The nanotubes are working my last nerve, on RevolutionS

Remember how the teaser on last week's episode of Revolution said "everything will be revealed next week"? You knew it was a lie. I knew it was a lie. But we didn't know it would be this much of a ripoff. Spoilers ahead!

So this week there was a shitty subplot, and a so-so subplot. Let's start with the so-so. That brings us straight into the arms of Neville, who is once again one of my favorite characters now that it's been a whole week since he tortured somebody. Now that he's helped Colonel Mucky Muck kill his wife, the fates are rewarding Neville. On the train with his new boss, he spots his wife Julia! You know, the one he thought was dead? The one whose death he was going to avenge by murdering the president of the Patriots? That one.

After the bombing, Julia thought Neville was dead. So she hooked up with some Patriot politician – played by Skyler's embezzling boss from Breaking Bad – and now she's married to the guy. We find this out after she and Neville spot each other, and immediately have a hot hookup in a luggage closet. Go, Neville! Also, I love that when he tells Julia he was going to murder the president for her, she smiles and says, "I love you." I may have to upgrade the subplot from so-so to pretty awesome.

The nanotubes are working my last nerve, on RevolutionS

Apparently, Neville and Julia were always plotting some kind of political power game. She says, "we can still get what we always wanted," and then they decide to hide their relationship. Scheming! I love it! Plus, this means no more crazy angry tearful Neville speeches during awful torture scenes. When Jason finds out that his mom is alive, he seems to understand about the secret plot too. The Neville family is about to take Washington, and I'm pretty sure the president is going down.

So the shitty plot is going to be a letdown after all that, unless you like boredom and frustration. Miles, Rachel and Charlie try to rescue Google, but discover that he has knocked out the entire base with his nanotube powers. There are a lot of draggy, whiny scenes where Rachel wants to rescue her dad, delaying everything, despite the fact that last week she was ready to nuke the bastard.

Meanwhile, every time the gang is in a tight spot, Monroe shows up and stabs everybody. Charlie loves it, and is always ready to join in with some stabbing in shooting of her own. I'm starting to feel like a Monroe/Charlie ship is coming into port. Is that creepy? Yes, it's really fucking creepy. Stop it, show.

The nanotubes are working my last nerve, on RevolutionS

Anyway, before we get to the awfulness that is Google's nanotube power, you will have to endure a romantic flashback between Rachel and Miles!!! Because for some reason their love was doomed from the start! Miles was reluctant, saying that his brother would be better for Rachel. But Rachel was wearing a bad wig, and said she would drop everything if Miles would just say that he loved her.

The nanotubes are working my last nerve, on RevolutionS

Even when he says he doesn't love her, she says she doesn't believe him! But she goes off and has a family with his brother anyway, then abandons them, presumably because she's basically a douche. Is there some reason why I'm supposed to like Rachel? Because I really can't figure out what it is.

The nanotubes are working my last nerve, on RevolutionS

Onward into the nanotubes! Google and his girlfriend Cynthia wake up in an abandoned school, and Google discovers that his nano powers have healed his girlfriend's stab wound. That's when he starts seeing a little kid, who tells Google about how he came from a little town in Oklahoma with the world's biggest ball of twine – oh, and by the way, he killed all the people that Google wanted him to, and brought Google back to life. You know, in repayment for Google "waking him up."

The nanotubes are working my last nerve, on RevolutionS

For some reason, Google doesn't figure out that the little kid is the nanotubes. No, I'm serious. It takes him two more scenes before he figures this out. And we have to wait through those scenes, watching Google tremble and cry for no reason, before he connects the dot and realizes he's found the user interface for the nanotubes.

Once he's figured that out, do you know what he does!? He fucking tells the nanotubes to go away and leave him alone.

Okay, he has a superpowered friend who can control the entire world at a molecular level, and he tells it to go away? Really? This is a guy who was supposedly a genius programmer at Google, who has finally met an artificial intelligence, and instead of trying to figure out how it works, like any normal engineer would, he says, "go away"? This is insulting not only in terms of character continuity, but also in terms of keeping promises to the audience. It's a reveal that isn't a reveal.

Then, when the Patriots' chief mad scientist comes in holds a gun on Google and Cynthia, Google doesn't have a superpowered friend anymore. So the mad scientist kills Cynthia, and inevitably Google starts screaming for the user interface kid to show up. Which of course he does, which of course leads to Google going all Hulk and telling the nanotubes to "kill them all." Which results in a lot of burning. This, by the way, is after he has already asked that the nanotubes stop killing people.

In one of the episode's few moments of glory, the user interface asks Google the question we are all asking. "Why didn't you ask me to heal her?" And Google says, "I want you to heal her." That's when the nanotubes decide to get all whiny, complaining that first Google told them not to kill, then to go away, then to come back and kill. "I'm going to go away now like you wanted," the nanotubes say arbitrarily, disappearing. Now Cynthia is dead for realsies.

The nanotubes are working my last nerve, on RevolutionS

Cue a bunch of screaming and whining.

Now who is going to heal Miles' infected hand? Will the user interface kid ever come back? Will the nanotubes choose somebody else to hang around with? How many more episodes will it be before the nanotube subplot comes back? Maybe never! After all, the user interface kid has gone away. More likely, however, this show will find some way to combine terrible emotional handwringing with the nanotubes, to create some awful new metamaterial that bends light into a tortured plot twist.

See you after the midseason break! Don't grow too many nanotubes in that chemical vapor deposition chamber while you're gone.