If it's the end of a decade, then it's time for multiple Best Of The Decade lists. This isn't exactly one of them, though, despite what it looks like; for one thing, even if it was, you'd all disagree with it and complain that we left off something essential - although anyone arguing for the inclusion of Ultimatum, we believe that can be disproven through the use of science and charts - and for another, we've not read every single thing published in the last decade, so for all we know, there's something really obvious that we'll have somehow overlooked through accident instead of malice. Instead of The Ten Best, then, these are Ten Of The Best (Click on the titles for our explanations why and, in some cases, runners-up to the list that we couldn't help but sneak in):

100% by Paul Pope (DC/Vertigo)
All Star Superman by Grant Morrison and Frank Quitely (DC Comics)
Black Hole by Charles Burns (Pantheon)
Casanova by Matt Fraction, Gabriel Ba and Fabio Moon (Image Comics)
Laika by Nick Abadzis (First Second Books)
Planetes by Makoto Yukimura (Tokyopop)
Pluto by Osamu Tazuka and Naoki Urasawa (Viz Media)
Scott Pilgrim by Bryan Lee O'Malley (Oni Press)
We3 by Grant Morrison and Frank Quitely (DC/Vertigo)
Y The Last Man by Brian K. Vaughan, Pia Guerra and many more (DC/Vertigo)

(Thanks to Lauren, David Brothers, Jeff Lester and all who offered advice and good reasons why we were entirely wrong in some original choices.)

Back to start.

Leaving aside characters with alphanumeric names (like Star Wars' R2-D2 and C-3PO), characters who also have serials number imparted to them by their governments but are not generally addressed as such (as in Nineteen Eighty-Four and The Giver), and characters whose first names happen to mean a number in a different language (as with many of the characters in Stardust and Mobile Suit Gundam), there are several characters who are either designated with or often called by a number:

Number One (Star Trek "The Cage"/"The Menagerie"): More than two decades before Captain Picard started referring to William Riker as "Number One," Majel Barrett filmed the original Star Trek pilot, where her character was known only as Number One. Like Riker, Number One was the Enterprise's first officer, but the novel Vulcan's Glory suggests Number One was her actual name, given to her because she possessed the top intellect of her planet's generation.

Number 5 (Short Circuit): Although roboticists Newton Crosby and Ben Jabituya were out to create artificial intelligence, they probably didn't expect any of their prototypes to suddenly gain sentience, and so assigned them numbers in lieu of names. But after prototype Number 5 becomes self-aware (and escapes the clutched of the US military), he decides that, as a living being, he should have a name, and calls himself Johnny Five.

Fifth (Stargate SG-1): One of the few characters with an ordinal number for a name, Fifth gets his name in a fairly straightforward manner: he's the fifth human-form Replicator to be created on the planet Halla.

V (V for Vendetta): Most people who live through encounters with the mysterious anarchist V think they're addressing him by a letter, and his propensity for using V-based alliterations when introducing himself seems to confirm this. But it's much more likely that V derives his name from the source of his vendetta; when he was subjected to medical experimentation at the Larkhill Resettlement Camp, he was the man in room five — marked with the Roman numeral "V."

Number Six (The Prisoner): Residents of the mysterious Village are known by a number rather than their actual names — including at least 16 individuals known only as "Number Two" — probably to protect the secrets they all inevitably carry. Number Six, the titular prisoner, protests in the opening that he's a free man, not a number, but it's implied that Number Six may be known by yet another number: Number One.

The Cylons (Battlestar Galactica): The creators of Battlestar Galactica have said that cylon Number Six is a tribute to The Prisoner, and it follows that each humanoid cylon model would have its own number, with the notable exception of the Final Five. Most cylon models are known collectively by a human name as well (the Sharons, the Leobens, the D'Annas), but individual Sixes tend to have individual human names, like Natalie, Caprica, Shelly, and Gina, perhaps because of they are so often used as infiltration agents.

Seven of Nine (Voyager): Names designate individuality, a concept the Borg have no use for, but sometimes it is convenient for the Collective to identify individual Borg drones. So when the formerly human Annika Hansen was assimilated into the Collective, she was given the designation Seven of Nine, Tertiary Adjunct of Unimatrix Zero-One. Even once she was unhooked from the hive mind, she preferred the shortened "Seven of Nine" to her human name, the latter of which she does not take up again until her Borg implants are completely destroyed.

Eight (The Specials): It's fairly obvious how Eight earned its superhero name. A hive mind, Eight consists of eight individual bodies who can physically act independent of one another, but share a single consciousness.

Thirteen (House): As long as we're labeling House as science fiction, we may as well mention Dr. Remy Hadley, better known as Thirteen. In one of his trademark moves to dehumanize his fellowship applicants, Dr. House assigned each applicant a number (and occasionally a humiliating nickname). Thirteen really took to the numerical naming system, refusing to divulge her actual name to her fellow applicants, and continuing to answer to Thirteen long after she'd earned a place on House's team.

Henchmen 21 and 24 (The Venture Bros): With the exception of the ill-fated Speedy, each of the Monarch's henchman is known only to their boss as a number. Henchmen 21 and 24 (the former is known to his mom as Gary) are genre-savvy enough to be content with their numerical positions in the Fluttering Horde. When they learn their new teammate is Henchman 1, they rightly assess that he's marked for death.

84 (P.S. 238): In a school filled with superheroes, Julie Finster has a pretty routine set of superpowers: flight, invulnerability, speed. In fact, her power set is so ordinary that instead of getting a cool superhero name, she's just called "84," since she's the 84th person to possess that particular grouping of powers. Needless to say, it's a tad demoralizing.

Agent 99 (Get Smart): James Bond may have been called 007 from time to time, but Agent 99 takes use of her code number to the next level, never answering to any other moniker (okay, in one episode, her fiance calls her Susan Hilton, but that isn't actually her name). In fact, she married Maxwell Smart and bears him twins without him ever learning her real name, proving once and for all that she's the better spy.

