Tonight

Another slow Monday in scifi-land. FX is showing Elektra at 9 PM, just in case you want a yardstick to compare Iron Man to. And Sci Fi is showing a ton of Star Trek: Enterprise episodes, which means there's an even chance you'll see Jolene Blalock decontaminating herself if you watch all of them.

Robert Downey Jr. is on Jay Leno tonight at 11:30 on NBC, probably gloating about how many truckloads of cash Iron Man made over the weekend, and making completely random predictions about the storyline of Iron Man 2.

And at 1 AM Tuesday, AMC has The Cell, in case you want to fantasize that it's your disturbed unconscious that J.Lo is wandering into.

Tuesday

The History Channel has a new Mega Disasters at 9 PM, with an episode called "Hypercane." Somebody offered me some Hypercane at a party recently, but I heard that stuff eats away at your sinuses. Actually, here's the blurb:

65 million years ago a massive asteroid crashed into Mexico's Yucatan peninsula. 75% of all life on earth vanished; but could a single asteroid have been the lone killer? Theories about what happened after the impact have been speculated on by the entire scientific community. Ranging from global warming to lethal worldwide firestorms, ideas have been put forth—but none have been proven. Then in 1995 a new theory claimed that a powerful mega storm known as a Hypercane caused the extinction. The Hypercane allegedly reaches 20 miles into the stratosphere and has wind speeds of up to 700 miles per hour. 3-D computer animations will reveal how this storm could have brought down nearly all life on the planet.

FX is showing Batman Begins at 8 PM, in case you want to refresh your memory before The Dark Knight comes out.

And at midnight, Encore has the original Alien.

Wednesday

The History Channel has another new UFO Hunters at 10 PM, featuring analysis of NASA's actual UFO footage. If it comes from NASA, it must be real, right?

Encore has Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me at 8, and Waterworld at 9:40.

Emile Hirsch is on Letterman, talking up Speed Racer, which comes out Friday.

Thursday

There's a new Smallville on Sci Fi at 8 PM. Robert Picardo, the holographic doctor from Star Trek: Voyager, takes some time out from his role on Stargate: Atlantis to play a funny monk guy who has a whole serve-the-Traveler thing for Clark. Here's the trailer:

And then there's a new Lost at 10:02 PM, "Cabin Fever." Things heat up on the freighter, and meanwhile we learn a whole lot of new stuff about Locke. Here are a couple of preview clips:

Sci Fi has the first two Resident Evil movies at 7 and 9 PM.

And at 4 AM Friday morning, AMC has 1958's Earth Vs. The Spider, about hot-rodding teens who have a run-in with a giant arachnid. But is one of that motorcycle-riding kids named Mutt?

Friday

Sci Fi has another unstoppable Friday night lineup. At 8 PM, Sarah Jane Adventures has two more episodes, the end of "Warriors Of The Kudlak" and the first half of "Whatever Happened to Sarah Jane?" "Kudlak" has a somewhat disappointing revelation that you can see coming a mile off, but still features some great ass-kicking Sarah Jane moments. And "Whatever Happened" is basically pure win, making you realize quite what a dire place the world would be without our hero.

And at 9 PM, there's a new (to Americans) Doctor Who episode, "Planet Of The Ood." It's the return of those subservient wormy-faced slave creatures from season two's "Impossible Planet"/"The Satan Pit," now with more nonsensical exobiology. The episode in general doesn't make much sense, but it does feature some good moments between the Doctor and Donna. You can read my recap here. And here are the first 10 minutes of the episode:

And at 10, there's the sixth episode of Battlestar Galactica season four, which means we're halfway through the 2008 episodes already. This is the episode featuring Star Trek: Deep Space Nine's Nana Visitor as another cancer patient, and that means you can expect to see lots of President Roslin battling her own cancer. I wonder which book the Admiral will read to her from this week. Here's the trailer. Poor Gaeta:

Also, at 8:30 PM, TCM has 1959's On The Beach, one of the earliest post-apocalyptic movies ever, where survivors of a nuclear war wait in a submarine off the New Zealand coast for the radiation to reach them.

Saturday

There are two Spectacular Spider-Man episodes starting at 9:30 on The CW, including a new episode featuring the Green Goblin and John Jameson, the astronaut son of newspaper editor J. Jonah Jameson. And another classic Spider-villain may make an appearance.

The Cartoon Network has a new Ben 10: Alien Force at 10, followed by a new Transformers: Animated at 10:30. Transformers features "the debut of Wreck-Gar as well as the return of the Angry Archer."

IFC is showing the scifi-ish Human Nature at 9 PM — it's one of the lesser known Charlie Kaufman scripts, but still very worth checking out for its weird neuroscience and mice learning to eat salad with a knife and fork.

And the Sci Fi Channel has B-movies all day from 9 AM to 5 AM, including quite a few Sci Fi Original Movies. I want to list all the titles, just because they make me giggle: RAPTOR ISLAND, CARNOSAUR, CARNOSAUR 2, CARNOSAUR 3: PRIMAL SPECIES, PTERODACTYL, ROCK MONSTER, AZTEC REX, SABRETOOTH, and RAPTOR. I think Aztec Rex is appearing for the first time ever, at 9 PM and 1 AM. Somebody is excited, to the point of making a celebratory LOL-dinosaur.

