Apparently, you people have no respect for the classics. How else to explain the poor performance of the Mummy in yesterday's first round of io9's Hallowe'en Smackdown - but with Zombies being the clear winner of that clash of the undead, we thought we'd put them up against the peculiar ghostly phenomenon known as poltergeists. You know, like this:

What happens with an unthinkable physical force meets an invisible, untouchable ghost? You tell us.

For the uninitiated, poltergeists are described by Wikipedia as "an ostensibly paranormal phenomenon attributed to an an invisible spirit or ghost that manifests itself by moving and influencing objects, generally in a particular location such as a house or room or place within a house," and aren't necessarily out to destroy humanity and eat their brains like our zombie brethren, but which one would be more annoying, terrifying or outright deadly to your average horror movie victim? After all, everyone can knock the head off a zombie, but not everyone is an exorcist...

Poll stays open until the witching hour tonight. Vote early and often, and feel free to share your reasoning in the comments below - The winner goes on to face the next opponent tomorrow, all the way up until Saturday's final showdown.

Frankenstein Conquers The World

Because, sometimes, a monster has to save the world from a Godzilla-esque other monster, who's threatening (where else?) Japan.

Dracula The Superhero
We'd love to say that we can't blame Dell Comics for trying to cash in on the Batmania of the 1960s by turning Dracula into a superhero, but... Well, it's Dracula as a superhero. Even worse, it's a modern-day Count Dracula as a scientist who accidentally swallows some formula that allows him to transform into a bat and then decides to fight crime in a purple jumpsuit. Seriously, in what world is that a good idea?

Supporting Team Spirit Is Some Kind Of Good-Doing, Right?
Maybe werewolves were meant to be working for a common good. Exhibit A:

Frankenstein's Monster... Hunter
Ignore the shortlived attempt to turn the character into a superhero from the same people behind the Dracula superhero (Although we're slightly charmed by the secret identity "Frank N. Stone"); the best comic version of Mary Shelley's creation is undoubtedly Grant Morrison's sullen hero from the Seven Soldiers series, packing heat and a grim demeanor as he dispatches demons, alien invasions and deals with his former Bride, who just so happens to be a reanimated agent of a secret government agency investigating weirdness. Freaks have never had such a strong defender as this son of Victor Frankenstein.

Zombies Can Do More Than Shuffle
It's hard to make a case for zombies being good guys; they're mostly unthinking forces of brain-eating chaos, as opposed to particularly malicious. And yet, who could argue that this didn't improve their life just a little bit?

Werewolf By Night
His name is Jack Russell, people. Whoever said that the 1970s wasn't the age of Mighty Marvel Bad Ideas?

Buffy The Vampire Slayer In General
Vampires with souls, sarcastic werewolves in bands and demons with perfectly justifiable fears of bunnies. Joss Whedon's calling card may have specialized in making heroes out of monsters - even Dracula helped out the Slayers in the Season Eight comic series - but he made sure to keep them interesting even after they'd seen the light (Metaphorically so, in Angel's and Spike's cases, of course).

Dracula Saves Hallowe'en

Any movie that has a plot where Dracula has to save Hallowe'en because the classic horror monsters are seen as funny rather than scary already has our love, but where The Hallowe'en That Almost Wasn't goes horribly wrong isn't even the Munsters-esque treatment of the characters, but the casting of Judd Hirsch as Dracula. There's just no way to find that man scary, sadly.

We Ain't Afraid Of No Ghosts (1)

'Nuff said? No, wait...

We Ain't Afraid Of No Ghosts (2)

Definitely 'nuff said. Paranormal Activity would've been so much better if it'd been Casper visiting instead...

Today's match can only be described as one of grudge! In the red corner, we have the Egyptian undead known as The Mummy! In the blue corner, their modern-day counterpart, the Zombie! Both are shambling monsters of decay and destruction looking to inflict rigor mortis on whoever gets in their way, but which! Is! The! Greatest!?

While the Mummy has age and experience on his side - Not to mention a distinctive look that's been been stolen by others - he might be at a disadvantage when compared with the fact that zombies have that whole plague thing going for them instead of requiring a time-consuming ritual (and a few thousand years) to create them. But does the timeless, mindless rampage of an undead lover trump even the immediacy of instant desire to eat brains? You decide.