Agent 355 (Y the Last Man): In the historical spy network known as the Culper Ring, there was a female agent code named 355, whose identity has never been definitively determined. Similarly, in the fictional Culper Ring of Y the Last Man, Agent 355 is a highly competent spy whose name is never revealed (at least not to the reader). Her odd relationship with her name parallels that of Alter Tse'elon, the Israel commando whose real first name is not spoken (until the end) for fear of attracting the Angel of Death.

Experiment 626 (Lilo and Stitch): The alien mad scientist Dr. Jumba Jookiba created 626 strange and dangerous lifeforms. The wanton destruction caused by the final experiment, 626, condemns them both to life in exile, but the experiment escapes to Earth, where a young Hawaiian girl names him "Stitch." Of course, once Stitch's destructive nature has been reigned in, there are still 625 other experiments to contend with.

1812 (Farscape): In terms of numbered names, the DRD robot 1812 gets his from a fairly unusual source. Instead of 1812 being a serial number or a numbered designation, it's a reference to the 1812 Overture, which Crichton teaches the little service bot to play.

Subject 781227 (Kyle XY): Zzyzx, the company funding Adam Baylin's research, saw the child-shaped being Adam Baylin developed in his lab as a biological computer rather than a person, reflected in him getting a serial number in lieu of a name. It's only after 16 years, an escape, and a bout of amnesia that Subject 781227 finally gets a name: Kyle Trager.

BEST:

Spot, Data's Orange Tabby Cat from Star Trek: The Next Generation
Who: Data's number 1 friend that didn't wear a Devo-esque visor on his face.
Why he's awesome: He's probably one of the only cats in the universe that has an infinitely advanced AI at his beck and call.
Bonus points: Anything that pisses Riker off is a big plus in my book.

Willis the Bouncer from Robert Heinlein's Red Planet
Who: A sound mimicking furry ball that every kid should have as a friend.
Why he's awesome: In a 1960's era future, when a dog just won't cut it, the only way to really impress the kids at school is with an alien that doubles as a soccer ball. And here's a clip from the Fox miniseries adaptation.

R2D2, Star Wars
Who: The yin to C3PO's (annoying) yang that brings logic and light to any situation through a series of flickering lights and bleeps.
Why he's awesome: He's a moving trashcan that manages to be more likeable than most of the Star Wars palz extended cast.

Porthos, Captain Archer's Beagle from Enterprise
Who: Easily one of the more tolerable characters on Enterprise. Mostly because he didn't talk.
Why he's awesome: He's a beagle! How can beagles not be cute? Also, I feel like after the unfortunate Scotty related transporter incident, he deserves a nice memorial.

Ampersand, Y the Last man
Who: The world's ending, every man is dead, you're an aspiring escape artist pining away for your lost girlfriend and you're all alone. What do you do? Have crazy monkey antics with your favorite jungle friend with a punctuation mark as a name.
Why he's awesome: Not to spoil too much, but he may or may not be humanity's key to getting the XY's back in action.

Lockjaw
Who: Marvel's own alien bulldog and member of the non-human branch of the Avengers.
Why he's awesome: He's super strong, can eat anything and once latched onto the Thing.

Dog the Robot from Half Life 2
Who: Alyx Vance's No.1 go to robotic buddy who helps when your path is blocked by other dimensional beings or just wants to play fetch with your grav gun.
Why he's awesome: He's a giant robot with the personality of a dog. Do you need more?

Pen Pen, from Neon Genesis Evangelion
Who: A genetically altered super smart penguin that lives with Misato Katsuragi during the Angel apocalypse.
Why he's awesome: While the series has moments of intense despair and darkness, you can always count on jerky, anime humor involving naked people and penguins to brighten your day.

K-9 from Doctor Who
Who: Dr Who's multi-generational robotic canine companion.
Why he's awesome: He's gotten a series of spinoff stories and was even parodied on South Park.

Nibbler from Futurama
Who: Nibbler is part of an ancient race of Nibblonians who protect the universe from giant glowing brains that make everyone stupid. Er, Stupid-er.
Why he's awesome: He can eat about 1,000 times his body mass to, uh, produce dark matter.

Gaspode, from Terry Prachett's Discworld series
Who: A talking dog with human intelligence that attempts to bring "Hollywood" to Discworld.
Why he's awesome: He's an endless source of snarky remarks and regularly uses his speech to manipulate humans when he needs food.

CJ-7
Who: A puff ball with a body that guaranteed to produce family friendly fun times.
Why he's awesome: CJ-7 can help you repair torn relationships with certain parental figures and bring people back from the dead.

Einstein, Doc Brown's dog from Back to the Future
Who: You might be under the impression that a certain Family Ties alum might be the Doc's best time traveling friend in this series, but you'd be wrong. This adorable little terrier follows Doc whenever her goes.
Why he's awesome: As long as you ignore the craptacular animated television series, Einstein is always cute, helpful and never obnoxious.

Ein, Cowboy Bebop
Who: A super brained corgie that gets stranded on the Bebop.
Why he's awesome: Although they never really get into it in the series, Ein is a "data dog" that possesses super intelligence that allows him to answer phones and steer cars.

Bubastis, Ozymandias' lynx from Watchmen
Who: When you're a super genius David Bowie impersonator with the world at your fingertips what do you do next? You create a genetically engineered psychedelic colored lynx as a companion.
Why he's awesome: He takes one for the team for the sake of furthering an evil plan for his master.

Gizmo, Gremlins
Who: The main furry faced protagonist of the Gremlins series.
Why he's awesome: While I'm pretty much a fan of all the gremlins, I can't deny the greatness that is Gizmo channeling his inner Rambo.

Seymour from Futurama
Who: Seymour is a part of one of the most tear jerking episodes of Futurama involving Fry recounting the story of the most loyal dog that ever lived.
Why he's awesome: Did you see the last scene? He's the most loyal dog that ever lived! Also, we can rest easy knowing that alternate timeline Fry gave Seymour a great life.

Bronx from Gargoyles
Who: Bronx is the dog version of the Manhattan gargoyle clan. During the whole series you only see one other gargoyle beast, but unlike Budeka, Bronx gets a whole episode devoted to him befriending an Amish kid.
Why he's awesome: Gargoyles are already pretty high on the cool supercreatures scale, but add a dog personality to the mix, and you've got gold.

