<![CDATA[io9: zombies]]> http://tags.lifehacker.com/assets/base/img/thumbs140x140/io9.com.png <![CDATA[io9: zombies]]> http://io9.com/tag/zombies http://io9.com/tag/zombies <![CDATA[Seven Ways the World Could End in 2012]]> So, the world probably won't end in 2012, but that's the date for plenty of imagined apocalypses. We look at the various ways the world ends (or at least radically changes) when the Mayan Long Count Calendar runs out.

Eco-Apocalypse

2012: It's pure global catastrophe in Roland Emmerich's film. Earthquakes, tsunamis, volcanic eruptions — every possible natural disaster seems to conspire to wipe out all life on Earth.

Decipher by Stel Pavlou: The year 2012 sees an increase in solar flare activity as scientists see unusual energy signals coming from Antarctica. It soon becomes clear that the sun could be on the verge of triggering a deluge, and all the world's cities could go the way of Atlantis.

Death from the Skies

2012: Supernova: If you're looking for something beyond the usual asteroid strike, here's a different sort of celestial doomsday. A nearby star goes supernova, threatening the Earth's survival, prompting an international team of scientists to launch nuclear warheads to reduce the effect of the impact.

2012: Doomsday: On December 21, 2012, one day before the predicted apocalypse, it is revealed that a celestial object is about to collide with Earth. But this time, it's religion, not science that averts the ultimate disaster.

World War III

Blood of the Beast: Roughly half the population dies in the war of 2012, but the world's chemical weapons render nearly all the men on Earth sterile. The world is repopulated by clones, but 19 years after the first clones are harvested in 2012, the world goes to pot once again.

Zombie Plague

Zombies: A Record of the Year of Infection: The dead start rising early in 2012, and soon the plague has spread across much of North America. And corporate greed has ensured that you can become a zombie even if you've never encountered the walking dead.

I Spit On Your Rave: The film doesn't get released until next year, but its zombie apocalypse starts at the 2012 London Olympics, when a virus is released. Humanity is quickly gobbled up, leaving the zombies to their own devices.

Alien Invasion

The X-Files: Alien colonization has always been a distinct probability in the X-Files universe, and in the episode "The Truth," the Cigarette Smoking Man reveals the date of invasion: December 22, 2012.

2012: The War of Souls by Whiley Strieber: Michael Bay is looking to adapt this tale of alien invasion. It turns out that the world's ancient monuments provide a gateway for alien invaders looking to conquer Earth and eat humanity's souls. And, if the invasion is not prevented in time, the gateways will open December 21, 2012.

RahXephon: The end of the Long Count Calendar marks another alien invasion, this one by the Mulians. The Mu declare war on humanity and enclose the city of Tokyo inside a spherical barrier.

Domain Trilogy by Steve Alten: Scientists may suggest that the dinosaurs were killed off by a meteorite, but the truth is that they fell prey to an ancient weapon buried beneath the Gulf of Mexico. And, if we don't learn the truth about those extraterrestrial exterminators by December 2012, we could be next.

Doctor Who "Dalek": Fortunately, the Doctor and Rose manage to stop Henry van Statten's captive Dalek before it can surface from his Statten's Utah bunker in 2012. Otherwise, the Dalek could have very well exterminated a good chunk of humanity.

A Glitch in the System

Wapsi Square: It's not that the Mayans predicted the end of the world in 2012, it's just that the quantum clock that runs the world must be reset at precisely the time and date the Long Count Calendar runs out. Otherwise, time resets back to an earlier point in time, trapping us all in a time loop. But you won't notice it — after all, it's happened several times before.

Goats: After the untimely demise of God, the Mayan programming firm One Death was hired to keep the multiverse going. Unfortunately, a glitch in the system will cause the multiverse to crash on December 21, 2012, unless the prophesied Programmer can be located in time.

PW2: 2012 by MC Miller: Former professor Hamilton Ray begins to notice strange patterns and synchronicities in in the universe, and develops a theory about a Probability Wave, something that's about to bring about a radical change in the universe at the end of 2012.

