It's October, the month where we celebrate all things horror. We love horror movies when they're terrifying and spine-tingling — but also when they're just plain weird. And the decades of vampire movies have included some super-bizarre bits. Put your pants back on Eric Northman, because these are the 10 weirdest vampire movies.
1. Snake Vampire — Lair of the White Worm (1988)
The skull of a giant snake is discovered which (surprise) turns out to be head of the snake god Dioni. It's worshiped by a priestess named Lady Sylvia, who shows up to claim the skull, turn blue, sit in tanning beds and tell people she's going "snake watching." Nothing mysterious here people. More snake than vampire — but a lot of the general rules apply, including immortality, fangs, blood lust and being able to infect others with your snake affliction.
2. Peeing Vampire- Night Flier (1997)
After the big bad vampire murders just about everyone in the movie, main character Miguel Ferrer flees the carnage to the bathroom, where he promptly throws up in the sink. Within seconds the door to the men's room opens and Ferrer can hear heavy footsteps walk to the urinal behind him, unzip his vampire pants, and start peeing. But being a vampire there is no reflection — so all you see is a stream of blood splashing on a white urinal, because vampires piss blood obviously. Then the creature flushes. Magnificent.
3. Armpit Vampire — Rabid (1977)
Directed by David Cronenberg, this is the first vampire movie to turn the whole penetrating fang sex metaphor on its head by giving the main character a blood thirsty arm vagina that attacks by using a secret stinger hidden inside.
4. Hopping Vampire — Mr. Vampire (1985)
The hopping vampire is a staple in Chinese vampire cinema. Reanimated corpses with a taste for blood actually hop around from place to place, instead of walking. Mr. Vampire might be one of the more popular "hopping vampire" films but they've been in other movies as well, including the super popular The Gods Must be Crazy 3.
5. Space Vampire — Lifeforce (1985)
Vampires from OUTERSPAAAACE. Queen Vampire Matilda May is also naked like, all the time, in this movie.
6. Judas Vampire — Dracula 2000 (2000)
Who knew Judas Iscariot was such a fox? Turns out Dracula is actually Jesus' disciple, who turned him into the Romans. And apparently he's like really, really good at sex. I know that if I had killed the Son of God, I, too, would probably spend most of my days banging record store clerks. Because penance. This is actually a long held vampire origins myth, and also explains a vampire's aversion to the cross and to silver (due to the 30 pieces of silver the Roman's paid Judas for Jesus's location).
7. Virgins Only Vampire — Blood for Dracula (1974)
Better known as Andy Warhol's Dracula, this movie is the most completely bat shit, whack job vampire movie ever. Dracula is running out of blood in the country, so he moves to the city in hopes of finding more. But here's the catch: He can only drink the blood of virgins. Which means there's a lot of "are you a virgin" questions being thrown around. Meanwhile his assistant is boning his way through each potential meal for his master. It's complicated.
8. Not a Vampire Vampire — Vampire's Kiss (1988)
Want to feel dirty for weeks? Watch Vampire's Kiss. A rich publishing executive (and all around dick) Cage goes home with a woman and is immediately CONVINCED that she has transformed him into a vampire. He then spends the rest of the movie trashing his apartment, harassing his secretary, donning fake plastic fangs and eventually bites some poor innocent girl. It's completely weird. Nic Cage's best work. Hands down.
9. Mechanical Vampire — Cronos (1993)
Guillermo del Toro's strange alternative vampire film revolves around a strange, mechanical scarab that was invented in 1536, and rediscovered by the antique dealer, Jesús Gris. Gris is injected by the golden bug and starts to de-age. But he also develops a very real thirst for blood. It's a totally bananas movie, especially when they uncover the still moving "corpse" under a pile of rubble with a spike through his heart. Yikes.
10. Kung Fu Vampire — Kung Fu From Beyond the Grave (1982)
It only takes a stack of money and the right turn of phrase to summon a screeching Dracula to your side. This clip never stops being funny.
11. Murderer or Vampire? Vampire — Martin (1976)
George Romero's lesser known vampire movie. But was it a vampire movie? Similar to Vampire's Kiss, but without all the terrible scenery humping, Martin believes he's a vampire. In fact he claims to be 84 years old. He drinks blood, and lives with his elderly "uncle" who is also pretty convinced that he's a vampire. And we kind of believe he's a vampire. But he never really shows his cards. So is this kid really blood thirsty or just a human monster?
12. Cape Vampire — The House that Dripped Blood (1971)
Become a vampire simply by putting on a vampire cape. Wait… what?