Roach from WALL-E
Who: They weren't lying when they said that after the world ended there would be nothing left but cockroaches. Fortunately, the end of the world also gave them charming personalities!
Why he's awesome: Making me want a roach as a pet is an epic win in my book.

Kevin and Dug from Up
Who: Kevin is a rare, brilliantly colored giant bird that Carl and Russell accidentally find in Paradise Falls. Dug is sweet golden retriever with a collar that allows him to talk.
Why they're awesome: It takes a lot to make slapstick giant birds funny, but Pixar does a magnificent job. And Dug? He's exactly what I imagine an actual talking dog to sound like. SQUIRREL!

WORST:

Tribbles from Star Trek
Who: Fuzzy, purring little meat pets that take over the original Enterprise.
Why they suck: Pets rocks were bad enough, why would they think that a massively multiplying furry pet rock would be better?

ALF
Who: Alien puppet that takes over a really lame sitcom in the 80's. If ever you want to torture someone without the use of waterboarding, show them and episode of ALF… or Small Wonder.
Why he sucks: Look me straight in the eye and tell me you didn't scream in horror when you saw that clip.

Snarf, Thundercats
Who: A fat alien cat that ends every sentence with an annoying "snarf!" sound.
Why he sucks: Is he a lizard or a cat? I'm going to go with meth induced demonic lovechild.

Teddy from A.I.
Who: An animatronic intelligent Teddy Rucksbin from the future that accompanies David in a search for the Blue Fairy.
Why he sucks: Ok, now I understand that some people might take issue with Teddy's position on the worst list but he's a toy that's alive. That's pretty much the worst nightmare of most 8-year-old kids. And me.

Slimer from Ghostbusters
Who: A green ghost that terrorizes the Ghostbusters team by covering everything in slime.
Why he sucks: For those of us born in the mid 80's and watched the Ghostbusters cartoon first, we expected to see cool ghost antics when we finally saw the movie. Instead, we were greeted with a grotesque blob that was pretty evil.

Div-x from Penny Arcade
Who: You might remember the Sony Dix-X player, an ahead of its time technical marvel.
Why he sucks: According to Penny Arcade Comics, he's a foul-mouthed drunk that's teetering on the edge of killing us all.

Pets from Children of Men
Who: When the world's gone infertile, people turn to animals to provide comfort in the end of humanity.
Why they suck: I have nothing against the animals in Children of Men, personally, but seeing all the dogs, cats and birds cluttering people's homes can be an ominous image.

Selacious Crumb from Star Wars
Who: He's a little fox-lizard thing that hangs out with Jabba the Hut and laughs at all his lame jokes.
Why he sucks: Everybody hates the skinny jerk in the corner with the stupid laugh.

Gleek from Superfriends
Who: The alien monkey pet of the Wondertwins.
Why he sucks: Usually if he was featured in Superfriends, you could count on him popping out to end the episode on a lame joke.

Independence Day Dog from Independence Day
Who: If you're like me then you probably laughed at the idea of a ball of flame chasing a golden retriever down a tunnel.
Why he sucks: Was it really necessary to have a slow motion explosion behind a dog? And wouldn't all that heat ultimately cook them all in that storage locker?
Then Again:...he's immune to explosions. And that's pretty cool. Dodging fire like that, he's like a canine Neo. Maybe he should have been best?

Space Buddies
Why they suck: I'll just point you in the direction of this.

Queequeg, X-files
Who: A Pomeranian adopted by Dana Scully and eaten shortly after by the legendary Big Blue.
Why he sucks: He was found snacking on his previous owner.

Krypto
Who: Superman's dog. Enough said.
Why he sucks: I hate pet versions of superheroes. Also, why does he need a cape?

Muffit from the original Battlestar Gallactica
Who: Caprica used to have a variety of tracker dogs but sadly, none of them survived the Cylon attack. Instead a group robotic dogs are created to replace them.
Why he sucks: Is he an ewok? A fuzzy, metallic gremlin on meth? You decide.

MAD Cat from Inspector Gadget
Who: Dr. Claw's chortling fat feline.
Why he sucks: He's the quintessential evil cat meant to taunt the hero. Plus Dr. Claw regularly beat the crap out of him and he seemed to be ok with that.

Frank the Dog from Men in Black
Who: An alien stool pigeon using the guise of a small pug.
Why he sucks: He made me remember "Who Let the Dogs Out" existed.

Gir, Invader Zim
Who: Invader Zim's mentally disturbed robot helper that was given to him as either a joke or sabotage. Probably both.
Why he sucks: Yeah, yeah Gir is really cute, but he's amoral, evil and would gladly watch you die a fiery death while bursting into a fit of giggles.

Astro, The Jetsons
Who: The Scooby Doo knockoff of the 21st century.
Why he sucks: It might have worked with the Scooby Gang, but there's only room for one charismatic dog with a speech impediment ‘round these parts.

Lamar, Half Life 2
Who: The neutered headcrab that resides in Dr. Isaac Kleiner's laboratory.
Why he sucks: Crabs are rarely a good thing. Head crabs are a double whammy of bad.

Joshua from Dark Angel
Who: A transgenic dog-man with an affinity for painting and crappy comedic timing.
Why he sucks: There was only one good thing that came out of season two of Dark Angel and that rhymes with Smensen Shackles.

Honorable Mention: Blarp from the Lost in Space remake.

Talking during a press appearance for Transformers: Revenge of The Fallen, Shia LeBeouf said that earlier reports of his disinterest in the movie had been exaggerated:

"Y: The Last Man" is my favorite comic book. It's also [director] DJ Caruso's favorite comic book. We DO want to make it... Vaughn and [screenwriter Carl] Ellsworth and DJ are writing the script now. The script is not ready to be shot. DJ is making a different movie right now. He's making "Jack and the Beanstalk". There's just other things going on with DJ and I wouldn't want to make the movie with anybody else because he loves it like I do. But I don't think Vaughn is trying to give it to anybody else. I think that it is something that's very realistic, it's just not in the pipe for the next year.

There's only one thing for it: We have to do something to make Shia go off the idea again.

