On Witches of East End, They Kill Blackmailers With Lightning Fists

So much went right in "The Old Man and the Key," after last week's soup of nothing. We have flashbacks to the family fleeing Asgard, where the dress code is white and revealing for women and hilarious facial hair for men; Dash's Hulk-style rage magic, and Freya's totally deserved romantic pain.

Once again, this show is picking up and dropping plotlines as it suits its fancy. What of Ingrid's tentacled lover from the premiere? No sign of him. He'll be back eventually. Probably when the budget will allow it again.

Spoilers...

100% approval for Dash's new insanity. He was so bland last season, and now he's unhinged and fabulous. Plus, Freya spent all of last season dithering about which brother she loved and now she has NO BROTHER. Yes. Perfect.

On Witches of East End, They Kill Blackmailers With Lightning Fists

Dash and Ingrid

The surprise break-out pairing of the summer! Dash used to be the most boring character of the show, but this new vision-seeing, anger-magicked Dash is amazing. He started the episode strong by talking to an empty chair while his one night stand watches and he ended strong by having to reconcile the reappearance of Killian with his visions.

Was the best moment of the night when Dashpunched a car until it exploded? Or when Ingrid helped him haul a body wrapped in tarp down the stairs? Or was it when he then pushed the body over a cliff?

On Witches of East End, They Kill Blackmailers With Lightning Fists

Ingrid decides that she needs to talk to Dash because of his new powers and she thinks that someone needs to help him learn how to deal with them. She nominates herself, even though she only discovered she had powers like maybe a month ago.

Dash is still being blackmailed by the person who saw him mentally fling Killian onto the boat. Who was the blackmailer? Who cares? Dash "Lightning Fist" Gardiner first sends him a message by exploding his car. And then, with Ingrid in the house, punches the guy to death. He tells her he doesn't know who the dude is, that he was an intruder and Dash feared for their safety. So Ingrid helps him hide the body, casting a spell to make it stay hidden. I really hope this isn't a one-off pairing, because I liked understanding-witch-Ingrid's time with magic-time-bomb-Dash.

Killian and Freya

Normally, Freya and her love triangles is my least favorite plot on this show. But, because of that, I loved her pain at discovering that Killian had married Eva. And then at having to tell him she broke up with Dash. And then her blunt "Oh, btw, your mother's dead" to Killian. And the fact that Eva's super-friendly to her, like, suspiciously friendly for someone who barely knows her.

On Witches of East End, They Kill Blackmailers With Lightning Fists

Above: The Most Awkward Hug In This Episode

Now, Eva's going to be evil because that's how love triangles like this work. Eva's the owl and the owl has been foreshadowed as a predator, so the show's set her up to be eliminated by the end of the season so Freya "He's My SOULMATE!" Beauchamp can get him back But, until then, I and other awful people can enjoy her pain. The irony of Killian telling Freya that "Eva and I have this connection and share so many special things" when he and Freya also share magic, but Freya just didn't tell him is delicious.

Also, he doesn't remember the part of last season where Dash is the reason he ended up nearly dead on a faraway beach. Or, he's pretending not to remember. But he shows up back at the house, and does what anyone does when they return from being missing because his mother's dead: he starts playing the piano. So of course Dash thinks he's a figment of his imagination and yells at him to go away.

Killian brushes that off to engage in the second most awkward hug of this episode.

On Witches of East End, They Kill Blackmailers With Lightning Fists

Frederick and the Flight from Asgard

Joanna sees a mark on Frederick's chest, which is the same as the one on the two people who came stumbling out of the woods. It's apparently the "mark of the king" and means that Frederick's soul is bound to his grandfather's. You know, the guy that the rest of the family rebelled against and ended up banished and cursed for? Plus, he's out in the woods doing suspicious rituals.

Wendy visits the body of Ingrid's old boss, reanimates him just long enough for him to tell that he knows what she is and that "he's coming." Wendy knocks him out and then sends Joanna a text.

On Witches of East End, They Kill Blackmailers With Lightning Fists

Ho-hum, just your usual text.

Frederick promises that he's only got the mark because his grandfather made him, but Wendy's still suspicious. We see in flashbacks that Frederick betrayed them at the portal when they fled Asgard. Even though Frederick made a choice to betray them, Joanna blames herself for not being able to literally pull him out of the portal and keep him with her. Also, Frederick and his father have EPIC flashback hair.

On Witches of East End, They Kill Blackmailers With Lightning Fists


Wendy and Joanna's father is an evil tyrant who quashes dissent with brutal killings, which is why they fought against him in the first place. Also, they took the snake key from last season from him by chopping his hand off. (Apparently, Asgardian limbs are reduced to ash when severed.)

On Witches of East End, They Kill Blackmailers With Lightning Fists

RANDOM! But it made me laugh, so I'll allow it.

Finally, Victor's back, but he's been captured and tortured. Sucks to be Victor, I guess.

On Witches of East End, They Kill Blackmailers With Lightning Fists

But now the most important thing: There's no sign of hot EMT guy this week. So we're now three episodes in without him and Wendy hooking up. You know what that means? IF THEY DO THE SEX IN THE NEXT EPISODE, I WIN THE POOL. AHAHAHAHA!