your face with mud and set fire to your house, 'cause Predator is on at 11:30 PM on HBO.

Saturday:

Movies:
Didn't think Helena Bonham Carter could get any creepier? Check out Tim Burton's The Planet of The Apes remake on FX at 2 P. 2:00.

Sunday:

Movies:
Travel to the depths of the ocean right quick, before Hollywood remakes this technicolor classic with Mel Gibson voicing the giant squid. 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea is on 4 PM on TCM.

Monday:

Sarah gets close to the Turk in tonight's all-new Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles. Honestly I'm still reeling from the "maybe I'm not from the same future as you" craziness that Derek Reese unloaded last week. SCC is on Fox at 8 PM.

Clip From SCC:

Clip From SCC:

Promo For SCC:

Nerd-playa Chuck is juggling one too many ladies, so obviously one of them is going to become evil and force a blonde angry spy to kick the brunette's adorable little keister. Yup, it's yet another chick fight over at Chuck at NBC on 8 PM.

Chuck Promo:

Heroes goes dark in a two-parter starting tonight. Part one of "The Eclipse" episode has Arthur sending Sylar and Elle after the cheerleader. But more importantly, this is the week that lovable geeks Seth Green and Breckin Meyer guest star as a couple of comic-book nerds with all the answers. Heroes is on NBC at 9 PM.

Heroes Behind The Scenes Seth and Breckin:

Heroes Clip:

Heroes Clip:

Heroes Promo:

Heroes Promo:

It's Slater time! This week on My Own Worst Enemy Edward desperately tries to solve the mystery of his parents' murder. Will we find out the truth, before the show ends and never comes back? The episode "High Crimes And Turducken" is on 10 PM on NBC.

Movies:

Learn how the Christian Bale Batman was born with Nolan's first bat-movie. Batman Begins is on FX at 10:30 PM.

Also saddle up for a Star Wars prequel marathon on the Spike channel starting at 5 PM and continuing on into the next day.

Tuesday:

Our prayers are getting answered this week on Fringe: it sounds like "The Dreamscape" is a Peter-centric episode. Also Olivia tries to dip back into the memories of her dead ex-boyfriend, but who cares? Peter's gonna rough some people up and show us what he's capable of. Fringe is on Fox at 9 PM.

Fringe Promo:

Movies:

Watch the world end with snow and tornadoes a plenty on The Day After Tomorrow which airs on Fox FX at 7:30 PM.

Wednesday:

More murders are coming in on Pushing Daisies for our adorable investigators to solve. This week a millionaire gets the axe and the finger points to a Robin Hood-like character. Catch the new episode on ABC at 8 PM.

Pushing Daisies Promo:

No Knight Rider this week.

Movies:

It's not a holiday without a little Doc and Michael J. Fox. Back To The Future is on Encore at 3:40 PM.

Thursday:

No new Smallville this week.

No new Supernatural this week.

No new Life On Mars this week.

No new Eleventh Hour.

Movies:

Stuff yourself with holiday treats, then settle in for a massive Planet of The Apes marathon over at the Fox Movie Channel. Four days of Apey goodness starting at 8 PM and going all the way through Sunday. The highlights include (presented in widescreen) Planet of the Apes, Beneath the Planet of the Apes, Escape from the Planet of the Apes, Conquest of the Planet of the Apes and a few TV Ape movies like Treachery and Greed on the Planet of the Apes and Farewell to the Planet of the Apes.

But wait we're not done yet!

On the Sci Fi Channel you've got a bushel of James Bond at 6:30 and 11 PM watch Tomorrow Never Dies and at 9 PM The World Is Not Enough.

The Incredibles, everyones favorite family of superheroes is on NBC at 8 PM.

Friday:

Ahsoka is under attack on Star Wars: The Clone Wars and she has to fight with Luminara to protect their prisoner Nute Gunray. Fight, baby Jedi, fight!

Clone Wars Promo:

No new Stargate Atlantis

No new Sanctuary

No new Ben 10

Movies:

Go ahead and use those leftover mashed potatoes to build your own alien landing pad and watch Close Encounters Of The Third Kind on AMC at 5 PM.

Saturday:

Movies:

More end-of-the-world madness, but this time Bruce Willis and Ben Affleck ride a rocket to meet an oncoming asteroid that aims to destroy the world, in Armageddon on Fox FX at 6 PM.

Put on your red PJs and do the spidey dance — the first Maguire Spider-Man movie is on TNT at 10:30 PM.

Sunday:

Movies:

Learn the real truth behind the things that go bump in the night with Will Smith and the secret government officials called the Men In Black on 12 PM on TBS.

Monday:

This week we may finally get some answers in Sarah Connor Chronicles. After last week's Mexican fiasco, it seems the team is hungry for some answers, and Sarah has to spill the beans on what she's done to change the course of fate. Plus it looks like we'll be getting some crazy dream sequences with all the bots and Sarah. SCC is on Fox at 8 PM.

Sarah Connor Chronicles Preview:

Sarah Connor Chronicles Clip:

It's blondes versus brunettes on Chuck this week as the old flopsy haired Nerd Herder has to chose between his fake girlfriend Sarah and his ex-girlfriend Jordana Brewster. "Chuck Versus the Fat Lady" is on NBC at 8 PM.

Chuck Preview:

Everybody is gunning for Peter and Claire this week (pretty much just like every other week on Heroes). Sylar gets in Elle's face at Pinehearst, and oh yeah — that eclipse that gave everybody superpowers, well, apparently "It's Coming" again. Heroes is on NBC at 9 PM.

Heroes Preview:

Heroes Clip:

Heroes Behind The Scenes:

Enjoy the last few episodes of My Own Worst Enemy while you still can. This week Edward kicks it with the KGB while Henry tries to uncover Angie's secret backstory (is she a spy too?). "The Night Train To Moscow" episode is on NBC at 10 PM.

Tuesday:

Get your fill of Elisha Dushku with a Tru Calling marathon from 8 AM until 3 PM on the Sci Fi Channel.

Walter goes back to the loony bin to uncover some time traveling ghost hunting craziness. Finally a more Walter-centric Fringe, which is exactly how I like my mad scientist, full of fruit-cup brilliance. Fringe is on 9 PM on Fox.

Wednesday:

Hooray, Pushing Daisies is back and this time with double the cheeky magic. Fred Willard is on as the top hatted magician who has been a surrogate father to Ned's half brothers. Fred's magical animal assistants are all dying off and the magician needs some help figuring out who's the culprit on NBC at 8 PM. Here are a collection of pics from the new episode.

No Knight Rider this week.

Movies:

Don your terrible wigs and even worse Eastern European accents: Van Helsing is on TNT at 11 PM.

Thursday:

Wedding bells are ringing for the secondary characters on Smallville. Will Chloe's wedding go off without a hitch? Probably not if Doomsday has something to say about it, plus Lana comes back and totally ruins the chances of Lois and Clark having an embarrassing open-bar wedding hookup. I bet she walks in right as they are about to kiss. Smallville is on the CW at 8 PM.

Smallville Clip:

Smallville Clip:

Smallville Preview:

Supernatural's Dean and Sam, have to make battle with yet more demons and angels, and Anna still isn't dead yet this week, but if the boys don't figure out how to kill a pack of angels, Dean's going straight back to hell — do not pass go, do not collect $200. "Heaven and Hell" is on the CW at 9 PM.

Supernatural Preview:

Supernatural Clip:

Supernatural Clip:

Supernatural Clip:

Sam Tyler gets to meet his Papa this week (who just so happens to be a crook) and holy cow — it's Dennis Duffy the beeper king, otherwise known as Charley Dixon from SCC. This guy is in everything! Life On Mars is on 10 PM at ABC.

Hood gets to meet some super secret super soldiers this week on Eleventh Hour at 10 PM on CBS.

Movies:

The ultimate reality TV show of the future follows baby Jim Carrey as Truman from conception to escape, in The Truman Show at 10 PM on TBS.

Friday:

Jar Jar is all over this week's Star Wars: The Clone Wars, so Binks-haters beware. He's actually mistaken for a Jedi and gets into wacky hijinks with C-3PO. "Bombad Jedi" is on Cartoon Network at 9 PM.

Clone Wars Preview:

The nerdgasm we've all been waiting for is about to air this week, in Stargate Atlantis' special "Brainstorm" episode. Not only is Bill Nye the Science Guy making a cameo, but so are Dave Foley and Neil deGrasse Tyson. This week McKay and Dr. Keller descend to Earth to watch McKay's rival Foley demonstrate his latest project. Atlantis is on 9 PM on the Sci Fi Channel.

Sanctuary's Will digs deeper into his father's past on 10 PM on the Sci Fi Channel.

Sanctuary Preview

Ben 10: Alien Force's Ship has to be saved from the Forever Knights on the Cartoon Network at 9:30 PM.

Batman gets face to face with some dinosaurs this week in Batman: The Brave and the Bold on the Cartoon Network at 8 PM.

Saturday:

Movies:

The Return Of The Joker is on 9 PM on the Cartoon Network.

Sunday:

Everything is going to Hell in a hand-basket on True Blood. Sookie starts to piece together the missing pieces of the local murders, and Sam gets a visit from an old buddy. Hopefully they meet in the shapes of animals. True Blood is on HBO at 9 PM.

True Blood Preview:

Movies:

Bill Paxton and Helen Hunt chase mother nature, but stay sexy in Twister at 6 PM on TNT.

Monday:

What fool would rob Sarah Connor's house? This week, meet the idiot and enjoy the sudden and awful pain that Ms. Connor is sure to inflict on the cat burglar in Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles' "Brothers of Nablus" on Fox at 8 PM.

SCC Promo:

SCC Clip:

Discover the inner joys of Anime underground dwellings inhabited by hottie ladies with thigh-high get-ups, on Gurren Lagann on the Sci Fi Channel on 11 PM.

No Chuck this week.

No Heroes this Week.

Movies:

Blow crap up and be a bad ass with Vin Diesel in xXx, about a bald criminal-turned-super agent who likes to wear really big coats on FX at at 7 PM.

Tuesday:

No Fringe this week.

Movies:

Tom Hanks meets a giant man on death row who can heal UTI with the mere grab of a crotch, in Stephen King's The Green Mile at 7 PM on FX.

Wednesday:

Oooh now it's personal, there's a murder at Knight Industries and it's up to Mike Tracer to find out who killed the techie. Knight Rider is on NBC 8 PM.

UFO Hunters looks into the official police investigations of UFO claims in Ohio, Michigan and Illinois. Chase down the fires in the sky on the History Channel at 10 PM.

Thursday:

Ah, the hottie boys of Supernatural find a real life wishing well that brings teddy bears to life... must have been a slow week. "Wishful Thinking" is on the CW at 9 PM.

Supernatural Clip:

Supernatural Promo:

The Arctic Crystal is back and brings Clark face to face with his cuz. Kara and Clark are all trapped in some creepy new land while Lois gets some superpowers. Smallville is on the CW at 8 PM.

"Bloodline" Smallville Promo:

Smallville Clips:

This week on Life On Mars, a terrible hate crime stirs up the black and Puerto Rican communities in New York, in the 70s. Now it's up to the time traveling cop Sam to set things straight on ABC at 10 pm. Oh and Whoopie Goldburg dons a big ol' wig for a cameo. And says the word "Funkafied."

Life On Mars Promo:

Hood has to go all the way to Pittsburgh to uncover the secrets behind a lethal virus, and he's gotta find the antidote before it spreads across the world killing everyone. Eleventh Hour's "Containment" episode is on CBS at 10 PM.

Movies:

Have you not heard? Flu Bird is the word, at least on the Sci Fi Channel. Get your sick-bird fill when flocks of ill feathered friends begin to attack humans in a Sci Fi Original on at 9 PM.

Friday:

Star Wars: The Clone Wars this week is the first of a two-parter called "Downfall of a Droid" where Anakin is on the hunt for his lost droid R2-D2 after the Separatists find him and want to hack into all of his secrets. Clone Wars is on Cartoon Network at 9 PM.

Clone Wars Promo:

Michael is back and still jonesing for Tey-tey's infant. Looks like we may have a show down in Atlantian territory, but if it makes Teyla show some sort of personality than I say go for it. Stargate Atlantis is on at 9 PM in the Sci Fi Channel.

Stargate Atlantis' "The Prodigal" Promo:

Saturday:

Movies:

Get creepy and kooky with everyone's favorite weird family. Addams Family Values is on ABC Family at 6 PM.

Sick of the back and forth fall weather? Snuggle up to a really cold monsters in a collection of Sci Fi Channels. Abominable at 5 PM, Ice Spiders at 7 PM and Yeti at 9 PM.

Sunday:

Sam reveals his big "secret" to Sookie, this week on True Blood, who may or may not be understanding in this week's episode called "I Don't Wanna Know." Also Bill has to pay for all his sexy vampire crimes against his fellow fang babies. True Blood is 9 PM on HBO.

Round Up Of Last Few Episodes Of True Blood:

Monday:

That old stick figure, Nicole Richie, is gracing the set of everyones favorite Nerd Herder, Chuck. This week on "Chuck Versus The Cougars" Chuck meets "Sarah's" old buddies at her high school reunion. Chuck is on at 8 PM on NBC.

Time for all the Heroes characters to "choose a side," between Peter's mean mom or Peter's scruffy dad. Oh, and we'll get to spend plenty of quality time with a puppet-master baddie, who will force you to eat your pasta — carbs be damned. Heroes is on NBC at 9 PM.

Hot lady robo fighting action in this week's Sarah Connor Chronicles. Plus, main man Brian Austin Green gets himself a new lady friend, Battlestar Galactica's Stephanie Jacobsen. SCC is back and on Fox at 8 PM.

SCC Promo:

Clip From SCC:

This week, inside Christian Slater's two people, one brain, double life series My Own Worst Enemy, Edward's gotta kidnap a German software engineer and Henry is all mopey because he now realizes that his life is a farce. The episode "Hummingbird" is on at 10 PM on on NBC.

Go underground with the anime hotties of the future in Gurren Lagann. In this dystopian future, everyone has been forced to live beneath the Earth's surface and they journey to the surface to fight the big bad robots on the Sci Fi Channel at 11 and 11:30 PM.

On Charlie Jade's "Ouroboros," Charlie and Blues have a reunion in Betaverse but as per usual 01Boxer ruins everything for our space investigator. Jade airs on the Sci Fi Channel at 3 AM.

Movies:

Embrace the Jedi mullet in Star Wars Ep. IV at 6 PM on Spike, and later enjoy superhero team fighting at its worst with The Fantastic Four on FX at 8 PM.

Tuesday:

New Fringe has a head-splodey lady that will no doubt prompt puzzled stares from Peter Bishop and some some-shoot-first-ask-questions-later interrogation from Olivia. This weeks episodes "The Cure" is on Fox at 9 PM.

How To Explode A Head Fringe Style:

Fringe The Cure Trailer:

Movies:

Learn how torture your best mate into sympathizing with your ideals in V For Vendetta, at 7 PM on FX.

Celebrate the best of the slow marching zombies on Dawn of The Dead at 6:30 on the Sci Fi Channel.

Wednesday:

Mike Tracer gets smacked around by more hot girls in high level government positions on "Knight Of The Hunter" on NBC 8 PM.

Promo With Kicky Foreign Lady On Knight Rider:

Movies:

Enjoy the best fake commercials the scifi world has to offer in Children Of Men on HBO2 at 8 PM.

Thursday:

Furrow your brow with Rufus Sewell and ponder how a mere breakfast could paralyze an entire family on Eleventh Hour. The episode titled "Savant" is on at 10 PM on CBS

In this weeks Life On Mars, Sam tries to teach a bunch of New York 70s cops what a hate crime is, Harvey Keitel is still confused in the episode called "My Maharishi Is Bigger Than Your Maharishi." The American revamp of this British hit is on 10 PM on ABC.

Clark is all a twitter about Doomsday hanging around all the city's major crime scenes, but Doomy isn't taking Clark's suspicion lying down. Oooh, please get in a fight, especialy if it leads to Sam Witwer taking his shirt off. Smallville is on 8 PM on the CW.

Clark and Davis Smack Talk:

Smallville Clips:

Friday:

The Clone warriors are finally getting a voice of their own as they're forced to defend their cozy incubation station/home. Rex and Cody step up to inspire their Clone army in Star Wars: Attack Of The Clones on The Cartoon Network at 9 PM.

Clone Wars Promo:

The Clones Fight To Defend Their Home Clip:

New Ben 10: Alien Force, at 9:30 PM on Cartoon Network.

The Stargate Atlantis crew gets hauled into court for all of the crap they've pulled in this galaxy over the last 5 years. In "Inquisition" the whole crew has to testify for their crimes against the galaxy on the Sci Fi Channel on 9 PM. We interviewed Robert Picardo about this episode at Comic-Con, and he said he had to memorize pages of epic dialog for this one.

Get to know the big man behind the 100-year-old lady in Sanctuary's new episode, "Fata Morgana," on at 10 PM at the Sci Fi Channel.

Movies:

Learn how to blow up a restaurant with a stick of gum, "just don't chew it," in Mission Impossible at 12:30 AM on TNT.

Saturday:

This week the Primeval team sets a trap for the saboteur inside their own group on BBC America at 9 PM.

Movies:

Tune in for the second best Ghostbuster movie ever made. Ghostbusters II is on at 8:00 PM on Bravo.

Sunday:

If you thought the blood had hit the fan on last weeks True Blood, just wait to see what Jason resorts to, to get his V-Juice fix. Plus the Viking vamp is back and he's keen on using Sookie's "talents." This weeks True Blood is at 9 PM on HBO.

Monday:

Nasty jocks infest the Buy More playing sports video games and harassing the Nerd Herd. Will the Morgan be able to stick for himself? Plus Sarah's ex-boyfriend is back and making "nerdy-but-not-really-nerdy-at-all" Chuck all sorts of "adorably" awkward, again. Check out the line up of clips for "Chuck Versus The Break-Up." Chuck is on 8 PM on NBC.

Chuck Clips:

Oooh Claire is so pissed at her Pappy's new partner Sylar on NBC's Heroes. But after that horrendous brain-violation that happened a few episodes back, can you really blame her? Plus the leader of the villains and big Daddy Arthur Petrelli is coming for a visit. The new episode "Angels And Heroes" is on at 9PM.

Here's a clip where daddy comes back:

Daphne Gets Recruited On Heroes:

Here's Daddy Promo:

No Sarah Connor Chronicles this week.

Two episodes of sexy thigh-high-wearing Anime girls in Gurren Lagann on the Sci Fi Channel at 11 and 11:30 PM.

On Charlie Jade's "Flesh," Charlie and Tukarrs make a deal with 01 to break him out of prison. Jade airs on the Sci Fi Channel at 3 AM.