Shia LaBeouf talks Y: THE LAST MAN - Says the Project Could Still Happen [Collider]

LeBeouf, who's been linked to the role ever since director D.J. Caruso became involved in the project, told Wizard magazine that he couldn't see himself playing the titular last man alive on Earth because of similarities to his Transformers character, Sam Whitwicky:

You take Sam and you put a monkey on his shoulder... I don't know if it's that big a differential. It seems like he's the ordinary guy in an extraordinary situation again... I'm not willing to make that movie currently, and may be too old to play the role by the time it does come around.

While I have nothing really bad against Shia, he never seemed right for the character to me. But who could step into Yorick Brown's shoes convincingly? Start your casting speculation now.

No Y: The Last Man for Shia LaBeouf [Superhero Hype]

Oh, and this post is probably work-safe, unless your coworkers are looking over your shoulders at the words on your screen. Or unless you start reading aloud. Some of the videos are a bit saucy, but they're from YouTube.

Tuvok (from Star Trek: Voyager):

Vulcans are automatically sex on legs, because of that whole repressed emotion thing, and the fact that it explodes - erupts! - every seven years with Pon Farr. But Tuvok is especially primed for slash fiction, because of all the smouldering glances he shared with Tom Paris and Chakotay, among others. Plus he's kind of an exhibitionist:


There's a whole web page devoted just to Tuvok slash fiction, with titles like, "Tuvok and Chakotay make a deal. But is it worth it?" Tuvok goes into Pon Farr a lot. There are even multiple stories of Tuvok hooking up with the mirror-universe Bashir, from Deep Space Nine. And Tuvok and Gul Dukat hooking up. Yay!

Jayne (from Firefly):

Jayne, you ignorant slut. For some reason, all of the men aboard the tiny ship Serenity are drawn to the manly brusqueness of the mercenary who would kill them for a nice hat. This Firefly Slash archive is full of Jayne/Mal, Jayne/Simon, Jayne/Mal/Simon. And there's more here. But no Jayne/Wash? Anyway, the Simon/Jayne pairings are surprisingly sweet and tender, with River giving Simon dating advice and Jayne admitting he really wants to turn the doctor out, instead of turning the doctor in. Here's a great passage from one story':

Simon arched his back, pushing up to meet Jayne's caress. His nails dug into Jayne's arm as he moaned low in his throat and shifted sinuously on the bed, spreading his legs wider. Jayne grinned down at him before taking his mouth again, his hand moving with delightful slowness, tongue stroking deep inside him, over and over, possessing without force. Simon gasped against Jayne's mouth, unable to summon any other response to this sure and gentle claiming.

His head felt like it was swathed in cotton and he stared dreamily as Jayne broke their kiss. Jayne watched him with a small, strange smile and nuzzled his cheek, making a satisfied noise under his breath. His hand tightened deliciously.

"Oh god," Simon gasped. "Yes, just like that!"

(Jayne pic from evinou)

Prowl (from Transformers Animated):

There have been a lot of Transformers named Prowl, but the latest version is a robot who turns into a police motorcycle. And for some reason, that's just unutterably sexy to a whole generation of slash-fic writers. Here's Prowl seducing Optimus Prime:

But Optimus a fast learner, and once he calmed, Prowl was quick to reward him. He turned his head inwards, placing careful, soft nips along the thin white plates of Optimus's jawline. So delicate-no wonder he wore the mask during battle. Removing a hand from Optimus's hip joint, Prowl ran it up the other mech's side, palm resting against the smooth curves of headlights as his fingers teased at the underseam of red chest plates. Optimus shuddered, whispering his approval in an unconscious reversion to a heavily accented, uniqe Cybertronian dialect that was so different from the formal, bland Cybertronian used by the Elite Guard.

And here's a debate about the Prowl/Jazz pairing, with links to some great stories. And here's a great essay on Transformers porn someone wants to see.

Miles Vorkosigan (from Lois McMaster Bujold's novels):

Miles Vorkosigan may have been pretty busy, rising above his tragic family life and his disability, to become one of the greatest heroes of ImpSec. But it turns out he's had lots of spare time to hook up with his handsome but dim-witted cousin Ivan Vorpatril, and his stepbrother, emperor Gregor Vorbarra. A treasure trove of Vorkosigan slash stories is here. And there are even more here. And there's the epic slash novel A Deeper Season, which you can read here.

Neroon (from Babylon 5):

Neroon is part of the warrior caste of the Minbari Star Riders clan, and a fearsome adversary. But he's also a legendary lover, especially when it comes to Marcus Cole, the human he fights in a deadly one-on-one battle. The two warriors come to respect each other and (in the minds of slash-fic writers, anyway) to embrace passionately. (Maybe that's why Marcus was a virgin for so long? He was waiting for the right guy to come along?) There are tons of Marcus/Neroon stories here, including this passage:

The feel of Neroon's warm lips caressing his caused Marcus to whimper, feeling the love that Neroon held for him.

"This is our first time together, Marcus. I would have it a memorable and pleasurable experience for you, my beloved."

Marcus bowed his head and then smiled shyly up at his husband. "I love you, Neroon and I will admit that I am nervous about tonight but I know that with you here beside me I can face anything. I want this, Neroon. I've waited all of my life for this moment. I love you, Neroon and I am ready for our first night together. One of which will be repeated for many years to come," Marcus said with a teasing smile as he leaned up and kissed his beloved.

Neroon growled low at the feel of his lover's lips against his as he took Marcus into his arms. Slowly he began to kiss his way down Marcus' neck causing Marcus to moan in pleasure at the feel of Neroon's lips across his skin. Slowly Neroon's hands removed the silk robe from Marcus' shoulders.

More here. And here.

Molly Millions (from Neuromancer):

Okay, so there are only a couple of stories about the heroine from William Gibson's Neuromancer, including a steamy hookup with 3Jane. But we want more! Someone write some, and send us the link.

