So I was all set to joke about how Subway would tie their crappy sandwiches into a movie where kids compete in a brutal contest for the amusement of the rich, and where a brutal revolution might be the only solution, and then I saw the above commercial where they actually fucking did it.
Madness. Pure madness. Here's the taglines I would have suggested:
"Subway's Fiery Footlongs — Sandwiches so good, you won't even want to send you kids to die horribly in a deadly battle that exists solely for the amusement of your oppressors."
"Had a long day trying to overthrow the Fascist government that has kept you half-starved, cold and helpess for as long as you can remember? Well, nothing will help you get ready for a long day of violence and losing everything you hold dear like an official Subway Fiery Footlong!"
I await your ideas in the comments.