The World Is Radically Transformed

The Invisibles by Grant Morrison: The world as we know it may come to an end on December 22, 2012, but it's hardly doomsday. Instead, humanity ascends to the Supercontext, the next level of existence, at the word of Jack Frost.

JoJo's Bizarre Adventure by Hirohiko Araki: The priest Enrico Pucci acquires the stand Made in Heaven, which gives its user the power to rewrite the universe. And in 2012, Pucci attempted to remake the universe to suit his master Dio Brando. However, Pucci died before the universe could be completely rewritten, causing it to return to something close to its original form.

Shadowrun: Similarly, the world doesn't end in the Shadowrun universe, but as the Mayan calendar resets, the world undergoes a dramatic transformation. Magic returns to the Earth, allowing individuals, governments, and corporations to utilize a potent combination of cutting edge technologies and newly harnessed magic.

Additional reporting by Josh Snyder.

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<![CDATA[Kung-Fu Zombies Don't Shamble Or Run... They Hop!]]> Is Kung-Fu Zombie the most perfect movie of all time? It's got kung-fu action, it's got hopping zombies, it's got a pissed-off ghost who just wants to return to his body... until he sees it. What more do you want?

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<![CDATA[Are Zombies America's Godzilla?]]> Zombies have been enjoying a heyday of late, but why are Americans so obsessed with the walking dead? One theory is that Westerners love zombies for the same reason Japan loves giant monsters: they represent technology gone awry.

James Turner, an editor for O'Reilly Media, claims that zombies share a kinship with Godzilla. His theory is that, just as Godzilla was inspired by the dropping of the atomic bomb, Western filmmakers (Romero aside) latched onto zombies in the wake of Three Mile Island, the recognition of AIDS, the Ebola outbreak, and similar medical and technological disasters. He goes on to posit that the increasing popularity of zombie movies involving a biological outbreak suggests a Western ambivalence toward biotechnology.

It's an interesting thought, though perhaps a bit reductive. Certainly zombies have been used to comment on biotechnology, but they've also been used to comment on a number of social issues, including consumerism, corporate greed, and the objectification of women. And what causes the zombie outbreak is often less important than what comes afterward. Still, Turner makes an interesting case that biotechnology-based zombies could evolve to more acutely reflect our biological and technological fears:

Blackberry-spawned abominations, anyone? Dawn of the Single-Payer Healthcare Undead? What about, They Came From H1N1?

He's far more convincing when he talks about the important differences between giant monsters and zombies, namely that it's the military and scientists who fight Godzilla, where zombies fall to resourceful and self-reliant survivors.

Americans must like the idea that, as out of control as our hubristic science might become, a good machete and a 12 gauge in the hands of a competent man or woman can always save the day. The 2003 bestselling title, The Zombie Survival Guide, offers the same message of self-reliance. (I'm not sure what lesson we can take from the success of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.)

A Brief History Of Zombies [Forbes]

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<![CDATA[Can a Plush Bunny Survive the Zombie Apocalypse? You Decide]]> A choose-your-own-adventure style book is a natural addition to the zombie genre, but Zombocalypse Now is a surprisingly zany entry. Starring a snarky, chainsmoking stuffed bunny, the book pits you against mobsters, toothpaste executives, and zombified zoo animals.

When I first heard about Matt Youngmark's Chooseomatic book, I fully expected I'd get a fairly straightforward (perhaps even perfunctory) take on the zombie apocalypse where the only twist was the multithreaded, Choose Your Own Adventure-inspired storytelling layered over it. It's something we've seen before; last year, a pair of designers released a choose-your-own-ending film, The Outbreak, with a similar premise. But I was pleasantly surprised when the book arrived and I found a pink, chainsaw-wielding bunny on the cover and a note inside warning me to avoid the zombie kitten.

Zombocalypse Now doesn't just feature a pink stuffed rabbit; you are the pink stuffed rabbit, living in a world where stuffed animals walk, talk, and intermarry with the human population. As the book opens, you are waiting on what is sure to be another atrocious online date. And sure enough, when he or she shows up, they're disheveled, glassy-eyed, lacking in hygiene, and mumbling something about brains. You've been on so many bad dates that it takes you a while to figure out that they're undead, but soon enough, you're up to your fuzzy elbows in the walking dead.