Sunday

At 7 PM, Sci Fi has the movie Hybrid. It's either the 1997 movie about people who go into a dark, scary lab and get chased by a half-something, half-something else monster. Or the 2000 movie about the guy in the 1930s who was obsessed with creating a new breed of corn. Or maybe... it's a hybrid of the two! Anyway, whichever hybrid it's about probably won't lurch out of the bath and blather about Kara Thrace causing the apocalypse, sadly.

And FX is showing I, Robot at 8 PM.

Tonight

The special two-hour Star Wars episode of Deal Or No Deal airs at 8 PM. According to the official Star Wars blog, it features models dressed in the famous Leia slave-girl outfit from Return Of The Jedi, plus Carrie Fisher herself in the audience. Chewbacca and R2D2 are there to provide moral support to the two Star Wars fans competing for money. Oh, and Darth Vader takes place of the "villainous banker." (Why is the banker villanous? Is this some kind of Bear Sterns reference?)

Tonight's Letterman features Gwyneth Paltrow promoting Iron Man. Expect pithy quotes about how her Pepper Potts is a new type of comic-book-movie heroine. And tomorrow night, Robert Downie Jr. is on Letterman promoting possibly the same movie.

And early Tuesday morning, TMC has Aeon Flux at 1 AM and Encore has the original Robocop at 2:30 AM.

Tuesday

On the History Channel at 9 PM, The Universe gives major spoilers, with an episode that reveals "the future of the universe." Who lives? (Nobody.) Who dies? (Everybody.) Here's the blurb:

The Universe as we know it is condemned to death. Space, matter and even time will one day cease to exist and there's nothing we can do about it. Harsh realities are revealed about the future of our Universe; it may collapse and burn or it might be gripped by a galactic ice age. Either of these scenarios might be a long way off. However, our Universe could suddenly be destroyed by a "random quantum fluctuation", a bubble of destruction that can obliterate the entire cosmos in the blink of an eye. No matter how it ends, life in our Universe is doomed.

And on Wednesday morning at 2:00 AM, BET is showing Hood Rat, about a swarm of super-intelligent mutant rats that go around killing people in a housing project. It's sort of a remake of Willard, except that instead of training them, I think Isaiah Washington's character just sort of befriends them and they turn out to be super-rats. Ice-T is the comic relief in this film. And it features a scene where rats "come out of a toilet to devour a crackhead's anus." This either just got on your must-see, or your must-avoid list, depending on your taste in bizarre horror films.

Wednesday

This has nothing to do with science fiction, except tangentially, but the worst pain from last winter's writers' strike is yet to come. The proof comes in the form of a new reality TV series which premieres tonight on The CW, called Farmer Wants A Wife. It's about a farmer. Who wants a wife. Suddenly Flash Gordon is sounding really great right now.

Speaking of which, Sci Fi is showing another Flash Gordon marathon all day, allowing you to experience the greatness of croptops, hairgel, hawk people and castrating amazons if you missed it the first time.

Also, the History Channel brings us yet another new UFO Hunters at 10 PM, about a UFO sighting at a U.S. military base.

Thursday

Tonight's Smallville is the 150th episode, and it's directed by star Tom Welling. Clark visits an alternate reality, where Buffy never came to Sunnydale Clark never came to Smallville. In this alternate reality, as in all right-thinking universes, Lex is president of the United States. Here's a pretty great scene from the episode, which airs at 8 on The CW (sorry about the sound quality):

And then there's a new Lost at 10 PM on ABC. Jack's doing poorly, and hovers on the brink of nasty death. Meanwhile, Sawyer, Claire, Aaron and Miles try to make their way to the beach, but something goes horribly wrong. We featured two clips from the episode on Friday.

At 7 PM, Sci Fi is re-running Warbirds, its TV movie about pterodactyls in World War II.

You face an impossible choice on Friday morning at 3:00 am: AMC is showing the original Species, while Sci Fi is showing Decoys 2: Alien Seduction. I would advise watching (or taping) Decoys 2 instead of Species. Sure, Species features the super-hot Natasha Henstridge as a human-alien hybrid who's desperate to find someone to reproduce with. But Decoys 2 features a whole squad of alien women who transform themselves into college boys' naughtiest fantasies so they can seduce them and implant their alien eggs inside them. It's like Species mashed up with Alien mashed up with a weird teen sex comedy. We featured a clip from it a while back.

