Best Space Battle Smack Talk - io9 Comments

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

Smeagol92055 — Thu, 15 May 2008 15:38:01 PDT

I know no one was talking smack in this scene, but the psychic exchange between Luke and Vader in Empire Strikes Back stands out in my mind as one of the best examples of this; you've got Luke, wounded, close to death, mentally traumatized almost beyond repair, and then Vader, who, though he literally just lopped off his own son's hand and then dropped the truth on him not less than 15 minutes before, is now, for the first ever time on the screen, gentle, caring, and damn charasmatic as he calls out to his son, pleading with him to see reason and realize that there's only one way this can all work out.
Then the Falcon peels into lightspeed and Vader just kind of sadly walks away, wistfully glancing back.

That Irving Kirshner; man, could he direct a scene!

Smeagol92055

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

Darkweave — Thu, 15 May 2008 05:51:34 PDT

Love the Above and Beyond clip!!
@cljohnston108:

Darkweave

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

LordMaim — Thu, 15 May 2008 05:34:32 PDT

@TessGroton: Uh... space?

LordMaim

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

TessGroton — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 09:53:58 PDT

Comment on Best Space Battle Smack Talk Neo: "How about I give you the finger, and you give me my phone call? You can't scare me with this Gestapo crap. I know my rights. Now give me my phone call." Agent Smith: "Mister Anderson, what good is a phone call if you're...unable to speak?"

TessGroton

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

PhilipFry — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 17:27:05 PDT

@erejota: At least there was a little bit of Lando/Ackbar intramural trash talk!

Lando Calrissian: Yes, I said *closer*! Move as close as you can, and engage those Star Destroyers at point blank range!
Admiral Ackbar: At that close range we won't last long against those Star Destroyers!
Lando Calrissian: We'll last longer than we will against that Death Star! And we might just take a few of them with us!

PhilipFry

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

Veloxi — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 15:19:25 PDT

I'm surprised y'all didn't mention the great battle in Return of the Jedi, or the amazing battle to liberate New Caprica in the BSG episode "Exodus Part II." Thank you, however, for mentioning Serenity. That's one of my favorite space battles ever. :)

Veloxi

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

capt.cjh — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 12:25:45 PDT

I feel a few other good trek ones have been missed - from Worf's "Assimilate this" in First Contact to Janeway's "Time to take out the garbage" in Voyager's 'Night'. Perhaps the best though is Picard's confrontation with the Klingons in 'Yesterday's Enterprise'
Klingon Commander: Federation ship Enterprise. Surrender and prepare to be boarded.
Picard: That'll be the day
And not forgetting that episodes most incredible line 'Let's sure history never forgets the name...Enterprise'

capt.cjh

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

Adam_C — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 16:33:47 PDT

@EBone: didn't remember that, nice one !

@aspiringexpatriate:
@Chiper:
Another vote here for Chang quoting Shakespeare
( far more powerful and delightfully sick ;o)

Adam_C

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

Chiper — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 13:54:14 PDT

You left out the best part from that Halo 3 clip. After Truth finishes his speech, the MC turns to the Admiral and asks "Does he always mention me?"
That is probably the best monologue of any video game tho.

I have to agree with a few other people here, Chang's Shakespeare quoting from Star Trek 6 was far more interesting than Khan.

Chiper

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

Marcus — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 13:03:28 PDT

@Jeff-Minor: You dare cast dispersion on Bruce Boxleitner?! Infidel! Heretic! You are incorrect! You loved him and respect him as a person and an actor! I don't know why you thought you didn't. Maybe it was gas... :)

Marcus

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

Jeff-Minor — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 11:47:30 PDT

@BcBeBop: Great clip. I loved her "I'm gonna kick your ass" speech. Thanks. Did she live? The only I really remember about that show is how much I disliked Bruce whatshisface.

Jeff-Minor

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

aspiringexpatriate — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 11:19:11 PDT

@avidreader514: I always found the Dalek Cyberman exchange kinda cheesy and lame. Wasn't a huge fan of latter half of the 2006 series outside of Impossible Planet/Satan Pit. However, the best line from that episode, Doomsday, is when Rose tells the Daleks who Tennant is.
"Him? Oh, that's The Doctor, I think you call him the Oncoming Storm."

Dalek backs up.

"An army of cyberman and nothing. One Doctor, and now you're scared."

aspiringexpatriate

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

Marcus — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 08:42:42 PDT

There's this great episode called "Severed Dreams" where...

Oh.

Marcus

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

AaronZ — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 07:55:53 PDT

There's a line from Babylon 5 where Sheridan and Delenn are on a Minbari cruiser facing down an earth ship. Delenn says something to the effect of; "The only human to ever destroy a minbari war ship is standing behind me (Sheridan), you are in front of me. I suggest you get out of my way."