Tuesday:

Fringe is back this week — we missed you Walter! This week, a weird guy is electrocuting other people (but I assure you not in the X-Files way) and Dr. Bishop uses homing pigeons to solve the case. Fringe is on 9 PM on Fox. And here's a behind-the-scenes clip:

Movies:

The world ends yet again on Deep Impact on TMC at 1 PM, and Matthew Broderick teaches us all the value of computer games and nuclear warfare in War Games at 3 PM on AMC.

Wednesday:

Deadly toxins get released and it's up to KITT and Mike to save the day. Mike Tracer almost dies, but manages to keep his shirt on this time. Tune in "Hard Days Knight" on NBC at 8 PM — and maybe this week, KITT will back over a passed out Tracer (fingers crossed!).

Promo:

Thursday:

Lois and Clark go undercover as a couple to track down a serial killer, and calamity and near-death experiences ensue. Let's hope there's some actual sexual tension between these two in this week's Smallville, "Committed" on CW at 8 PM.

Here's a clip:

Executive Producer Todd Slavkin On "Committed":

God is getting involved in a series of evil-science-motivated murders in the "Cardiac" episode of Eleventh Hour — or, as I know it, "the other Fringe." Still, Rufus Sewell does bring some superior brooding skills to the table. Check it out on CBS at 10 PM.

Here's the promo:

Sam Tyler has to figure out how he got hit by a car in 2008 and woke up in 1973. But first on Life On Mars, he's got a series of fatal robberies he needs to investigate, back in the day.

LOM Promo:

Movies:

Meet the super shiny Silver Surfer in Fantastic Four 2 on HBO at 12 PM.

Friday:

On Ben 10: Alien Force, our heroic Ben and the Highbreed Commander get stranded on a foreign planet together. The episode "Alone Together" is at 9:30 PM on Cartoon Network.

On the new new Clone Wars, "Destroy Malevolence," it's up to Anakin to save Padme's backside once again! That's at 9 PM on the Cartoon Network. And here's a promo including some action scenes:

A plague infects a band of refugees picked up by the Atlantis crew on an all new Stargate Atlantis, "Outsiders," on the Sci Fi Channel at 9 PM.

Team Sanctuary discovers a group of thieves that posses a strange ability to slip in and out of cracks. The new episode "Folding Man" is on at 10 PM at the Sci Fi Channel.

Saturday:

This week the Primeval team fights monster scorpions on BBC America at 9 PM.

Movies:

Charlie Sheen chases around some backwards knee bendy aliens in The Arrival on HBO at 12:30 PM.

Before Keanu invades your mind as the somewhat more colorful Klaatu, check out the original alien invasion while AMC screens the black-and-white Day The Earth Stood Still at 1:30 PM.

Sunday:

Uncle Bartlett's issues with Sookie come to a head with vampire Bill's involvement this week on True Blood. Jason continues to deal with his addiction to V-Juice and more redneck rage in the episode "Burning House Of Love" on HBO at 9 PM.

Monday:

The John Larroquette gusts stars on Chuck this week, as a seasoned seduction artist who needs to teach Chuck how to get into the pants of one red hot Russian Sasha Banacheck (Melinda Clark). Adding Larroquette to this weeks "Chuck Vs The Seduction" is just one of many guests stars Chuck has planned for the season, but let's face it — does it get much better than a little Larry? Chuck is on 8 PM on NBC.

Larroquette Yells At Chuck:

"Don't Call Her Missy"

Sylar the sweet heart? Sure, why not? This week on NBC's Heroes, the Peters have to fight their cheerleading niece, who has gone evil (clearly marked by her new choice of hair color) and Sylar gets all cute and cuddly. The new episode "I am Become Death" is on at 9PM.

Clips Of Claire Bennet Sharing "Secrets" With Nathan Petrelli:

The Sarah Connor Chronicles gives Derek Reese another chance to be a bad ass and yell at all his recruits, teaching them a thing or two about guns and heart (of course you gotta have heart to fight the machines). SCC is on Fox at 8 PM.

Two episodes of sexy thigh-high-wearing Anime girls in Gurren Lagann on the Sci Fi Channel at 11 and 11:30 PM.

On Charlie Jade's "Bedtime Story," our futuristic private dick gets sentimental about how much time he's spent in Beta, and wonders how it has changed him now that he is back in Alpha. Jade airs on the Sci Fi Channel at 3 AM.

Tuesday:

There is a Tales From The Darkside marathon on the Sci Fi Channel from 6 AM until 4:30 PM.

No Fringe This Week.

Movies:

Follow sexy strapped Angelina Jolie to find the Cradle Of Life, in the second Lara Croft Tomb Raider on TBS at 10 AM.

Wednesday:

Last week Mike Tracer taught us how to be a man. This week, KITT and Mikey hit the beach with their stereotypical hot assistant in "Knight Of The Iguana." The new Knight Rider is on NBC at 8 PM.

Thursday:

Smallville's latest episode "Instinct" is gives us a shocking new scantily clad lady, Maxima, an alien princess. She's searching for her alien mate (a Kryptonian) but her out of control sexuality kills a lot of humans in the process. Smallville is on CW at 8 PM.

Watch Maxima Get Freaky With Some Poor Soul:

Movies:

Fight your way to the top with Arnold in The Running Man on TBS at 2:30 AM.

Ponder how it was that you could wipe away a man's memory and then bring it back in order to fight aliens and save the world one more time, on Men In Black 2 on TNT at 9:45 PM. Mostly notable for the giant toilet flushing scene.

Friday:

A new Ben 10: Alien Force brings us a new bad boy. There's a new villain in town, and his name is Darkstar. The episode "Darkstar Rising" is at 9:30 PM on Cartoon Network.

New Clone Wars, "Shadow of Malevolence" follows Anakin's brainy plan to attack General Grievous' ship. That's at 9 PM on the Cartoon Network.

Shanks is back for the second half of our big two-parter on the new Stargate Atlantis episode "The Lost Tribe," on the Sci Fi Channel at 9 PM.

A new Sanctuary episode dabbles with witches in the real world on the Sci Fi Channel at 10 PM.

Movies:

Wanna see Charlize Theron clad in leather and kicking ass in a crazy future filled with robot spiders and needles? (Who doesn't?) Aeon Flux is on TNT at 2 AM.

Saturday:

Miss your Chuck? Don't worry — NBC repeats this week's new episode at 9 PM.

The city's canal system gets breached by an anomaly, and now species from the future can walk in and out as they please. Time to call the Primeval gang to fix the monster mess over at BBC America at 9 PM.

Movies:

Watch Ryan Reynolds piss off the world's best day walker Blade in Blade: Trinity on TNT at 5:30 PM (plus the gratuitous Jessica Biel muscles make it worth DVRing for sure).

Sunday:

This week the shit really hits the fan over at True Blood. "Cold Ground" makes everybody uneasy, as the murders start to stack up and the families that once loved each other begin to rip each other apart under suspicion. True Blood is on HBO at 9 PM.

Monday:

We're wondering what robot ass is Sarah Connor going to kick this week and what trouble will John Connor get in. (Because he always does.) After last weeks big booming surprise, it should be very interesting to see how they try and top the premiere. Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles airs on Fox at 8 PM. Check out a new clip from this weeks episode below:

Charlie Jade, the world's trying-so-desperately-to-be-sexy space detective still can't figure what's happening in our alternate universe, in "Things Unseen," at 3 AM.

Two episodes of sexy thigh-high-wearing Anime girls in Gurren Lagann on the Sci Fi Channel at 11 and 11:30 PM.

Tuesday:

Dead people whisper sweet nothings to Eliza Dushku in an all day Tru Calling marathon on the Sci Fi channel starting at 8 AM.

What will the crazy amnesiac scientist pee again on next in this weeks Fringe? In this week's "almost-X-Files" episode, the gang uncovers the secrets behind the 99-year-old baby and Olivia mopes about her departed boytoy. Catch the next episode on Fox at 9 PM. And here are the first few minutes of the episode, which aired last night:

Sassy-pants Eureka Sheriff Carter has to save the town from a bonus sun, and monitor the local election. Check out "Here Come The Suns" on the Sci Fi Channel at 9 PM.

Wednesday:

Treat yourself to a Twilight Zone reboot with an Outer Limits marathon starting at 8 AM on the Sci Fi Channel. Extra points if you can list all the currently famous actors that paid their rent with Outer Limits work.

Adam and Jamie attempt to transforming your average gun into a water powered super canon on MythBusters on the Discovery Channel at 9 PM.

Was there ever a Bigfoot in NYC? The History Channel attempts to solve the mystery behind the Monster of Whitehall in MonsterQuest on 8 PM.

Thursday:

Smallville is back for its eighth and maybe final season, picking up where it left off. Clark is missing after his giant confrontation with Lex, and it's up to the Justice League to track him down. But it won't be easy, and Lex's sexy new replacement is standing in their way. Here's a clip from the new episode:

Movies:

Learn how to kill plague zombies with your brain powers, and visit a post-apocalyptic Las Vegas, in the third installment of the the Resident Evil video game movie franchise, Apocalypse.

Later that night tune in for a little shot of Bruce Campbell in Man With The Screaming Brain on the Sci Fi Channel at 3 AM.

And finally Species (featuring the alien with whom you should make war, not love) is on AMC at 1:15 PM.

Friday:

Follow the play-by-his-own-rules veteran Nick and his partner Kate in a Special Unit 2 marathon on the Sci Fi channel at 8 AM. The kids of Unit 2 find the missing links in evolution.

Stargate Atlantis premieres a new episode of "The Tracker" on the Sci Fi Channel at 10 PM.

Movies:

The last Pauly Shore movie that was ever worth watching, Encino Man, is on at 2:30 AM on TNT. The squirrel and his buddy discover a man frozen in ice and decide to thaw out this caveman, who turns out to be a pretty sexy Brendan Fraser, buuuudy.

Build you own super race with the mad scientist from the 1950s classic Bride of the Monster. It's on at 4:45 AM at TCM.

Saturday:

Still hungry for more hipster geekery? Check out a vintage Chuck episode on 8 PM on NBC.

The A.R.C. team meets a monster from the future that is "the worst threat of all," but my guess is they'll wrap up the whole time/space problem in under an hour tops. Primeval is on BBC America at 8 PM.

Movies:

The Flesh Eaters is a 60s classic monster movie where a movie star and her ridiculous entourage get marooned on an island inhabited by flesh eating amoebas. See it on AMC at 3:15 AM.

Sunday:

Get your fill of animated cleavage with the premiere of Spaceballs on G4 at 5 PM.

True Blood is back for the third time and maybe, just maybe, Sookie will let vampire Bill get to second base this episode? Perhaps, if she hasn't been eaten by his vampy party-crashing friends and Bill hasn't been attacked by the local villagers for all the mysterious murders. Bottom line, it's a lot of people having sex. True Blood is on HBO at 9 PM.

There's a Metalocalypse rerun on Adult Swim at 2 AM.

Movies:

Traci Lords is a vampire space alien who is hell bent on showing as many exposed breasts as are humanly possible in one fantastic Roger Corman remake called NOt Of This Earth on the Sci Fi Channel at 3 AM.

Monday:

The Middleman this week is all about the cranky robot Ida. Nanobots take over her circuits and she becomes evil. Finally, I've been dying for a Ida-centric episode since the beginning, her sassy back and forth with Wendy is why I love her. The Middleman is on ABC Family at 10 PM.

Futuristic private dick Charlie Jade solves universe-hopping shenanigans at 3 AM on the Sci Fi Channel.

Movies:

Let your mind flutter back through time with Ashton Kutcher, as he travels back in time to save his girlfriends life over, and over, and over, in The Butterfly Effect on FX at 9 PM. Also genetically engineered dinosaurs will roam the Earth again, but in their own theme park, in Jurassic Park on the Sci Fi channel at 9 PM.

Tuesday:

The Sci Fi Channel gives us all Jessica Alba all day with a Dark Angel marathon. Tune in at 8 A.M. to watch the genetically engineered Alba kick butt in a post-apocalyptic world. After last weeks super dark Eureka, this week's new episode "Show Me The Money," looks like a return to the light comedy fare. This week, the super-genius town of Eureka has to deal with a cursed mummy on the loose. The show airs at 9 PM on the Sci Fi Channel.

Movies:

Watch the making of Darth Vader in Star Wars Episode III: Revenge Of The Sith on the Spike channel at 9 PM.

Wednesday:

Get a glimpse into the future, and meet our future robot slaves (or is that overlords?) on The NextWorld: Android Helpers At Home which airs on the Discovery Channel at 8 PM.

MythBusters lunar landing episode breaks down the rumors that the whole moon landing was just a hoax on the Discovery Channel at 9 PM.

Thursday:

Movies:

Watch the world blow to bits, no thanks John Connor (Nick Stahl) in Terminator 3. The absent-minded professor makes a basketball team fly with the aid of his scientific experiments, in the 1997 version of Flubber on TBS at 9 PM. Watch the Federation fight the Romulan baddies in Star Trek: Nemesis at 10:30 PM on AMC.

Friday:

The Sci Fi Channel is hosting an all-day Star Trek: Enterprise marathon.

Movies:

Help teenage Matthew Broderick outsmart a government computer that's taken control over the United States' weapons and is ready to start World War III, in War Games at 12:30 AM on AMC.

Saturday:

Movies:

Join the fight against mutant injustice with an X-Men double feature on FX. At 6:30 PM watch X-Men, and right after that, watch X2 at 9 PM.

The Sci Fi Channel has a large movie marathon, including Beyond Loch Ness at 1 PM, and Black Swarm at 7 PM. The original monster man, Boris Karloff, does what he does best in monster movies. In House of Frankenstein, Karloff and his hunchback friend continue the work of Dr. Frankenstein, plus there's Dracula as played by John Carradine.

Sunday:
Learn everything you've ever wanted to know about creatures without bones. Big fat scary floppy monster creatures terrorize us, in MonsterQuest: Boneless Horror at 2 AM on the History Channel. Metalocalypse teaches us all how to save a failing economy with one Dethklok record, but it needs to be on time or else we're all doomed, in "Dethrecord" in on Adult Swim at 2 AM.

Movies:

Discover your secret inner superhero with Bruce Willis and Samuel L. Jackson in Unbreakable on the Sci Fi Channel at 9 PM.

The Best Stargate Comic Timing Yet:
Now I'm not saying that I didn't love Richard Dean Anderson as Jack O'Neill, but every now and then his constant Andersonisms (or massive pauses before the punchline) killed me. I wanted to scream: Just get to the joke already. It would throw the flow off and shake things, sometimes for the worst. True, that's part of his charm and I know this is why many people love him, but for me I really prefer the back and forth banter of the Atlantis crew, they've got it down pretty solid.

Sheppard's Hair:
There is a dire lack of hero hair on the boob tube these days. Peter Petrelli from Heroes has a pathetic mane, and it continues to be laughable (even after the recent cut). We need sexy crazy hero hair back. I'm sick of the buzz-cut bad boys, bring back the hair. Sheppard's hair sex appeal far outranks that of any past Stargate crew member, second only to Ronon's wig.

McKay > Teyla = Happiness
This year the are giving the people exactly what they want, more McKay and less Teyla. All the annoying Teyla moments of last year were so tiresome. Thank goodness they are taking some time to re-jigger this character and fill the empty time with more McKay. This week's Atlantis episode is not only McKay-centric, but heralds the return of his cute sister Jeannie. I hope there is a whole McKay goodbye death scene when he gets deathly ill — and then of course Keller brings him back.

New Aliens

I'm terribly excited for all of the pissed-off aliens we've been promised this year. Especially since the reason they're pissed is the Atlantis crew's meddling around the galaxy. Bring on more weirdos and what-nots, Atlantis.

Robert Picardo:
He's an incredibly charming, bald genius. Who else could fill in Samantha Carter's heels so well? He's brilliant, and a fans' actor. I honestly didn't know what he was going to change about the show, but his addition of actual personality instead of Carter's bland good-girl antics really balanced out the team, which Atlantis needed.

So here's the rest of the stuff worth watching on TV this week.

Tonight:

ABC Family is screening a little alien love with E.T, at 7:30 followed by a very special Middleman. This week, Middleman is a bit Noser-centric when our beloved hall rat enters a ventriloquist contest but has to deal with nasty vampire puppets, on at 10 PM.

Also worth checking out: the History Channel's Decoding the Past explores the Mayan Doomsday deadline of 2012 at 8 PM. Sexy subterranean mecha anime Gurren Lagann is on Sci Fi at both 11 and 11:30. Explore the sexy mysteries of the future with private dick Charlie Jade at 3 AM on the Sci Fi Channel.

Tuesday:

A new episodes of Eureka is on at 9 PM on the Sci Fi Channel. This time Carter gets stuck in a time loop on the love of his life's wedding and has to relive it over and over and over.

Wednesday:

Sci Fi Channel is having a Special Unit 2 marathon, so follow your favorite Chicago special ops team as they try and explain the mysterious of the universe. It's like the X-Files, but drunk and with a gargoyle.

Monster Quest, on the History Channel, explores the mystery behind Bigfoot at 9 PM.

And if you liked Eureka's time-loop action, you can relive it in movie form. At 3 AM Sci Fi is also showing 12:01 a time loop TV movie from Fox, starring Jeremy Piven and Martin Landau.

Thursday:

Can't make it though the day without a little scifi? Click to AMC at 3 PM for some post-apocalypse goodness in Escape From New York.

Friday:

Stargate's Atlantis "The Shrine" is on at Sci Fi Channel at 10. Sci Fi's original movie staring Lou Diamond Phillips about an alien-infested train that's trying to consume all the humans aboard, Alien Express is on at 3 AM.

Saturday:

British prehistoric beasties take to the sea in Primeval this week on BBC America at 9 PM.

The Sci Fi Channel is having a marathon of original movies including Larva (at 3AM) and Kaw (at 7 PM), but more importantly Flu Bird Horror is premiering this night. Oh yes, it's about birds that give you the flu that kills.

Bald scifi legend Patrick Stewart's Star Trek: Nemesis, in which he has an inexplicably bald young clone, is on at 8 PM on AMC. The Chronicles of Riddick is on at 1:30 PM and 11:45 PM on TNT.

Sunday:

AMC has a great scifi movie marathon starting with Beneath the Planet of the Apes at 4 AM, then Escape From the Planet of the Apes at 6 AM and ending with the best ever black and white alien invasion, The Day The Earth Stood Still at 8 AM.

Metalocalypse is showing "Snakes N Barrels II (Part 1)" on Adult Swim at 2 AM. Pickles discovers that Snakes 'N' Barrels has reunited without him.

Monday

It's another fantastic episode of The Middleman tonight at 10 PM on ABC Family. We showed you an exclusive clip from this episode the other day, and we're excited to see the whole thing. This is the episode we've all been waiting for — the one where the Middleman takes Wendy's roommate Lacey out on a date. Finally, all that unresolved sexual tension will be resolved! Note that I didn't say "happily resolved." Also, there's a "cursed tuba" from the Titanic. And yes, that does sound a bit goofy.