Friday

At 7 PM, NickToons is premiering a 90-minute "TV movie" of Speed Racer: The Next Generation. It's basically the first three episodes of this cartoon series mashed up together. The movie is also getting a DVD release on Tuesday, May 6. In this new series, the son of Speed Racer studies to become a race-car champion and rebuilds the Mach-5. Racer X is the new Speed Racer's brother, and his uncle is the school's headmaster. Oh, and Chim Chim is a robot monkey. The TV movie is written by Justin Gray and Jimmy Palmiotti, who wrote the fluffy but fun Heroes For Hire comic among others. Here's a clip:

At 8 PM, Sci Fi has two episodes of Doctor Who's kid-friendly spin-off The Sarah Jane Adventures. She polishes off those evil nuns, and then squares off with an alien army that's recruiting teenage humans through a sort of laser-tag arcade. The second episode features my favorite Sarah Jane scene of all time, where she builds a weird energy-detector machine out of bits and pieces, wearing a badass welding mask. You go, Sarah Jane!

And then at 9, there's easily the best episode so far of the current Doctor Who season — the Doctor visits Pompeii right on the eve of its destruction by a volcano. His new companion Donna asks some tricky questions about where the Doctor draws the line on interfering with history, and the Doctor has to struggle with his answers a bit. Here's our recap, including a clip from the episode.

And at 10, there's another new Battlestar Galactica. "A possible truce with rebel Cylons leads Starbuck to put her trust in an old enemy." It looks like Starbuck and Leoben are reunited, and it feels so fine. Here's the trailer:

Sci Fi is showing episodes of Stargate SG-1 all day, in case you need to catch up.

Saturday

There are two episodes of Spectacular Spider-Man at 9:30, including one new episode at 10 AM: "Reaction" introduces Doctor Octopus to the cartoon universe, and also brings back the Green Goblin.

And also at 10 AM, the Cartoon Network has a new Ben 10: Alien Force. Ben and Gwen start to trust Kevin 11 — but then he steals the Rustbucket and tries to trade it for alien technology.

And then at 10:30 AM, the Cartoon Network has a new Transformers: Animated, called "Mission Accomplished." (Is this some kind of subtle dig at George Bush?) Here's the episode description: "Convinced there are no Decepticons left on Earth, the Elite Guard prepares to take Optimus Prime and his crew back to Cybertron — unaware of the increasing Decepticon activity taking place under their very noses." They're not called Decepticons for nothing.

And at 1 PM, The CW has Virus, featuring Jamie Lee Curtis and one of the Baldwins versus an alien disease.

Sunday

At 2 PM, TNT is showing The Tuxedo, which isn't in the top 100 Jackie Chan movies but does have a few great scenes, most notably the "pants-only mode" scene, when Jackie is only wearing the super-suit's pants — so only his legs are super-agile. It's not a bad thing to watch on a slow Sunday afternoon. Oh, and then there's this bit, where Jackie Chan knocks out James Brown and has to take his place, complete with a moment of weird ass-fetishism.

Sci Fi is showing horror movies all day, starting with Children Of The Corn at the churchgoing hour of 9 AM, and ending up with Final Destination 2 at 9 PM. I don't think any of those films are actually science fiction.

Oh, and at 8 PM, FX has the sort of scifi-ish Mr. And Mrs. Smith, while Spike is re-running Star Wars Episode III: Revenge Of The Sith. If you flip back and forth, you could mash them up into one totally awesome movie called Mr. And Mrs. Sith.

Tonight

It's sort of a wasteland tonight. I've scoured the TV listings, to no avail. Sci Fi is having its usual Monday night Star Trek: Enterprise marathon. The Oxygen network is showing Catwoman twice in a row for some ungodly reason — and yes, I know Catwoman isn't science fiction, but it is an object lesson in the absolute worst way to do a superhero movie, plus the worst use of CGI ever. (Halle Berry's butt is CGI. Why???) Ummm... the History Channel has a new Cities of the Underworld, about Stalin's secret city under Moscow, which could be a springboard for all sorts of alternate history.

Note to self: Next week, on Monday and Tuesday, Letterman has Gwyneth Paltrow and Robert Downie Jr,. promoting Iron Man two nights in a row.

Tuesday

Nova has a new episode about the "Car Of The Future." This may actually be better than it sounds, for a few reasons. For one thing, it features the hosts of NPR's Car Talk hitting the road to look at possible future cars. They'll talk to alternative-technology gurus and test-drive cutting edge cars. Check your local PBS listings for time.

And then on the History Channel at 9, there's a new episode of The Universe, all about scientists studying the nature of gravity.

And at 8 PM, AMC has back-to-back War Games and King Kong (the 1976 version featuring Jeff Bridges and Jessica Lange.) The two movies sort of blend together into an examination of our primal fears: out-of-control technology and bestiality.

Wednesday

PBS has the very apocalyptic sounding National Geographic's Strange Days On Planet Earth, a two-hour special about how everything is fucked. It's the first time this periodic series has appeared since April 2005. The latest episode is about how stocks of commercially important fish are 90 percent depleted, and how the death of the oceans may affect other life on Earth in ways that we can't see immediately. It doesn't feature the guys from Car Talk, but it still could be worth watching.

TMC has a David Cronenberg double feature at 8 PM and 9:45: Existenz followed by Shivers, two very different takes on the "body horror" motif, one involving video games that jack into your spine and the other involving weird parasites that make you into a rampaging sex fiend.

