This Week's TV: A single oil rig causes all the volcanoes to erupt. Could this be the year's most absurd TV event?

Seriously, watch the 30-second trailer for Ring of Fire, in which two of J.J. Abrams' favorite actors discover that if this one volcano erupts... all of the world's biggest volcanos go! It's 30 seconds very well spent. Also, this week's TV includes Evil Selena Gomez, and Evil Elena Gilbert. And meet Emoticonnie, whose head is an emoticon! Tons of clips from all of this week's TV shows below...

Top image: The Fall of the Hindenburg.

Today:


Ring of Fire (8 PM, Reelz):
This is the first night of a two-night miniseries event, that honestly sounds like something that was made for Syfy and then nixed. Featuring an actually decent cast of actors. Here's the skinny:

The Earth rocks in Ring of Fire, a terrifying end-of-the-world scenario, starring Michael Vartan (Alias), Lauren Lee Smith (CSI), Emmy Award(R) winner Terry O'Quinn (Lost) and Agam Darshi (Sanctuary). When an oil rig causes an eruption in a small town, it's just the first in a series that could affect the dangerous Ring of Fire that contains most of the world's volcanoes. If these cataclysmic eruptions cannot be stopped, the Earth could be headed for an extinction level event.

Judging purely from the above trailer, this looks like The Core meets 2012, resulting in severe head trauma. I cannot wait to see this.


Continuum (8:00 PM, Syfy):
This is the penultimate episode of the first season, and this time around Kiera actually pays a visit to her pal Alec's family, where the whole "Alec's half-brother is a dickish terrorist" subplot finally comes to a head in about as unpleasant a way as you'd imagine. Some of the questions about when/if terrorism is justified come to a head here.


Being Human (9 PM, Syfy):
Now that this show has hit its stride, thank goodness, you can watch the first four minutes of the new episode right here. And what's going on this time? "Josh meets an old hippie wolf, Sally starts craving human flesh and Aidan lies on his deathbed." Heh. Hippie wolf.


Lost Girl (10 PM, Syfy):
Speaking of shows hitting their stride, which is sort of the opposite of what Lost Girl was doing last week... this time around, Bo is playing a game to try and pass the next test on the way to the Dawning. Check out a sneak peek above, in which Dyson is being super cute.

Also on TV tonight: At 8 PM, Encore has Hindenburg: The Last Flight, the first night of a two-night miniseries about the most famous airship disaster of all time. Plus there's a new Crash & Bernstein at 8:30 PM on Disney XD, a new The Following at 9 PM on Fox and a new Castle on ABC at 10 PM. Also, Science has a new show called Insect Autopsy, that looks "behind the carapace" at all the ways that insects rule the world.


Tuesday:

Apocalypse 101: Expect The Unexpected (10 PM, National Geographic)
It's your apocalyptic basics — this course is a prequisite for all the sophomore-level apocalypse clases, including "Cannibalism for Gourmands." Here's the skinny:

If the floodwaters rise, if the virus spreads, if the bombs go off - these men are ready. Meet four former Marines who believe that they have what it takes to survive almost any doomsday scenario. Joel, Mark, Mike and Jimmy own Forge Survival Supply; their mission is to use what they have on hand to teach and test their clients' survival skills.

That's preceded, appropriately enough, by a brand new Doomsday Preppers.

Also on TV today: Nickelodeon has a new Rocket Monkeys at 3:30 PM. And there's the second night of Ring of Fire on Reelz, and the second night of Hindenberg on Encore, both at 8 PM. There's a new House of Anubis on Teennick at 8:30 PM. Also, at 10 PM, Science has Alien Encounters, in which we explore the ramifications of an encounter with an alien mothership. And Syfy has a new Robot Combat League.


Wednesday:

Dragons: Riders of Berk (8 PM, Cartoon Network):

It's the first part of the two-part season finale! Check out a clip above!

"We Are a Family Part I"- Hiccup is entrusted with the writings and notes of Bork, Berk's legendary dragon expert and discovers information that could lead to the Isle of Night, the supposed home of the Night Furies.

The Neighbors (8:30 PM, ABC):

You have to hand it to this show. Most shows wait until like season five or six before doing a musical episode. But these guys are just going for it in season one.

