For almost as long as there have been superheroes, there have been superheroes who were intended to be patriotic figures representing American values by offering up inspirational speeches, standing up for the little guy and socking Hitler in the jaw whenever possible. Considering the popularity of the medium during the Second World War, it's easy to see why Real American Heroes became so prevalent, even if they've failed to find so easy a purpose ever since (Although trying to do so has produced such great stories - and such sly commentary as Captain America's 1970s villains, the Committee to Regain America's Principles... or CRAP, for short). But this isn't a day to think about troubled times... so let's salute the brave, bold and... others... of America's Fictional Finest.

The Classics
Captain America
Still the best of all of America's superheroes - or, at least, the only one who's really weathered the years and stayed in print the longest. Sure, there was that whole period he disappeared after the War, but that's because he was frozen in a block of ice. Who would've wanted to have read that month after month?

Uncle Sam
Who could be more patriotic than Captain America? Well, how about Uncle Sam himself? Oh, alright; this character, created by The Spirit's Will Eisner, wasn't the Uncle Sam, but instead the resurrected spirit of a Revolutionary War-era soldier who mystically returns in America's various hours of need, but still. Look at that beard and wonder just who could argue?

The Shield
Created more than a year before Captain America, Archie Comics' super soldier patriot may not have the name recognition of Marvel's counterpart, but DC Comics is doubtlessly hoping that J. Michael Straczynski's upcoming revival of the superpowered military man will change all of that.

The Fighting Yank
A character so wonderfully named, he's been revived not once but twice in recent years, and by no less than Alan Moore (in a 2001 issue of his America's Best Comics series Tom Strong) and Alex Ross (in his ongoing Project Superpowers series). But who could resist the lure of a man haunted by the ghost of his War of Independence-era ancestor who fights for his country's honor?

Liberty Belle
What are the odds that a woman could have a spiritual connection with the Liberty Bell so strong that it gives her superpowers and the ability to fight Nazis? if you're a comic book character from the 1940s, apparently they'd be good enough for that character's daughter to take on the same costumed identity and fight crime with the Justice Society today.

The Forgotten Heroes
Mr. America/Americommando
Reason #1 to love this 1941 superhero: His secret identity is a Texan oilman out for revenge against the Nazis. Reason #2: His sidekick's name was "Fatman." Reason #3: His Nazi-fighting technique? Dying his hair black and whipping his enemies until they surrender. Why is this character not getting multiple movies and fan worship as we speak?

Miss America
Sadly unrelated to the above, Miss America gained her powers from a dream where the Statue of Liberty came to life and gave them to her, and thankfully kept up that level of weirdness all the way through her career, whether it was faking her own aging process in order to live a quiet life or making a new body for herself from space debris and renaming herself Miss Cosmos. There's something admirable about that kind of ingenuity, wouldn't you agree?

USAgent
A much more recent patriotic hero than most, John Walker hails from the 1980s and an unsuccessful stint as a replacement for Captain America that accidentally led to his parents' death. His success as a character is perhaps best defined by the fact that he - an American-themed hero with a very American name - was transplanted to Canada by Marvel in a desperate attempt to make him a success. It failed.

American Eagle
Marvel Comics' 1981 attempt at inclusiveness resulted in this Native American hero, Jason Strongbow, whose generic origin story (Gained powers in accident caused by supervillain, seeking revenge for a dead brother) and lazy stereotypical costume didn't hint at the potential that's slowly being unlocked by more recent creators in series like Thunderbolts and War Machine.

Star-Spangled Kid
DC Comics keep trying with this name, even if the characters keep getting popular enough to outgrow it; the first SSK became Infinity Inc.'s Skyman in the 1980s, and the second became the Justice Society of America's Stargirl. Luckily, we now apparently have a third in the Teen Titans franchise, even if she does happen to be martian. Does an alien really count as star-spangled?

The Crazy Ones
The Comedian
Sure, there may be nothing particularly American about his name - or even his outfit, most of the time - but there's no doubting that Alan Moore's Watchmen character served his country - or more accurately, his country's government - better than most superheroes. Not enough to stop himself getting thrown out a window, sure, but them's the breaks.

Nuke
Frank Miller's intentionally-failed attempt to repeat the Captain America experiment may have seemed slightly out of place in the classic "Born Again" Daredevil storyline, but there's no denying that his drug-fueled, crazed Vietnam-flashback rantings made him a memorable indictment of mindless patriotism in Reagan's America.