Tuesday

Eureka is back! Tonight's season opener introduces a new character — Eva Thorne (Frances Fisher), who comes in as a corporate efficiency expert, sent to improve the profitability of Global Dynamics. In the process, we may learn more about why that company is the source of so much of the chaos in the town of Eureka. That's on Sci Fi at 9 PM. And you can prepare for the new Eureka hotness by watching (or TiVoing) a Eureka marathon, all day during the day on Sci Fi. And here's a trailer:

Also at 9 PM on your local PBS station (maybe), there's a Nova episode that appears to be new. It's about the "Car Of The Future," and it's hosted by the Car Talk guys, who are so much more enjoyable when they're not animated. They delve into alternative fuel sources, including biodiesel, hydrogen fuel cells and electricity.

Movies: AMC busts out with three classic (but oft-shown) scifi movies in a row: Escape From New York at 6 PM, TimeCop at 8, and Species at 10. AMC has also been showing the Planet Of The Apes movies a lot, but now it's showing a bunch of them all at once. Today, it's Escape at midnight and Conquest at 2 AM, followed by the 1966 Batman at 3:30 AM. Also, Sci Fi is showing She Creature, starring Rufus Sewell, at 3 AM. Dude! Rufus and the She Creature. How can it fail?

Wednesday

There's a new MonsterQuest on the History Channel, focusing on the "Legend Of The Hairy Beast." I think I ran into that guy at Comic-Con. Here's the deets:

Native American history is full of "Hairy Man" stories and cave art that date back over a thousand years. Did Native Americans know the truth behind the Bigfoot legend? An expedition along the Klamath River into reservation land will use state of the art technology to search for something locals don't doubt is real. With unprecedented access to Native American stories and recent sightings, MonsterQuest examines this creature that is both feared and revered.

Or if you want something a bit more serious, PBS has a new Nova ScienceNOW around the same time:

Explore new discoveries about brain trauma, watch a tribute to the late "cancer warrior" Judah Folkman, follow the Phoenix mission to Mars, and delve into a mystery of truly mammoth proportions.

Maybe it's not quite as rocking as a Eureka marathon, but today Sci Fi is showing episodes of Dark Angel all day.

Movies: The AMC Apes marathon continues with the original Planet at 11:30 AM and Beneath at 2 PM.

Thursday

The horror anthology show Fear Itself returns with "Skin And Bones," directed by Larry Fessenden. There's basically one reason to watch this episode: it stars Doug Jones, from Hellboy and a million other great movies. And here's the skinny:

When a cattle herder returns to his farm after being lost in the woods for days, he just doesn't seem the same. Soon, we realize that he is in fact possessed by a terrifying monster, forcing his family to kill their own husband and father in order to save themselves!

Today and tomorrow, Sci Fi is showing an Outer Limits marathon.

Movies: TCM has They Came From Beyond Space at 2 PM.

Friday

It's the end of Doctor Who season four. Everything has been leading up to this! And I'm not just talking about everything this season, or even just everything on Doctor Who. Everything, from the Big Bang to the Profumo Scandal to the invention of the Segway, has been leading up to this episode. All of your questions — about everything in the universe — will be answered. Note the earlier start time: Because it takes a little more time to answer all of your questions about everything, the episode is 90 minutes long with commercials, and starts at 8:30 on Sci FI. Oh, and here's a clip:

And then at 10 PM, there's a new Stargate Atlantis, also on Sci Fi. It's the "Daedalus Variations," where the team is trapped in an alternate reality they never made. And here's a preview:

And just a reminder that Sci Fi is showing Outer Limits episodes all day today.

Movies: Is The Fog science fiction? It stars Tom Welling, and it's about deadly fog, or foggy dead. Or something. Anyway, it's on the CW at 8 PM. And IFC has Cube at 9 PM.

Saturday

Movies: USA has M. Night Shyamalan's Unbreakable at 3 PM, a reminder of a time when that movie's title could be used to describe Shyamalan's winning streak. Also, did you like Aaron Eckhart in The Dark Knight? Then experience him in the criminally underrated The Core, a fluffy but fun adventure yarn about drilling to the center of the Earth, on FX at 5 PM. That's followed at 8 by the just-plain-criminal Fantastic Four, also on FX. TBS has the bizarrely entertaining Doom at 10:30, followed by the original Predator at 12:30 AM.

Sunday

There's another new Venture Bros. on the Cartoon Network at 11:30, called "The Lepidopteriot." As usual, very little info is available about the episode in advance, except for the intriguing title. And then there's a new Metalocalypse at midnight: "Snakes & Barrels" (part 1 of 2): "Pickles finds out that Snakes 'n' Barrels reunited and are promoting sobriety at their shows."

Also, it looks like the TV Guide Channel is running a documentary about Comic-Con, touring the con's exhibitions and events, at various times during the day today.

Tonight

As usual, The Middleman is your main reason for owning one of those televisual devices. This time around, M.M. and his sidekick/protagonist Wendy Watson deal with a boy band that may actually be from another planet. And the tween girl who's obsessed with them. It's on ABC Family at 10 PM, and here's a trailer:

The History Channel is trying to cash in on your lingering Bat-mania from the weekend of the Bat, showing a new documentary called Batman Tech, all about "Batman's amazing array of gadgets":

Since his debut in DC Comics in 1939, Batman has dazzled readers with an amazing array of bat gadgets. Viewers will go deep inside the Batcave to examine these incredible tools—many of them inspired by amazing real-life military developments. Discover just how close they come to real-life technology.

That's at 9 PM, and it's followed by reruns of Batman Unmasked: The Psychology Of The Dark Knight, and Star Wars Tech. Also you probably have Batman Begins on Blu-ray now, but just in case you don't, FX is showing it from 5 to 8 tonight.

Movies: Encore is showing Contact, featuring Jodie Foster and her creepy space dad, at 12:45 Tuesday morning. And then at three in the morning, Sci Fi is showing Aberration, a TV movie about reptillian predators with a taste for human flesh. Mmm mmm crispy.

Tuesday

The Sci Fi Channel is having a marathon of Level 9 during the day. It's a whole show about that band, the one that sang "There must be something about you, Ooooh baby, so right...." Oh no wait, it's about a secret government agency that investigates spooky stuff. On the Interwebz.

And Gillian Anderson is on the Tonight Show, plugging the new X-Files movie.

Movies: At three A.M. Wednesday morning, TCM is showing The Man From Planet X, about a corrupt scientist who wants to use an extraterrestrial visitor against Earth. That's followed at 4:30 by Riders To The Stars, about scientists who want to snare a meteor to study cosmic rays.

Wednesday

Your TV screen pretty much belongs to PBS on Wednesday night: First there's a new Nova ScienceNow, that anthology series which tackles a bunch of scientific issues in one hour. This time, topics include "the wonderful world of leeches," the search for extraterrestrial intelligent life (SETI), embryonic stem cell research without embryos, and marine bioluminescence deep in the ocean. And here's a video podcast about SETI: And then after that, there are a couple of new episodes of Click & Clack's As The Wrench Turns, one of the most bizarre radio spin-offs in history. It's an animated version of NPR's cult Car Talk show, about mechanics who diagnose car problems over the phone. It's been critically panned, but you know critics are always wrong anyway. And storylines include the guys creating a robotic car-repair machine, which eliminates repetitive labor but also consumes so much energy it causes a blackout in the Northeast. Here's a clip, which honestly doesn't look that promising. But hey, it's the guys from Car Talk!

The Sci Fi Channel is having an Outer Limits marathon all day. But I have a feeling it'll be the 1990s and 2000s Limits, not the classic version.

Movies: Encore is showing the original Mad Max at 2:15. If the fourth Mad Max ever finally gets made, you'll want to have fresh memories of the movie that made Mel Gibson sort of cool.

Thursday

Brandon "Superman" Routh stars in a new episode of horror anthology series Fear Itself on NBC at 11. It's directed by Mary Harron (American Psycho) and written by Kelly Kennemeier. It's called "Community," and here's the synopsis:

When a young, married couple find the perfect house in the perfect neighborhood, their lives seem to be following the "American Dream". The dream slowly turns into a nightmare when they discover their new neighbors would go to any extreme to make sure the happy couple complies with their twisted sense of conformity.

There's a new Burn Notice at 11 PM on USA. Michael tries to stop a con man by posing as the perfect mark in this spy-gadget show, featuring Bruce Campbell and Tricia Helfer.

Get ready for X-Files: I Want To Believe by watching a marathon of X-Files episodes all day on the Sci Fi Channel. And then in the evening, Sci Fi has four episodes of Jeremiah, J. Michael Straczynski's short-lived Showtime series about a post-apocalyptic world where almost everybody has been wiped out by a plague.

Also, David Duchovny is on Letterman Thursday night, possibly plugging an upcoming movie. We want to believe it'll be interesting.

Movies: At 11 PM, Sci Fi has an original movie called Alien Apocalypse. Catchy title, hey? And then stay up until 4:30 Friday morning, and you'll be rewarded by seeing The Brain Eaters, about hairy creatures from the center of the Earth that latch onto people's necks. Yeah! That's on AMC.

Friday

The Sci Fi Channel has its usual unbeatable Friday night lineup. First at 9, there's the penultimate episode of time travel soap comedy Doctor Who's fourth season, "The Stolen Earth." Without giving too much away, the planet Earth has gone somewhere else, and it ties in to the warning the Doctor received at the end of last week's episode. And there are some familiar faces (friendly, unfriendly and in-between) coming back. Here's a clip:
And then at 10 PM, there's a new Stargate Atlantis, "Broken Ties," which centers around Ronon, and leads to the loss of his signature dreadlocks. (Noooo!) Oh yeah, and he goes through a horrific ordeal. Here's a trailer, which shows off some of Ronon's amazing acting skillz:

Also, there's the season finale (and maybe series finale?) of Speed Racer: The Next Generation, the latest in a long line of attempts to update the classic cartoon. In "Honor Code," Speed, Jr. faces expulsion from the race-car driver school, because it appears he's cheated. (On a car test??) It's on NToon at 7 PM. Has anybody actually been watching this show?

Movies: At three A.M. Saturday morning, Sci Fi has Spiders 2, about a mad doctor breeding giant arachnids aboard a ship. Did you miss the original Spiders? Somehow I bet this movie will make just as much sense in either case.

Saturday

It doesn't look like there's a new Ben 10: Alien Force, or any other cartoons, on Saturday.

Movies: At 9 AM, Spike has GoldenEye, one of the most science fictional James Bond movies of all time, about a killer satellite. TBS is showing Men In Black II twice, at 8 PM and 9:45 PM. And all day and all night, the Sci Fi Channel is showing movies with titles like King Cobra and Komodo Vs. Cobra and Snake King and Anaconda 3. It's snake day!

Sunday

There's a new Venture Bros. episode at 11:30 PM, "Now Museum, Now You Don't." As usual, there's not much info available about the episode in advance, but you can tune into the Cartoon Network to find out more.

The Sci Fi Channel is showing a marathon of Eureka all day, to get you ready for the show's third season, debuting Tuesday, July 29. Refresh your memories of the town full of zany science geniuses.

Reasons your future self will be mad at you if you're not watching The Middleman now:

1) The characters have conflict without hating each other or being drama queens. And they're likeable. Really. I know, it's hard to imagine. When trainee superhero Wendy Watson lets her boss, the Middleman, down, he gives her a really sweet talk about how sometimes you have to follow your emotions and it's okay. The characters all insult each other, but you can tell they like each other, which is rarer than it should be. (Except for Ada, the robot secretary, who seems to hate everybody for reals.) The two leads, Natalie Morales and Matt Keeslar, manage to be likable, obnoxious, clever and dumb all at once. It's like watching a master class. Plus they're both as cute as buttons. (Okay, I'm shallow.) Keeslar is like a young Bruce Campbell sometimes, making his ridiculously square milk-drinking character seem the hippest person in the room.

2) It's actually funny. I don't know why this is, but most attempts at doing "funny" science fiction on U.S. television fall flat for me. Like the Sci Fi Channel's Eureka, which always seems a little too cute and full of pizzicato violins signifying "wackiness." But The Middleman is the rare scifi comedy that actually has humor, both through crackling dialog ("A man asked me that question once. I kicked his male reproductive organs into his watch pocket. Now he must check the time whenever he wishes to copulate") and through bizarre situations like Wendy assaulting a robot interrogation practice dummy. It's both witty and silly, without giving itself a sprained eye tendon from winking too much.

3) It's got a nice Men In Black vibe. In last week's episode, we learned that there are alien refugees living on Earth among us, disguising themselves as rich plastic surgery victims to explain their weird features. And our heroes aren't here to mess with the aliens, but to protect them and keep their secret for them. The world isn't just full of monsters and genetically modified gorilla gangsters trying to destroy everything, there are plenty of aliens and weird creatures who are neutral or good. And MM and Wendy, our heroes, are privy to this whole secret world in the process of saving it. It makes you want to know more.

4) Each episode is just crammed with stuff. Each of the show's episodes so far has had an engaging "A" plot, with some fun "B" plots involving Wendy's flighty roommate Lacey or her butthead ex-boyfriend Ben. There's always at least one or two fun twists, like Wendy having to fly down to Mexico to rescue the Middleman and their teacher, Sensei Ping from a ton of Mexican wrestlers who are using a perfect diamond to create an unbreakable force field inside a pyramid. That thing that so many shows do ineptly, where there's a big A plot and a personal B plot, really works here. I care equally about Wendy's work life and personal life and am happy to see them intersect.

5) There are insane gadgets. Like a scientific gadget that detects things beyond the realm of science, a BTRS scanner. And Wendy's ray gun, which sadly has "training wheels." And the big shiny answer ball, the HEYDAR, which plugs directly into Ada the android's head and lets her scan all of the world's information feeds. And the goggles which let Ada see through the Middleman's eyes. Plus teleporters! And the Middlemobile!

6) It's comic-booky, in the right way. Not surprisingly, with comics dominating the movie world, you're also seeing more of a comics influence on television, with shows like Heroes being self-consciously comic-booky. But The Middleman just revels in the best comic-book traditions, like mad science and crazy magic existing side-by-side. (The way you'll have Iron Man hanging out with Doctor Strange in Marvel Comics, for example.) It's not just based on a comic, it's actually a comic book in video form. The non-stop onslaught of superintelligent gorillas, weird aliens, crazy robots and more, reminds me of the best bits of Warren Ellis' Nextwave, Matt Fraction's Casanova and a whole host of great Fred Van Lente comics. That really should be all I need to say: "It's very Van Lente." And that should make you program your TiVo and stay home for it.

Reasons you can give your future self for not watching The Middleman:

Well, it is a bit fluffy sometimes, but it's a comedy, duh. The character of Noser, who apparently lives in the hallway outside Wendy's apartment and recites song lyrics, is a one-joke character who gets less funny every time he shows up. It won't make you debate afterwards as much as Lost or BSG, and it's not quite as clever as Doctor Who at its best. That's all I got.

So The Middleman is on tonight at 10 PM on ABC Family. It's about zombie trout and stuff, and it's going to be awesome. But what else is there to watch this week? Here's what I see:

Tonight at 8: there are two awesome competing movies: the 1990 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie on ABC Family, and White Chicks, the FBI weird prosthetic body transformation film, on FX. Also, neo-noir dimension-hopping show Charlie Jade is on tonight at 3:00 AM on Sci Fi. It's the episode "Dirty Laundry."

Tomorrow night, there's an "HBO First Look" at The Dark Knight at 9:30 on HBO, natch.

Wednesday night at 9, there's a new episode of PBS' science anthology series Nova ScienceNOW, focusing on birdsong and violent space weather. Meanwhile, the History Channel jumps on the Bat-mania bandwagon with Batman Unmasked: The Psychology Of The Dark Knight, also at 9. Here's a clip:

Thursday night, there's a new episode of horror anthology series Fear Itself on NBC at 10. Darren Lynn Bousman's episode, "New Year's Day," focuses on a young woman trying to escape from zombies in a post-apocalyptic landscape. Here's the previous episode, by Stuart Gordon: Also, the Sci Fi Channel is having a marathon of Jake 2.0, which was really like Chuck 1.0, all day Thursday.

Friday night, the Sci Fi Channel once again has its strongest original programming: the Doctor Who episode "Turn Left" at 9, followed by a new Stargate Atlantis, "The Seed." I loved "Turn Left," in which Donna visits an alternate world without a Doctor, almost as much as last week's episode, and you can read my recap here. As for "The Seed," all I really need to tell you is "Jewel Staite-centric episode." Apparently she gets infected by some kind of nasty spore or something. What do you care? It's Jewel Staite, on camera more than usual.

Saturday morning at 10, there's a new Ben 10: Alien Force, "Plumber's Helpers." A pair of alien plumbers kidnap Kevin, thinking he's an alien. That's on the Cartoon Network.

Sunday night at 11:30, the Cartoon Network has a new Venture Bros.: "Tears Of A Sea Cow." Also, ABC Family is showing the quaint old Tim Burton Batman 2:00 PM. To which I say, "Keep bustin'." And FX is showing Batman Begins at 8 PM.

Tonight

Superhero action-comedy The Middleman is having its most scifi episode to date at 10 PM on ABC Family. This would be a hot contender for the best show on TV during the fall season, but in the summer it's simply unmissable. "A group of peaceful aliens with an addiction to plastic surgery are being hunted down by a homicidal entity. Meanwhile, Ben puts his and Wendy's break-up video on the internet: Wendy is not thrilled." Okay, just take a moment and let that sink in: plastic-surgery-addicted aliens, plus Ben being more of a dick than ever. Equals ruleage. If you don't believe me, here's a new featurette to back me up:

Why is The Middleman banished to 10 PM? Why, so ABC Family can show the all-important Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed. Which may actually have some scifi content to it, especially since it features a "mad scientist" named Jonathan Jacobo. Did you know Freddie Prinze Jr. and Sarah Michelle Gellar made a Scooby sequel? I didn't. Wikipedia says Seth Green and Ruben Studdard are in it. And apparently, a direct-to-DVD Scooby 3 is in production. Really?

And at 3 AM, Sci Fi has a new Charlie Jade: "And Not A Drop To Drink." Here's what happens:

Charlie's leads draw him further into the series' dark world, Reena undergoes torture, Jasmine wants to remain free, we get a glimpse of Gammaverse politics, and we finally witness 01 Boxer travelling between worlds.

Movies: AMC has the original Escape From New York at 6 PM, so hurry home from work. Spike is still showing the Star Wars movies. The Sci Fi Channel is showing Lawnmower Man 2 at 3:00 Tuesday morning. I've never seen it, but I bet there's trippy VR sex. But no Pierce Brosnan (sob).