From here there are, of course, multiple paths your bunny self could take from here. You could tag along with a renegade cop named Mittens (who, despite the name, is not a stuffed animal). You could visit your conspiracy theorist friend Ernie, who is convinced that the walking dead are powered by fluoride in the water. You could try to strike out on your own and bash in as many zombie brains as you possibly can. You just hope that the choices you make lead to your ultimate survival.

Spoiler alert: you usually end up zombie chow.

To get the full effect of Zombocalypse Now, you have to read through several of the plotlines. Some are, admittedly, stronger than others (there's an oddly rushed one where you go all I Am Legend and start experimenting on the zombies), but taken together, the stories do form a cohesive narrative, and the logic from one plotline still holds true in the others. For example, in several storylines, the zombies are unusually attracted to your car (as in licking the windshields), and in one of threads, we learn exactly why. The chilling and rather amusing cause behind the zombie outbreak is also key; you learn about it in certain storylines, but it plays a significant role in others — including one ending where you mistakenly believe you've survived.

Youngmark packs a lot of strange odds and ends into his zombie adventure, and cherrypicks references from a wide variety of genres: mob movies, cop dramas, the works of Stephen King, and The Postman, to name a few. There's even a moment where you let out the battle cry "Leeeeeeroy Jenkins!" The effect is over-the-top silliness, like someone set a particularly manic children's book in the midst of a zombie outbreak. Sure, it's a bit on the fluffy side, but I found myself eagerly flipping back to try out different plotlines — at first to see if I could survive, then to root out some of the book's more bizarre twists and turns. It's a satisfying way to spend a couple hours here and there, even if you do die most of the time.

And do watch out for that zombie kitten. It's a killer.

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<![CDATA[Does The Latest Survival of The Dead Trailer Make For A Romero Comeback?]]> A new trailer for Survival of The Dead has all the zombie quirks of a classic Romero production, including the nasty make up, and a return to shambling. But will this film bring the horror director back from the dead?

Nothing would make us happier than a return to zombie greatness like Dawn of The Dead and Night of the Living Dead. Sadly, it's been a hard road for this much-loved zombie director. Especially after his last flicks Diary of the Dead and the zombies-that-can-learn feature Land of the Dead. But we haven't lost hope yet, and this is the first trailer for his new film Survival of The Dead that has us really excited. But what do you think?



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<![CDATA[Which Overused Trope Are We Sickest Of?]]> There's nothing scarier than deja vu: that feeling that everything we've seen before will keep coming back over and over again, until your head dissolves. Which overused trope are you most sick of: zombies, vampires, alt-universes, post-apocalyptic worlds or steampunk?

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<![CDATA[What If Zombies Ate Most Of The Mystery Team?]]> Imagine that Fred, Daphne and even Shaggy were eaten by zombies, vamps and other big bad beasties. Where would that leave Velma? In supernatural slayer mode, of course. Check out this awesomely wicked Velma-centric Scooby-Doo fan art.

Quick someone get Dr. Monster a comic book deal stat, we want to see what happens next.


UPDATE: The name of the artist is Travis Pitts, we want to make sure this brilliant design gets lots of love so spread it around! To see the rest of his work check out the Travis Pitts' site Zom Bot.

Thanks for the tip Sean!

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<![CDATA[Are We Seeing The Rise Of Alzheimer's Horror?]]> It's the ultimate terror: The number of people with Alzheimer's and other age-related dementia will double in the next 20 years. And we're starting to see more horrific tales about forgetting, or people losing their personalities. Welcome to Alzheimer's horror.

As near as I can find out, there's only one horror movie that actually involves Alzheimer's directly: in Renny Harlin's Deep Blue Sea (1999), scientists are trying to find a cure for Alzheimer's. So (as one naturally would) they genetically engineer SUPER SHARKS with amazing brains. What can possibly go wrong? Oh, yes. The shark thing, is what can go wrong.