Superpatriot
An old-school superhero captured, made into a cyborg and going insane and murderous in the process? Erik Larsen's quasi-parody may have a history that's as ridiculous as it is eventful - and that's before you've gotten to the kids he didn't remember having and his half-martian grandchild - but we're choosing to look at him as a man who's just made a few mistakes, is all.

Major Victory
Leader of conservative supergroup the Force of July - Get it? - this DC Comics character was everything some would want in a true American hero: Charismatic, attractive, arrogant and racist as all get out. Never given to complex characterization, the character's descent into political parody continued when he joined a new corporate superteam called the Captains of Industry - Get it? - before, thankfully, dying.

Captain America
Yeah, I know; Steve Rogers isn't crazy, right? But his retconned 1950s replacement most definitely was. After all, how else would you describe a man whose take on American values was deemed acceptable by Nazi supervillain the Red Skull on more than one occasion? Yes, he may think he was a patriot - and, thanks to cosmetic surgery, he even looks exactly identical to the original Cap - but this guy is not the kind of hero you want in your corner.

WTF?
Yank & Doodle
Yes, it's a crime-fighting duo called Yank and Doodle. Even during their heyday of the 1940s, there's no way that kids didn't find these two America-loving teenagers more than a little dumb. Surprisingly, they've just been revived in Dynamite's Project Superpowers series... Here's hoping that new names are forthcoming.

Yankee Poodle
Well, what else would you call the world's most patriotic crime-fighting dog? Part of DC Comics' Zoo Crew, Poodle isn't even the most America-centric of the team... That'd be American Eagle. Who, you guessed it, is an actual Eagle. Stunningly, thanks to Final Crisis, these characters are officially part of DC's main continuity these days.

American Maid
Armed with a boomerang tiara and her quick wits, The Tick's occasional partner in crimefighting stands out as being probably the most capable of all the characters in the comic/show - Dressed like Lady Liberty and working for the US government more often than not, evil will never get away with it as long as she's around.

The First American and US Angel
Alan Moore's turn of the millennium take on the idea of patriotic comic characters was this unusual duo - An overweight, incompetent superhero (The latest in a long line of First Americans) and the former stripper who dreams of taking his place. Social satire, or serious commentary on the impotence of American masculinity in the face of an increasingly revelatory society obsessed with surface glamor above all? You be the judge. But it's not the latter.

US 1
If a trucker who can pick up CB transmissions thanks to the metal plate in his head, and then gets kidnapped by aliens before opening an intergalactic diner in space doesn't sound like the very personification of the American Dream to you, then there's only one explanation: You're not an American in the first place. But even that doesn't stop us from wishing you a happy Independence Day... even if it was independence from you that's being celebrated in the first place.

Science Fiction opens the mind to more than just fantastic concepts about technology and alien planets. At its best, it also makes you realize that there's more than you could be doing with your life than sitting at your desk and wasting time on the internet. That's where we come in, with the SF Alternative Career Guide. They say that travel broadens the mind, so it stands to reason that the further you travel, the broader your mind would be. In that case, why not become the broadest-minded mother you know, by becoming a Space Trucker?

Think of how perfect the job would be - The romance of the wild open road, multiplied by the infinite skies of outer space. How can you resist?

Many people first became aware of the role of the Space Trucker through Deep Purple's seminal ode to the career, Space Truckin from their 1972 album Machine Head (AKA "The one with Smoke On The Water on it"). The lyrics summed up the appeal of the lifestyle with subtlety and wit:

We had a lot of luck on Venus
We always had a ball on Mars
Meeting all the groovey people
We've rocked the Milky Way so far
We danced around with borealis
We're space truckin' round the the stars
Come on let's go Space Trucking

It's not all the peaceful transportation of goods around the galaxies in this lifestyle, however. If popular culture has taught us one thing, it's that every space trucker will, at least once in their career, find themselves carrying some kind of cargo that is both unexpectedly dangerous and important to the survival of the universe. Take, for example, the crew of the Nostromo in Alien (described by Ridley Scott as truck drivers on, of all places, The Force Is With Them, a documentary about Star Wars): They happen to find a multi-million dollar franchise just lying around in an abandoned spacecraft. Or the truckers from the European comic Sky Doll, who not only have a cosmic messiah sexdroid castaway, but are also running around doing secret missions for the bad guys.