"Sing Like a Larry Bird" - Increasingly comfortable exploring the world outside of their gated community, the Bird-Kersees ignore the Weavers' concerns and decide to go to into the city to see a Broadway show. Inspired by the experience, Larry decides to put on a musical of his own, which goes well until Dick literally missteps. Instead of going to Marty and Debbie for help (as they have done many times before), the Bird-Kersees risk exposing their true identities when they call 9-1-1.

Also on TV tonight: There's more Rocket Monkeys on Nickelodeon at 3:30 PM, and more House of Anubis at 8:30 PM on Teennick. Plus Psych on USA at 10 PM. And Stranded on Syfy at 10 PM.


Thursday:

The Vampire Diaries (8 PM, The CW):
Brand new clip above! This episode is called "Bring It On," and if from that you intuit that it's a cheerleader competition-y episode, featuring cut-throat cheerleaders who will do anything to win, then you are a pop culture wizard. And it's the first episode since Elena turned off her emotions, meaning that she's going to be even more determined to wipe the floor with the other squad. To which all one can possibly say is, "Brr. It's cold in here. There must be some clovers in the atmosphere."

Incredible Crew (8 PM, Cartoon Network):
In the latest live-action Cartoon Network show, a new girl comes to school: Emoticonnie, whose head is a giant emoticon. And meanwhile, Brandon invents a device that can tell you what babies are really thinking.

Beauty and the Beast (9 PM, The CW):
Remember Mohinder on Heroes? Before he went all Brundlefly, he was actually kind of awesome. And now he's bringing his unique spark to this show.

SENDHIL RAMAMURTHY ("HEROES") JOINS THE CAST - New Assistant District Attorney Gabe Lowan (Sendhil Ramamurthy) arrives at the precinct, suspicious that cases involving the vigilante are being mishandled, and wanting answers. Cat (Kristin Kreuk) is determined to protect Vincent (Jay Ryan) at any cost, which includes tracking down a witness and threatening him at a gala masquerade ball. Meanwhile, Vincent worries he may lose control if he gets romantically involved with Cat.

Person of Interest (9 PM, CBS):
Were you disappointed with last week's somewhat hackneyed "serial killer who could be anyone on a resort island" episode, especially with the cheesy ending? Fear not. This week, it's the zany "Vegas gambler" episode. How could that be bad? Fingers crossed, anyway. "Protecting the unluckiest gambler in the world is hands down the most dangerous game in town."

Archer (10 PM, FX):
It's the traditional "pose as newlyweds" episode. Awesome.

"The Honeymooners" - Archer and Lana pose as newlyweds to stop a sale of enriched uranium. SPOILER ALERT: Lana goes nuclear before the bomb does.

Also on TV tonight: Abed makes a documentary about Chang's Changnesia on NBC's Community, and nerds are awkward on CBS' Big Bang Theory, both at 8 PM. Also at 8 PM: the Weather Channel has a new Hacking The Planet, about hacking clouds. Teenick once again has House of Anubis at 8:30 PM. At 10 PM, Science has Planet Ant, a special that imagines what it would look like if you could take your ant farm and supersize it, showing the inner workings of a fully-fledged ant colony. Possibly not featuring ants voiced by Woody Allen. Also at 10 PM: A new Elementary on CBS.


Friday:

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (7 PM, Nickelodeon):
Here's what's up: "While trying to foil a Kraang invasion plot, the Turtles are hunted by a giant cockroach." I hate when that happens. That happens every time I try to foil those stupid Kraang and their invasion plots. Also, speculation is this will introduce Donatello's pet cockroach Chong.

Wizards of Waverly Place: The Wizards Return (8 PM, Disney):
For all those of you who were obsessed with this show, there's a one-hour reunion special, in which... we do the time-honored "evil twin" plot. They really needed to reunite the cast for this?

In "The Wizards Return: Alex vs Alex," the Russo family and friends travel to Tuscany, Italy, to meet their long lost relatives... but when Alex (Gomez) tries to prove she's more than a seemingly carefree young Wizard, she inadvertently conjures a spell that creates a Good Alex and an Evil Alex. When Evil Alex gets roped into a charming young wizard's foreboding plan to take over the world, Good Alex must find a way to save her family and humankind, which leads to a monumental battle between the two versions of herself - all atop the Tower of Pisa.