Here's a good chunk of that movie, which conveniently starts out with the foolhardy scientists explaining their scheme to Samuel L. Jackson, and ends with indications that things are going wrong. (I do not think Jackson, at any point, utters the words, "Get these motherfucking super-sharks out of this motherfucking seabase." More's the pity.)

But that movie just uses Alzheimer's as a plot device. If you're looking for stories that actually play on our fears of Alzheimer's and what it means to our tenuous grasp of personhood, you have to look a bit further afield. And as Sir Michael Caine says, Alzheimer's is scarier than any shark, no matter how big.

But here are the ways in which i think we're starting to see the rise of horror that takes about Alzheimer's, obliquely rather than dead on.

Forgetting:

There's been a rise in stories about people's memories getting siphoned off. I have a vague but vivid memory of reading a comic book (or maybe seeing a TV show) with baddie who exults in erasing people's memories, and says things like, "I just took your memories of your mother," with a smirk. But I can't for the life of me remember where I saw this — almost as if my memory had been erased, fiendishly. And googling has turned up nothing. (Any suggestions?)

(Update: Thanks to everyone who commented. I think Ian Cyr is right, and it's a recent issue of Green Lantern Corps. by Dave Gibbons et al., featuring a baddie with mental powers. Although, someone reminded me The Surgeon General does something quite similar in Give Me Liberty by Frank Miller and, yes, Gibbons again. But it's fascinating how many other examples people came up with.)

In any case, there are lots of other examples of recent stories about mind-erasure. Dollhouse is an obvious example, which asks explicitly what's left of us after our memories have been stolen away. (And comes up with a moderately hopeful answer, over time: There's still something that remains even after our minds are gone, although it's hard to define.)


Heroes has the walking plot device, the Haitian, who mostly just shows up and zaps some of your memories whenever HRG or someone else needs a little memory lapse — then wanders off to do his own thing, until he's needed to henchman up again. But there is that one super-creepy bit where HRG is interrogating his former mentor in Russia, and he gets the Haitian to zap bits of the mentor's memory, piece by piece, gloating the whole time. You get the full scariness of being unable to remember your mother, or your wife, or other bits of your past.

Torchwood season two had Adam, the guy who insinuates himself into your memories. Smallville had Lex getting some super-advanced electro-shock therapy, which erased seven months of his memory, and being shattered as a result. DC Comics grappled with the ethics of the magician Zatanna erasing people's memories in "Identity Crisis." Acheron Hades in the Thursday Next series has shown a propensity for zapping people's memories as well. Various X-Men have gone around zapping memories of late, including Rogue, Professor X and Jean Gray. (And in
one recent X-Men comic, Emma Frost sadistically erases an assassin's only happy memory, vowing to do worse if the assassin comes back. In Mark Millar's Authority issues, the Evil Doctor also gets off on nuking people's memories.

The 2001 movie Time Lapse features someone who's been dosed with a memory-erasing drug, rushing to stop an evil nuclear scheme before his memory goes away completely. Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind featured people paying to have memories selectively erased, only to discover how terrifying that is in practice. And Dark City was all about people's memories being rearranged every night.

I feel like this is just scratching the surface — there's a lot of fiction right now talking about how fragile your memories are — and how, if they go, what's left may or may not be recognizeably "you."

The shambling hordes:

And then there's the fact that we're seeing a proliferation of zombie movies, which are all about people who are falling apart physically and have lost all of their personality and sense of identity. As someone who's lost a few close relatives to Alzheimer's, slowly and horribly, it's easy for me to recognize how zombies are a metaphor for this dissolution of the self. People with Alzheimer's are still conscious and aware, they still move around and seem to respond to stimuli, but as disease progresses they get less and less capable of reasoning or having any kind of meaningful interaction with anyone around them. It's heart breaking and horrible — the person you knew is still there, but no longer really him- or herself.

As I pointed out a while ago, the zombie movie which comes closest to depicting the awfulness of losing a parent to Alzheimer's is Peter Jackson's Dead Alive, which is also sometimes called Braindead:

Quasi-zombie movie I Am Legend even makes the link clearer by showing that the "zombies" still have vestiges of humanity and are capable of caring about each other. In the movie's original ending, Robert Neville is able to get through to the zombies and help them remember they used to be people — he comes up with a cure for their condition, and is able to get through to them. Because their real problem isn't that they're feral or mindless — it's that they've forgotten themselves.