The History Channel has four UFO Hunters in a row, but I think they're all reruns. Starting at 12:30 (noon-ish), AMC is showing the War Games-King Kong combo again.

Thursday

There's a new Smallville on The CW at 8 PM. Here's the official description:

Clark (Tom Welling) desperately searches for Kara (Laura Vandervoort) and Brainiac (guest star James Marsters, as Brainiac is the only one who can reverse Lana's (Kristin Kreuk) condition. Clark asks Chloe (Allison Mack) to check any large power surges in the area, so she breaks into several government computers, setting off alarms. Jimmy (Aaron Ashmore) is caught between the Department of Security - who threatens him with jail time unless he helps them arrest Chloe - and Lex (Michael Rosenbaum), who offers to help clear Chloe if Jimmy agrees to be in his debt.

And there's that new Lost episode. Other-ton comes under attack, and Locke and Ben have to work together to defend themselves. Here's a preview clip:

Also, FX has the first big Fantastic Four movie (not the Corman version) at 8 and 10 PM.

Friday

Once again, Sci Fi has a strong line-up. At 8 PM, there are two half-hour episodes of the Doctor Who spin-off, the Sarah Jane Adventures. They include the final episode of "Revenge Of The Slitheen," which is where you first see that the kid-friendly Sarah Jane can actually be a teeny bit subversive after all, and also create a cast of engaging characters who actually seem to care about each other and work well as a team. There's also the first episode of "Eye Of The Gorgon," the one about the kinky nuns.

Then at 9 PM, Sci Fi has the real Doctor Who fourth season opener, as opposed to last week's Christmas special. Donna, the loudmouth who appeared in the 2006 Christmas special, is back as this season's full-time companion. But this time she's taking more of an initiative, investigating a crooked alien corporation that's doing something sort of hard to explain with diet pills. You can read our recap of the episode here.

And at 10 PM, there's another new Battlestar Galactica, the post-apocalyptic space-opera show that's gotten its groove back after a bit of a slump last year. In "Escape Velocity," Chief Tyrol deals with what happened this past Friday, and Gaius Baltar starts getting more vociferous about promoting his one-true-god beliefs among the humans — leading to a debate about religious freedom. Here's the trailer:

Saturday

Saturday is all about the animated shows again. Spectacular Spider-Man has two episodes at 9:30 AM on The CW — one of which is new. It's the big prom, and Mary Jane is threatening to overturn the social order at Peter Parker's high school. But even more seriously, the Green Goblin wants to unseat Tombstone as the Big Man of crime in the Big Apple. Is Peter willing to screw up his date in order to stop the Goblin?

Meanwhile, Ben 10: Alien Force moves to its new time on Saturdays at 10 AM on the Cartoon Network. "Gwen discovers that Grandpa Max's badge is able to signal other Plumbers. By using it, they meet up with a familiar face, a pyronite! " And then there's a re-run of Transformers: Animated.

Sunday

FX is showing Sam Raimi's original Spider-Man at 8 PM.

Tonight

Probably the most exciting thing on TV tonight is Minutemen, the Disney Channel's original TV movie that premiered back in January. Somehow, this completely slipped under our radar despite having all the hallmarks of an instant classic. A high-school kid invents a working time machine, so he goes back in time to right wrongs. No, not the Rwandan genocide, silly — the cheerleader falling off a pyramid, and other petty high-school embarrassments. And then it turns out his meddling has created a black hole in the football field. Are you setting your DVR for 8 PM yet? Here's the trailer:

Another exciting movie: AMC is showing The Reluctant Astronaut starring Don Knotts at 10 PM. He has a fear of heights, and somehow gets roped into joining the space program. Dude, it's Don Knotts. It'll rule!

Tonight is also the start of "Ben 10 week" on the Cartoon Network, as commenter Dustin L. points out. (Thanks!) It's all designed to help you get up to speed with the story of Ben, a kid who can transform into 10 superpowered aliens, before his new show Ben 10: Alien Force starts Friday. Tonight is Ben 10: Interactive at 8 PM.

Also, the Sci Fi Channel is showing its alien abduction miniseries, Taken, every day at noon and 1 PM this week. And tonight is the season (and probably series) finale of New Amsterdam, the show about the guy who lives forever thanks to a magic spell. In this episode, he investigates the death of a drowned woman, which may be tied in with a string of robberies of wealthy men, connected to a dating service. This causes John to have a flash back to the time he stole a diamond from his lover in the 1920s.

Tuesday

There's another new episode of The Universe featuring the "Biggest Things In Space," on the History Channel at 9 PM. I was sold as soon as I found out about the Lymann-Alpha Blob. Here's the official description:

We can't compare anything on earth to the biggest things known in space. The Lymann Alpha blob is a bubble like structure containing countless galaxies—perhaps the biggest object in the entire universe. Regions of radio-emitting gas called "radio lobes" could be even bigger. Then there are super galaxy clusters which are hundreds of galaxies merged together due to cosmic collisions. Discover which is the largest planet, star, star cluster, constellation, black hole, volcano, galaxy, explosions, moon, storm, impact crater and "void" in space.