Obi-Wan Kenobi (from Star Wars):

He may be kind of a dick, but at least the Jedi master is generous in bed. Around the time Phantom Menace came out, there was a craze for Obi-Wan/Darth Maul slash, showcasing how the Jedi and the Sith Lord could have worked out their antagonism. Here they are, dancing around together and trading longing glances:



But he's also hooked up with his teacher, Qui-Gon, his grown-up student, Anakin, and pretty much anyone else who comes by the Jedi temple.

Ford Prefect (from the Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy):

Ford Prefect shows Arthur Dent the wonders of the universe, but what else does he show him? And why exactly was Ford so eager to take Arthur with him when he fled the doomed Earth? Story synopses include "The Earth blows up, the boys get it on." Or: "Aliens force Ford and Arthur to have sex." Find out more here. And here. Ooh, and here. Oh, and if you're dying for pregnant Arthur Dent, try here.

Susan Calvin (from Asimov's Robot series):

There are only a few slash fic stories featuring Asimov's misanthropic heroine that I could find, but they come highly recommended.

Rodney McKay (from Stargate Atlantis):

Our favorite silly nerd character from Stargate has been keeping busy in the slash fiction world. Apparently there's a whole shipper community called McShep, for McKay and Sheppard. One story has the intriguing synopsis, "John and Rodney must refrain from having sex for twelve hours." In another story, "John gets caught with his hand in the Rodney jar." Oh my! More here. And here. And here. Ooh, and here's a video:

Aeryn Sun (from Farscape):

She may have had a tumultuous relationship with John Crichton on the TV series, but in the world of slash fic, she's gotten together with Zhaan, Chiana and a host of others. A typical passage:

Aeryn pressed her fingers over the nipples and began to manipulate them lightly, using the friction of the cloth to give Zhaan added pleasure. Letting go of the sensitive peaks, she slid her hands up over them. Zhaan's nipples traced circular patterns over Aeryn's palms. I'm going to make you mumble too, she thought, I won't be alone in that.

Zhaan arched her back, pushing her breasts into Aeryn's hands. Aeryn let go and pressed her own breasts into Zhaan's, pulling the priestess over for another deep kiss. As they slid together into the motions of the kiss, their tongues languidly caressing, their bodies moved closer, breast against breast, belly to belly, sex to sex.

The priestess nudged Aeryn back against the wall, still continuing to kiss her. Aeryn was melting—she was sure of it—the cold wall against her back, the warm woman in front, and every part in between aching for Zhaan's touch. Her hands stroked Zhaan's back, then moved lower, cupping her ass.

As Y director DJ Caruso told ComingSoon.net, the problem may all be a matter of script:

Yeah, it's been a while. I think it's one of those that the source material is fantastic stuff, it's great, but it's a tough one to lick into getting into a screenplay. I've tried to feel like it's a trilogy of movies and I think everyone sort of agrees, but at the same time, just getting the first movie right and getting the right beats and knowing what to put in, it's been really tough. You have great minds like David Goyer and you've got Carl Ellsworth and you've got Brian K. Vaughn, and I'm working with them to just kind of crack it and get it down. And we're almost there. I know it's a slow process, but I think eventually we'll get it.

Maybe I'm a little too much of a fan of the original series - albeit one who managed to forget it for both the Best of 2008 and Holiday Gift Guide lists - but I don't see why a straight adaptation of the first collection wouldn't work as an initial movie...

Exclusive: Director D.J. Caruso Has an Eagle Eye [ComingSoon]

Caruso is adapting Brian K. Vaughn’s graphic novel series Y: The Last Man, about a young man, Yorick, and his monkey who are the sole male survivors of a mysterious gendercide. Caruso is planning to cast Shia LaBeouf as Yorick, but won’t show the Transformers actor the script for the three-picture adaptation until he has a more definite version of the script. Currently, Caruso and Carl Ellsworth are revising earlier portions of the script, and getting a clearer view of how they’ll treat Y’s leading ladies. According to SciFi Wire:

The graphic novel features a menagerie of compelling female characters, including Yorick's conflicted sister, Hero; the kick-ass government Agent 355, who is his bodyguard; and 355's sinister fellow agent, 711. The movie will include all of them, but not as they appear in the books.

"Yorick's sister, Hero, is in the script at this point, but she is not as much of a character as she was in the first draft," Caruso said. "Right now, she's sprinkled throughout, but she's not a major, major character."

Caruso added: "The 711 character is in it, and she's insane. She does teach [Yorick] a life lesson or two in a very interesting way. It's a comedic, yet horrifying, scene. She's very cool."

Although Caruso couldn’t possibly squeeze every one of Vaughn’s plotlines into even three films, I can’t help but wonder what Hero’s reduced role means for the Amazons, the anti-male group that features prominently early in the series. And there is still no mention of Alter, the nigh-unstoppable Israeli soldier and frequent antagonist of Yorick and company. But Caruso promises that the trilogy’s third act will closely follow the ending of the series. Hopefully, he’ll also remember that, while Yorick is the protagonist of Y, it’s also a story about the women.

[Sci Fi Wire]

"When one is so bad that I can't seem to shake it after a few weeks, it usually means I have no choice but to write about it, often because that lame high concept is a way for me to explore something that makes me confused or furious about the world." — Brian K. Vaughan, writer for Lost and creator of Y The Last Man, interviewed in Esquire.

According to Cinema Blend:

Basically he'll show a lot of what's happening around the world, such as in China, in montages and little vignettes, but for the most part the movie will focus on Yorick and his monkey, Ampersand. There's also been a major plot change from the books, inserting a "ticking clock" with Yorick and Ampersand. Caruso explains, "I separated them, and Yorick starts to get a little sick when Ampersand's not with him. I felt like we needed some kind of ticking clock so it wasn't just a boy and his monkey."

So here's what that means, for those of you who've read the comic books. First of all, we are going to lose all the interesting subplots about how the political regimes of the world reconstitute themselves in the wake of losing every single creature with a Y chromosome. We'll get very few chances to learn about the Israeli military, the Amazonian terrorists, the Japanese all-girl Yakuza, the women's prison-turned-farm-coop, and the female scientists working to make it possible to rebuild the world out of the DNA they've got left.