Tuesday

The History Channel has a rerun of The Universe, about stars beyond the Milky Way, at 8 PM. Followed by a new Mega Disasters, about a "deadly jet collision," at 10 PM.

Movies: TCM is showing 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea at 9 AM. HBO has the Simpsons Movie at 8 PM. And TMC has Mission: Impossible III at 2:40 Wednesday morning, written and directed by J.J. Abrams. And at 5:00 AM Wednesday, there's Hold On!, a 1966 British comedy about a rock group who are going to have a spaceship named after them.

Wednesday

The Sci Fi Channel is bringing back a long-canceled show called Scare Tactics, which uses Hollywood special effects to frighten and confuse people. Tonight at 9, a medical assistant thinks she's delivering Satan's baby. Yeah. I know.

There's a new Nova ScienceNOW at 9 PM on PBS, tackling various topics including saving the Hubble Space Telescope, the first primates, and whether we're going to run out of effective antibiotics. Here's a clip:

Or you could watch a new MonsterQuest on the History Channel at 9, all about the "Black Beast of Exmoor." Your call.

Movies: HBO has Galaxy Quest at 2:45, and Encore has the original Stargate at 4:05 PM, just in case you want to bone up on all things Gate-y before Friday's Atlantis premiere.

Thursday

HBO has a half-hour special about the new Batman movie The Dark Knight, at 10:30 PM. Also, we're totally not mentioning that spy show Burn Notice is starting its second season on USA at 10 PM. Even though it does have scifi hero Bruce Campbell in it. And Battlestar Galactica's Tricia Helfer. And there are some pretty scifi-ish MacGyver-y gadgets. Anyway, not mentioning it. Moving on.

Movies: FX has Hellboy at 8 PM and 10 PM. And at midnight, USA is showing The Nutty Professor — the Eddie Murphy version. Isn't that so much better than sleeping? Also, it's not really scifi, but I have to mention Witches of Breastwick 2, another midnight movie, just for the title. Apparently it's about "seductive women." Speaking of seductive, Jeff Goldblum is on fire in The Fly, on Cinemax at three in the morning, and that's followed by Children Of Men at 5:10 AM.

Friday

At 9 PM, the Sci Fi Channel has the best Doctor Who episode of 2008, "Midnight." Without giving away spoilers, it's an episode that looks like it was made for about 50 pence, and it substitutes freakish drama for special effects. I was blown away, as you can see from the link above. Here's the first few minutes:

And then at 10, Stargate Atlantis returns, picking up where it left off last season. Can they rescue Teyla's baby? Also, Robert Picardo from Star Trek: Voyager joins the cast as a regular and immediately starts making everybody's life difficult. We reviewed the first episode a while back, and you can read our write-up here.

Movies: The Disney Channel is showing the live-action Thunderbirds movie, starring America's favorite polygamist Bill Paxton, at 8 PM. And at the same time, the Cartoon Network has Ben 10: Secret Of The Omnitrix.

Saturday

The Cartoon Network has a new Ben 10: Alien Force at 10: the Forever Knights find themselves unable to capture an escaped dragon, so Ben tries to help. Only to feel conflicted when he hears both sides of the story.

Movies: The CW has X-Men at 1 PM. And USA has Jurassic Park at 8.

Sunday

At 11:30 PM, there's a new Venture Bros.: "The Ant Farm, or What Goes Down Must Come Up." And that's about all I can find out about it. It's followed by a new Metalocalpyse at midnight: "Dethdad." Toki hears that his dad is dying, so he journeys to Norway, and the rest of the band comes along to get "album inspiration" and put off actually working on their album.

Tonight

As usual, the week's TV highlight is a new episode of superhero show The Middleman, at its new time of 10 PM on ABC Family. This time around, the Middleman's sidekick Wendy is supposed to learn fighting from Sensei Ping, but he's kidnapped by a band of Mexican Wrestlers — who also get their hands on the Middleman himself. If you like fun, then I highly recommend The Middleman — I had high hopes for the series, but it's actually surpassed them, mostly thanks to Natalie Morales' engaging performance and the incredibly high-density clever scripts. But don't take my word for it, here's what Henry Jenkins has to say. He's a professor, after all:

The scripts for the series, not to mention the comics, are full of one laugh out loud one-liner after another, most of them playing on precise and pithy references to popular culture: I haven't seen a script this dense with injokes since early Joss Whedon... The performances consistently live up to the quality of the script: everyone gets a few memorable lines and moments in the spotlight in the opening episode and I can't wait to see where the characters go from here.

And here's a trailer for the new episode:

Also tonight, Spike is showing Star Wars Episode II: Attack Of The Clones. The six Star Wars films are appearing almost every night on Spike this week, so if you missed their earlier showings, you can stop panicking and start watching the rise and fall of Anakin.

And at 3 AM (!!) the Sci Fi Channel is showing a new (to Americans) episode of dimension-shifting noir show Charlie Jade. Charlie Jade thinks that 01 Boxer, the dimension-jumping psycho, killed Elliott Krogg, who's become the scapegoat for a bombing that killed a lot of people. Meanwhile, back in Charlie's dystopian home dimension, Jasmin is grappling with the fact that a woman of her social rank is not supposed to be self-sufficient, and she has to decide whether to use sexual favors to survive.

At almost the same time Tuesday morning (3:15), Cinemax is showing My Super Ex-Girlfriend, to get you in the mood for Hancock. Marvel at Hollywood's cluelessness, and maybe get a few chuckles out of an airborne Uma Thurman.

Tuesday

The ever-reliable History Channel is serving up yet another dose of paranoia and mega-science, with a new episode of Mega Disasters at 10 PM. It's about "airborne attack," and it may make you want to wear a breathing mask if you live in the city. Here's the description:

Anthrax is the most feared of all the biological weapons—spores entering the body through the lungs are lethal. In 2001, a simple letter, sent through the US mail, paralyzed a nation, when anthrax spores were found inside. Experts predict that anthrax released over a populated area would result in unprecedented loss of life—a few pounds of anthrax released under the right conditions could kill hundreds of thousands of people. Will anthrax be used to create a worldwide disaster?

There's also a rerun of The Universe, focusing on the moon, at 8 PM.

AMC is showing the Don Knotts space comedy, The Reluctant Astronaut, at 3:45. Here's a giant chunk of that movie:

Wednesday

Tonight it's the battle of the science programs! Two different shows are airing at 9 PM — will you watch the respectable, highbrow science of Nova ScienceNow on PBS? Or a new MonsterQuest on History, focusing on "Super Rats"? Well, let's see... Nova ScienceNow includes segments on personal DNA testing, pulling excess carbon out of the atmosphere, which are sort of hot-button topics right now. On the other hand, MonsterQuest has evidence that rats used to be huge — and these massive, cat-sized rats are making a comeback. And they have an appetite for anything... even human flesh!!

Hmmm... serious science. Or cat-sized people-eating rats. What will it be? Does this sample of Nova ScienceNow help?

Another scheduling smackdown: FX is showing I, Robot (the Will Smith movie) at 5:30, and TMC has Starman, the movie about a widow and an alien on the run, at 6:30. Somehow, I'm not guessing that's much of a dilemma, for anyone who gets TMC.

Thursday

Tonight at 10 PM, there's a new episode of horror anthology series Fear Itself: "Eater," directed by Stuart Gordon. (Director of everything from Robot Jox to Reanimator.) In "Eater," a rookie cop has to watch over a serial killer called the "Eater," but her fellow cops start acting weird and she realizes nobody is whom they seem. (This website says "Eater" already appeared June 5, but the TV listings and IMDB both say it's a new episode as of this Thursday.)

The Sci Fi Channel is showing episodes of the classic Twilight Zone all day today and tomorrow. I wonder if they'll show that one with the twist ending? And the aliens?

We've talked a lot about how much we love C.S.A.: Confederate States of America, the alternate history movie about a world where the South won the Civil War. It's a wicked satire, but also a sharp-edged mirror on our real world, because it shows how different its alternate world isn't in many ways. And now you can check it out for yourself, on IFC at 7:45.

After showing the first two Planet Of The Apes movies a bunch lately, AMC is finally showing a different one, Escape From The Planet Of The Apes. Unfortunately, it's at 5 AM. Get up early and psych yourself up for work with some ape-action.

At 12:10 Friday morning, Encore has 12 Monkeys, Terry Gilliam's weird time-traveling plague movie starring Brad Pitt and Bruce Willis. I'm probably the only person who didn't like this movie — I found it a little too precious, and felt like it was an inferior remake of Gilliam's Brazil. But maybe I'll take this chance to watch it again and see if I was too harsh. And your chance to watch it again and remind yourselves how wrong I am.

And then at 12:30 AM Friday, Cinemax has Alien Sex Files: Aliens Gone Wild. Here's the plot description: "Lusty extraterrestrials explore human sexuality." It doesn't actually mention anal probes at all. Also, the HBO page says the movie features "gorgeous, sex-starved aliens" who cause an "explosion of erotic activity."

And at 3 AM, TCM is showing the 1941 version of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. See where the Hulk came from, and brace yourself for some classic 1940s science horror. Or you could just hold out for an hour and watch Mortal Kombat on TNT at 4 AM.

Friday

Tonight at 7 PM, ION Television has Gadgetman, starring Marina Sirtis from Star Trek: The Next Generation. Admit it, you wondered what she'd been up to apart from the Trek movies and occasional Voyager cameos. And just look at this great synopsis: "When a gadget-inventing professor is kidnapped for his latest invention, a wallet computer, his son enlists the help of a detective who is not all she appears to be." Marina probably shows whole new facets of her personality here. Or you could just watch The Fantastic Four and Spider-Man 2, back to back on FX.

Also, the Sci Fi Channel has more Twilight Zone all day today, plus all evening until midnight. Clear lots and lots of space on that TiVo, and then cancel those weekend plans.

Continuing its excursion into the later Apes movies, AMC is showing Battle For The Planet Of The Apes, at 9 AM.

Saturday

At 10:30 AM on Cartoon Network, there's a new Transformers: Animated, the first half of a two-parter called "A Bridge Too Close."

In his plan to take over Cybertron, Megatron captures Bulkhead. The Autobots plan a rescue party and discover that the Blue Racecar is actually an Autobot called Blurr.

And here's a chunk of the episode, complete with a funny Decepticon initiation ceremony:

Also, Encore has the underrated RoboCop 2 at 10:50, followed by Stargate, the movie that launched a huge TV franchise, at 1 PM and 10 PM. And Sci Fi is showing Resident Evil at 5 and Resident Evil: Apocalypse at 7.

Sunday

We'll never get Robert Rodriguez's version of Barbarella, but at least you can watch his movie The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lava Girl today at noon on the Disney Channel, and you can try and picture Rose McGowan in silver lame kinky boots in the middle of all that. Rodriguez collaborated with his kids to create this superhero fantasy, which is supposed to be one of the worst movies ever, but I've never seen it. Maybe it's only really in the bottom 20 percent.

There's another new Venture Bros. tonight at 11:30, called "What Goes Down, Must Come Up," but no other info is available. And then at midnight there's a new Metalocalypse, called "Dethsources." Those are both part of Cartoon Network's Adult Swim lineup.

Because one person demanded it, I'm going back to the "days of the week" format for now. I reserve the right to experiment with it again at some point. And since it's the summer doldrums, I may occasionally have Wednesday's entry just be a LOLcat or something.

Monday

Pretty much the only new thing on TV this week — aside from shows that previously aired overseas — is the second episode of The Middleman, ABC Family's show about a straight-edge, milk-drinking superhero who battles the forces of suckitude. And tonight's episode (at 8) features the Terracotta warrior rampage you've heard so much about. And in case you missed the first episode (You fool!) they're showing it again at 7 PM. Here's a shiny clip!

Also tonight at 8, the Disney Channel is showing Minutemen, the original TV movie about a group of kids who develop a time machine and use it to go back and rescue other kids from social disasters. Over time, they realize that they've upset the natural order of the cosmos, because the now-disaster-free nerds are getting too big for their own britches. Oh, and there's a whole in the space-time continuum, yadda yadda. I watched this movie last time it was on, and it's just as dumb as it sounds, but sorta cute in a disturbing way. Here's a trailer:

Right now, as you read this, the Sci Fi Channel is having a daytime marathon of Threshold, the short-lived alien-invasion show from Star Trek's Brannon Braga and starring Brent "Data" Spiner. (It's also produced by Batman Begins scribe David S. Goyer.)

And tonight at 1 AM, TBS is showing Eight-Legged Freaks, the actually quite decent film about spiders terrorizing a small town.

Tuesday

Tonight at 10, the History Channel has the most thrilling-sounding episode of Mega Disasters ever, called "Glow Train Catastrophe." Tell me you wouldn't go see a band with that name, without even knowing what type of music it played. Here's the synopsis:

The U.S. Department of Energy and the Nuclear Regulatory Commission plan to transport 77,000 tons of nuclear waste to a permanent storage facility 950 feet below Nevada's Yucca Mountain. If the plan goes through, much of the cargo will travel through Las Vegas, making an accident there a very disturbing possibility. If history has taught us anything, it's that transporting dangerous goods can sometimes have catastrophic results. Take a look at the potential disaster that such a rail accident would have in Las Vegas.

If Vegas was full of radioactive mutants, would anybody notice?

Sci Fi is continuing its tribute to canceled-too-soon shows by showing a ton of episodes of John Doe, the Fox show about an amnesiac guy who knows the sum total of all human knowledge.

Wednesday

Tonight, PBS has the premiere of a new show, Nova ScienceNOW, which seems to have a sort of "magazine" format. Tonight's episode deals with new findings on dark matter, recovering your lost memories, digital forensics, and the wisdom of crowds. Check your local listings for time. Here's a podcast:

And for those of you who are unemployed, sick or working out of your homes, Encore has a double feature of Bio-Dome and RoboCop, starting at 11 AM. The contrast between the two movies should be... interesting. Meanwhile, AMC is competing by showing The Day The Earth Stood Still, followed by Species, starting at 1:30 PM.

Thursday

FX has The Mask Of Zorro at 5 PM, followed by Batman Begins at 8. Since Zorro was one of Batman's main inspirations, it would be interesting to watch them back to back and see how they present their respective heroes' backstories. Plus, Antonio Banderas and Christian Bale!

Today's daytime Sci Fi marathon covers Stargate: SG-1.

Friday

Tonight is possibly the last time the Sci Fi Channel will show South African/Canadian dimension-hopping show Charlie Jade at a reasonable hour, at 8 PM. We learn more about 01 Boxer, the only person who can jump dimensions without any help, and his mysterious conspiracy. I have to admit one sad thing about these long-canceled foreign programs appearing on Sci Fi (like Odyssey 5 last year) is that you know in advance how many episodes there will be. At least in the case of Jade, apparently, the season ends with a fairly satisfying resolution, although some questions are left dangling.

And then at 9, there's another foreign import, but one which shows no signs of going away — Doctor Who has the second part of its Steven Moffat haunted-library story. After a very cohesive first part, the story sort of scatters in many directions for part two, with Donna's storyline barely intersecting with anyone else's. Here's my writeup of the episode — many, if not most, people seemed to like it a lot better than I did. Here's a big chunk of the episode to get you warmed up:

Also this evening, AMC has Escape From New York at 8 PM and E!TV is showing the Will Smith Hollywood Story at 9. And you can see Smith in action in Men In Black, on TNT at 8.

Also, the Sci Fi Channel is showing a passel of Dark Angel episodes while you're at work.

Saturday

On the Cartoon Network at 10:30, there's a new Transformers: Animated, "Sari, No-one's Home":

When the Autobots are away fighting Blitzwing, Sari must defend the Autobots' home base from the invading Constructicons.

And here's about half the episode, thanks to an overseas airing:

Supergator airs at 7 on the Sci Fi Channel. Sorry, I sort of misled you: it has nothing to do with torts or corporate litigation of any kind. It's purely about a really, really big alligator stalking some people in Hawaii. From some of the same people who brought you Carnosaur, Mansquito, Mastodon and so many other great Sci Fi Channel original films. Here's a clip:

Sunday

Speed Racer: The Next Generation seems to be showing new episodes again on NickToons, even though TV Guide says it's a rerun. I'm pretty sure this episode, "The Fast Track part 2," has never aired before. Strange events at the Redwood Rally startle Speed, and he begins to suspect that someone is tampering with the virtual track. Then Speed and Annelise get trapped on the virtual track together. That's at 9:45 PM.

And there's a new Venture Bros. on the Cartoon Network at 11:30. It's called either "Enter The Bad Seed" or "Dr. Quymn, Medicine Woman," depending on whom you believe. And it's followed, at midnight, by a new Metalocalypse. "Nathan's attempts to date again are ruined by the band."

The Middleman:

The biggest development of the week, without any doubt, is tonight's debut of The Middleman on ABC Family at 8 PM. It's the most anticipated superpowered show since Heroes. (Weirdly enough, it doesn't feature a webcam girl who sees her evil alter ego in the mirror — how did this ever get greenlit?) Instead, it's all about a straight-edge crime-fighter who drinks milk and battles outlandish foes including Chinese Terracotta warriors and Mexican luchadores. And his sidekick Wendy, who's an art student and office temp who becomes his equal in the saving-the-world biz. We couldn't possibly be more excited about this show, especially after watching some of its wacky Public Service Announcements. Here's a trailer:

Documentaries:

Once again, the biggest documentary of the week is another batch of When We Left Earth, the National Geographic Channel's sweeping look at NASA's history. (This time it's just two hours, not four.) The show features exclusive footage and insider accounts. It starts at 9 PM Sunday, and this week's installments include the Challenger disaster, the building of the International Space Station, and NASA fixing up the Hubble Space Telescope. Here's a clip:

Other big documentaries include Tuesday's rerun of The Universe on the possibility of space travel, on the History Channel at 8. At exactly the same time on PBS, Nova has a rerun of an episode about "Megavolcanoes," so take your pick — space exploration or Earth-bound disaster? And then on Wednesday at 9, History has a new MonsterQuest, about the "Ohio Grassman," who's like Bigfoot, only more likely to wind up in Cheech and Chong's bong. And finally, on Friday at 8, History has a new Modern Marvels, all about "Corpse Tech," which is what coroners and medical examiners use to solve crimes and save lives. Including a trip to the "body farm," where decomposing bodies are studied. Yum!

Fat Guy Stuck In Internet:

Tonight's the first 15-minute episode of Fat Guy Stuck In Internet, at 12:15 AM in the Cartoon Network's "Adult Swim" lineup. It's just what it sounds like, and we featured a clip from it last week. The first installment includes jokes on Tron and Star Wars.