The movie Fido also plays with this fairly explictly, by having the main character's dad become a docile, enslaved zombie by the end. He's still recognizeably the same old dad, but the biggest change is that he's lost most of his mind.

Obviously, a huge part of the zombie fad simply comes from the fact that they're a cool way to have an apocalyptic scenario — they're unstoppable and nasty, and if they bite you, you're screwed. They have many of the hallmarks of a good monster: loud, relentless, biting, overwhelming. But at the same time, as the zombie genre continues to expand and diversify, people are using zombies as metaphors for a bunch of different things — and one of those things, clearly, is having a loved one disappear, inexorably into the mists of forgetting.

So if it's true that we're only just seeing the beginning of the onslaught of dementia in our rapidly aging societies, you can expect to see more fantastical and science-fictional stories that attempt to capture the madness of it all. As Caine says, no monster can ever be as scary as Alzheimer's... but some monsters can help us come to terms with it.

Thanks to Kevin Schmidt, Morgan Johnson, Capt. Snowdon, Lynae Straw, Michael Wilson, Martina de la Cruz, Nivair H. Gabriel and anyone else I missed.

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<![CDATA[Monster Smackdown Day Two: Zombie Vs. Poltergeist!]]> The bodies of the dearly departed versus the spirits! Mind versus muscle! Misguided science versus mystical spirituality! In today's second round of io9's interspectacular monster clash, zombies take on poltergeists and you - yes, you get to decide the outcome!

Apparently, you people have no respect for the classics. How else to explain the poor performance of the Mummy in yesterday's first round of io9's Hallowe'en Smackdown - but with Zombies being the clear winner of that clash of the undead, we thought we'd put them up against the peculiar ghostly phenomenon known as poltergeists. You know, like this:

What happens with an unthinkable physical force meets an invisible, untouchable ghost? You tell us.

For the uninitiated, poltergeists are described by Wikipedia as "an ostensibly paranormal phenomenon attributed to an an invisible spirit or ghost that manifests itself by moving and influencing objects, generally in a particular location such as a house or room or place within a house," and aren't necessarily out to destroy humanity and eat their brains like our zombie brethren, but which one would be more annoying, terrifying or outright deadly to your average horror movie victim? After all, everyone can knock the head off a zombie, but not everyone is an exorcist...

Poll stays open until the witching hour tonight. Vote early and often, and feel free to share your reasoning in the comments below - The winner goes on to face the next opponent tomorrow, all the way up until Saturday's final showdown.

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<![CDATA[When Monsters Change Sides: 10 Horror Icons Who Turned Good]]> Monsters cannot live (or unlive, in some cases) on terrorizing alone - sometimes, even the most horrible feel the need to spread some happiness in the world. Here are ten of the more memorable examples of horror icons going soft.


Frankenstein Conquers The World

Because, sometimes, a monster has to save the world from a Godzilla-esque other monster, who's threatening (where else?) Japan.

Dracula The Superhero
We'd love to say that we can't blame Dell Comics for trying to cash in on the Batmania of the 1960s by turning Dracula into a superhero, but... Well, it's Dracula as a superhero. Even worse, it's a modern-day Count Dracula as a scientist who accidentally swallows some formula that allows him to transform into a bat and then decides to fight crime in a purple jumpsuit. Seriously, in what world is that a good idea?

Supporting Team Spirit Is Some Kind Of Good-Doing, Right?
Maybe werewolves were meant to be working for a common good. Exhibit A:

Frankenstein's Monster... Hunter
Ignore the shortlived attempt to turn the character into a superhero from the same people behind the Dracula superhero (Although we're slightly charmed by the secret identity "Frank N. Stone"); the best comic version of Mary Shelley's creation is undoubtedly Grant Morrison's sullen hero from the Seven Soldiers series, packing heat and a grim demeanor as he dispatches demons, alien invasions and deals with his former Bride, who just so happens to be a reanimated agent of a secret government agency investigating weirdness. Freaks have never had such a strong defender as this son of Victor Frankenstein.