In other words: A comic book about a world entirely filled with women is going to turn into a movie about a dude. Of course, Yorick is the point-of-view character in the books, but his story is in some sense a frame narrative that allowed Vaughan to ask what would happen to a world that has just lost the ability to reproduce, and lost its ruling class (most of the world leaders are still men, after all). Obviously Caruso has to trim some stuff, but why add in this silly plot about how Yorick gets separated from his monkey and is getting sicker?

My biggest fear is that that means we're going to see a bunch of extra crap with the monkey running around. And we will all stab our eyes out because we'll have lost all the awesome stuff with Israeli ninja Alter and instead gained a monkey. Vaughan apparently "approved" the changes Caruso made, but it's hard to say what that means. It's not as if disapproving would really get him somewhere, and Vaughan is such a nice guy that I can't imagine him wanting to make a giant fuss over something like this ala Alan Moore.

But hey, Caruso also says that "god willing" there will be a sequel. So maybe we'll get a whole lot more monkey in 2011.

Caruso Adds "Ticking Clock" [via Cinema Blend]

Caruso spoke to SciFi Wire about the movie:

Well, I think Yorick is a fantastic role for Shia [LeBeouf]. One, because Yorick has great sort of self-deprecating humor. ... One thing Shia really brings to him is that ... realistic acting style and being put in some crazy, ... super-realistic situations. Shia always keeps them real and keeps it grounded. He's endearing. I'm hoping that the 355 relationship, ... I always thought it would be really cool to have that be sort of a [Robert] De Niro-[Charles] Grodin ... banter type relationship, like they had in Midnight Run. I think that Shia would be a great sort of receiver and giver on both sides of that. I think he'd really bring a lot to it... I haven't given deep thought [to casting other characters], because we just [finished the script]. I mean, it was so cool we finally plotted out and licked the first screenplay. I think it's one of three if, God willing, the things are successful. And so I haven't really given it much thought. But, ... it's [going to have 355]. We've got 711. We've got Dr. Mann. We've got Hero. ... We've got a lot of interesting casting choices. You know, as Shia said, this would be a really fun movie to be a guy in [laughs].

But how would the movie end?

I don't want to give away too much of the end, but I think basically you know, Yorick and 355 will basically walk away and go off into the sunset, knowing that they're going to have to keep going on the run, and you might sort of look up in the sky and realize that maybe Yorick is at that point, and he might not be the last man or he might be the last man, and that ... the journey and the continuing on the run is going to have to go from there.

He "might not be the last man"? Unless this means movie audiences are going to get an early reveal of Dr. Mann's father, then am I the only one worried that we're going to see a much more upbeat end to this version of the story that might than fans of Brian K. Vaughan's original would be expecting? If so, then suddenly Shia being the final specimen of human masculinity in the world is no longer the scariest thing we've heard about this project.

Caruso Offers New Y Hints [SciFi Wire]

Shia LeBeouf is still rumored to be attached to the Y The Last Man movie adaption that Benderspink is producing — or at least there's a dialog about him being attached to it in some big wig Hollywood office. Who else could be in Y? The producer, JC Spink, told UGO that he was interested in either Zoe Saldana or Alicia Keys for the role of Yorick's bodyguard, Agent 355. But for Dr. Mann, he doesn't want Lucy Liu, he wants an unknown.

I don't know what I'm more excited for over at Benderspink: Vampire Zombies, Zombies Of Mass Destruction or Y: The Last Man. Well, okay, maybe Y.

[Hollywood Reporter]

Talking to /Film, Caruso said that Warner Bros, the new owners of the rights to Brian K. Vaughan's Vertigo series about the death of the male gender and what happens afterwards, is very excited about the potential of the concept:

What happened is New Line [which optioned the comic] is now part of Warner Bros, and Warner Bros is now really high on the project. And Carl Ellsworth will probably be handing in a script to Warner Bros/New Line [real soon]... Warner Bros keeps saying ‘We need movies for 2010′ I’m like ‘We’re the movie!’

And, as we've reported before, Shia LeBeouf is still on track to play sole male survivor Yorick Brown:

I was talking to Shia [LaBeouf] about this yesterday when we were looping him, because he really wants to do it as well, I would like to prep this movie in October, and start shooting it by January... [Shia] wants to do it, I want to do it. I think we just need to worry about him being exhausted, so I told him, if I prep it in the fall and we start in January, that’s a nice big break.

As much as I may not be convinced by Shia in general, I have to admit that I think that he might work in the role, and find myself hoping that this project doesn't disappear into development hell as soon as we get our first adapted-from-a-comic bomb.

DJ Caruso’s Y: The Last Man in Summer 2010? [/Film]

Tony Lee, who's writing the new series (illustrated by Y: The Last Man co-creator Pia Guerra), explained how we'll manage to see each and every Doctor one more time:

[I]t's always nice to revisit old friends... I think we can give more 'forgotten tales' in these short flashbacks. We have the First Doctor, Ian, Barbara and Susan meeting Egyptians; we have the Second, Jamie and Zoe meeting space lizards; the Third, Jo and The Brigadier (and pretty much most of the UNIT regulars) defeating aliens on Dartmoor; the Fourth and Romana (two) in millennium Paris; the Fifth, Tegan and Turlough facing a more recent addition in a Village cricket match; the Sixth and Peri in a courtroom; the Seventh and Ace in an alien war torn city; the Eighth alone in a Count of Monte Cristo setting; and the Ninth and Rose in the trenches of World War I. And every single one of them has been an utter joy to write... Oh and of course we have the Tenth and Martha... in a strange museum being hassled by gun happy waxworks, giant familiar spiders, robots and a mysterious and familiar bearded man.

Wait, flashbacks? Is that all we're going to get of the previous Doctors? Lee is playing coy:

Let's just say that there is a two-page double-spread panel in one of the later issues that will make all the fans excited. And by this point you'll also know exactly what's going on. I told the ending to a longtime friend and massive Doctor Who fan and he spent the next hour a gibbering wreck.

The series, from San Diego publishers IDW, launches in August.