Doctor Who:

Quite probably the best episode of this season of time-traveling action-soap-comedy Doctor Who airs on Friday at 9 PM. "Silence In The Library" is written by uber-scribe Steven Moffat, who's taking over as the show's head writer in 2010. Without giving away too much, it's a spooky slow burn that takes place in an abandoned planet-sized library, where death lurks literally behind every bookcase. And we meet someone who turns out to have great significance in the Doctor's life. Here's my spoiler-filled recap (I liked this episode better than the second half of the story, which airs next week) and here's the first nine minutes or so:

Also, if you need to catch up, Sci Fi is having a Doctor Who marathon all day Thursday. (And a Stargate: SG-1 marathon all day Wednesday, and a Jake 2.0 marathon during the day Friday.)

Charlie Jade:

There's a new episode of South African/Canadian alternate-universe noir show Charlie Jade on Sci Fi at 8 PM Friday. Charlie Jade tries to figure out how he traveled to an alternate universe (which is almost exactly like our universe) and the key seems to be a renegade Vexcor scientist — but 01 Boxer, the only person who can travel between universes without any help, also wants to find that scientist. Here's a clip:

Animation:

There's a new Transformers: Animated at 10:30 on the Cartoon Network. Honestly, this plot synopsis might as well be in Swahili for all the meaning I can derive from it. So for those of you who might understand it, here it is:

Optimus Prime teams up with Grimlock to get something for Blackarachnia when she springs Meltdown from prison in her latest attempt to get rid of her organic half.

And here's the first half of the episode:

There's also a new Venture Bros. as part of the Cartoon Network's Adult Swim lineup, on Sunday at 11:30 PM. It's called "My Dinner With Hatred," and not much is known about it, but fans are speculating it focuses on Sergeant Hatred. Says one viewer:

Promos show what appears to be Sargent Hatred's hover tank, and Brock beating up what appear to be Sargent Hatred's henchmen, my guess is that these are from this episode.

And then at midnight Sunday, there's a new Metalocalypse on the Cartoon Network. Here's the synopsis:

The guys visit bomb victims in a hospital and are targeted by a terrorist organization.

Random movies:

Sci Fi is showing The Man With The Screaming Brain at 3:00 AM tonight (or tomorrow morning depending on how you look at it.) It's Bruce Campbell doing what he does best, with one of his most outlandish plots. Sleep is totally overrated. And Earth Girls Are Easy is rocking Showtime tomorrow at 1:30 in the afternoon. You don't have anything else to do during the day, do you? It's Julie Brown! USA is showing a double feature of K-Pax (11:30) and Weird Science (2:00) Thursday during the day. Which movie is creepier? Which one will make you more likely to go on a bombing spree? TiVo them and let us know.

Finally, the Sci Fi Channel has a ton of movies next weekend, but the one I have to single out is Dinocroc, opening at 11 PM on Sunday. DINOCROC!! Yes, it's exactly what it sounds like, and it's produced by Roger Corman. It's better than Carnosaur, more powerful than Grizzly Rage, hungrier than Maneater, thingier than Man-Thing. Don't believe me? Watch this:

I'm trying a slightly different format here. Instead of doing it by days of the week, I'm grouping things into categories. The highlights of this week's TV are:

Hulk-mania. Your screen will be green this week, as television hypes this weekend's release of The Incredible Hulk with all its might. The Sci Fi Channel is showing marathons of the Hulk TV show all day, every day, this week (including right now.) And an exclusive three-minute Hulk clip (featuring Banner's transformation) will air during Sci Fi's new Ghost Hunters episode on Wednesday at 9. (Just how badly do you want to see a Hulk clip? In any case, I have a feeling it'll turn up on various blogs, including this one, pretty quickly.) Just to top things off, Sci Fi is showing Ang Lee's Hulk movie on Thursday at 9, just to get the mutant poodle cravings out of your system before you see the new poodle-free movie.

There's more! HBO has a "First Look" special about the Hulk on Wednesday evening at 9:30. Also, Hulk star Liv Tyler is on Jimmy Kimmel's Game Night primetime special on Thursday and Regis And Kelly on Friday. And Tim Roth is on the regular Jimmy Kimmel late night show Thursday night. (I sort of vaguely remember this movie had a male lead, but I can't remember his name. And anyway, he's not doing any appearances.)

Other movie promo. HBO has a "First Look" at Get Smart tonight at 8:30. And the stars of M. Night Shyamalan's doomed R-rated disaster movie The Happening are promoting it as hard as they can: Marky Mark is on Letterman tomorrow night, Regis and Kelly Wednesday daytime and Conan O'Brien Wednesday night. And Zooey Deschanel is on Letterman Wednesday.

Battlestar's season finale. I'm just putting it out there: Friday night's Battlestar Galactica is a season finale, since the second "half" of the season won't see the light of day until 2009 by all accounts. At least the finale has the promising title of "Revelations," and unless the promo is totally deceptive (like last week's promo) we actually see the four secret cylons "come out" about their status. But here, you can watch and judge for yourself. And then tune in on Sci Fi at 10 on Friday.

Doctor Who and the labors of Hercule. This week's Doctor Who (Friday on Sci Fi at 9) is the one where he meets Agatha Christie. It's quite similar, in a way, to the ones where he meets Charles Dickens and William Shakespeare. But that doesn't make it any less entertaining, and there are some nice treats, including a weird moment with a clergyman. Here's our recap of the episode, and here's a chunk of the episode itself:

More universe-hopping fun. And before Doctor Who and BSG, Sci Fi has the second episode of South African/Canadian universe-hopping show Charlie Jade at 8 PM. Charlie starts to realize he's not in his real universe when he comes to Cape Town instead of Cape City. And his apartment is derelict and trashed. Meanwhile, the evil Corporation chooses an agent to be their emissary to the other universes.

Awesome cartoons. Saturday at 10 AM is the season finale of Spectacular Spider-Man on The CW. "Nature Vs. Nurture" deals with the running black costume/Venom storyline. Eddie Brock has finally merged with the symbiote and only has one goal in mind — to destroy Spider-Man. Also at 10 AM Saturday, there's a new Ben 10: Alien Force on the Cartoon Network: "Cash and JT steal a gauntlet from Kevin's car and decide to use it against Ben, but an evil spirit within the glove possesses Cash instead."

And at 10:30 AM Saturday on Cartoon Network, there's a new Transformers: Animated, "Autoboot Camp." Bumblebee reminisces about his days in Autobot Academy (will there be hazing? Please tell me there's hazing!) and an Autobot cadet he met named Wasp. Bumblebee learns Wasp has been sprung from prison and decides to track him down. And here's most of the episode already, presumably from its early airing overseas.
Meanwhile, am I the only person who didn't know "Weird" Al Yankovic was doing voice work for this show?

Adult swim. More awesome cartoons air Sunday night as part of Cartoon Network's "Adult Swim" block. There's a new Venture Bros. at 11:30 PM, called "The Invisible Hand of Fate" — but I couldn't find an episode description anywhere. What do they have to hide?? Also, there's a new Metalocalypse at midnight, called "Dethrace." And here's the synopsis:

Murderface plans a racing event with support from Nathan and Pickles. Meanwhile, Skwisgaar and Toki try to get licenses.

Strain yourself again. In case you missed out on the awesomeness (well, it was sorta pretty) of A&E's remake of The Andromeda Strain, it's showing during the day on Friday, at 9 AM and 2 PM. It's got Bucky balls, and Benjamin Bratt, and mopey boys on mopeds. And Will from Will and Grace running through a biohazard zone getting shot at, and somehow not dying.

Superhero movies. In case you want to channel your inner superhero-hating Nashawaty, FX is showing a bunch of recent superhero movies. On Monday, it's X2: X-Men United and Fantastic Four, on Tuesday it's Fantastic Four and Batman Begins, and on Wednesday it's Batman Begins and Hellboy.

Random other movies. Here are some of the movies on TV this week: AMC is showing WarGames today, starting at 5 PM. On Tuesday morning at 3:15, TCM is showing the awesomely titled Don't Worry, We'll Think Of A Title, a 1966 movie about a bumbling incompetent who gets mistaken for a defecting Russian cosmonaut. I'm sold. On Wednesday at 10, AMC has Species, about Gandhi facing off with a sex-hungry alien hybrid. Sci Fi is showing The Thing on Thursday at 7, which overlaps with USA's 8:30 showing of Raiders Of The Lost Ark (in case you want to remember when Indy and Marion had chemistry). And on Friday morning at 3 AM, Sci Fi is showing Momentum, about government agents chasing telekinetics. Also on Friday, at 8 PM, AMC has Escape From New York, and USA has Indiana Jones And The Temple Of Doom at 8:30 PM. On Saturday, Sci Fi is showing disaster movies, with titles like Tornado Terror, all day.

Inspiring documentary. On Sunday night, The Discovery Channel has another four hours of its mega-documentary When We Left Earth, which cover everything from the Apollo 1 disaster to Skylab to the moon landing. It starts at 9 PM and goes on until 1 AM. Here's a trailer:

Scary documentaries. There's a new Mega Disasters, all about "Volcanic Winter," on the History Channel on Tuesday at 9. Could a super-volcano cover us in so much ash we'd be stuck in a deadly ice age? (And History has reruns of The Universe and UFO Files tonight.) And there's a new MonsterQuest, about ghosts, on Wednesday night at 9. If that's not daring and inquiring enough for you, the Discovery Channel has a new documentary on Wednesday called simply, Mars: Alive? (As in, is the whole planet actually sentient, and out to get us? One can only hope.) Actually, I think it's about the Phoenix lander.

It's no coincidence that Prince's cousin started using heroin in the month of June, because there's just nothing on television. It was probably even worse back in 1987, before we had the Sci Fi Channel.

Monday:

The Sci Fi Channel has started showing Star Trek: The Next Generation on Monday nights, with four episodes in a row focusing on the bland life and tragic death of Tasha Yar: "The Naked Now," "The Big Goodbye," "Arsenal Of Freedom" and "Skin Of Evil."

Tuesday:

There are two episodes of Mega Disasters on the History Channel at 8 PM Tuesday night — a rerun about a possible asteroid impact on the Earth, and a new episode about a "Comet Storm." Basically if you want to spend two hours feeling total panic about stellar objects smashing into your backyard and giving us the dinosaur treatment, then it's a date. (With no president Morgan Freeman or oil-rigging Bruce Willis to distract you.)

Wednesday:

There's a new MonsterQuest on Wednesday at 9 on the History Channel. "Vampire Beast" tracks down the truth about a beast that could be more than human. Or not. Here's the description:

In the fall of 2007, residents of Bolivia, North Carolina started losing pets and farm animals to an unknown creature. Is it the same mystery predator with a taste for blood that preyed on goats and dogs in Bolivia more than 50 years ago?

The Day After Tomorrow also airs on Wednesday at 5:30 on FX.

Also, John Cho is on Last Call With Carson Daly. Will he let slip some Star Trek spoilers?

Thursday:

I'm sorry. I'm so terribly sorry. There is a Smallville rerun in which Clark's super-cousin Kara tries out for a beauty pageant, if that helps. I know, not really.

Friday:

Sci Fi Channel has the U.S. premiere of Charlie Jade, a Canadian/South African show about a detective who sees alternate universes, at 8 PM Friday. I haven't yet seen any episodes, but this site says it's very very noir, with a strong Blade Runner/Frank Miller element going on. In a nutshell, a detective named Charlie Jade (my almost-namesake) discovers that there are three different Earths: the corporate-dominated dystopia he lives on, a perfect unspoiled paradise, and "our" world. The corporate-dominated world wants to ravage the unspoiled one, and ours just gets caught in the crossfire.

And then at 9 PM, Sci Fi is showing another new (to Americans) episode of Doctor Who, "The Doctor's Daughter." Humans are stuck in an endless war against bubbly fish people, and the Doctor has a daughter. (It's not a spoiler if it's the title of the episode. I think.) It's a fun episode, but ultimately falls a bit short because it's trying to juggle too many ideas. Our recap is here. Here's a piece of the episode:

And then at 10 PM, there's a new Battlestar Galactica: "The Hub." If the spoilers we ran for this episode a while back turn out to be true, this could be a pretty explosive one that changes everything forever. In any case, we find out what happened to Roslin, and Xena is back.

Saturday:

Saturday at 10, there's a new Spectacular Spider-Man on The CW. It's called "Intervention," and it deals with the Venom symbiote, which is trying to take over Spidey. Meanwhile, Aunt May is in the hospital, and Pete's friendship with Eddie is ruined.

At exactly the same time, on the Cartoon Network, there's a new Ben 10: Alien Force, "What Are Little Girls Made Of?" Ben and Gwen discover that their grandmother is an alien. And Gwen has to make a tough decision. And at 10:30 on Cartoon, the new Transformers: Animated has an awesome title: "S.U.V.: Society Of Ultimate Villainy," which we posted spoilers from before. Here is a clip, from its earlier airing in Dubai:

Saturday night, Sci Fi has two different original TV movies: Dog Soldiers and Bloodsuckers.

Sunday:

The Discovery Channel has the first two episodes (four hours worth) of When We Left The Earth: The NASA Missions. It's a bizarre history of NASA's first 50 years, featuring new footage in HD quality. Witness the first ever spacewalk, and the hair-raising challenges of converting an intercontinental ballistic missile into a vessel capable of carrying humans up into space.

Also, the Cartoon Network has new episodes of Venture Bros. and Metalocalypse at 11:30 and midnight, as part of its "Adult Swim" lineup. The Venture Bros. episode, "The Doctor Is Sin," shows what happens when a deal with General Manhowers falls through. Dr. Venture may have to sell the Venture Compound — unless he can turn it into a super-efficient science machine. And then the Metapocalypse episode, "Dethgov," is about Nathan Explosion serving a temporary term as governor of Florida. (Thanks Lampbane!)

Tonight

The History Channel is re-running a special called Star Wars Tech at 8 PM.

Take a look at the technology shown throughout the six Star Wars films and examine their viability through the eyes of cold hard science. Could a Death Star really be built? Can you build an army of clones? What is 3-D imaging, and where can you get a Light Saber? Travel to a galaxy far, far away to answer all of these questions and more.

Tuesday

There's a new Nova on PBS: "Lord Of The Ants." Which makes me think of Michael Flatley and a bunch of ants in spangly tops clogging really quickly to some celtic folk-rock. But it's actually about the Mofu people of Cameroon, and their "unlikely alliance" with giant killer ants. Plus biologist E.O. Wilson's theories about ants. Check your local listings for times.

If you're ditching work, you have to choose between two movies, both
airing at 10 AM: Not Of This Earth on Sci Fi and Starship Troopers on TBS. What will you do? You may have to go to the office just to avoid the dilemma.

Also, Harrison Ford is on Letterman talking up the new Indiana Jones movie. Hopefully he'll look a little less embarrassed than he did on Good Morning America last Friday. Lost's Matthew Fox is also on Jimmy Kimmel Live, where he will probably try not to talk about Speed Racer.

Wednesday

PBS has a two-hour special called Depression: Out Of The Shadows, which I'm expecting to delve into some pretty science fictional themes, including the widespread use of brain-altering drugs by the population. Plus brain scans, and maybe electro-shock therapy. But yes, it will be somewhat depressing and feature wailing music. Here's a trailer:

If you're that rare person who A) cares about Lost and B) hasn't been keeping up with Lost, ABC is showing two recent episodes at 8: "Something Nice Back Home" and "Cabin Fever." And ABC Family is showing the 1998 U.S. version of Godzilla at 7 PM. It's got Matthew Broderick — how bad can it be?

And Harrison Ford continues his talk-show sweep, hitting Conan O'Brien.

Thursday

The History Channel has another new Mega Disasters, "Volcanic Winter," at 9 PM. Here's the damage:

The largest volcanic eruption of the past two million years occurred on the Indonesian island of Sumatra, 75,000 years ago. The impact from the super volcano Toba decimated the local habitat, but gas, ash and debris from Toba made their way around the planet and formed a shield in the atmosphere that deflected the sun's warming rays. Temperatures plummeted and the planet was thrown into a volcanic winter and may have even pushed the planet into an ice age. 3-D computer animation will recreate the storm and unveil how this one volcano could have brought humanity to the edge of extinction.

Also, the CW has a Smallville rerun, "Bizarro," at 8 PM.

AMC is showing science fiction movies pretty much all day, with Beneath The Planet Of The Apes at 9:15, The Lost World (the 1960 movie about dinosaurs and hot-pink dresses) at 11:15, The Thing at 1:15, The Day The Earth Stood Still at 3:30, Planet of the Apes at 5:30 and Jurassic Park at 8.

At 7:15, TCM has a documentary, Spielberg On Spielberg, followed by Close Encounters of the Third Kind at 9. And at 10 AM, TBS has Batman and Robin — which I think you guys voted the worst science fiction movie sequel of all time.

Guess who's on Regis And Kelly? Harrison Ford! Somebody is really nervous about whether people will come out to see Indiana Jones.

Friday

Why is the Sci Fi Channel taking a week off from its unstoppable Friday night block? I don't know, but they are. Instead, they're showing their usual diet of crappy movies: Meltdown: Days Of Destruction, Solar Attack, Scorcher, Fire Serpent... Aaaaa!

But fear not. IFC is showing the award-winning Icelandic film Paranoia 1.0, otherwise known as One Point Oh, starring Jeremy Sisto, Deborah Kara Unger and Lance Henriksen. A young computer programmer named Simon starts receiving weird empty packages in his apartment. He investigates, and discovers that stuff going on in his building includes an artificially intelligent robot head named Adam, a virtual reality sex game, and an evil company that may be conspiring against him. Simon's grip on reality gets more and more tenuous, and his craving for fresh milk increases. Creepy! That's at 9 PM.

Harrison Ford is on The View, and this time he's got Karen Allen (Marion Ravenwood) with him. That could actually be sort of interesting. And Battlestar Galactica's Tricia Helfer is on The Late Show With Craig Ferguson.

At 12:20 Saturday morning, Cinemax has a movie with the intriguing title of Super Ninja Bikini Babes. You pretty much know, after reading that title, whether this is your type of movie. Apparently a coed discovers an alternate universe. A universe... of bikinis.

Saturday

Both Spectacular Spider-Man episodes on The CW starting at 9:30 are reruns. Sorry. And so is this week's Ben 10: Alien Force on the Cartoon Network.

But at least there's a new Transformers: Animated: "Rise Of The Constructicons." Finally, we're getting somewhere. A couple of construction vehicles get brought to life by the Allspark. Bulkhead makes friends with them, but the Decepticons want them to help with a new construction project. (It's a patio, I bet.) That's at 10:30 on the Cartoon Network. Also new (to Americans) is an episode of French cartoon Robotboy at 11:30 on Cartoon.

Sick of Harrison Ford yet? A&E is re-running his Biography episode at 7 AM, followed by Shia LaBoeuf's at 8 AM.

And there's a rerun of another Star Wars documentary, Star Wars: Empire Of Dreams, on A&E at 11 AM. It's followed by Sphere and Alien: Resurrection.

Sunday

Spike has the original Predator, with Arnold Schwartzenegger versus an invisible hunter-killer alien, at 3:30 PM. FX is showing League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen at 5 PM, if you're feeling masochistic.