Zombies Can Do More Than Shuffle
It's hard to make a case for zombies being good guys; they're mostly unthinking forces of brain-eating chaos, as opposed to particularly malicious. And yet, who could argue that this didn't improve their life just a little bit?

Werewolf By Night
His name is Jack Russell, people. Whoever said that the 1970s wasn't the age of Mighty Marvel Bad Ideas?

Buffy The Vampire Slayer In General
Vampires with souls, sarcastic werewolves in bands and demons with perfectly justifiable fears of bunnies. Joss Whedon's calling card may have specialized in making heroes out of monsters - even Dracula helped out the Slayers in the Season Eight comic series - but he made sure to keep them interesting even after they'd seen the light (Metaphorically so, in Angel's and Spike's cases, of course).

Dracula Saves Hallowe'en

Any movie that has a plot where Dracula has to save Hallowe'en because the classic horror monsters are seen as funny rather than scary already has our love, but where The Hallowe'en That Almost Wasn't goes horribly wrong isn't even the Munsters-esque treatment of the characters, but the casting of Judd Hirsch as Dracula. There's just no way to find that man scary, sadly.

We Ain't Afraid Of No Ghosts (1)

'Nuff said? No, wait...

We Ain't Afraid Of No Ghosts (2)

Definitely 'nuff said. Paranormal Activity would've been so much better if it'd been Casper visiting instead...

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<![CDATA[Who's The Greatest Ghoul? io9 Smackdown: Monster Edition Begins!]]> Horror has given us all manner of memorable monsters, but which one is the mightiest? This week: You decide! That's right, it's another round of io9 Smackdown, and this time, it's all about the creepies going bump in the night!

Today's match can only be described as one of grudge! In the red corner, we have the Egyptian undead known as The Mummy! In the blue corner, their modern-day counterpart, the Zombie! Both are shambling monsters of decay and destruction looking to inflict rigor mortis on whoever gets in their way, but which! Is! The! Greatest!?

While the Mummy has age and experience on his side - Not to mention a distinctive look that's been been stolen by others - he might be at a disadvantage when compared with the fact that zombies have that whole plague thing going for them instead of requiring a time-consuming ritual (and a few thousand years) to create them. But does the timeless, mindless rampage of an undead lover trump even the immediacy of instant desire to eat brains? You decide.

You should know the Smackdown drill by now: Whoever wins in this vote goes forward to take on tomorrow's opponent, and so on, throughout the week, leading to a Horror Showdown on Hallowe'en that may possibly make the internet quake in its cyberboots. Voting open until midnight tonight PST, so vote early and often.

Zombie image by Eric Ingram, Mummy image by Jon Worth.

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<![CDATA[Man Mistaken for Zombie Gets Punched in the Head]]> The zombie craze is going too much to some people's heads. Yesterday, a man in an Iowa City restaurant accused one of his fellow patrons of being a zombie and punched him the face before fleeing. [via SCI FI Wire]

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<![CDATA[Witness The Dawn Of The Re-Enacted Dead]]> There's little we like more than people dressing up like the undead and acting out their favorite movie... So, obviously, 2000 people dressed like zombies invading the town where Dawn of The Dead was shot makes us very happy indeed.

The Wall Street Journal has some amazing pics from Monroeville, PA's Zombiefest earlier this month, held in the very mall where George Romero's original Dawn was shot. Consider it a particularly freaky pilgrimage.

(Thanks, Jeff!)

Zombie City, USA [WSJ]

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<![CDATA[Dawn Of The Dead Re-Enactment]]>






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<![CDATA[4 Reasons Why Zombies And Superheroes Don't Mix]]> Marvel Comics' Necrosha launches this week, joining DC's Blackest Night, Marvel's own Marvel Zombies and Dynamite's Super Zombies on the crowded superhero zombie comic stands. But isn't there something... wrong with the idea of superpowered zombies?

