HBO's first trailer for season five of True Blood is packed with bloody spoilers. Get your first look at the return of the king, new vampire weapons, strange hookups, and the brand new look Hoyt is channeling. Watch the trailer, then check out our screencap breakdown in this giant fangbanging gallery.

The first ever footage from the fifth season of the vampire sex-and-politics show, True Blood, is out. Proceed forward with copious hand-fanning. Sex, blood, showers, OH MY!

While the 4th season of True Blood had a lot of "precious fairy vagina," and a few great Pam one-liners, it's time to call it what it was, a dud. When the big season finale pits a nightie-wearing ghost grandma against a 50-year-old witch, you've got big trouble in Bon Temps. And don't even get us started on the…

Last night on True Blood, everyone got a little action! Even Andy! The Vampire Squad wrestled the witches with their custom leather fingerless gloves and fired a rocket launcher up their cackling behinds.

With only two more True Blood episodes left, it's time to start placing your death bets. We've been warned that not everyone will survive, and this new promo video only reinforces that fact.

This week on True Blood, we got our favorite vampire back, FINALLY. But have Sookie's underbits damaged his brain for good? Possibly, only time will tell! Until then, cue the vampire slo-mo, it's time for the Pro/Con list.

Dear vampire God, last night's True Blood was a whole lotta nothing for a long damn time. There were about 45 minutes of important vampire meetings and then five minutes of vampire screaming into the wind.

It's no great secret actress Deborah Ann Woll's character Jessica is one of our favorite True Blood characters. Except for when she's running around on her boyfriend Hoyt! So when we caught Woll on camera, we had to ask "What are you thinking?"

The cast members of True Blood and showrunner Alan Ball gathered on stage at the Television Critics Association to answer your questions about which were-panther is shtupping whom.

Let's get right on down to vampire business, shall we? Last night's True Blood had a lot of good...and a lot of bad. I'm specifically talking about the manner in which my 4-year sex fantasy on Eric Northman was crushed with soft woodland cuddling.