At least next week, there'll be stuff again. Lost will have its two-hour season finale, and Battlestar Galactica will be back. And A&E will be showing its four-hour Andromeda Strain miniseries on Monday and Tuesday nights at 9. Hang in there.

Tonight

Tonight sees the two-hour season premier of American Gladiators on NBC. This show is set in a bleak future dystopia where a drugged populace watches people compete in brutal events like "Rocketball" and "Vertigo," where survival is the greatest prize. Oh, wait.... never mind. If you like your contests of life and death a little more fictional, AMC is showing Terminator 2 at 8 PM.

Shia LaBoeuf is on Letterman tonight at 11:30ish, talking about Indiana Jones and explaining why he thought it was a great idea to play a "swashbuckling biker" named Mutt.

Tuesday

Shia LaBoeuf continues his TV rampage by appearing on Good Morning America, along with William Shatner.

The History Channel has two episodes of Mega Disasters at 8 and 9 PM, including a new episode, "Mega Tsunamis." Did waves taller than the Statue of Liberty smash the coasts of the Mediterranean sea 8,000 years ago — and could a tsunami like that happen again? Also, at 11 PM, the History Channel has a rerun of Earth's Black Hole, a special about black holes and whether they affect our life here on Earth. The answer, apparently, involves going to the Bermuda Triangle. (Of course it does.)

Also, FX is showing League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen at 5, and Hellboy at 8 and 10:30.

And Wednesday morning at 1:10, TMC has The Man Who Fell To Earth starring David Bowie at his absolute freakiest.

Wednesday

The History Channel comes to our rescue once again, with an episode of Modern Marvels called "Mad Electricity" — it's all about Nikola Tesla, and how we're all using his discoveries constantly today. That's at 8 PM, followed by reruns of MonsterQuest and UFO Hunters.

And at 10 PM, TMC is showing Hollow Man 2, in which Christian Slater plays a cop pursuing an invisible killer. Yeah. I didn't know they made a sequel either.

Thursday

It's the Smallville season finale, "Arctic." This could be the last time you ever see Lex and Clark face off, with the smouldering and the Lex wanting to probe Clark's secrets. After tonight's episode, Lex actor Michael Rosenbaum is leaving the show — possibly never to return — and Lana will only be back for a few episodes. Also possibly gone? Chloe. Oh, and the show's co-creators Miles Millar and Al Gough are also taking off. So even though Smallville is coming back next season, this may as well be the show's final episode because it'll be almost unrecognizable next year. So maybe we'll actually get some resolution of the show's main plot arc? It might be worth tuning in just to find out. In any case, Lex finds Clark's Fortress of Solitude and learns Clark's secrets. Anyway, it's on The CW at 8. Here's a clip:

And then Lost has the first hour of its three-hour season finale, "There's No Place Like Home Pt. 1." The survivors and the freighter people begin their final confrontation. And here's a trailer:

Also, TVLand has the 1999 movie of My Favorite Martian, starring Christopher Lloyd, at 8 PM. And TBS has the original Austin Powers at 9.

Friday

The Sarah Jane Adventures is already zooming towards the end of its first season on Sci Fi, with the second half of "Whatever Happened To Sarah Jane?" airing at 8 and the first half of "The Lost Boy" airing at 8:30. Sarah Jane gets restored to our timeline, but then her cozy little family gets broken up a different way: a family turns up claiming that her adoptive son Luke is their child. Oh, and Maria's dad finds out all about Sarah Jane's world-saving activities, and decides Maria should have no part of it. Here's a clip:

And at 9 PM, Sci Fi has the first half of a Doctor Who two parter, "The Sontaran Strategem." Some people liked this episode a lot better than I did, with the campy dancing and weird Sergey Brin knock-off. In any case, it brings the Doctor and Donna back to present-day Earth for a reunion with Martha Jones and the military organization U.N.I.T. You can read our recap of the episode here.

Battlestar Galactica has a new episode at 10 PM on Sci Fi: "Guess What's Coming To Dinner." The human survivors of the Cylon genocide reluctantly join forces with a group of rebel Cylons to destroy the crucial Resurrection Hub. And it looks like Hera has a favorite auntie. Oh, and if you're in Seattle, you can watch it with a group of fans. Here's the trailer:

Saturday

As usual, the CW has two Spectacular Spider-Man episodes starting at 9:30, including a new episode at 10. But this week's new episode is pretty special, because it features the debut of the sexiest female character from Spider-Man's comics (sorry, Mary Jane): the Black Cat. And just to up the sexiness quotient considerably, she's voiced by none other than Tricia Helfer, aka the Cylon Six on Battlestar Galactica. How much sexiness do you think you can stand at 10 AM on a Saturday morning?

And meanwhile, the Cartoon Network has another new Ben 10: Alien Force at 10: "Max Out." "The team searches for Gwen's missing brother Ken and uncovers a secret of the DNAliens invasion." And then at 10:30, there's a new Transformers: Animated, which sounds like the sort of wheel-spinning episode (sorry!) that TV shows do while they're waiting for the end of the season to shake things up: "Investigating a mysterious race car, Bumblebee gets involved with an illegal underground street racing circuit, which also captures the attention of the Decepticons." Street racing? Why would the Autobots care about street racing? Whatevs.

The Sci Fi Channel is showing all three 1980s Indiana Jones movies, starting at 4 PM. (They're also showing during the day on Sunday.) Also, at midnight, Sci Fi has Timeline, followed by Tremors 4: The Legend Begins and Prophecy: The Foresaken. (Why did it take until Tremors 4 for the legend to begin??)

Sunday

At 9 PM, Sci Fi is showing its big promo special about the new Indiana Jones movie: Mystery Of The Crystal Skulls. Apparently there really are 13 crystal skulls, of which a few have actually been found in Mexico and Central and South America. And they're a huge mystery to archeologists because they're so perfect and awesome. Not only that, but it turns out that if you assemble all 13 skulls, you can stop the world from coming to an end in 2012. (Why is Sci Fi the only channel reporting on this? You'd think CNN and C-Span would be interested in whether the world was ending in four years as well.) Anyway, it's investigative journalism at it's finest, and in no way is it just a cheesy promo stunt.

And Spike is showing Star Wars: Empire Strikes Back at 8 PM.

Tonight

Another slow Monday in scifi-land. FX is showing Elektra at 9 PM, just in case you want a yardstick to compare Iron Man to. And Sci Fi is showing a ton of Star Trek: Enterprise episodes, which means there's an even chance you'll see Jolene Blalock decontaminating herself if you watch all of them.

Robert Downey Jr. is on Jay Leno tonight at 11:30 on NBC, probably gloating about how many truckloads of cash Iron Man made over the weekend, and making completely random predictions about the storyline of Iron Man 2.

And at 1 AM Tuesday, AMC has The Cell, in case you want to fantasize that it's your disturbed unconscious that J.Lo is wandering into.

Tuesday

The History Channel has a new Mega Disasters at 9 PM, with an episode called "Hypercane." Somebody offered me some Hypercane at a party recently, but I heard that stuff eats away at your sinuses. Actually, here's the blurb:

65 million years ago a massive asteroid crashed into Mexico's Yucatan peninsula. 75% of all life on earth vanished; but could a single asteroid have been the lone killer? Theories about what happened after the impact have been speculated on by the entire scientific community. Ranging from global warming to lethal worldwide firestorms, ideas have been put forth—but none have been proven. Then in 1995 a new theory claimed that a powerful mega storm known as a Hypercane caused the extinction. The Hypercane allegedly reaches 20 miles into the stratosphere and has wind speeds of up to 700 miles per hour. 3-D computer animations will reveal how this storm could have brought down nearly all life on the planet.

FX is showing Batman Begins at 8 PM, in case you want to refresh your memory before The Dark Knight comes out.

And at midnight, Encore has the original Alien.

Wednesday

The History Channel has another new UFO Hunters at 10 PM, featuring analysis of NASA's actual UFO footage. If it comes from NASA, it must be real, right?

Encore has Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me at 8, and Waterworld at 9:40.

Emile Hirsch is on Letterman, talking up Speed Racer, which comes out Friday.

Thursday

There's a new Smallville on Sci Fi at 8 PM. Robert Picardo, the holographic doctor from Star Trek: Voyager, takes some time out from his role on Stargate: Atlantis to play a funny monk guy who has a whole serve-the-Traveler thing for Clark. Here's the trailer:

And then there's a new Lost at 10:02 PM, "Cabin Fever." Things heat up on the freighter, and meanwhile we learn a whole lot of new stuff about Locke. Here are a couple of preview clips:

Sci Fi has the first two Resident Evil movies at 7 and 9 PM.

And at 4 AM Friday morning, AMC has 1958's Earth Vs. The Spider, about hot-rodding teens who have a run-in with a giant arachnid. But is one of that motorcycle-riding kids named Mutt?

Friday

Sci Fi has another unstoppable Friday night lineup. At 8 PM, Sarah Jane Adventures has two more episodes, the end of "Warriors Of The Kudlak" and the first half of "Whatever Happened to Sarah Jane?" "Kudlak" has a somewhat disappointing revelation that you can see coming a mile off, but still features some great ass-kicking Sarah Jane moments. And "Whatever Happened" is basically pure win, making you realize quite what a dire place the world would be without our hero.

And at 9 PM, there's a new (to Americans) Doctor Who episode, "Planet Of The Ood." It's the return of those subservient wormy-faced slave creatures from season two's "Impossible Planet"/"The Satan Pit," now with more nonsensical exobiology. The episode in general doesn't make much sense, but it does feature some good moments between the Doctor and Donna. You can read my recap here. And here are the first 10 minutes of the episode:

And at 10, there's the sixth episode of Battlestar Galactica season four, which means we're halfway through the 2008 episodes already. This is the episode featuring Star Trek: Deep Space Nine's Nana Visitor as another cancer patient, and that means you can expect to see lots of President Roslin battling her own cancer. I wonder which book the Admiral will read to her from this week. Here's the trailer. Poor Gaeta:

Also, at 8:30 PM, TCM has 1959's On The Beach, one of the earliest post-apocalyptic movies ever, where survivors of a nuclear war wait in a submarine off the New Zealand coast for the radiation to reach them.

Saturday

There are two Spectacular Spider-Man episodes starting at 9:30 on The CW, including a new episode featuring the Green Goblin and John Jameson, the astronaut son of newspaper editor J. Jonah Jameson. And another classic Spider-villain may make an appearance.

The Cartoon Network has a new Ben 10: Alien Force at 10, followed by a new Transformers: Animated at 10:30. Transformers features "the debut of Wreck-Gar as well as the return of the Angry Archer."

IFC is showing the scifi-ish Human Nature at 9 PM — it's one of the lesser known Charlie Kaufman scripts, but still very worth checking out for its weird neuroscience and mice learning to eat salad with a knife and fork.

And the Sci Fi Channel has B-movies all day from 9 AM to 5 AM, including quite a few Sci Fi Original Movies. I want to list all the titles, just because they make me giggle: RAPTOR ISLAND, CARNOSAUR, CARNOSAUR 2, CARNOSAUR 3: PRIMAL SPECIES, PTERODACTYL, ROCK MONSTER, AZTEC REX, SABRETOOTH, and RAPTOR. I think Aztec Rex is appearing for the first time ever, at 9 PM and 1 AM. Somebody is excited, to the point of making a celebratory LOL-dinosaur.

Sunday

At 7 PM, Sci Fi has the movie Hybrid. It's either the 1997 movie about people who go into a dark, scary lab and get chased by a half-something, half-something else monster. Or the 2000 movie about the guy in the 1930s who was obsessed with creating a new breed of corn. Or maybe... it's a hybrid of the two! Anyway, whichever hybrid it's about probably won't lurch out of the bath and blather about Kara Thrace causing the apocalypse, sadly.

And FX is showing I, Robot at 8 PM.

Tonight

The special two-hour Star Wars episode of Deal Or No Deal airs at 8 PM. According to the official Star Wars blog, it features models dressed in the famous Leia slave-girl outfit from Return Of The Jedi, plus Carrie Fisher herself in the audience. Chewbacca and R2D2 are there to provide moral support to the two Star Wars fans competing for money. Oh, and Darth Vader takes place of the "villainous banker." (Why is the banker villanous? Is this some kind of Bear Sterns reference?)

Tonight's Letterman features Gwyneth Paltrow promoting Iron Man. Expect pithy quotes about how her Pepper Potts is a new type of comic-book-movie heroine. And tomorrow night, Robert Downie Jr. is on Letterman promoting possibly the same movie.

And early Tuesday morning, TMC has Aeon Flux at 1 AM and Encore has the original Robocop at 2:30 AM.

Tuesday

On the History Channel at 9 PM, The Universe gives major spoilers, with an episode that reveals "the future of the universe." Who lives? (Nobody.) Who dies? (Everybody.) Here's the blurb:

The Universe as we know it is condemned to death. Space, matter and even time will one day cease to exist and there's nothing we can do about it. Harsh realities are revealed about the future of our Universe; it may collapse and burn or it might be gripped by a galactic ice age. Either of these scenarios might be a long way off. However, our Universe could suddenly be destroyed by a "random quantum fluctuation", a bubble of destruction that can obliterate the entire cosmos in the blink of an eye. No matter how it ends, life in our Universe is doomed.

And on Wednesday morning at 2:00 AM, BET is showing Hood Rat, about a swarm of super-intelligent mutant rats that go around killing people in a housing project. It's sort of a remake of Willard, except that instead of training them, I think Isaiah Washington's character just sort of befriends them and they turn out to be super-rats. Ice-T is the comic relief in this film. And it features a scene where rats "come out of a toilet to devour a crackhead's anus." This either just got on your must-see, or your must-avoid list, depending on your taste in bizarre horror films.

Wednesday

This has nothing to do with science fiction, except tangentially, but the worst pain from last winter's writers' strike is yet to come. The proof comes in the form of a new reality TV series which premieres tonight on The CW, called Farmer Wants A Wife. It's about a farmer. Who wants a wife. Suddenly Flash Gordon is sounding really great right now.

Speaking of which, Sci Fi is showing another Flash Gordon marathon all day, allowing you to experience the greatness of croptops, hairgel, hawk people and castrating amazons if you missed it the first time.

Also, the History Channel brings us yet another new UFO Hunters at 10 PM, about a UFO sighting at a U.S. military base.

Thursday

Tonight's Smallville is the 150th episode, and it's directed by star Tom Welling. Clark visits an alternate reality, where Buffy never came to Sunnydale Clark never came to Smallville. In this alternate reality, as in all right-thinking universes, Lex is president of the United States. Here's a pretty great scene from the episode, which airs at 8 on The CW (sorry about the sound quality):

And then there's a new Lost at 10 PM on ABC. Jack's doing poorly, and hovers on the brink of nasty death. Meanwhile, Sawyer, Claire, Aaron and Miles try to make their way to the beach, but something goes horribly wrong. We featured two clips from the episode on Friday.

At 7 PM, Sci Fi is re-running Warbirds, its TV movie about pterodactyls in World War II.

You face an impossible choice on Friday morning at 3:00 am: AMC is showing the original Species, while Sci Fi is showing Decoys 2: Alien Seduction. I would advise watching (or taping) Decoys 2 instead of Species. Sure, Species features the super-hot Natasha Henstridge as a human-alien hybrid who's desperate to find someone to reproduce with. But Decoys 2 features a whole squad of alien women who transform themselves into college boys' naughtiest fantasies so they can seduce them and implant their alien eggs inside them. It's like Species mashed up with Alien mashed up with a weird teen sex comedy. We featured a clip from it a while back.

Friday

At 7 PM, NickToons is premiering a 90-minute "TV movie" of Speed Racer: The Next Generation. It's basically the first three episodes of this cartoon series mashed up together. The movie is also getting a DVD release on Tuesday, May 6. In this new series, the son of Speed Racer studies to become a race-car champion and rebuilds the Mach-5. Racer X is the new Speed Racer's brother, and his uncle is the school's headmaster. Oh, and Chim Chim is a robot monkey. The TV movie is written by Justin Gray and Jimmy Palmiotti, who wrote the fluffy but fun Heroes For Hire comic among others. Here's a clip:

At 8 PM, Sci Fi has two episodes of Doctor Who's kid-friendly spin-off The Sarah Jane Adventures. She polishes off those evil nuns, and then squares off with an alien army that's recruiting teenage humans through a sort of laser-tag arcade. The second episode features my favorite Sarah Jane scene of all time, where she builds a weird energy-detector machine out of bits and pieces, wearing a badass welding mask. You go, Sarah Jane!

And then at 9, there's easily the best episode so far of the current Doctor Who season — the Doctor visits Pompeii right on the eve of its destruction by a volcano. His new companion Donna asks some tricky questions about where the Doctor draws the line on interfering with history, and the Doctor has to struggle with his answers a bit. Here's our recap, including a clip from the episode.

And at 10, there's another new Battlestar Galactica. "A possible truce with rebel Cylons leads Starbuck to put her trust in an old enemy." It looks like Starbuck and Leoben are reunited, and it feels so fine. Here's the trailer:

Sci Fi is showing episodes of Stargate SG-1 all day, in case you need to catch up.

Saturday

There are two episodes of Spectacular Spider-Man at 9:30, including one new episode at 10 AM: "Reaction" introduces Doctor Octopus to the cartoon universe, and also brings back the Green Goblin.

And also at 10 AM, the Cartoon Network has a new Ben 10: Alien Force. Ben and Gwen start to trust Kevin 11 — but then he steals the Rustbucket and tries to trade it for alien technology.

And then at 10:30 AM, the Cartoon Network has a new Transformers: Animated, called "Mission Accomplished." (Is this some kind of subtle dig at George Bush?) Here's the episode description: "Convinced there are no Decepticons left on Earth, the Elite Guard prepares to take Optimus Prime and his crew back to Cybertron — unaware of the increasing Decepticon activity taking place under their very noses." They're not called Decepticons for nothing.

And at 1 PM, The CW has Virus, featuring Jamie Lee Curtis and one of the Baldwins versus an alien disease.

Sunday

At 2 PM, TNT is showing The Tuxedo, which isn't in the top 100 Jackie Chan movies but does have a few great scenes, most notably the "pants-only mode" scene, when Jackie is only wearing the super-suit's pants — so only his legs are super-agile. It's not a bad thing to watch on a slow Sunday afternoon. Oh, and then there's this bit, where Jackie Chan knocks out James Brown and has to take his place, complete with a moment of weird ass-fetishism.

Sci Fi is showing horror movies all day, starting with Children Of The Corn at the churchgoing hour of 9 AM, and ending up with Final Destination 2 at 9 PM. I don't think any of those films are actually science fiction.

Oh, and at 8 PM, FX has the sort of scifi-ish Mr. And Mrs. Smith, while Spike is re-running Star Wars Episode III: Revenge Of The Sith. If you flip back and forth, you could mash them up into one totally awesome movie called Mr. And Mrs. Sith.