You should know the Smackdown drill by now: Whoever wins in this vote goes forward to take on tomorrow's opponent, and so on, throughout the week, leading to a Horror Showdown on Hallowe'en that may possibly make the internet quake in its cyberboots. Voting open until midnight tonight PST, so vote early and often.

Zombie image by Eric Ingram, Mummy image by Jon Worth.

Upon learning that I would be attending the Vampire, Werewolf and Zombie Round Table panel here at Comic Con, I was ecstatic with the promise of changelings and shape-shifters sitting around an actual round table, sipping blood from coffee mugs, eating flesh and tufts of hair uncontrollably erupting from their bodies. I was disappointed, therefore, to arrive to the panel and find mere humans sitting tamely behind a long rectangular table at the front of the stage - some actually filtering in late, clearly lacking the extra-human instinct to check their watches.

The panel primarily consisted of authors such as Caitlin Kittredge, whose Nocturne City series features a werewolf detective as its protagonist, and c-oauthors of Zombiemania, an exhaustive guide to zombies in film, Andrew Hershberger and Arnold T. Blumber. A vampire detective series also was mentioned, as apparently the heightened senses of these monsters leads to a lucrative career in crime scene investigation.

But still I stood there blinking waiting for the panelists to change their form and start fighting, biting or attacking the crowd. This panel is a lie.

To be fair, the ancient battle between werewolves and vampires was a touched upon, as well as the gang mentality of zombies and humans' fascination with the creatures that once were human themselves. The panel did have an interesting discussion about the increased demand for horror and dark fantasy during times of political unrest and hardship, obviously illustrated by the Twilight craze and demand for books of that ilk. But, although the panel were arguably experts on their monsters of choice and answered audience members' questions happily, I remained disappointed that I would not in fact be speaking directly to lycanthropes and the undead and couldn't really focus on the marketing distinctions between dark fantasy and horror discussed by the panel.

And of course, to top it all off, disparaging remarks about Twilight were made by all.

The Green Light Anti-Zombie Squad offers lectures and demonstrations to help you and your loved ones survive an army of the undead with your brains (and sanity intact). To ensure you'll make it through the zombie apocalypse, heed their simple tips.

1. Clear the Room: There's nothing worse than stepping into a room only to be set upon by a horde of brain-hungry zombies. A team of four armed shooters can easily clear a room if they all stand against the nearest wall: one body in each corner and two in the middle. This position proves optimal for quickly dispatching of a room full of the reanimated.

2. Never Turn Your Back on the Enemy: Shambling isn't just for zombies. Three live humans can stand with their backs together and carefully rotate through the room, ensuring that all eyes are facing outward and no one falls victim to a surprise attack.

3. The Fine Line: For those lucky enough to amass a relatively large army of live humans, the Fine Line is the best way to fend off roving zombie hordes. Simply form two lines of armed persons, one line in front of the other. Have the front line shoot while the back line holds. When the front line runs out of ammo, the back line steps in while the front line reloads. Tragically, the Squad's training zombie, Billy the Hunter, died while the Squad demonstrated this technique.

4. Zombies Are the Least of Your Worries: It's bad enough that you have to deal with the zombified masses, who are tireless, feel no pain, and greatly outnumber healthy human beings. But perhaps even more deadly are the humans who simply can't cope with the new world order. It's best if you keep a psychologist on hand who can identify and subdue such persons before they embark on a murderous rampage that makes the zombies look as ferocious as fluffy kittens.

5. Choose Your Weapons Wisely: Not all weapons work for all people, and the trendiest zombie-fighting armaments aren't always the best. When in doubt, melee weapons are a fine tool against the undead, but think twice before picking up that giant hammer. As satisfying as squishing zombie skull may be, swinging the hammer creates a sizable arc that gives zombies plenty of time to nibble at your armpits. GLAZS advises that you invest in a machete, which is cheap, lightweight, and neatly separates a zombie's head from its bodies. As for ranged weapons, you may want to reconsider that sawed-off shotgun you're so fond of. Bolt action rifles are both powerful and accurate, without the ammunition restrictions of the close-range shotgun.