If the idea of sexdroids, secret missions and life amongst the open skies sounds attractive, then you'd probably want to check out the 1996 infomercial for the career, Space Truckers:

No, wait. Maybe not.

I know what you're thinking: I'm sold! How do I get to be a space trucker? Well, that's the tough part. Sure, you could apply to Ace Trucking Co., but they're never hiring these days. Instead, I think you just have to rely on the same kind of dumb luck that led to Marvel Comics' Ulysses Solomon Archer to the career:

A group of aliens came to Earth, seeking to recruit people to become starship pilots. They chose truckers, because of their experience with the solitude of the open road, much like that of space... [The aliens] revealed the secret of their actions: "What the Universe really needs are truckers! Why sure! Men of courage and intelligence who are strong-willed and independent!"

While it's true that the pay will probably suck, and the hours, solitude and personal hygene resulting from the gig aren't great either, if you're the right man for the job, none of that will matter. Hell, if you're the right man for the job, you'll have made up your mind and be selling all your personal belongings in preparation for your new life already. Godspeed, my friends... or rather, 10-10, good buddies.

Says Hollywood Reporter:

Some question whether the Marvel characters waiting in the wings have the appeal of previously licensed characters like "Spider-Man" and "The X-Men." But Marvel president David Maisel said that the key ingredient to make a film successful isn't "more well-known or less well-known characters but tender-loving care."

Doctor Strange: Created by Spider-Man's combination of Stan Lee and Steve Ditko, Marvel's "Master of The Mystic Arts" has all the potential to crossover to mainstream success - The story of an arrogant famous surgeon who survives a terrible accident but without the finger dexterity to keep slicing and sewing, only to become the world's most powerful magician after a Tibetan retreat, it's Nip/Tuck meets Iron Man meets Harry Potter. Get someone like Guillermo Del Toro to direct and George Clooney to star, and your summer blockbuster is all taken care of.

Devil Dinosaur: I know, I know; the idea of taking Jack Kirby's admittedly-hokey "first boy on Earth and his pet killer dinosaur that's bright red after getting roasted like a lobster but surviving" late-70s series and making it into a movie sounds dumb, but the whole thing has multimedia written all over it. Literally; the series was initially conceived with an eye towards possible Saturday morning cartoon adaptation. We're saying that it's better than that: Ditch Moon Boy and focus on his unkillable T-Rex eponymous co-star, marauding around prehistory and killing everything he comes into contact with - It's 10,000 BC but with more death and even less need to make sense.

Captain Universe: What do audiences want to see more each summer than a wish-fulfilment fantasy that lets them put themselves in the place of the more-powerful character in the screen in front of them? That's why Captain Universe ("The hero that could be you," as the ads for the comic said) works so well - the concept that Captain Universe is the identity anyone can adopt when randomly gifted with temporary godlike cosmic powers is tailor-made not only for a public that know that it'll never be a genius arms dealer or bombarded with gamma rays, but also for Hollywood executives that don't have to worry about paying more money to stars for each successive sequel: Just replace your lead actors! That's the whole point of the idea!

Nova, The Human Rocket / Star Brand: Let's face it; DC and Warner Bros are going to want to make a Green Lantern movie someday, so why not beat them to the punch with Marvel's two rip-offs of the concept? Nova has teenager Rich Ryder given cosmic powers by a dying alien and inducted into space police force The Nova Centurion Corps, while Star Brand has asshole Ken Connell given cosmic powers by a dying alien and... well, just being more of an asshole, really. Oh, and he blew up Pittsburgh in a nuclear explosion by accident, as well. See what happens when you don't join a space police force?

US 1: Somewhat out of left field, admittedly, but the story of Ulysses Solomon Archer (U.S.A. - get it?), a trucker whose metal skull plate allows him to not only mentally control his truck but also pick up CB transmissions - I swear to you that I am not making this up - who ends up traveling the highways in the sky after aliens introduce him to the concept of space trucking is tailor made for a high concept middle-American comedy movie. Probably starring Larry The Cable Guy and someone who'd previously been on the cover of Maxim or something. Sure, it may not open as big as Iron Man, but imagine the DVD sales after it becomes a cult hit.

There you go - Just five more potential movie franchises that can keep audiences amused and amazed after even Robert Downey Jr. has grown weary of his trademark smirk. With characters like these - and I didn't even get to Alison Blaire, the Disco Dazzler - you can tell that Marvel's movies are, worryingly enough, here to stay.

Marvel looks ahead [Hollywood Reporter]