Tonight

It's sort of a wasteland tonight. I've scoured the TV listings, to no avail. Sci Fi is having its usual Monday night Star Trek: Enterprise marathon. The Oxygen network is showing Catwoman twice in a row for some ungodly reason — and yes, I know Catwoman isn't science fiction, but it is an object lesson in the absolute worst way to do a superhero movie, plus the worst use of CGI ever. (Halle Berry's butt is CGI. Why???) Ummm... the History Channel has a new Cities of the Underworld, about Stalin's secret city under Moscow, which could be a springboard for all sorts of alternate history.

Note to self: Next week, on Monday and Tuesday, Letterman has Gwyneth Paltrow and Robert Downie Jr,. promoting Iron Man two nights in a row.

Tuesday

Nova has a new episode about the "Car Of The Future." This may actually be better than it sounds, for a few reasons. For one thing, it features the hosts of NPR's Car Talk hitting the road to look at possible future cars. They'll talk to alternative-technology gurus and test-drive cutting edge cars. Check your local PBS listings for time.

And then on the History Channel at 9, there's a new episode of The Universe, all about scientists studying the nature of gravity.

And at 8 PM, AMC has back-to-back War Games and King Kong (the 1976 version featuring Jeff Bridges and Jessica Lange.) The two movies sort of blend together into an examination of our primal fears: out-of-control technology and bestiality.

Wednesday

PBS has the very apocalyptic sounding National Geographic's Strange Days On Planet Earth, a two-hour special about how everything is fucked. It's the first time this periodic series has appeared since April 2005. The latest episode is about how stocks of commercially important fish are 90 percent depleted, and how the death of the oceans may affect other life on Earth in ways that we can't see immediately. It doesn't feature the guys from Car Talk, but it still could be worth watching.

TMC has a David Cronenberg double feature at 8 PM and 9:45: Existenz followed by Shivers, two very different takes on the "body horror" motif, one involving video games that jack into your spine and the other involving weird parasites that make you into a rampaging sex fiend.

The History Channel has four UFO Hunters in a row, but I think they're all reruns. Starting at 12:30 (noon-ish), AMC is showing the War Games-King Kong combo again.

Thursday

There's a new Smallville on The CW at 8 PM. Here's the official description:

Clark (Tom Welling) desperately searches for Kara (Laura Vandervoort) and Brainiac (guest star James Marsters, as Brainiac is the only one who can reverse Lana's (Kristin Kreuk) condition. Clark asks Chloe (Allison Mack) to check any large power surges in the area, so she breaks into several government computers, setting off alarms. Jimmy (Aaron Ashmore) is caught between the Department of Security - who threatens him with jail time unless he helps them arrest Chloe - and Lex (Michael Rosenbaum), who offers to help clear Chloe if Jimmy agrees to be in his debt.

And there's that new Lost episode. Other-ton comes under attack, and Locke and Ben have to work together to defend themselves. Here's a preview clip:

Also, FX has the first big Fantastic Four movie (not the Corman version) at 8 and 10 PM.

Friday

Once again, Sci Fi has a strong line-up. At 8 PM, there are two half-hour episodes of the Doctor Who spin-off, the Sarah Jane Adventures. They include the final episode of "Revenge Of The Slitheen," which is where you first see that the kid-friendly Sarah Jane can actually be a teeny bit subversive after all, and also create a cast of engaging characters who actually seem to care about each other and work well as a team. There's also the first episode of "Eye Of The Gorgon," the one about the kinky nuns.

Then at 9 PM, Sci Fi has the real Doctor Who fourth season opener, as opposed to last week's Christmas special. Donna, the loudmouth who appeared in the 2006 Christmas special, is back as this season's full-time companion. But this time she's taking more of an initiative, investigating a crooked alien corporation that's doing something sort of hard to explain with diet pills. You can read our recap of the episode here.

And at 10 PM, there's another new Battlestar Galactica, the post-apocalyptic space-opera show that's gotten its groove back after a bit of a slump last year. In "Escape Velocity," Chief Tyrol deals with what happened this past Friday, and Gaius Baltar starts getting more vociferous about promoting his one-true-god beliefs among the humans — leading to a debate about religious freedom. Here's the trailer:

Saturday

Saturday is all about the animated shows again. Spectacular Spider-Man has two episodes at 9:30 AM on The CW — one of which is new. It's the big prom, and Mary Jane is threatening to overturn the social order at Peter Parker's high school. But even more seriously, the Green Goblin wants to unseat Tombstone as the Big Man of crime in the Big Apple. Is Peter willing to screw up his date in order to stop the Goblin?

Meanwhile, Ben 10: Alien Force moves to its new time on Saturdays at 10 AM on the Cartoon Network. "Gwen discovers that Grandpa Max's badge is able to signal other Plumbers. By using it, they meet up with a familiar face, a pyronite! " And then there's a re-run of Transformers: Animated.

Sunday

FX is showing Sam Raimi's original Spider-Man at 8 PM.

Tonight

Probably the most exciting thing on TV tonight is Minutemen, the Disney Channel's original TV movie that premiered back in January. Somehow, this completely slipped under our radar despite having all the hallmarks of an instant classic. A high-school kid invents a working time machine, so he goes back in time to right wrongs. No, not the Rwandan genocide, silly — the cheerleader falling off a pyramid, and other petty high-school embarrassments. And then it turns out his meddling has created a black hole in the football field. Are you setting your DVR for 8 PM yet? Here's the trailer:

Another exciting movie: AMC is showing The Reluctant Astronaut starring Don Knotts at 10 PM. He has a fear of heights, and somehow gets roped into joining the space program. Dude, it's Don Knotts. It'll rule!

Tonight is also the start of "Ben 10 week" on the Cartoon Network, as commenter Dustin L. points out. (Thanks!) It's all designed to help you get up to speed with the story of Ben, a kid who can transform into 10 superpowered aliens, before his new show Ben 10: Alien Force starts Friday. Tonight is Ben 10: Interactive at 8 PM.

Also, the Sci Fi Channel is showing its alien abduction miniseries, Taken, every day at noon and 1 PM this week. And tonight is the season (and probably series) finale of New Amsterdam, the show about the guy who lives forever thanks to a magic spell. In this episode, he investigates the death of a drowned woman, which may be tied in with a string of robberies of wealthy men, connected to a dating service. This causes John to have a flash back to the time he stole a diamond from his lover in the 1920s.

Tuesday

There's another new episode of The Universe featuring the "Biggest Things In Space," on the History Channel at 9 PM. I was sold as soon as I found out about the Lymann-Alpha Blob. Here's the official description:

We can't compare anything on earth to the biggest things known in space. The Lymann Alpha blob is a bubble like structure containing countless galaxies—perhaps the biggest object in the entire universe. Regions of radio-emitting gas called "radio lobes" could be even bigger. Then there are super galaxy clusters which are hundreds of galaxies merged together due to cosmic collisions. Discover which is the largest planet, star, star cluster, constellation, black hole, volcano, galaxy, explosions, moon, storm, impact crater and "void" in space.

And Ben 10 week continues on Cartoon Network, with a never-before-seen episode at 8 PM.

Wednesday

The Cartoon Network is re-running Ben 10: The Secret of the Omnitrix, a 90-minute movie, starting at 8 PM, as part of Ben 10 week.

Every week I question whether I should keep mentioning UFO Hunters as a must-see bit of sci-fi-ish TV. And every week, the show sucks me in with another insane episode title. This time, it's "UFO Dogfights." Yes, that's what you think it is. U.S. military jets had engagements in the 1970s and 1980s with objects that were moving too fast to be anything terrestrial. Did our jets shoot it out with an alien spaceship? It's a fair question. That's Wednesday at 10 on the History Channel.

IFC is showing two great movies in the afternoon. At 2:35, they're showing Primer, one of the weirdest and most cerebral time-travel movies of all time. And then at 4, they're showing C.S.A.: Confederate States of America, a bizarre and provocative alternate present, where the South won the Civil War and modern inventions like antidepressants are used to keep slaves in line.

Thursday

Smallville is back after a break, and this is supposedly the episode where everything changes. Without getting too spoilery, we're being told over and over that this is a major turning point in the series, especially for Lex. And the show is finally going to be making some huge steps forward towards the Superman status quo we all know and love. Of course, we also know that Lex won't be in most of the episodes next season, and neither will Lana. Also gone will be the show's co-founders Al Gough and Miles Millar. So this could actually be the show's last hurrah. Here's a preview clip. Is this Lex killing his inner child? Or what?

Meanwhile, the Cartoon Network is showing the live-action Ben 10 movie, Race Against Time, at 8 PM, continuing Ben 10 week. Apparently it's directed by Alex Winter, star of Bill and Ted, so you know it'll be awesome.

Friday

The Sci Fi Channel's Friday night lineup starts to take shape, and it's looking pretty unbeatable. At 8 PM, you have a new half-hour episode of the Sarah Jane Adventures, "Revenge Of The Slitheen Pt. 1." Despite featuring one of the less thrilling monsters from the new Doctor Who series, this episode is actually quite good — much better than the iffy pilot which aired last week. The cast starts to click a lot more with the substitution of Clyde for Kelsey. And the whole subversive teachers-are-evil subplot reminded me of Buffy, in a good way.

And then at 8:30, Sci Fi starts showing the fourth season of Doctor Who, starting with last year's Christmas special, "Voyage Of The Damned." A giant replica of the Titanic is orbiting Earth with a bunch of alien tourists on board. But the ship quickly starts to resemble its namesake, and only pop star Kylie Minogue — "I Should Be So Lucky" — can save the day. Here's our recap of the episode from last year, and here's the original British trailer:

And then at 10 PM, Sci Fi has another new Battlestar Galactica episode, "The Ties That Bind." Without giving too much away, it looks as though the Cylon civil war continues apace, Starbuck is still having some freaky mind-splosions and someone's wife may find out that he's really a Cylon. Here's the promo video:

Friday is also the debut of Ben 10: Alien Force, the Cartoon Network's new sequel to its classic Ben 10 cartoon. It's five years later, and Ben has become slightly more mature. He also hasn't used the Omnitrix in all that time. But when his Grandpa Max goes missing and leaves a cryptic message, Ben has to swing back into action again. Here's a preview clip:

Also on Friday, at 12:45 in the afternoon, TMC is showing Brother From Another Planet, the classic John Sayles film about an alien stranded in New York.

Saturday

Torchwood ends its second season on BBC America at 9 PM. The longer I think about the season finale, the less happy I am about it. If you think about the show as constantly being in flux between serious, grown-up drama and silly, scifi soap opera, the needle tilts just a bit too much in the latter direction for this final episode, partly thanks to the return of James Marsters as Captain John, Captain Jack's jilted lover. You can read our soft-hearted recap here. And here's a preview clip:

There are two reruns of the Spectacular Spider-Man cartoon on the CW, starting at 9:30. But no new Transformers: Animated on Cartoon Network — it'll be back next week.

Sunday

I'm drawing a blank, sorry. There just doesn't seem to be anything on Sunday. Oh, Spike is rerunning Star Wars Episode 1 a couple of times. That's about it.

Tonight, there's a new New Amsterdam on Fox at 9 PM. John investigates the death of a young man who resembles the son he lost in the early 1900s, and he starts questioning his past actions and the consequences they have on the people around him.

Also, FX is showing Terminator 3 at 8 PM, in case you want to compare its timeline with that of The Sarah Connor Chronicles.

It's also worth mentioning that as you read this, the Sci Fi Channel is having a Battlestar Galactica marathon that's going to carry on all week, from 8 AM to 6 PM every day. For some reason, the only episodes Sci Fi isn't showing are the first miniseries and the start of season one. Why, Lords of Kobol, why?

Tuesday, Nova investigates the possibility of life on Saturn's moon Titan, with "Voyage To The Mystery Moon," on PBS at 8 PM. (Check your local listings.) And in the companion website, NASA's Carolyn Porco (an advisor to the new Star Trek movie) discusses the water plume on another moon, Enceladus. And in case you need more Moon action, some PBS stations are also showing a rerun of American Experience: Race To The Moon.

And at 9 PM, the History Channel features a new The Universe, all about "Nebulas," which are the "crown jewels" of the universe, and the places where stars are born and die.

But that's not the end of Tuesday's science fictional documentary action. At 10 PM, ABC News has a special called Live To Be 150... Can You Do It? The bad news: Barbara Walters is going to live to be 150 as well, and she'll keep lisping at you from the nursing home TV set.

During the day, AMC is showing Escape From The Planet of the Apes, followed by Beneath The Planet of the Apes and the Poseidon Adventure. It all starts at 8 AM. And in the evening, FX has Terminator 3 again, followed by The Day After Tomorrow.

I'm not going to make any snarky comments about how Flip That House should be considered science fiction in today's housing market.

Wednesday there's more documentary action with a new UFO Hunters on the History Channel at 10. This time around, it's "Alien Contact." We meet people who claim to have had intimate contact with aliens, and then the experts determine what, if anything, really happened. Somehow it lasts a whole hour.

And at 1 AM Weds. morning, AMC has Species. Although honestly, I'm sort of intrigued by the probably-not-scifi Mother, May I Sleep With Danger?, on Oxygen at the same time. Also, at 8 PM, FX has Terminator 2. And The Day After Tomorrow is on FX once again, at 5:30 PM.

Thursday there are Smallville and Lost reruns. It's your chance to get caught up on Smallville, if you've been skipping it. This is the episode featuring superhero Black Canary as a New Wave, knife-throwing, leaping Ann Coulter clone. That's got to be worth a look, right?

And for those of you who telecommute or have a TV in your office, AMC is at it again, with Enemy Mine followed by The Thing, starting at 8 AM. And then at 5 PM, AMC has Terminator 2 again. Also, FX has Jonathan Demme's Manchurian Candidate twice, at 8 and 11 PM.

At midnight, FX is showing White Chicks, possibly the most disturbing scifi movie of all time.

And then on Friday at 10 PM, you finally remember why you even own a television set. Battlestar Galactica returns to Sci Fi with "He That Believeth In Me." The episode picks up right where season three ended, and it's a pretty intense ride from beginning to end. To recap: Starbuck is back from the dead and claims she's been to Earth. Two beloved characters, and two not-so-beloved ones, have turned out to be Bob Dylan-loving Cylons. And the other Cylons are about to trash the humans once and for all. Here's a promo clip:

Meanwhile, Spike has the basic cable premiere of Star Wars Episode 1 at 8 PM, part of a Star Wars marathon that carries on this weekend and next weekend.

Also, AMC has the original Planet of the Apes at 11 PM and FX is once again showing the retina-scorching White Chicks at 9.

Saturday morning, there's the final ever episode of Legion of Superheroes, "Dark Victory Part 2," at 9:30 on CW, followed by a new Spectacular Spider-Man, featuring the Rhino. And then at 10:30 on Cartoon Network, there's a new Transformers Animated: "Megatron Rising, Part 2." Which sounds like good news for Megatron, and maybe not such great news for Optimus Prime. The Autobots fail to protect Earth from the Decepticons, and have to fight harder than ever to safeguard the Allspark.

And then in the evening, Torchwood bounces back from its circus lowpoint, with a really quite decent episode. Gwen is determined to investigate the disappearance of a teenager, even after Jack tells her to leave it alone. What she discovers makes her see Torchwood in a whole new light. That's on BBC America at 9 PM.

Meanwhile, Spike continues its celebration of having bought the rights to the Star Wars movies, re-running The Phantom Menace at 5 PM and then showing the basic cable premiere of Attack of the Clones at 8 PM.

And on Sunday, Spike finishes its first weekend of Star Wars, showing Clones again at 4:30, followed by the broadcast premiere of Revenge of the Sith at 8 PM. And here's a nifty trailer:

Tonight is pretty empty, now that Sarah Connor, Kyle XY, Heroes and Chuck are all gone until fall. However, CBS has a new episode of nerd-com The Big Bang Theory at 8 PM. And Fox has a new New Amsterdam at 9 PM. Our immortal-ish detective investigates the death of a homeless man, and remembers joining a 12-step program in 1964.

Tuesday has the final episode of Jericho on CBS at 10, with things building to a (slightly contrived) climax. Jake and Hawkins make their way to Cheyenne to try and avert another nuclear holocaust. This show has grown from a slightly clunky soap opera to an irresistible thriller with a very science-fictional critique of a future corporate-dominated dystopia. Even if you haven't watched every episode lately, you should still catch the action-movie conclusion, which should be pretty easy to follow. Here's the first few minutes, to get you started. (Sorry about the streakiness and jerkiness, they were in the source video.)

Also on Tuesday, the History Channel has two repeats of The Universe at 8 and 9, dealing with unexplained mysteries and the rings of Saturn. And USA has K-PAX at 2 PM. Is Kevin Spacey an alien or a mental patient? Can't he be both? And Encore has Alien 3 at 3:05.

Wednesday sees a new Futureweapons on the Discovery Channel at 8 PM. This is actually the second episode to deal with Israel, and this time around we get to know the embattled country's missile shield, known as "Iron Fist." (But there's no weapon system called "Power Man," for some reason.)

And then at 10 PM, there's a new UFO Hunters on the History Channel, dealing with "UFO Vortexes." Similar to last week's focus on UFO Gateways, this is all about areas of the planet that seem to lend themselves to mysterious activity... like the Bermuda Triangle. And an astrophysicist suggests interdimensional travel using these vortexes (vortices?) may be "entirely possible" under Einstein's Theory of Relativity. It's pure science!

And the Sci Fi Channel has Sean Connery's classic Meteor at 3:00 AM Thursday morning.

Thursday's Smallville sees Clark finally learning how to fly, in preparation for his battle with Brainiac. And there's some kind of key thingy that leads to all sorts of Kryptonian secrets, and the wrong people have it. Here's the trailer:

Also, if you missed the acclaimed TV movie Rock Monster on the Sci Fi Channel this past weekend, you have another chance to catch it this Thursday at 9 PM. It's about a student, visiting Eastern Europe, who pulls a sword out of a stone — and then the stone goes on a murderous rampage. And yes, you're not alone in making a silly B-52s song out of the title. But if you'd rather stick with something you already know is good, FX is showing X2: X-Men United starting at 8 PM.

FX has the 2002 remake of Solaris, with George Clooney, at 10 AM. Ditch work and join the select club of people who appreciate the Soderbergh revamp.

Friday, two new half-hour specials about Battlestar Galactica are airing on the Sci FI Channel at 10 PM. Battlestar Galactica: Revealed is a clip show that retells the first few seasons of the show. And Battlestar Galactica: The Phenomenon is a fluffy look at how much celebrities like Seth Green and Joss Whedon adore the show. If you can't wait until Friday, both shows appear to be on Youtube and various other video sites in their entirety already. Here's a chunk of celebrity BSG love:

Also, Encore has the wetter of Kevin Costner's two post-apocalyptic loner movies, Waterworld, at 2:30.