AaronZ

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

comp_wiz101 — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 07:12:31 PDT

Stargate SG-1:
Mak tal shree! Lok tak. Mekta satak Oz! Mok tal Oz kree! [Daniel]
I don't think they bought my act. [Daniel]
Who'd you say you were? [Jacob]
The Great and Powerful Oz. [Daniel]

comp_wiz101

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

avidreader514 — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 06:34:34 PDT

Daleks vs. Cybermen in Season 2 of Doctor Who:

Cyberman: You would destroy the Cybermen with just four Daleks?

Dalek: We would destroy the Cybermen with ONE Dalek!

avidreader514

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

braak — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 05:52:34 PDT

@CantankerousDave: I have not seen Jericho. This is a reference to General MacAuliffe in WWII?

It's kind of similar to a quote I always liked from Steve Perry's Matador novels--it's one of the first three, but I don't remember which one. It consists of a message sent to a rebel commander, and the reply.

It goes something like:

Honorable Commander of the Rebel Brigade:

You and your people have fought bravely, but you are surrounded, outnumbered, and outgunned. Surrender now, and you'll be taken prisoner and treated well.

Behalfavare Smith
1st Battallion Paratroops
Confederation Armed Forces.

Reply:

1st Battallion Paratroops
Confederation Armed Forces
Behalfavare Smith Commanding:

Go fuck yourself.

We stand until the last man falls.

braak

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

Dalinae — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 05:13:16 PDT

Dave Lister: "It's clobberin' time!"

Best ever.

Dalinae

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

cljohnston108 — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 04:08:29 PDT

@aspiringexpatriate: Here ya go!

cljohnston108

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

ginocoolowski — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 04:03:34 PDT

Wait, I I love Kirk to death. And Wrath of Khan is easily one of the greatest films ever. Kirk and Khan's banter being the best part of it all. But you can't deny Picard his piece of the action...

"I don't have a problem with you, but my tommy gun does."

ginocoolowski

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

sevenatis — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 03:02:33 PDT

"This is Ambassador Delenn of the Minbari. Babylon 5 is under our protection. Withdraw, .. or be destroyed."
"Negative. We have authority here. Do not force us to engage your ship."
"Why not? Only one human captain has ever survived battle with Minbari fleet. He is behind me. You are in front of me. If you value your lives, be somewhere else."
Delenn and Captain Drake, Babylon 5, Severed Dreams

sevenatis

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

tcolberg — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 01:55:49 PDT

@Lizfu: You really do need to publish that. The KHAAAN scene is routine mocked, but rarely lauded for how truly awesome it is.

tcolberg

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

eris523 — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 23:53:11 PDT

One other scene from Babylon 5 cannot go without mention. It's from the Episode "Severed Dreams" -- season 3, episode 10. Sheridan has just announced that Babylon 5 is seceding from Earth control, and EarthGov is not at all happy.

Delenn, after longish absence, has brought the new White Star fleet to the aid of Babylon 5 just as Earthforce is threatening to destroy the station if Sheridan doesn't surrender. Sheridan is trying to argue the fleet commanders down, but doesn't really have the firepower to back his refusal. Delenn pops out of a wormhole, positioning her fleet between the station and the fleet, and hails the attackers:

Delenn: "This is Ambassador Delenn, of the Minbari. Babylon 5 is under our protection. Withdraw, or be destroyed."

Earthforce: "Negative. We have authority here. Do not force us to engage your ship."

Delenn: "Why not? Only one human captain has ever survived battle with a Minbari fleet. He is behind me. You are in front of me. If you value your lives, be somewhere else."

(Attacking fleet leaves without another peep.)

It's a quiet moment in itself, especially in such a fraught episode, but deserves recognition for the cumulative weight it carries. Delenn is never overdone, but her near-immobile face and clipped, precise speech here make that impact chilling. (Also, she gets bonus points for smack-talking her way to a no-shots-fired win.)

eris523

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

aspiringexpatriate — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 23:42:46 PDT

@Marcus: Yeah, I'm glad that The Angriest Angel is one of the few SAAB episodes I have. No real smack talk in the space battle though.

I do quite like what he says to the chaplain:

----------

Chaplain: At these times we should all make peace with our maker.

McQueen: With all due respect, Chaplain, I don't think our maker wants to hear from me right now because he knows I'm going to go out in that sky, in this plane and remove one of his creations from his universe and when I return I'm going to drink a bottle of scotch as if it were Chiggy Von Richtofen's blood and celebrate his death.

----------------

Yay for cheesy wartime dramas!

aspiringexpatriate

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

aspiringexpatriate — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 23:28:59 PDT

Cool. Daleks.

I know Khan is the standard one to add for ST, but I can't help but love the Shakespearean quoting Klingon from The Undiscovered Country. I realize the premise of the battle is practically the same, 'invisible' ship defeated by ingenius doctors who think outside of the box just enough.

