We already know there are some pretty smokin' disasters that await us in real life, like mega-volcanoes (what could be hotter?) and flooded coastal cities (everybody in bathing suits!). But it's only in fiction that doomsday gets truly sexy. Here are nine of the most alluring.
1. Lair of the White Worm
Demon-worship in its various forms plays a big role in many naughty end-is-nigh tales. But Ken Russell's campy Lair of the White Worm takes it to a whole new level, with Amanda Donahoe playing the priestess to an ancient demon worm who demands virgin sacrifice. Donahoe, whose true form involves snake fangs and sparkly, skin-tight outfits, vamps her way through the movie — while a fumbling Hugh Grant tries to stop her. The turgid worm of evil is almost unleashed upon the world at the end, but Donahoe and her unholy dildo are, of course, vanquished by good old fashioned British sexual repression.
2. Buffy the Vampire Slayer, "Surprise"
In this famous episode from season 2 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, everything goes pear-shaped when Buffy and Angel finally have sex. Angel experiences a moment of true happiness, his curse is lifted, and he becomes soulless Angelus again. And thus a potential doomsday scenario begins, that can only end when Buffy banishes Angel to a hell dimension for like hundreds of years. From this episode, millions of teenagers learned that men only experience true happiness from sex, and they become world-destroying madmen afterwards. So keep those virginity pledges, kiddies!
3. Legend of the Overfiend
This is quite possibly the greatest hentai anime tentacle sex series ever made. In the original miniseries, the world is threatened with total destruction when the wall between our world and the demon dimension is ripped asunder — by a young man having sex with his girlfriend, and discovering that his penis has the power to grow super-giant. Eventually his erection pretty much destroys a city with an atomic cloud of ejaculate, and the countdown to sexy demonic annihilation begins. Orgies, detachable penises, and lots of extremely abstract representations of genitals follow.
This crazy film from 1980 is practically a documentary. In it, Satan controls the world's biggest music corporation, BIM, and slowly turns civilization into a hellish mass of sequins, spandex, orgies and bloodlust by buying up the rights to every piece of original music and turning it all into disco. Luckily, two nice folk singers from Saskatchewan fight back against the menace, mostly in teeny outfits or shirtlessly. Eventually we're all rushing pell-mell towards the Rapture (not the Blondie song, but kind of).
Having sex with hotpants alien hybrid Natasha Henstridge will fill the world with tentacled aliens and destroy humanity. Seems like a fair bargain.
6. Satánico Pandemonium (AKA Sexorcist)
This Mexican film may be best known in El Norte as the name of Salma Hayak's vampire character in From Dusk Til Dawn. But there's a reason why Robert Rodriguez tipped his cowboy hat to this insane 1970s cult nunsploitation film. It's seriously one of the most psychotic flicks you'll ever see. An innocent young nun starts having over-the-top sex fantasies, and is filled with a burning lust to act them out in ways that don't always go very well for her partners (that's putting it mildly). Soon it becomes clear that Satan has filled her with these desires, and that her sexcapades will lead the whole nunnery to Hell, and perhaps even bring on the Apocalypse. Learn more about nunsploitation from this great list on Oddfilms!
7. The Sex Sphere, by Rudy Rucker
In this novel by beloved cyberpunk author Rucker, the Earth is invaded by aliens who know that the best way to rule humanity is by appealing to our crotchular regions. So they take the form of floating torsos and genitals, latching onto humans and filling them with so much sexual bliss that they don't notice the world is ending. Of course there's a battle with a giant vagina dentata at the end.
This movie is an absolute masterpiece of awesome absurdity. A pandemic has destroyed Scotland, and England has built a wall between the infected north and the disease-free south. But then the virus jumps the wall, and our hero (in skintight military gear) has to journey into the now-savage nation to find a cure. There are scantily-clad punk rock cannibals (who dance to a Fine Young Cannibals song), Malcolm McDowell as the king of a group of medieval reenactors who have become real knights with real swords, and there's even a chase scene with muscle cars. Meanwhile, the world succumbs to plague. It doesn't get sexier than that.
9. "The Shadow Over Innsmouth," by H.P. Lovecraft
Lovecraft's famous short story may have single-handedly founded the genre of tentacle sex doomsday demon alien scenarios. In a town full of people who have interbred with tentacled demon aliens of the deep, a great transformation is about to happen — one that could allow Cthulhu itself to take over. If you don't want the Deep Ones to rise, use a condom when you have sex with Cthulhu's spawn, OK?
Annalee Newitz is the author of Scatter, Adapt and Remember: How Humans Will Survive a Mass Extinction. Pre-order a copy today!