Saturday morning, the CW has the penultimate episode of Legion of Super Heroes at 9:30 AM, followed by Spectacular Spider-Man at 10. LSH's episode is part 1 of "Dark Victory," featuring Imperiex (who I think was a Superman villain in the comics.) Part 2 airs next week. Meanwhile, Spider-Man meets Flint Marko, who becomes the Sandman, probably with worse special effects and better pacing than Spider-Man 3. And then at 10:30, there's a new Transformers: Animated. The Decepticons begin their invasion of Earth, and Optimus Prime worries that he's not a great leader. Aww.

And then at 9 PM, BBC America has a new (to Americans) Torchwood. It's the absolutely horrible one about the evil circus performers who get trapped inside an old movie from the 1920s. I don't know how to convince you to stay away from this one. This isn't just random Torchwood bashing — this episode is like three weird old Roger Corman movies mashed up, with the Torchwood stars heads randomly stuck on some of the characters. Actually, when I describe it that way, it sounds kind of great. But sadly, it tries a bit too hard to be serious, and ends up being awful and boring. I feel like I have a holy duty to keep you from watching this episode.

Luckily, there are many other options around that time. IFC is showing Austin Powers twice in one evening, at 5:30 and 10:45. Sci Fi is showing the first two Resident Evil movies back-to-back. TBS has Jackie Chan's vastly underrated Tuxedo at 8, followed by Spider-Man at 10. (Okay, The Tuxedo isn't that great. But it's got a few great bits, including the weird James Brown sequence.)

Sunday, Comedy Central is re-running the Futurama movie "Bender's Big Score," if you were too cheap to buy the DVD. That's at 7 PM. And Disney Toon has a random episode of Superman: The Animated Series at 10:30. That's all I can come up with, unless you think there's some kind of brain-eating virus involved in all those women desiring Brett on Rock of Love.

Tonight is the season finale of Kyle XY on ABC Family at 8. It's all about the senior prom, which looks chock full of heartwarming, judging from the trailers I've seen. At the same time, this show about a superpowered teen mutant has done a really great job of keeping a sinister undercurrent lately, and Kyle's female counterpart Jessi just gets more and more entertainingly psycho. So if you haven't checked it out yet, you may want to grab your last chance tonight. After all, the episode will also teach us that looking forward to your prom too much will turn you gay:

Also, the History Channel has a new Modern Marvels, about whiskey, at 8 PM. (Not really very science fictional, but maybe the whiskey is sentient?) And then a new Cities of the Underworld at 9 PM.

And Encore is showing Mission To Mars at 9:45, just in case you want to relive Gary Sinise's life-changing encounter with a cheesy CGI alien.

Tuesday night has the next-to-last episode of Jericho season two, on ABC at 10 PM. Sadly, this is looking more and more like the next-to-last episode of Jericho, period, unless the Sci Fi Channel decides Jericho is a better investment than another season of Ghost Hunters. As you'd expect, Major Beck is not terribly happy about the drastic actions that Stanley took at the end of the previous episode, and he's not willing to blame everything on New Bern. Here are the first five minutes of the episode. (I apologize for the streaky video, this is the best source I could find.)

Also, the History Channel has a rerun of The Universe, all about the possibility of life on Mars.

And Encore has back-to-back Aliens and Waterworld, starting at 11:40 AM.

And at 2:10 AM Wednesday morning, Encore has Ultraviolet, the second-best movie featuring Gun-Kata. (The first being director Kurt Wimmer's Equilibrium, of course.)

Wednesday, the Discovery Channel has a new Futureweapons, "Hard Target." Subjects include new inflatable armor, shoulder-fired grenades, and the A-10 Thunderbolt II attack plane. Good times! And at 10, the History Channel has a new UFO Hunters, "UFO Gateways." The Hudson Valley in New York has hosted more than its fair share of UFO sightings — could this area be an interstellar gateway, used to travel across time and space, or even between dimensions? Another possible gateway area is Sedona, Arizona.

And at 10:10, Encore has Alien 3, while FX shows Batman Begins at 5, followed by The Core at 8 and 11.

Thursday there's a new Smallville on The CW at 8. Lionel Luthor has Clark abducted, and there's some crazy prophecy about how The Traveler will change the Earth for ever. But the main reason to watch this episode is to see just how crazy Chief Tyrol has gone since a certain revelation at the end of Battlestar Galactica season three. Here's a clip:

And then there's a new Lost, on ABC at 9, where we find out what Michael's been up to all this time. And Ben tries to convince Alex to flee the Others' camp before a coming assault. We posted a couple of preview clips the other day, and here's the episode's promo:

As for movies, at 12:15 Friday morning, AMC has The Thing

Friday is pretty slow, except for a bunch of Stargate reruns on Sci Fi. Also, at 1 PM, USA has Timecop, the greatest time-traveling Jean Claude Van Damme movie ever.

And at midnight, A&E has The Matrix, while Encore has 12 Monkeys. Try flipping back and forth between the two movies to create a single, crazy-paranoid narrative where nothing is real. And at 1:30 Saturday morning, TBS has Mars Attacks!, followed by Eight-Legged Freaks at 3:45.

Saturday morning, The CW has Legion of Superheroes followed by Spectacular Spider-man (featuring the debut of the Lizard), starting at 9:30.

And then at 9 PM, there's a new Torchwood on BBC America. It's Gwen's wedding day, but unfortunately, she's got a little surprise on the way. Zany wedding-pregnancy action, plus creepy monsters. You can read our recap of the episode here.

Sunday has the first hour of the broadcast premiere of Futurama: Bender's Big Score, in case you didn't already get the DVD. That's on Comedy Central at 8.

Monday night now has a Sarah Connor-shaped hole. (And a Heroes-shaped hole, and (sigh) a Journeyman-shaped hole too.) But there's still Kyle XY on ABC Family at 8, for another couple of weeks, and I'm going to explain to why this show is way better than you give it credit for. For one thing, it does the teen-with-superpowers thing better than any show since Buffy. And you can tell the characters care about each other. Plus, even though it's supposedly family friendly, it actually gets pretty raunchy, as in one recent episode where Kyle's stepsister Lori had to deal with her ex-boyfriend wanting to still have the occasional booty call. And this season features a female version of Kyle named Jessi XX, who is crazy and sadistic. Last week, she made Kyle's stepbrother do pushups with an evil leer on her face. But mostly, you should watch for Ally Sheedy, who just started playing Jessi's mom. We featured an awesome clip of Ally in action the other day. Ally Sheedy! I would watch her in anything.

Also today, the Sci Fi Channel is showing a marathon of the underrated show Odyssey 5 all afternoon. Probably right now, as you read this. Ditch work and go home to check it out. It features a car in space. And it did mental time-travel long before Lost.

And FX is showing The Day After Tomorrow at 5:30 PM, in case you saw 10,000 B.C. and want another hit of Emmercrack right away. And there's a new episode of Modern Marvels called "Strange Weapons" on the History Channel at 8 PM. Strange weapons are definitely the best kind.

Tuesday, there's a new episode of post-apocalyptic drama Jericho on CBS at 10 PM. As you can see from the five-minute preview clip below, it picks up right where last week's shocking episode left off. The military contractors that were put in charge of running the plucky town that survived a nuclear attack are openly treating Kansas like Iraq now, and acting as though they're above the law. It's hard to believe there are only two more episodes left after this one — and they may be the last, unless you can convince a few million people to tune in. Check out the first five minutes of the episode, and then start bugging your friends:

Right before Jericho, there's a new episode of The Universe on the History Channel at 9 PM. It's called "Colonizing Space," and it sounds pretty fucking trippy. It explains how we will grow food on Mars, and how we will recycle wastewater (read: drink our own pee) and introduce greenhouse gases to "revive" the red planet. It sounds totally demented, and I bet there will be CGI animations showing how greenhouse gases will make Mars semi-terraformed.

Also on Tuesday/Wednesday at midnight, there's Cherry 2000 on Encore. Robot sex, plus Melanie Griffith doing Mad Max. Come on, you know that's better than sleeping.

Wednesday, ABC Family is showing Pleasantville, which is sort of slipstream, except it's not all that great. But it does feature Joan Allen masturbating and causing a nearby tree to spontaneously combust. Plus Reese Witherspoon is the school slut! (Somehow I doubt ABC Family will show this film uncut.) There's also a rerun of UFO Hunters on History at 10 PM.

Thursday at 8, there's a new Smallville on The CW. The show's back after a brief hiatus, and Pete Ross returns for a guest appearance. Remember him? Clark's best friend? And now he's got superpowers from — I wish I was kidding about this — meteor-laced chewing gum. It's that extra flavor stripe that gives you the power to stretch and sort of teleport your hands, apparently. Actually, I'm not clear on what Pete's superpower is, but it seems to involve a weird noise. Here's an unfinished preview clip from the episode:

And then at 9, there's a new Lost on ABC. If you average out the quality of "The Constant" and "The Other Woman," you get a pretty good couple of episodes. In general, the consensus seems to be that the show's improved a lot this season. And this week, you get to find out who the last two members of the Oceanic Six are (which should surprise nobody.) We also deal more with that "pregnant women die on the island" thing, which always weirds me out. Here's the trailer for the episode, and check out the two preview clips we posted on Friday:

Or if you're over Smallville and Lost, you can watch 12 Monkeys on Encore at 8, and daydream about the days when Terry Gilliam was still great.

Thursday/Friday at 3:00 AM, there's a TV movie called Alien Abduction on Sci Fi. A woman gets abducted by aliens and then winds up in a mental institution. Where the quality of the anal probes is much lower.

Friday night, there's a rerun of a House episode about a boy who claims that he's been abducted by aliens, and he has a tracking device in his neck. Is he right? Are alien abductions going to become part of the ongoing storylines in the hospital? I won't give away the twist ending, but someone on IMDB calls this the "worst House episode ever." Based on the full synopsis, the episode is definitely science fiction in any case.

Also, the Disney Channel has Sky High at 8 PM. Sci Fi has a couple of Stargate: Atlantis reruns at 9 and 10, and Encore has the original Alien at 9:50.

Saturday, there's a new Torchwood at 6 and 9 on BBC America. I'm not sure which episode we're up to in America, but it scarcely matters. The major character who died a while back is still dead, and angsting about it. That goes on for about three episodes in a row, and you may not actually be able to tell them apart even while watching them. Here are our recaps of the most recent episodes. Actually, Torchwood was doing a lot better for a while there, and the main reason to keep watching is to hope it pulls back up again.

Also, on Saturday morning, there's back-to-back Legion of Superheroes and Spectacular Spider-Man, starting at 9:30 AM on The CW. And then at 1 PM, The CW is showing Solaris, the Soderbergh/Clooney remake. At 3:10 on TMC, there's Free Enterprise, the weird movie about Star Trek fans that helped turn William Shatner into the self-mocking figure he is today. And Disney has The Incredibles at 9 PM.

Sunday evening, G4 is showing a bunch of reruns of Wired For Sex, which is worth checking out if you haven't seen it. Find out about that whole cybersex thing the kids are into.

Monday, there's a new Kyle XY (ABC Family, 8 PM). Judging from the trailer below, Kyle will actually start using his awesome powers to beat up other kids, which seems like a step forward. And Jessi will master telekinesis and looking hot on an exercise machine.

And then there's a new Sarah Connor Chronicles (Fox, 9 PM). We have two clips below, one of which is sort of good and one of which... isn't. Honestly, watching these two clips, I feel as though I've spotted a crucial flaw with this show: there's too much of Summer Glau's Terminator standing around talking. It was sort of cool at first, but it's starting to get a bit monotonous, especially since they keep playing the "she's a heartless machine" card. Plus, they're not called Talkinators.

Also on Monday, AMC has Terminator 2 at 3 PM, in case you want to compare Sarah Connors. (Probably a bad idea.) And HBO has Star Wars: Episode III at 2 PM.

Tuesday, there's a new Jericho (CBS, 10 PM). A very important person decides to make a surprise visit to the embattled post-apocalyptic town of Jericho, and gives Hawkins an unexpected opportunity to learn something about the bombs. It's the most political episode yet, and the one that made me decide Jericho was on a roll this year.

Also on Tuesday, there's a new Nova (PBS, check your listings.) Learn about the differences between ape and human minds, and what apes can teach us about people. Here's the Nova online companion for the episode. And in movies, TMC has Godsend, in which Rebecca Romjin-Stamos' genes are so important that we must resort to cloning to preserve them. That's at 9:35.

Wednesday, there's an all-new UFO Hunters (History Channel, 10 PM). Turns out they have UFOs in Mexico as well. Who knew?

Thursday, There's a new Lost (ABC, 9 PM). In the future, Kate is an assassin... and she's working for Ben! Oh, wait. Actually, if you want to know all about Future Kate, click here. And here are two new preview clips:

Also, ABC Family has The Incredibles at 6 and 8:30. And TMC has Aeon Flux at 5 and Futureworld at 6:40.

Friday, there's a new Stargate: Atlantis (Sci Fi, 10 PM). A new disease is spreading throughout the Pegasus galaxy! And meanwhile, Teyla believes the father of her child is trying to communicate with her.

Saturday, there's Torchwood (BBC America, 6 and 9 PM). Someone new has joined the Torchwood team, but everybody seems to believe he's been there for years. Here's our exciting recap of the episode, complete with a clip. It's actually a pretty good episode, and made us wonder if Torchwood is actually going to become watchable.

Also on Saturday, there's My Super Ex-Girlfriend at 10:10 AM on Cinemax. And the original Planet of the Apes at 11 AM on AMC. And Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2, back to back on ABC Family, starting at 5.

Sunday is a TV wasteland. Sorry.

Tonight: The new Kyle XY episode airs twice, at 8 PM and 9 PM, on ABC Family. Kyle goes home to his adoptive family and decides to tell them the whole truth about his creation. And he starts concocting a plan to defeat the evil Madacorp. Good luck with that.

In tonight's Sarah Connor Chronicles on Fox at 9, Sarah has to deal with some gang members to get fake identities for herself and John. Meanwhile, John sneaks out of the house and tracks down Sarah's hapless ex-fiance (Dean Winters). The episode's title, "Gnothi Seauton," is "Nothing Atone Us" rearranged. Make of that what you will.

Also on Monday, the Sci Fi Channel is having a Star Trek: Enterprise marathon, if you're feeling super-masochistic.

Tuesday night, there's a new (to Americans) episode of the time-travel cop show Life On Mars. A drunken Gene shows up at Sam's house and makes a "shocking confession." That's at 9 PM on BBC America.

Also on Tuesday at 9, the History Channel has a new episode of The Universe. Learn the complete history of dark matter and dark energy, up to now. Probably without actual footage of dark matter at the dawn of time, but you never know.

Wednesday really is sort of a dead zone, but Encore is showing the original Mad Max at 8 PM, maybe without the bizarre dubbed American voices.

Thursday, your only consolation is a Smallville rerun. Plan your Netflix cue accordingly.

Friday, there's a new Flash Gordon at 8, so cancel those evening plans. Flash and the newly sympathetic Princess Aura go on a mission to find the antidote to a new plague that's poisoning the water supply to the Cantons. And there will probably be even more incestuous goo-goo eyes between Aura and her brother Terek.

Also on Friday at 10, there's a new Stargate: Atlantis. A quarantine situation causes a lockdown on Atlantis, and Rodney is trapped in the botany lab with Katie Brown. Characters will bond and work out their relationships while they wait for the lockdown to unlock.

Saturday at 9, the Cartoon Network has two new Naruto episodes back to back. Naruto finally beats the crap out of Sasuke, who acknowledges Naruto's greatness. But then Sasuke gets an upgrade that makes him Naruto's superior. Whatever will Naruto do? (Hint: get his own upgrade.)

Then at 10 PM Saturday, the ever-reliable History Channel has a new MonsterQuest, with the real King Kong. Turns out King Kong's real name is Giganto, and I can see why he changed it.

Also on Saturday at 8, an all-new Alien Abductions: True Confessions on WE. A woman believes she is an alien-human hybrid who spawned an alien baby, and her husband believes they met aboard a spaceship.

Sunday, Flixe has back-to-back Starman and The Man Who Fell To Earth.

There's another new (to Americans) episode of Life on Mars on Tuesday at 9 PM on BBC America. A bomb scare leads the cops in 1973 to believe the IRA is mounting a new bombing campaign in England.

Also on Tuesday at 9, PBS has a new NOVA (check local listings.) "Missing in MiG Alley" narrates the first ever jet war, as American and Russian pilots faced off over North Korea in the 1950s. The battles pitted the American F-86 Sabre against the Russian MiG-15, and some downed pilots disappeared without any trace. Archival footage and "dramatic reconstructions" put you in the cockpit.

More PBS science porn: Wired Science has a new episode on Wednesday at 9 (again, check local listings.) The Wired gang explores a "space junkyard," shows how researchers are using human perception to digitize books, and interviews DNA pimp Craig Venter.

And "level five" of Rise of the Videogame talks about the development of emotional and intimate dimensions in gaming. In other words, teledildonics. That's Wednesday at 8 on the Discovery Channel.

Thursday's Smallville is a rerun of the one where the three "meteor freak" girls want to use Clark's super-cousin for their own bad-girl aims.

Friday on Starz, there's a new documentary: Anime: Drawing A Revolution. As you'd expect, it's a look at the rise of Japanese animation and how it's affected live-action movies like The Matrix. Early buzz says it's worth watching.

Sunday night, Fox is showing Spider-Man 2, on the off chance you don't already have the special-edition DVD with the three extra hours of Peter Parker unmasking himself to random strangers.

And that's it for this week. It's a slow week, but not because of the life-sucking effects of the writers' strike. This is just the normal holiday TV blahs. Next week will undoubtedly be worse.

Bionic Woman is off the air this week, due to the Thanksgiving holiday. The show will air one more episode Nov. 28, and then it's not clear when the final episode will appear.

NBC's three-hour science fiction bloc continues to eat your Monday nights. Journeyman has its first ever two-parter this week and next week, where he travels back in time to the early 1990s to face a serial kidnapper. (Next week: the kidnapper strikes back in the present day.) Heroes shows its new resolve to kick things into high gear, after a lazy start, by having a lot of confrontations: Claire's dad and boyfriend hold Elle (Kristen Bell) hostage, while the Company holds Claire hostage. Lots of gunfire. And Chuck? He dates a sandwichmaker (Rachel Bilson) and his CIA handler gets jealous. But the sandwichmaker may turn out to be a smuggler. Oh kay then.

Movies on TV: Robots launch a quirky, feel-good killing spree in i robot, on FX at 5:30 today. TNT will have Men In Black and Men In Black II back-to-back starting Saturday at 7 PM. The Sci-Fi Channel has The Matrix on Sunday at 9 PM.