And Ben 10 week continues on Cartoon Network, with a never-before-seen episode at 8 PM.

Wednesday

The Cartoon Network is re-running Ben 10: The Secret of the Omnitrix, a 90-minute movie, starting at 8 PM, as part of Ben 10 week.

Every week I question whether I should keep mentioning UFO Hunters as a must-see bit of sci-fi-ish TV. And every week, the show sucks me in with another insane episode title. This time, it's "UFO Dogfights." Yes, that's what you think it is. U.S. military jets had engagements in the 1970s and 1980s with objects that were moving too fast to be anything terrestrial. Did our jets shoot it out with an alien spaceship? It's a fair question. That's Wednesday at 10 on the History Channel.

IFC is showing two great movies in the afternoon. At 2:35, they're showing Primer, one of the weirdest and most cerebral time-travel movies of all time. And then at 4, they're showing C.S.A.: Confederate States of America, a bizarre and provocative alternate present, where the South won the Civil War and modern inventions like antidepressants are used to keep slaves in line.

Thursday

Smallville is back after a break, and this is supposedly the episode where everything changes. Without getting too spoilery, we're being told over and over that this is a major turning point in the series, especially for Lex. And the show is finally going to be making some huge steps forward towards the Superman status quo we all know and love. Of course, we also know that Lex won't be in most of the episodes next season, and neither will Lana. Also gone will be the show's co-founders Al Gough and Miles Millar. So this could actually be the show's last hurrah. Here's a preview clip. Is this Lex killing his inner child? Or what?

Meanwhile, the Cartoon Network is showing the live-action Ben 10 movie, Race Against Time, at 8 PM, continuing Ben 10 week. Apparently it's directed by Alex Winter, star of Bill and Ted, so you know it'll be awesome.

Friday

The Sci Fi Channel's Friday night lineup starts to take shape, and it's looking pretty unbeatable. At 8 PM, you have a new half-hour episode of the Sarah Jane Adventures, "Revenge Of The Slitheen Pt. 1." Despite featuring one of the less thrilling monsters from the new Doctor Who series, this episode is actually quite good — much better than the iffy pilot which aired last week. The cast starts to click a lot more with the substitution of Clyde for Kelsey. And the whole subversive teachers-are-evil subplot reminded me of Buffy, in a good way.

And then at 8:30, Sci Fi starts showing the fourth season of Doctor Who, starting with last year's Christmas special, "Voyage Of The Damned." A giant replica of the Titanic is orbiting Earth with a bunch of alien tourists on board. But the ship quickly starts to resemble its namesake, and only pop star Kylie Minogue — "I Should Be So Lucky" — can save the day. Here's our recap of the episode from last year, and here's the original British trailer:

And then at 10 PM, Sci Fi has another new Battlestar Galactica episode, "The Ties That Bind." Without giving too much away, it looks as though the Cylon civil war continues apace, Starbuck is still having some freaky mind-splosions and someone's wife may find out that he's really a Cylon. Here's the promo video:

Friday is also the debut of Ben 10: Alien Force, the Cartoon Network's new sequel to its classic Ben 10 cartoon. It's five years later, and Ben has become slightly more mature. He also hasn't used the Omnitrix in all that time. But when his Grandpa Max goes missing and leaves a cryptic message, Ben has to swing back into action again. Here's a preview clip:

Also on Friday, at 12:45 in the afternoon, TMC is showing Brother From Another Planet, the classic John Sayles film about an alien stranded in New York.

Saturday

Torchwood ends its second season on BBC America at 9 PM. The longer I think about the season finale, the less happy I am about it. If you think about the show as constantly being in flux between serious, grown-up drama and silly, scifi soap opera, the needle tilts just a bit too much in the latter direction for this final episode, partly thanks to the return of James Marsters as Captain John, Captain Jack's jilted lover. You can read our soft-hearted recap here. And here's a preview clip:

There are two reruns of the Spectacular Spider-Man cartoon on the CW, starting at 9:30. But no new Transformers: Animated on Cartoon Network — it'll be back next week.

Sunday

I'm drawing a blank, sorry. There just doesn't seem to be anything on Sunday. Oh, Spike is rerunning Star Wars Episode 1 a couple of times. That's about it.

Tonight is pretty empty, now that Sarah Connor, Kyle XY, Heroes and Chuck are all gone until fall. However, CBS has a new episode of nerd-com The Big Bang Theory at 8 PM. And Fox has a new New Amsterdam at 9 PM. Our immortal-ish detective investigates the death of a homeless man, and remembers joining a 12-step program in 1964.

Tuesday has the final episode of Jericho on CBS at 10, with things building to a (slightly contrived) climax. Jake and Hawkins make their way to Cheyenne to try and avert another nuclear holocaust. This show has grown from a slightly clunky soap opera to an irresistible thriller with a very science-fictional critique of a future corporate-dominated dystopia. Even if you haven't watched every episode lately, you should still catch the action-movie conclusion, which should be pretty easy to follow. Here's the first few minutes, to get you started. (Sorry about the streakiness and jerkiness, they were in the source video.)

