The attack of the zombie assholes continues in the Grimm premiere

I would not know last night’s episode of Grimm was a season premiere if someone hadn’t told me. It seems like the first part of a two-hour premiere that got cut off, or maybe the second half of the season 2 finale, because shockingly little happens.

Honestly, it takes the show 20 minutes to catch up to where the show ended last season: Baron Samedi has spat goo in Nick’s face, causing him to go into pseudo-death, and Renard’s brother Eric gets his body put on a plane to Austria for unknown reasons. Monroe, Rosalee, and Juliette try to escape all the other zombies in the shipping container yard — I say zombies, but remember, they’re more like drunken soccer hooligans, because they just want to fight people and punch things — for a long time. The only new information is that Renard is also at the yard.

After that, there’s still not much going on. Wu manages to pack all the “zombies” into a shipping container. Monroe, Hank, Rosalee and Juliette try to figure out how to get the antidote to all of the “zombies” before some of them die, and take a super-long time to figure out making it in a gaseous form might do the trick. Renard decides to have someone kill his brother, but it doesn’t get anywhere beyond the “tell a guy in Austria to have someone kill his brother stage. Adalind does a lot of weird, seemingly arbitrary shit to get her Hexenbiest powers back.

And Nick, being a Grimm, wakes up from Baron Samedi’s goo quickly and punches his way out of his coffin while on the plane and then starts drunken soccer hooliganing out, causing the plane to crash. Nick survives, wanders to a bar, starts beating up people, then leaves. While Monroe and Hank try to track their friend, Nick comes across a house where a small family lives. Roll credits.

Worrying that Nick might assault a couple of strangers isn’t exactly high stakes for a season premiere, especially since we know there’s no way in hell the show is going to have its main character beat up a kid. Asking us to care about the lives of the other random zombie hooligans is also not particularly compelling. Hell, even Adalind is bored by all the steps it takes to get her Hexenbiest powers back, and she’s the one the getting something out of it.

And the padding! Seriously, watching Rosalee and Monroe and Juliette trying to figure out the solution to curing all the hooligans is painful, especially since no one thinks of it until Monroe breaks a glass and yellow CG gas comes out. It gets worse: There are literally three different scenes where it is explained that the plane Nick was on has crashed — Renard gets told, then Renard tells Hank, and then Hank calls Monroe, and nothing is ever omitted.

If the show had packed in some of its mythology — which I was fully expecting, it being a season premiere and all, where Grimm seems to like to pack these things — it would have made the rest of the episode worth it, but it didn’t. As it is, there are a few seeds sown in “The Ungrateful Dead” that might pay off later on, like the repowered Adalind, or Renard’s orders to kill his brother. But that’s all the season 3 premiere of Grimm was — a couple of seeds.