Last night, Dancing With the Stars went full Disney. Unfortunately there was no Fox and the Hound contemporary dance, but they did make time for Ariel to shake her mermaid-shell bra around for the kiddies. So we've ranked all the Disney dances from best to worst!
Beauty and the Beast - "Be Our Guest"
During the "Be Our Guest" song, danced by Danica McKeller (Winnie Cooper) and "Val," the song pauses on these two dishes who have been caught eating. I will forever be indebted to DWTS for this.
Cinderella - "So This is Love"
Before I watched this collection of Dancing With The Stars videos, I was unaware of who Amy Purdy was. Now I know she is an athlete (snowboarder) and TV personality from The Amazing Race, whose legs had to be amputated below the knee. If you didn't get at least a little emotional watching the behind-the-scenes clip, you are a soulless troll monster. DWTS grabs hold of all the heart strings and yanks.
That said, Cinderella's dress is blue. Get it straight.
101 Dalmations - "Cruella de Vil"
At first, I was pretty bummed that Nene Leakes had been cast as the ONLY villain of the whole night. As a current watcher of Mrs. Leakes on Real Housewives of Atlanta, I will admit that it's much more fun to watch her be bad as opposed to a demure dancing princess. That said, couldn't she have been a princess? Also, I wasn't into her Cruella de Vil ensemble; the hair was fantastic, but the random strips of fabric were confusing. Were those supposed to be the intestines of small animals dangling around her waist? Why not use (fake) puppy dog tails?
Either way, she killed it. Better than the rest.
Frozen - "Let It Go"
The obligatory "Let It Go" song and dance by James Maslow and Peta loses some luster for the terrible hack job the show did on the song. But they get points for the frost FX that spark across the dance floor when they strut.
Lion King - "Just Can't Wait To Be King"
Cody Simpson & Witney pranced to "Just Can't Wait To Be King." I'm into this, because they made the girl look like a lion with her hair. But alas, they were voted off, probably because girl lions don't have manes. Read a book, guys.
Little Mermaid - "Under The Sea"
Human Crab. Human Crab. Human Crab. Human Crab. Human Crab. Human Crab. Human Crab. Human Crab. Human Crab. Human Crab. Human Crab. Human Crab. Human Crab. Human Crab. Human Crab. Human Crab. Human Crab. Human Crab. Human Crab. Human Crab. Human Crab.
And yes, that is DJ Tanner, and yes she does shake her mermaid boobs.
Jungle Book - "I Wanna Be Like You"
Meryl Davis and her partner were probably the best dancers, but there was a lot (and I mean A LOT) of ass shaking during a song about friendship, and the sexual tension kind of weirded me out.
Mary Poppins - "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious"
Apparently, Charlie White & Sharna messed up on this dance; I think it was around the 18th time when they threw their umbrellas. It's OK, we all make mistakes— however, competing with Julie Andrews and Dick Van Dyke is impossible.
Aladdin - "Never Had a Friend Like Me"
In which Drew Carey manages never to close his mouth the entire time he's dancing with a cartoon genie.
THE WORST - The Opening Number
Set to the questionable Song Of The South soundtrack. Also, it would appear that some of the women are dressed as sexy penguins from Mary Poppins? Congratulations, opening number: You're the worst.