Also on Tuesday, the History Channel has two repeats of The Universe at 8 and 9, dealing with unexplained mysteries and the rings of Saturn. And USA has K-PAX at 2 PM. Is Kevin Spacey an alien or a mental patient? Can't he be both? And Encore has Alien 3 at 3:05.

Wednesday sees a new Futureweapons on the Discovery Channel at 8 PM. This is actually the second episode to deal with Israel, and this time around we get to know the embattled country's missile shield, known as "Iron Fist." (But there's no weapon system called "Power Man," for some reason.)

And then at 10 PM, there's a new UFO Hunters on the History Channel, dealing with "UFO Vortexes." Similar to last week's focus on UFO Gateways, this is all about areas of the planet that seem to lend themselves to mysterious activity... like the Bermuda Triangle. And an astrophysicist suggests interdimensional travel using these vortexes (vortices?) may be "entirely possible" under Einstein's Theory of Relativity. It's pure science!

And the Sci Fi Channel has Sean Connery's classic Meteor at 3:00 AM Thursday morning.

Thursday's Smallville sees Clark finally learning how to fly, in preparation for his battle with Brainiac. And there's some kind of key thingy that leads to all sorts of Kryptonian secrets, and the wrong people have it. Here's the trailer:

Also, if you missed the acclaimed TV movie Rock Monster on the Sci Fi Channel this past weekend, you have another chance to catch it this Thursday at 9 PM. It's about a student, visiting Eastern Europe, who pulls a sword out of a stone — and then the stone goes on a murderous rampage. And yes, you're not alone in making a silly B-52s song out of the title. But if you'd rather stick with something you already know is good, FX is showing X2: X-Men United starting at 8 PM.

FX has the 2002 remake of Solaris, with George Clooney, at 10 AM. Ditch work and join the select club of people who appreciate the Soderbergh revamp.

Friday, two new half-hour specials about Battlestar Galactica are airing on the Sci FI Channel at 10 PM. Battlestar Galactica: Revealed is a clip show that retells the first few seasons of the show. And Battlestar Galactica: The Phenomenon is a fluffy look at how much celebrities like Seth Green and Joss Whedon adore the show. If you can't wait until Friday, both shows appear to be on Youtube and various other video sites in their entirety already. Here's a chunk of celebrity BSG love:

Also, Encore has the wetter of Kevin Costner's two post-apocalyptic loner movies, Waterworld, at 2:30.

Saturday morning, the CW has the penultimate episode of Legion of Super Heroes at 9:30 AM, followed by Spectacular Spider-Man at 10. LSH's episode is part 1 of "Dark Victory," featuring Imperiex (who I think was a Superman villain in the comics.) Part 2 airs next week. Meanwhile, Spider-Man meets Flint Marko, who becomes the Sandman, probably with worse special effects and better pacing than Spider-Man 3. And then at 10:30, there's a new Transformers: Animated. The Decepticons begin their invasion of Earth, and Optimus Prime worries that he's not a great leader. Aww.

And then at 9 PM, BBC America has a new (to Americans) Torchwood. It's the absolutely horrible one about the evil circus performers who get trapped inside an old movie from the 1920s. I don't know how to convince you to stay away from this one. This isn't just random Torchwood bashing — this episode is like three weird old Roger Corman movies mashed up, with the Torchwood stars heads randomly stuck on some of the characters. Actually, when I describe it that way, it sounds kind of great. But sadly, it tries a bit too hard to be serious, and ends up being awful and boring. I feel like I have a holy duty to keep you from watching this episode.

Luckily, there are many other options around that time. IFC is showing Austin Powers twice in one evening, at 5:30 and 10:45. Sci Fi is showing the first two Resident Evil movies back-to-back. TBS has Jackie Chan's vastly underrated Tuxedo at 8, followed by Spider-Man at 10. (Okay, The Tuxedo isn't that great. But it's got a few great bits, including the weird James Brown sequence.)

Sunday, Comedy Central is re-running the Futurama movie "Bender's Big Score," if you were too cheap to buy the DVD. That's at 7 PM. And Disney Toon has a random episode of Superman: The Animated Series at 10:30. That's all I can come up with, unless you think there's some kind of brain-eating virus involved in all those women desiring Brett on Rock of Love.

Tonight is the season finale of Kyle XY on ABC Family at 8. It's all about the senior prom, which looks chock full of heartwarming, judging from the trailers I've seen. At the same time, this show about a superpowered teen mutant has done a really great job of keeping a sinister undercurrent lately, and Kyle's female counterpart Jessi just gets more and more entertainingly psycho. So if you haven't checked it out yet, you may want to grab your last chance tonight. After all, the episode will also teach us that looking forward to your prom too much will turn you gay:

Also, the History Channel has a new Modern Marvels, about whiskey, at 8 PM. (Not really very science fictional, but maybe the whiskey is sentient?) And then a new Cities of the Underworld at 9 PM.