Still, if you've always wanted to see Evil Selina Gomez, this is your chance.

Touch (9 PM, Fox):
Awww... it's Keith David. He's one of the main things I miss about The Cape.

During a rare rainy Los Angeles evening, Martin and Jake head to Breakwire to enlist the help of his old friend Dutch (guest star Keith David), a grizzled ex-Navy Seal. When the lights go out in the building, the storm is suspected, but all hell breaks loose when Guillermo enters the premises. As the intensity ratchets up and people turn up dead, Jake's ability to communicate with Amelia proves to be critical in defending his life.

Grimm (9 PM, NBC)
It's "Natural Born Wesen," in which there's some serious Bonnie-and-Clyde action happening:

A WESEN COMMUNITY IS IN TURMOIL WHEN THE CODE OF HONOR IS BROKEN - The Wesen code of honor comes into question when Nick (David Giuntoli), Hank (Russell Hornsby) and Monroe (Silas Weir Mitchell) discover a series of bank robberies with Wesen using true natures as their disguises. Meanwhile, Juliette (Bitsie Tulloch) finds herself tormented by faint, slowly returning memories that cause her to question her mental state.

Cult (9 PM, CW):
Are you still watching this show? If so, do you feel the urge to sign onto message boards and dress up and hang out in weird cafe-bar places and maybe occasionally shoot yourself in barns? In any case, this week is the "deprogramming" episode:

THE NOTEBOOK - Jeff (Matt Davis) tells Skye (Jessica Lucas) about Ama (guest star Neelam Khabra), a woman he met on a "Cult" fan site who claims that her husband is missing after becoming obsessed with the show. When they finally meet her, Jeff notices that she has a "Cult" notebook that looks eerily like Nate's notebook. Ama introduces Jeff and Skye to a man who finds and deprograms cult members. EJ (guest star Stacy Farber, "Degrassi: The Next Generation") locates an IP address on a disk that could bring Jeff and Skye one step closer to finding Nate. Meanwhile, on the television show, Kelly (Alona Tal) finds Professor Patrick (guest star Jonathan Holmes), the man who deprogrammed her, at Billy's (Robert Knepper) compound.

Also on TV tonight: A whole new Nikita on The CW at 8 PM. Also, there's two episodes of Alien Dawn, the fantasy series combining live-action and animation, at 10 PM on Nicktoons.


Saturday:

DC Nation (10 AM, Cartoon Network):

It's the series finales of both Green Lantern and Young Justice. Yup, you read that right — series finales. Because your children don't deserve any better. Here's what to expect:

Green Lantern: The entire Green Lantern Corps makes a final attempt to defeat the Aya Monitor before she erases all organic life from existence.
Young Justice: On the verge of finally ending the alien invasion, the team discovers the price of victory may be the entire planet Earth!

Men in Black 3 (9 PM, Starz):
It's the television premiere of one of last year's most successful sequels, and it's preceeded by the first two Men in Black movies so you can decide for yourself whether the third movie really does represent an improvement on the universally loathed second film. Or whether this trilogy actually consists of one decent movie and two uneven sequels, of varying levels of blahness.

Also on TV today: Power Rangers: Megaforce will air at 1 PM on Nickelodeon, plus a new Supah Ninjas on Nickelodeon at 9 PM.


Sunday:

Once Upon a Time (8 PM, ABC):
After last night's startling episode, there's no information officially released about this Sunday's upcoming outing. Except for the above promo, which suggests there will be vengeance, blood feuds, and Rumpelstiltskin being the voice of reason. Uh oh.


The Walking Dead (9 PM, AMC):
Above are a couple of sneak peeks for "Prey." In which: "The Governor chases a dissenter who fled Woodbury. While the Governor is gone, a traitor tries to sabotage his upcoming plans."

Also on TV today: There's a new Winx Club on Nickelodeon at 1 PM. And Fox has the usual animated shows, including The Simpsons, which features a Batman spoof called "Dark Knight Court" where Mr. Burns becomes Fruit Bat Man.

Sources: Futon Critic and various TV studio press releases.