6. Windows Are Not Your Friend: Zombies have a nasty habit of crashing through glass windows, so it's best to choose a hideout with as few ground level windows as possible. Steer clear of malls, coffee shops, and boutique outlets in favor of Costco, BJs, Sam's Club, or any other large warehouse. If you find yourself trapped in your house, it's best to hightail it up to the attic, which the uncoordinated zombies will have trouble reaching. Basements, even windowless ones, spell trouble.

7. No Brains for Oil: If you're traveling with a group, you may consider fleeing by minivan or SUV, but be warned that the gas mileage and rollover rates might be a literal killer. If you're traveling alone, it's best to take a high miles per gallon vehicle, like a dirt bike, or, better yet, grab a bicycle and escape the zombies under your own replenishable power.

8. Fight World War Z with TNT: Using dynamite around the undead is a tricky proposition; the right amount of explosives can blow them to bits, but you might get cremated yourself. It's better to stave off those desiccated corpse with a controlled burn. But, GLASZ's demolitions expert warns, make sure it's a fire you can contain. A raging wildfire could prove far more deadly than the zombies themselves.

9. Animals: Friend or Foe? Animals can be invaluable allies at the end of the world, but the zombie infection could render them more hazard than help. If the zombie plague is viral, it can infect any living cells, causing even the most inhuman animals to exhibit flesh-craving symptoms. GLASZ members ask: Would you rather fight off a zombie human — or a zombie lion?

10. Suit Up: Perhaps the best way to prepare for the day the dead rise from their graves is to assemble the perfect zombie-fighting attire. Avoid brain spray-back by wearing goggles and covering your face with a non-porous material. Use plate mail or leather to create a bite-proof body suit. Kevlar gloves (provided to some food industry workers) can be worn as is or refashioned into impenetrable sleeves, allowing you to fend off zombie bites by holding up your forearms. Riot shields also add an extra layer of protection and make the zombie head squishing that much easier.

[Green Light Anti-Zombie Squad]

Sasabuchi takes pages from fashion magazines and uses ballpoint pens and colored pencils to draw over the images. These pictures integrate images of death and decay to explore Western taboos toward death, and create a different idea of beauty.

[Galerie Zink via Neatorama]

We've covered every zone of fandom possible - just click the links to find out what will make gift-giving day the Best Day Evar for the scifi nerds of the world.

Gifts for the Star Wars Fan

Gifts for the Star Trek Fan

Gifts for the Battlestar Galactica Fan

Gifts for the Doctor Who Fan

Gifts for the Batman Fan

Gifts for the Harry Potter Fan

Gifts for the Whedonverse Fan

Gifts for the Twilight Fan

Gifts for the Steampunk Fan

Gifts for the Zombie Fan

The Zombie Survival Guide Deck: A handy pocket-sized version of Max Brooks' classic book, these cards offer a quick and easy reference that should prove vital in the even of a zombie outbreak. $12.55 from Amazon.

Dismember Me Plush Zombie: Practice dismembering the undead from the comfort of your desk or home. Tear off the limbs, head, and torso of this zombie toy, and he'll just come back for more. $12.99 from Think Geek.

Brain Gelatin Mold: You may as well practice eating brains with this brain-shaped gelatin mold. The mold creates a gooey, lifelike brain and includes instructions on how make a sugary gray matter substitute. $6.99 from Think Geek.

Hand explains on his site that the world this movie takes place in is deathless. Well, it's definitely obscure and strange, anyway. I still can't tell what's a dream and what's reality, but that is the allure of Hand's work, just like his previous film, Frankenstein's Bloody Nightmare.
[JRH Films]

Based on a popular Spanish horror film, Quarantine looks like it's loaded with stir-crazy residents willing to face a hail of government gun fire over being stuck in a building with a vampire virus. While the fake reporter video could get old, I'm always excited for a virus that changes the human form and most importantly doesn't omit kids or animals from its infectious path. Did you see the creepy half-naked vampire kid? Shudders. Quarantine will be out October 17, 2008.

You play through the game as weaponless systems engineer Isaac Clarke aboard the USG Ishimura, and not only to you have to survive the onslaught of demon hordes out in space, but you also have to seal up their doorway so they can't get back out. All in a day's work. It seems like spacefaring folks don't ever have things go that well. Just ask anyone in the Doom universe. However, we sure wouldn't mind having a Planetcracker to fly around.