The Timeline of A Time Lord [Comic Book Resources]

In a universe stocked with sentient robots and faster than light travel, you'd hope that science would have mastered something as mundane as the human reproductive system, yet the fictive cosmos are littered with unplanned pregnancies, bastard children, and all manner of unpleasant critters bursting from one's internal organs. Is any form of contraception safe in world of science fiction? We looked at seven tried and true methods and started to worry that the future we’ve envisioned is one in which we’re all paying child support.

Socially-Mandated Birth Control
How it works: When the world is on the verge of overpopulation and resources are strained, sometimes a government’s got to put the breaks on reproduction and restrict baby-making to the desirable few. After all, after thousands of years spent clawing to the top of the Darwinian ladder, we can’t have every Tom, Dick, and Beowulf Shaeffer dumping his DNA into the newly limited gene pool. Fortunately, there’s a veritable buffet of methods for de-fertilizing the populace. The body-numbing “ethical birth control pills” of Vonnegut’s Welcome to the Monkey House make sexual contact utterly uninteresting, while Andrew Neiderman’s The Baby Squad opts for the simpler solution of mass sterilization. The women of Sarah Hall’s Daughters of the North are fitted with an outwardly visible IUD, and Brave New World does away with childbirth entirely, making pregnancy the pinnacle of personal disaster and arming women with a birth control utility belt that would make Batman proud.

Why it fails: It turns out that the long arm of the government can only reach so far. In Hall’s book, women occasionally slip off the reservation to join the Carhullan Army, where they’ll take out that contraceptive device post haste. And, despite the looming threat of execution, women in The Baby Squad and Larry Niven’s “Known Space” stories have been known to get pregnant on the sly. Of course, sometimes birth control just plain fails. Even with a lifetime of practice at the Malthusian Drill, Brave New World’s beta Linda still manages to get knocked up, and with nary an abortion tower in sight.

Making it with a Robot
How it works: Assuming you’ve gotten a hold of one of those fully functional models and not one that’s genitally lacking, robots may be the perfect lovers – all that stamina with no messy gametes.

Why it fails: While this might work with entirely abiological specimens, the rules get tricky when your partner’s a Cylon. If you’re a human doing a Cylon, don’t fall in love. If you’re a fellow toaster, then plug away – unless you’re one of the Final Five. Which you might be. On second thought, it’s best just to use a rubber.

Male Birth Control
How it works: As modern researchers are tirelessly working to staunch the flow of sperm, Starfleet has long known the benefits of offering contraceptive injections to men. It reduces the odds of accidents and prevents alien-loving starship captains from leaving little Kirklets across the Alpha Quadrant.

Why it fails: As with its modern female analog, the male contraceptive injection is only good as long as you keep it up. And captains like Ben Sisko are just too busy bringing down evil empires, battling Pah-wraiths, and preserving the timeline to stop by Sick Bay for a hypospray. But not too busy, apparently, to get it on with Kasidy Yates.

Living in a World Without Men
How it works: Maybe all the men died off one day in a mysterious and bloody event. Maybe women have gone off and formed their own society without thinking to take a few Y chromosomes along. Maybe a whole species is kept female to control their breeding. Whatever the reason, the absence of sperm would seem to take pregnancy off the menu.

Why it fails: Even in the face of gendercide, men are not so easy to fell. There are bound to be a few hiding out in secret labs, in orbit, or dangling in straitjackets from the ceiling, ready to impregnate the first female who pounces. Or, as in Jurassic Park, the absence of males may prompt a handful of females to tiptoe across the gender line. And maybe men aren't a necessary component after all; the women of all-female utopia Herland opt for parthenogenesis, making themselves pregnant without the benefit of a partner.

Being Male
How it works: Thomas Beatie aside, it’s unlikely that a man is going to find himself pregnant at the gonads of another human being. Even exclusively male societies, like that in Lois McMaster Bujold’s Ethan of Athos, tend to rely on external gestation devices rather than construct a male womb.

Why it fails: While human fetuses find the male body hostile, other species may not be so discerning. From the Octavia Butler’s Tlic to Ridley Scott’s chestbursters to that Alien in Red vs. Blue, there are plenty of extraterrestrials perfectly happy to place their embryos in our bodies, regardless of a uterus.

Abstinence
How it works: We all learned it in school: the only surefire way to avoid pregnancy is abstinence. Or sodomy.

Why it fails: As Deanna Troi and Shmi Skywalker will tell you, keeping your knees shut doesn’t exactly guarantee a baby-free existence. When those microscopic or incorporeal beings want something from you, be it a Force-balancing messiah or a chance at fleshy life, they aren’t going to wait around for a little thing like sexual intercourse.

Death
How it works: In olden times, death generally put a damper on one’s ability to become a new parent. But with today’s medical advances, it’s best to dispose of every last shred of genetic material – ova, sperm, and any gestating alien life forms.

Why it fails: Giving birth to an Alien queen was just the sort of thing Ellen Ripley was trying to avoid when she jumped into a vat of boiling lead. Little did she know that, in the hands of Joss Whedon and a handful of ethically-challenged scientists, even death is no match for the miracles of the reproductive process.

Perhaps it’s something to do with the amount of big name recent launches everyone has been doing recently, or otherwise a sign of impending San Diego Comic-Con (Publishers are already working on the timing of their big announcements, even though it’s more than a month away), but this is an astonishingly quiet week for new releases – DC Comics pretty much skip the week altogether, although you should probably be looking at picking up the second (and concluding) volume of Green Lantern: The Sinestro Corps War as well as the tenth and final collection of Y: The Last Man, called Whys and Wherefores (“Y”s and wherefores? Get it? Oh, it’ll make sense when you get to the last chapter). Otherwise, their big release of the week is probably a “deluxe” hardcover reissue of World’s Finest, a beautifully-illustrated (by Steve Rude) Superman/Batman story from the 1990s, as written by Watchmen’s Dave Gibbons.

Marvel, too, is taking this week relatively easy. Sure, there’s the fourth and final volume of Joss Whedon’s Astonishing X-Men, a paperback release for Neil Gaiman’s revival of Jack Kirby’s Eternals, and even a “director’s cut” rerelease of the first issue of Mark Millar’s increasingly-racist Kick Ass, but nothing really jumps out as particularly worthy of your time or attention. You may be interested by the sound of something calling itself Jack Kirby’s Galactic Bounty Hunters, but trust me when I tell you that you would never forgive yourself if you spent any money whatsoever on that particular book.

