What if Shakespeare wrote Star Wars? "Alas, poor Stormtrooper!"S

What if William Shakespeare took a crack at Star Wars? Just imagine the classic Wookie and R2-D2 chess scene re-written as a Greek chorus. We've got an exclusive look inside the pages of Shakespeare's Star Wars, by Ian Doescher. And yes, it's got the "Alas, poor Stormtrooper" line.

What if Shakespeare wrote Star Wars? "Alas, poor Stormtrooper!"S

Act III

Scene 6.

Space, aboard the Millenium Falcom.

Enter OBI-WAN KENOBI, LUKE SKYWALKER, C-3PO, R2-D2, and CHEWBACCA.

CHORUS The instant Alderaan is smash'd to bits,

Luke tries his lightsaber—a keen trainee.

The droids and Wookiee play a game of wits,

But Obi-Wan doth sense catastrophe.

OBI-WAN [aside:] Now breaks my heart as through the Force I sense
The suffering of many worthy souls.
I know not what this doth portend, and yet
I fear the worst.

What if Shakespeare wrote Star Wars? "Alas, poor Stormtrooper!"S

Act IV

Scene 6.

Enter LUKE SKYWALKER, holding stormtropper helmet.

LUKE Alas, poor stormtrooper, I knew ye not,

Yet have I ta'en both uniform and life

From thee. What manner of a man wert thou?

A man of inf'nite jest or cruelty?

A man with helpmate and with children too? 5

A man who hath his Empire serv'd with pride?

A man, perhaps, who wish'd for perfect peace?

Whate'er thou wert, good man, thy pardon grant

Unto the one who took thy place: e'en me.


What if Shakespeare wrote Star Wars? "Alas, poor Stormtrooper!"S

Act IV

Scene 6.

LEIA We must o'erleap this deep abyss somehow.

Pray, canst thou use thy sharp and earnest wit

To find a means for lengthening the bridge?

LUKE O! Now the widsom of old Obi-Wan

Is proven, for the blaster was too harsh. 65

LEIA Do something, prithee, or they shall burst through!

CHORUS So clever Luke the scene he doth survey

And soon conceives a noble plan to cross.

To take their flight and save them sans delay,

He bares a length of rope as thin as floss. 70

Attack'd, now Leia matches fire with fire,

And so they cross, a'swinging o'er th'abyss.


What if Shakespeare wrote Star Wars? "Alas, poor Stormtrooper!"S

And here's a look at the cover, "Verily, a New Hope." Ha.

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