I can't help it; I know that zombies are/were the big thing, but there's something about the current trend for undead superheroics that leaves me more than a little bored. I've got nothing against genres mixing and matching, but the original Marvel Zombies - with its horror movie logic and sense of humor, and its lack of need to have to deal with regular continuity allowing it to actually act as a complete story as opposed to something that pretty much needs to reset to the status quo by its conclusion - aside, there's something disappointing about this particular take on the walking (and flying, and running at superspeed) dead. Namely...

None Of Them Are Real Zombies
Again, Marvel Zombies excepted, the reanimated in Blackest Night and Necrosha aren't really zombies, exactly (Something that Blackest Night's creators, to their credit, keep saying in interviews. Even so, calling them Black Lanterns feels like a dodge, because they're dead characters come back to life as undead monsters - They're so clearly zombie-influenced that the actual name doesn't matter). They're magically animated by the power of death itself, or by a psychic vampire (Don't ask), or whatever, and they don't conform to what we'd consider zombie rules: They're not slow, they don't eat brains, they're intelligent - and, in fact, generally have the personalities of their living selves - and they're all under the command of some central intelligence or leader with a specific mission. What kind of zombies are that organized, you might ask yourself? Which brings us to...

We've Seen This All Before
The dead being brought back as pawns to use against our brave heroes? Old hat for superhero comics - In fact, Marvel even has multiple characters based around this concept (the Grim Reaper, the Black Talon... You could even argue that Brother - now Doctor - Voodoo would have some familiarity on the subject). The only thing that's new about this latest wave is the overwhelming scale of the risings... which is one of the few things legitimately taken from zombie culture. Which reminds me.

Enough With The Magic Cures Already
Zombies should be pretty easy to beat. If Simon Pegg and Nick Frost can take care of some, after all, how hard can it be? But not these superhero zombies; no, they're not only gifted with magical regenerative powers that somehow don't take them to a fully regenerated state, but they also have very specific ways to be defeated, apparently: Blowing their heads off? Not going to work, it seems. Setting fire to them? Well, it keeps them busy for awhile, but otherwise... Nah. But keep calm and show no signs of emotion and they shut down (All of that from Blackest Night, which, in its defense is not only a fun superhero story but, in Blackest Night: Superman and Blackest Night: Batman has some really great examples of superhero comics ripping off some well-known horror movie cliches - If you've not seen Martha Kent be chased through a cornfield at night by an undead Lois Lane, or Commissioner Gordon use a double-barreled shotgun against an army of the undead while carrying his crippled daughter over his shoulder, you've missed out on some wonderfully enjoyable over-the-top moments of recent comics). Seriously, comic creators: what's that all about?

Death Is Never The End In Superhero Comics, Anyway
Ultimately, the problem with superheroic zombies is that the rules of death don't work the same way in superhero comics as they do in almost every other fiction. We're used to resurrection in superhero comics, and that works against the story from the very beginning; Blackest Night, for example, has to not only make the reader believe that the dead rising is not only a horrific thing, but also an unusual one - Which, considering that Superman, Green Lantern, Flash, Green Arrow, Hawkman and Robin have all "died" and been resurrected at some point in their careers, is a pretty tricky thing to do; Necrosha takes place in the X-Men series of titles, which has become so full of resurrected characters that characters within the story joke about the pearly gates having been replaced by a revolving door. Without the belief that death is the end - that it means that the person or character is gone and will never be seen again - the very idea of an army of the undead is weakened, because the possibility of a return is always there, and in many cases, expected to happen.

Mixing zombies with superheroes doesn't automatically mean failure - Despite all my "I know you've said they're not zombies and they're not acting like zombies, but come on, they're weird zombie-esque creatures, just admit it" problems with Blackest Night, it's full enough of melodrama, derring-do and humor to make me kind of love it - but of all the horror genres to bring superheroes into, it's one of the most problematic. I can get why comic publishers would want to jump onboard the bandwagon, but... Aren't there other horror monsters better suited to this kind of thing? I mean, Marvel: Paul Cornell gave you Dracula on the moon. That's a great gift right there...

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<![CDATA[Zombie Pin-Up Girls Want You for Your Brains]]> Not to be outdone by Nerdcore's horror-themed calendar, the folks behind My Zombie Pin-Up are offering 12 months undead beauties. Sure, the girls show less skin, but they more than make up for it in blood and guts.

