It's hard to believe that something as perfect as 1986's The Eliminators exists — just check out this section, where the cyborg hero removes his legs and turns himself into a tank, to escape from the top-secret evil facility where he was built. And then teams up with a roboticist, played by a young Denise Crosby.

My other favorite part of the movie is when Crosby's roboticist (who has basically built R2D2, as you can see in the above clip) goes into a Mexican riverside bar and incites a bar fight by saying she'll pay "the toughest guide in the place" to take her and her cyborg friend up-river. (Skip to 3:30ish in the video below, to see the most comical bar fight in the history of comical bar fights). And the evil butch lesbian, who loses out on the job of escorting Denise Crosby, gets mad and chases them up the river, only to find out what happens when you chase a killer cyborg.

There were a lot of terrible cyborg movies in the decade following the first Terminator — but this movie still has a very special place in my heart, and in the annals of awful movie-making. And the whole thing is now on YouTube! Huzzah!