No, this Wednesday, the message from your local comic store should be loud and clear: Kill All Parents. That’s the title of a new series by Aqua Leung’s Mark Andrew Smith and Marcelo Dichiara that shows you the darker side of superheroics… which happens to include the murder of any and all parents said superheroes may happen to have. What is behind such a plan, and who is doing the murdering? You’ll have to pick up the book to find out, but there may be a machine that can predict the world that’s coming, and a terrible possible future to avoid, involved. You have been warned.

If that’s not your cup of supertea, then why not try The Umbrella Academy: Apocalypse Suite, the first collection of Gerard Way’s superhero story that no less than Grant Morrison called “[a]n ultraviolet psychedelic sherbert bomb of wit and ideas.” I think that’s supposed to be a good thing; just don’t hold Way’s My Chemical Romance past against him (And if you’re just in it for the prettiness, this book is worth picking up just for its visuals from Gabriel Ba with covers by Prada-favorite James Jean).

As usual, the week’s new releases can be viewed in full here, and you can find where to shop for the origin stories of new generations of superheroes over here. And, although I’m sure there’s nothing to be worried about, I’d check on how your parents are, just in case you have latent superpowers that you aren’t aware of. You never can tell, after all.

Batman: The Dark Knight

Harvey Dent is only Two-Face for "a couple of minutes" towards the very end of The Dark Knight, the sequel to Batman Begins. The transformation into Two-Face at the movie's end sets up a confrontation in the third movie, making the Nolan Bat-films seem even more like a trilogy. (And Knight a bit more Empire Strikes Back-ish.) Mind you, this whole spoiler is based on what some reps told a guy at a costume show, where there was no Two-Face costume on display. [Superhero Hype]

Y: The Last Man (the movie)

As we'd previously reported, the Y: The Last Man movie only covers the first 12 issues of Brian K. Vaughan and Pia Guerra's comic, unlike Vaughan's own movie script which tried to cover the entire saga. D.J. Caruso's Y movie would be the first of a planned trilogy, says Caruso. Also, Caruso will use a real monkey for Ampersand, and Shia LaBoeuf is definitely the front-runner to play Yorick. [Ain't It Cool]

Land Of The Lost:

Here's a first look at Will Ferrell as a park ranger who explores a hidden land and meets dinosaurs, Sleestaks and other weird creatures, in the new Land of the Lost movie. He's kind of a slob, since apparently this scene ends with him tossing his cigarette butt and cheetos bag in the lake. [JFX Online]

The reason Ferrell's scientist character is working as a park ranger (at the LaBrea Tar Pits) is because he assaulted disabled physics great Steven Hawking during an interview on Anderson Cooper 360. A young scientist, played by Anna Friel, approaches Ferrell at the Tar Pits and asks him to guide her (and his kids, for some reason) to the Land of the Lost. Are you excited yet? At least Anna Friel is fun to watch. [Slashfilm]

Doctor Who:

Here are some new Doctor Who season four teasers that have been airing on British TV. They're really only spoilery if you didn't know the Daleks were coming back:

Smallville

The person who dies in the April 17 Smallville has never been presumed dead by the audience... which means he/she may have been presumed dead by the characters on the show, as long as we knew better. [Ask Ausiello]

Also, that April 17 episode, "Descent," is when Lex Luthor jumps off the good/evil fence once and for all, and goes totally evil. He falls into his "own personal hell," says executive producer Brian Peterson. "There is a major turn that happens in his life that drives him into pure darkness. ... It's Lex's real descent into the villain he becomes." [Sci Fi Wire]

Lost

There actually will be a Jack-centric Lost episode this spring, despite reports to the contrary. [Ask Ausiello again]

Secret Invasion

More spoilers for Secret Invasion, Marvel Comics' upcoming "everyone is a shape-changing Skrull invader" storyline: Supposedly Jarvis, the Avengers' man-servant, is a Skrull, who uploads an alien virus that makes all of Tony Stark's technology crash, including Iron Man's armor. A Skrull briefly impersonates Invisible Girl, just long enough to send the Fantastic Four into the Negative Zone. A Skrull Hank Pym shoots Reed Richards, and a Skrull Captain Marvel blows open Thunderbolts Mountain. Also, a Skrull busts all the supervillains out of their supervillain prison, the Raft. Meanwhile, one of the X-Men, Nightcrawler, is a Skrull, and the X-men are the only ones on the West Coast standing in the massive Skrull Armada.

Secret Invasion #1 begins with a Skrull ship crash-landing in the Savage Land, Marvel's version of the Land of the Lost. Both the New Avengers and the Mighty Avengers rush to the crash site. The ship opens up, and the classic 1970s versions of the Marvel characters come out, including webbed-armpits Spider-Man, nose-armor Iron Man, tiara-wearing Power Man, the furry Beast, Sue Storm, Mockingbird, Wonder-Man, Captain America, evil Emma Frost and old-school Wolverine. "The modern, darker, dirty versions of all the characters stare at their more innocent version of themselves in shock." But it turns out the 1970s versions aren't the real characters returned, but a Skrull trick meant to sow doubt. Or something. Only Mockingbird turns out to be real. [Schwapp!!!]

The heartening news we should probably take away from this is that the director wants to turn it into a trilogy after centering the first movie on the first 12 issues of the series:

I see it as a trilogy because there is so much to put in. Where the first movie ends doesn't even relate to the last issue because it's so far down the road. It hasn't succeeded so far in the screenplay format because everyone keeps trying to throw everything in there. We're only taking this [first] story so far.

I just watched Disturbia for the first time this weekend, and I will grudgingly admit that Shia isn't bad in it. However, the ending of that movie was so sickeningly cotton-candy sweet after featuring actors swimming in sewage pools full of rotting corpses, that our main worry is that D.J. Caruso will completely miss the mark on Y. What do you think?

D.J. Caruso Says Shia's Still His 'Last Man' For 'Y' [MTV Movies Blog]