And Encore is showing Mission To Mars at 9:45, just in case you want to relive Gary Sinise's life-changing encounter with a cheesy CGI alien.

Tuesday night has the next-to-last episode of Jericho season two, on ABC at 10 PM. Sadly, this is looking more and more like the next-to-last episode of Jericho, period, unless the Sci Fi Channel decides Jericho is a better investment than another season of Ghost Hunters. As you'd expect, Major Beck is not terribly happy about the drastic actions that Stanley took at the end of the previous episode, and he's not willing to blame everything on New Bern. Here are the first five minutes of the episode. (I apologize for the streaky video, this is the best source I could find.)

Also, the History Channel has a rerun of The Universe, all about the possibility of life on Mars.

And Encore has back-to-back Aliens and Waterworld, starting at 11:40 AM.

And at 2:10 AM Wednesday morning, Encore has Ultraviolet, the second-best movie featuring Gun-Kata. (The first being director Kurt Wimmer's Equilibrium, of course.)

Wednesday, the Discovery Channel has a new Futureweapons, "Hard Target." Subjects include new inflatable armor, shoulder-fired grenades, and the A-10 Thunderbolt II attack plane. Good times! And at 10, the History Channel has a new UFO Hunters, "UFO Gateways." The Hudson Valley in New York has hosted more than its fair share of UFO sightings — could this area be an interstellar gateway, used to travel across time and space, or even between dimensions? Another possible gateway area is Sedona, Arizona.

And at 10:10, Encore has Alien 3, while FX shows Batman Begins at 5, followed by The Core at 8 and 11.

Thursday there's a new Smallville on The CW at 8. Lionel Luthor has Clark abducted, and there's some crazy prophecy about how The Traveler will change the Earth for ever. But the main reason to watch this episode is to see just how crazy Chief Tyrol has gone since a certain revelation at the end of Battlestar Galactica season three. Here's a clip:

And then there's a new Lost, on ABC at 9, where we find out what Michael's been up to all this time. And Ben tries to convince Alex to flee the Others' camp before a coming assault. We posted a couple of preview clips the other day, and here's the episode's promo:

As for movies, at 12:15 Friday morning, AMC has The Thing

Friday is pretty slow, except for a bunch of Stargate reruns on Sci Fi. Also, at 1 PM, USA has Timecop, the greatest time-traveling Jean Claude Van Damme movie ever.

And at midnight, A&E has The Matrix, while Encore has 12 Monkeys. Try flipping back and forth between the two movies to create a single, crazy-paranoid narrative where nothing is real. And at 1:30 Saturday morning, TBS has Mars Attacks!, followed by Eight-Legged Freaks at 3:45.

Saturday morning, The CW has Legion of Superheroes followed by Spectacular Spider-man (featuring the debut of the Lizard), starting at 9:30.

And then at 9 PM, there's a new Torchwood on BBC America. It's Gwen's wedding day, but unfortunately, she's got a little surprise on the way. Zany wedding-pregnancy action, plus creepy monsters. You can read our recap of the episode here.

Sunday has the first hour of the broadcast premiere of Futurama: Bender's Big Score, in case you didn't already get the DVD. That's on Comedy Central at 8.

Monday night now has a Sarah Connor-shaped hole. (And a Heroes-shaped hole, and (sigh) a Journeyman-shaped hole too.) But there's still Kyle XY on ABC Family at 8, for another couple of weeks, and I'm going to explain to why this show is way better than you give it credit for. For one thing, it does the teen-with-superpowers thing better than any show since Buffy. And you can tell the characters care about each other. Plus, even though it's supposedly family friendly, it actually gets pretty raunchy, as in one recent episode where Kyle's stepsister Lori had to deal with her ex-boyfriend wanting to still have the occasional booty call. And this season features a female version of Kyle named Jessi XX, who is crazy and sadistic. Last week, she made Kyle's stepbrother do pushups with an evil leer on her face. But mostly, you should watch for Ally Sheedy, who just started playing Jessi's mom. We featured an awesome clip of Ally in action the other day. Ally Sheedy! I would watch her in anything.

Also today, the Sci Fi Channel is showing a marathon of the underrated show Odyssey 5 all afternoon. Probably right now, as you read this. Ditch work and go home to check it out. It features a car in space. And it did mental time-travel long before Lost.

And FX is showing The Day After Tomorrow at 5:30 PM, in case you saw 10,000 B.C. and want another hit of Emmercrack right away. And there's a new episode of Modern Marvels called "Strange Weapons" on the History Channel at 8 PM. Strange weapons are definitely the best kind.

