The 100 Is Like BSG For Dummies, But We Love It

Confession: We kind of loved The 100. Sure the characters' emotional depth is about as substantial as a selfie, the logic is all mish-mashed, and every 5 minutes the tension broke to blast Imagine Dragons. But the sheer adorableness, paired with the relentlessness of the plot, works. We don't know why, but we have some ideas.

Spoilers ahead...

It's almost impossible not to love The 100 (pronounced the hundred, according to the youths). If you're one of the viewers who is willing to make large and multi-faceted excuses for character idiocy, then you're going to enjoy this teen jungle journey with us.

The 100 takes place 97 years in the future, in space! Earth was wrecked by bombs (or something) and the remaining human survivors took to the skies, finding a new home in 12 different cobbled together space stations. Which is now simply called THE ARK. As all survivalist ships are legally required to be named.

The 100 Is Like BSG For Dummies, But We Love It

And seconds after that groundwork is established, The 100 speeds off like a 20-something with a bag of yam yam powder and nothing but a pair of Forever 21 heels to lose.

Cut to the prison, where we meet blonde person and main character Clarke (Boy's Name) Griffin. She likes to draw scorpions in prison — because that's where she is, the kid's prison in space. Why? We'll find out later, hold your horses. Clarke is minding her own business serving her nickel or whatever, when WHAMMO, two ridiculously attractive guards show up to take Clarke away — to Earth. All the bad kids are being thrown off the Ark and onto planet Earth, because the government wants to know if it's safe to go back to the planet now. Because of the radiation, from all the bombs. So they send children, bad children at that. This is a great plan. Do not overthink it, guys. Just go with your gut.

The 100 Is Like BSG For Dummies, But We Love It

Even Clarke's Mom shows up to say goodbye in a weird, "Hey Mom, why are you OK with me being in prison?" way and also to explain some of the "rules" of this show. You see if Earth is deemed worthy of habitation, the rest of their parents will join them on the planet in two months. That is, if they all don't die. Fun game, guys. So Clarke is fitted with a tracker and knocked unconscious, presumably because the studio didn't build a spaceship dock that leads to their Earth bound ship.

And then things speed up even faster. Clarke (the girl with the cool name) wakes up next to someone named Wells. When he sees she is awake, he says, "When I found out they were sending prisoners to the ground, I got myself arrested." This is neither the beginning nor the end of the litany of tropes that are about to come rapidly tumbling out of this series. It goes on. Clarke scoffs at his efforts, and then chastises Wells for not only ratting out her father but getting him executed (or floated as the folks on The Ark call it because airlocking was already taken by BSG). BUT WAIT, THE TWISTS DON'T STOP THERE. Turns out Wells is the Chancellor's son and the Chancellor is basically the space president and wait we're not done yet, because Wells doesn't have a leg! TWIST! TWIST! TWIIIIIST!

Naturally everyone hates Wells because he is the Chancellor's son. This is all being revealed as the 100 kids (hence the name) from kids space jail are plummeting towards the Earth. They land, and because two idiot kids were copying the "cool guy" by floating without their seat belts, they die on impact. So really, this show should probably be called the 98, AMIRITE?

No time for breaks — the hits just keep on coming. Now introducing loud, adventurous girl Octavia Blake. Octavia Blake was in prison for being born — we know this because it is literally whispered out loud a few times when she is first introduced, "That's Octavia Blake," "She lived in the floors!" "You can't have a brother, that's illegal!" "We added this in post, because we forgot to add it into the conversation naturally!"

Octavia Blake is all about being crazy, and wild! We know this because she says that, a lot. Her brother is also a very attractive person, but we should probably stop saying that — because this is a CW show, and everyone is just ludicrously attractive in the dystopian future Earth. Their hair is shiny and fluffy, and their undershirts look like actual clothing items, not just the t-shirt you turned inside out to hide the pizza stain.

Octavia is the first to step off the ship to which she bellows "We're back, bitches!" Cue up the "Imagine Dragons" track.

Meanwhile back on The Ark it's revealed that the real reason the 100 kids were kicked off is because the space station only has enough life support to last 3 months — or four, now that the 100 kids are gone. TWIST???!!!! So fingers crossed, the kids are alright.

Back on New Earth, the kids are acting like general dicks and Clarke is the only responsible one. Clarke stands up and bellows, "Can any of you draw a really good scorpion? No?... I didn't think so, so I'm the leader now, me." Then Clarke, Octavia two others who get names later, and the love interest decide that it's up to them to hike to the secret and mountain that conveniently has enough supplies to last for a long ass time, and bring them back for the rest of the camp.

So they start the treacherous climb, into a radioactive forest filled with two-faced deer and leaves. Four steps into the journey Octavia turns to Clarke, points at the hot boy and says "mine." Thus begins the love triangle no one wanted but we all knew was coming, as is tween law. So it shall be written. So it shall be done.

At some point Octavia sees a river, and because she's the sporty one *shakes head back and forth and winks* she dives right in. Actually knowing how to swim be damned.

"Look I want to show you my tank top! It's wet now."

The 100 Is Like BSG For Dummies, But We Love It

This show is the best show, next week put the hot boy in the pool please!

Naturally Octavia is attacked by a giant river snake, but she survives because, well, Jesus, just look at her. The giant river snake is truly the violence turning-point for this series. And things pick up the pace again. At this point, we're not even remotely invested in these characters but the plot is turning so fast it's hard not to clap your hands and yell, "Yay snakes!" Shortly after that, one of the group's white males is speared through the chest. Just fucking WHAMMO, right in the chest. It was great. Hunger Games, you have truly broken down the walls of child violence — and good, because without that spear attack I probably would have returned to stalking randoms on Twitter.

Within the madness of the child murder, it was also revealed that there are OTHER PEOPLE on the planet. Let's hope they have two faces, like the deer.

Overall this show basically feels like the ending of BSG being retold in memes on TUMBLR which is why it's probably so damn addictive. Gear up, white teenagers of America — we have something fun to watch.