Just in time for those holiday abductions, Amazon is selling a "UFO-O2 Detector." It will help you spot UFOs coming, by beeping when it detects "magnetic anomalies." But the best part is the product reviews.
This gadget is from the fine people at Images SI, who will also sell you a Roswell UFO crash site soil sample, good for lining your alien vampire coffin. So this detector, apparently the second in a series, comes with a fine pedigree.
Here's what Images SI say it will do:
- The UFO detector continually monitors its surrounding area for any magnetic and electromagnetic anomalies.
- The UFO detector is a magnetometer interfaced with microcontroller for detecting magnetic anomalies.
Obviously the Amazon reviewers agree.
The most popular response is from "George Takei," a "Top 1000" reviewer on Amazon. He describes how he became a true believer in the UFO-02 Detector:
I purchased this gizmo to play a prank on my husband Brad, who still prattles on about his "fourth-kind" encounter when he was just thirteen. (The 4th kind involves a probe, if you're wondering. I keep saying it was likely his redneck neighbor dressed as ET, but that possibility is too dreadful for him to truly accept.)
On the anniversary of Brad's alleged abduction, I placed the device by our bedside, then set-up an electromagnetic wave generator under the bed, with a timer to go off right at midnight. (If you're wondering where to get one, I recommend the Skymall Catalog. I also picked up some Motivational posters and fake garden rock speakers to save on shipping. You're welcome.)
But back to my prank. It was all set to go, and I was as giddy as a six year old waiting for Santa. But like a typical six year old, I fell asleep before the damn thing went off. I awoke to the flashing of multiple LEDs from the UFO-02 Detector, and bolted up, eager to see Brad's petrified face. Aha!
But Brad wasn't there.
In fact, I wasn't even in our bedroom any more. Instead, I stood face-to-face with Leonardo da Vinci. Or perhaps it was Professor Dumbledore, I'm not really certain. In either event, It was a manifestation that the being I shall call the "Intelligence" had determined my brain would most easily accept for deliverance of The Message.
You see, the Intelligence had come to convey to us humans that the Imperative was nigh, that what we loosely dub the Singularity was only the beginning of a limitless existence unbounded by physical space and time, and that sugar-free alternatives are actually WORSE for us than the real deal. He made sure that last point was clear by making me repeat it twice.
When I came to, Brad was sound asleep in his tin foil hat, the UFO-02 detector was gone, and, sure enough, all of my Splenda had been replaced with little, brown raw sugar packets. When I tried to tell Brad about Leonardo/Dumbledore and The Message, he rolled over away from me, grumbling that I shouldn't eat so much ice cream or any dairy product before bed.
R.J. Reid sums up his experiences much more succinctly:
This little gizmo is a bargain at twice the price and much more accurate than the voices in my head.
A Trustworthy Human thinks we should be a lot more skeptical:
I, as a resonable and trUstworthy hUman, do not gleep nerp this ungood prodUct. Bad it is for Us hUmans to purchase and opperate this online pUrchasable prodUct.
As the person from Earth that I am, I think that all of my other fellow hUmans on Earth should immediately disUse and florgnify this Utterly Zorglefran, I mean bad item for bUying. Ha Ha. I am laughing with hUmor with the funny word I made up with my typing that I am not doing by direct thought extraction, and instant data transmission to Amazon.com website. Ha Ha. That was highly hUmoroUs and glerp . . .
Besides even if the alien friends did exist, who minds occassional anal probe for benefit of aliens that don't exist glerp science! I, as a resonable and trustworthy human person from Earth sure wouldn't mind helping our fUtUre overlords!
And Cyphis complains:
I don't know if this is a scam or if mine was broken, but it doesn't work and I am still getting abducted by UFO's on a regular basis.
Carl Rabbin has some technical advice:
When there was just analog TV, my antenna had no trouble getting good VFO (2-13) and UFO (ch 14-69) reception. Now that there is digitalis TV, I was not getting such great reception. With this device plugged in through a 75 ommmmm connector, and a gnome on the roof holding the rooftop antenna, I get great UFO reception, which is great because most fidgital channels are now on UFO channels numbers. But Channel 12 still doesn't come in as well as I expected. That might be because it's 120 miles away, but I'm not sure.
And Marsha has practical advice:
I have noticed it works much better if you 1)take LSD, 2)take Ecstasy, 3)snort a little cocaine, 4)smoke ganja and 5)drink several bottles of Jack Daniels. The colors really pop then.
Mark Swanson is grateful:
I can't begin to tell you how many times this UFO detector has saved my ass! I used to wake up in the morning feeling funky and disoriented, sore all over my body, with strange memories of bondage and penetration. Now I employ the UFO-02 Detector (by Images SI), and this puppy kicks into action before any of those little creeps can lay a long, slimy grey finger on me.
I flew my FPV quad copter over the detector and it went off, this thing doesn't know the difference between a rc toy or a real UFO. I want my money back!
You can read all these comments and so much more, over on Amazon.