Tuesday, there's a new episode of post-apocalyptic drama Jericho on CBS at 10 PM. As you can see from the five-minute preview clip below, it picks up right where last week's shocking episode left off. The military contractors that were put in charge of running the plucky town that survived a nuclear attack are openly treating Kansas like Iraq now, and acting as though they're above the law. It's hard to believe there are only two more episodes left after this one — and they may be the last, unless you can convince a few million people to tune in. Check out the first five minutes of the episode, and then start bugging your friends:

Right before Jericho, there's a new episode of The Universe on the History Channel at 9 PM. It's called "Colonizing Space," and it sounds pretty fucking trippy. It explains how we will grow food on Mars, and how we will recycle wastewater (read: drink our own pee) and introduce greenhouse gases to "revive" the red planet. It sounds totally demented, and I bet there will be CGI animations showing how greenhouse gases will make Mars semi-terraformed.

Also on Tuesday/Wednesday at midnight, there's Cherry 2000 on Encore. Robot sex, plus Melanie Griffith doing Mad Max. Come on, you know that's better than sleeping.

Wednesday, ABC Family is showing Pleasantville, which is sort of slipstream, except it's not all that great. But it does feature Joan Allen masturbating and causing a nearby tree to spontaneously combust. Plus Reese Witherspoon is the school slut! (Somehow I doubt ABC Family will show this film uncut.) There's also a rerun of UFO Hunters on History at 10 PM.

Thursday at 8, there's a new Smallville on The CW. The show's back after a brief hiatus, and Pete Ross returns for a guest appearance. Remember him? Clark's best friend? And now he's got superpowers from — I wish I was kidding about this — meteor-laced chewing gum. It's that extra flavor stripe that gives you the power to stretch and sort of teleport your hands, apparently. Actually, I'm not clear on what Pete's superpower is, but it seems to involve a weird noise. Here's an unfinished preview clip from the episode:

And then at 9, there's a new Lost on ABC. If you average out the quality of "The Constant" and "The Other Woman," you get a pretty good couple of episodes. In general, the consensus seems to be that the show's improved a lot this season. And this week, you get to find out who the last two members of the Oceanic Six are (which should surprise nobody.) We also deal more with that "pregnant women die on the island" thing, which always weirds me out. Here's the trailer for the episode, and check out the two preview clips we posted on Friday:

Or if you're over Smallville and Lost, you can watch 12 Monkeys on Encore at 8, and daydream about the days when Terry Gilliam was still great.

Thursday/Friday at 3:00 AM, there's a TV movie called Alien Abduction on Sci Fi. A woman gets abducted by aliens and then winds up in a mental institution. Where the quality of the anal probes is much lower.

Friday night, there's a rerun of a House episode about a boy who claims that he's been abducted by aliens, and he has a tracking device in his neck. Is he right? Are alien abductions going to become part of the ongoing storylines in the hospital? I won't give away the twist ending, but someone on IMDB calls this the "worst House episode ever." Based on the full synopsis, the episode is definitely science fiction in any case.

Also, the Disney Channel has Sky High at 8 PM. Sci Fi has a couple of Stargate: Atlantis reruns at 9 and 10, and Encore has the original Alien at 9:50.

Saturday, there's a new Torchwood at 6 and 9 on BBC America. I'm not sure which episode we're up to in America, but it scarcely matters. The major character who died a while back is still dead, and angsting about it. That goes on for about three episodes in a row, and you may not actually be able to tell them apart even while watching them. Here are our recaps of the most recent episodes. Actually, Torchwood was doing a lot better for a while there, and the main reason to keep watching is to hope it pulls back up again.

Also, on Saturday morning, there's back-to-back Legion of Superheroes and Spectacular Spider-Man, starting at 9:30 AM on The CW. And then at 1 PM, The CW is showing Solaris, the Soderbergh/Clooney remake. At 3:10 on TMC, there's Free Enterprise, the weird movie about Star Trek fans that helped turn William Shatner into the self-mocking figure he is today. And Disney has The Incredibles at 9 PM.

Sunday evening, G4 is showing a bunch of reruns of Wired For Sex, which is worth checking out if you haven't seen it. Find out about that whole cybersex thing the kids are into.

Over on the Sci-Fi Channel's message board, it's a struggle of fact versus conspiracy theory. Poster Knight1024 is working in the fact-based arena:

During the week of the pilot's first airing, it received a 0.9 household rating. I'm not sure how that translates to amount of viewers, but Sci Fi usually cancels any show that gets below a 1.0 in the household ratings on average! The following week's ratings were also posted and the second airing of the pilot wasn't even in Sci Fi's top 10 (it must have gotten below a 0.9 rating for that week) . So, the chances of Sci Fi going ahead with the series MAY be slim!!

I have a feeling the government made sci-fi cancel the show (just a theory). Sci-fi would probably never admit to this... even if they really were threatened to do so.

The last show I saw was where a patient was put into a hypnotic state and revealed A LOT of information about what happened when he was abducted. As we know, hypnotism helps to reveal what is bothering a patient in their sub-conscious which is true. This is probably why the government felt threatened by the ufo hunters team on sci-fi.

I've been watching ufo hunters on the history channel. But they all probably work for the government and that's why they never reveal any conclusive evidence which is why they are still showing it because they have nothing to lose.

UFO Hunters [SciFi.com]