More images are available at My Zombie Pin-Up, where the 2010 calendar is on sale for $19.99.

[via ShockTillYouDrop]






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<![CDATA[The Zombie Survival Guide: Recorded Attacks]]> Kids, another zombie uprising is upon us. In The Zombie Survival Guide: Recorded Attacks, Max Brooks, author of World War Z, retells the stories of zombie attacks since the dawn of humanity. Click through to preview all the eye-popping decapitations!

Then order your copy of The Zombie Survival Guide: Recorded Attacks to see every detail of how other eras and cultures have dealt with–and survived–the ancient viral plague. Written by the world's leading zombie authority, you'll get up close and personal with the undead of history.

Those who don't learn from history are condemned to repeat it. By immersing ourselves in past horror we may yet prevail over the coming outbreak in our time...may. They're coming and they're hungry!

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<![CDATA[Can You Ever Have Ethical Sex with a Zombie?]]> A lovelorn reader hits famed sex columnist Dan Savage with an unusual question: if, say, Zac Efron were transformed into the walking dead, would tying him up and using his dead-but-still-kicking body for sex count as necrophilia? More importantly, is it moral?

Savage comes back with a resounding "Ick" and "No:"

As for the morality of the situation, fucking zombies - the walking dead - is necrophilia, technically speaking, but practically speaking, it comes closer to bestiality. A human being who has been zombified is nothing but an animal, hungry for brains, incapable of thought much less consent. We can kill animals for their flesh, but we mustn't fuck them, HIZZIE; and we can kill zombies for wanting our flesh, but likewise we mustn't fuck them.

Plus, as we noted in last year's piece on zombie feminism, the molested dead have a habit of striking back.

Savage Love (NSFW) [Nerve]

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<![CDATA[Your Sneak Peek At Life Undead's Zombie Crimefighting]]> What happens when voodoo resurrects a cop killed before his time? Lost writer Paul Zbyszewski offers an answer (and a new take on zombies, along the "thoughtful, vengeful" lines) in his debut comic, Life Undead. Click through for a preview.

Illustrated by Stephen Thompson, the 48 page one-shot is released tomorrow by IDW.

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<![CDATA[Pris From Blade Runner Versus Jason Voorhees... In Space!]]> Speaking of space zombies... In Jason X, Jason gets frozen cryogenically and defrosted 450 years in the future... and then winds up having a head-exploding, face-sitting smackdown with a cute android, who's clearly trying to be Pris from Blade Runner.

Don't worry, Jason gets better... thanks to nanotechnology. In the last 20 minutes, he gets upgraded and becomes a cybernetic Uber-Jason, who looks vaguely generic and CG-heavy. But Jason X is mostly worth watching for the other characters, especially Kay-Em (played by Andromeda's Lisa Ryder), who tries on detachable nipples at one point because she wants to be more like other women. (This is before the above clip, where Kay-Em proves she has special talents of her own.)

The film also stars Andromeda herself, Lexa Doig, as Rowan, who gets cryogenically frozen with Jason.

Oh, and apparently Jason is sort of a zombie, because he died in the fourth movie. And I found this out from this great message board thread, which includes this fantastic story pitch:

I pitched New Line a new Friday 13th movie and it was AWESOME.

Basically, the remains of Jason Vorhees from the end of Jason X are drifting through space, and fall through a wormhole and end up back in the Cretaceous Era, so Jason starts killing dinosaurs and shit. BUT THEN another wormhole opens and the nanomachines pour out all over the dead dinosaurs, but because there's no metal they use bits of rock instead, so you've got like, half-rock, half-dinosaur things vs Jason, BUT THEN another wormhole opens and some pirates come through, and they get fucked up by the rockosaurs and Jason, but then an asteroid lands on them and everyone dies, BUT THEN the nanomachines reassemble everything so you've got a Pirate JasonDinosaur also with bits of asteroid stuck in him, that prolly has some alien shit or whatever, I dunno. BUT THEN another wormhole opens and out come some androids and some ninjas, and this is the moment when they told me my pitch was over and that I was being escorted from the building.

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