I guess I just like Shakespeare better.

aspiringexpatriate

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

sevenout — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 22:59:25 PDT

Can't believe nobody quoted Blake's 7

Unless they throw nuts at each other, I don't see there being much of a fight till light. -- Avon, the Duel

"I have a weak chest."
"The rest isn't too impressive." -- Vila and Avon, Quest for Avalon

"You'll need a lot of explosives or a genius to open that."
"Can you?"
"Of course."
"I'll applaud you later. Just open it." -- Vila and Blake, Quest for Avalon

"Staying with you requires a degree of stupidity I can no longer manage."
"You're just being modest." -- Avon and Blake, Breakdown

"First sign of trouble, we get ought, right?"
"That goes without saying."
"I only wish it were." -- Avon and Jetta, Bounty

"She seems to be on our side."
"Yeah, but the poor woman's insane." -- Gant & Vila, Deliverance

"Imagine you're standing on the edge of a cliff."
"As long as you're not standing behind me." -- Avon & Blake, Deliverance

"Are you all right?"
"All I'll admit is that I'm alive." -- Blake & Avon, Deliverance

"I've got this shocking pain right behind the eyes!"
"Have you tried amputation?" -- Vila and Avon, Deliverance

If there's a showdown between them, my money's on Blake. Well, half of it. The other half is on Avon. -- Vila, Deliverance

"That's one I owe you."
"Don't worry, when the time is right, I'll remind you of it." -- Blake and Avon, Deliverance

"Die? I can't do that!" -- Vila, Orac

"They have a sentimental value for me."
"Family owned?"
"No, I'm just sentimental about money." -- Avon and Largo, Shadow

"Where are all the good guys?"
"Could be looking at them."
"What a depressing thought." -- Gant, Vila, and Avon, Shadow

I'm not stupid, I'm not expendable, and I'm not going. -- Avon, Horizon

I never had the chance. I chose the wrong parents. -- Vila, Horizon

When Avon holds out a hand in friendship, watch the other one. That's the one with the hammer. -- Vila, Killer

It's considered bad manners to kill your friends while committing suicide. -- Avon, Weapon

"What have I done to do this?"
"How long a list would you like?" -- Vila and Avon, Hostage

There's no one as free as a dead man. -- Servelan, Hostage

He's definitely not normal, not even for Blake -- Avon, Voices from the Past

"What are they?"
"They're unfriendly. Fortunate really. They'd be hard to love." -- Arina and Avon, Star One

You can trust so few people these days. -- Avon, Power Play

There's not a volcano alive that would eat Avon. -- Vila, Volcano

But first, there is the matter of that degrading and primitive act you subjected me to in the control room... I would like you to do it again. -- Servelan, Harvest of Kairos

"Have patience!"
"Why? It only gets you older." -- Callie and Vila, Deathwatch

I don't think of you as an enemy, Avon. I see you as a... future friend. -- Servelan, Deathwatch

"I'm assuming you don't have any tedious scruples against lying and cheating?"
"No."
"Oh, good." -- Avon and Tarrant, Deathwatch

Avon's idea of diplomacy is breaking someone's leg and saying 'lean on me'. -- Vila

sevenout

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

Slatz_Grobnik — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 22:58:57 PDT

It's a shame to bring in the modern Doctor Who without the best smackdown from classic Doctor Who, from "Remembrance of the Daleks," where the Doctor takes over from Davros in the middle of his standard evil Mastermind rant, saying all the cliches but ending with "Unlimited rice pudding! Et cetera! Et cetera! Et cetera!"

Oh, and then manages to twist the situation to get Davros to do exactly what he wants, and gets the great moment of gloating afterwards. And, probably, creates the Bunker Hill of the Time War, but that's for another story.

Slatz_Grobnik

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

CantankerousDave — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 22:52:00 PDT

@Charlie Jane Anders: The two lines are one and the same. Whoever translated the Japanese didn't get the reference.

CantankerousDave

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

CantankerousDave — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 22:49:56 PDT

@kingzilch: In an odd genre crossover, the proper translation of that one-word response should have been "Nuts!" as was so cheerfully used by Jericho more recently.

CantankerousDave

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

EBone — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 22:17:13 PDT

@Lizfu: Screw the academic journals. Just send it to me so I can read it :-)

EBone

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

zmook — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 21:23:25 PDT

@Charlie Jane Anders: Jericho's "Nuts"? I think not. "Nuts!" is the famous response delivered by General Anthony MacAuliffe of the US 101st Airborne to the German force demanding his surrender, Battle of the Bulge, December 1944.

Jericho was just paying tribute.

zmook

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

mhking — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 19:35:16 PDT

You've gotta include this year's Doctor Who Christmas Special, "Voyage of the Damned". While it isn't an "earth-shattering kaboom" sort of moment, it is still a classic:

Officious SOB: "Hang on a minute! Who put you in charge! And who the hell are you, anyway!?"

The Doctor: "I'm the Doctor...I'm a Time Lord...I'm from the planet Gallifrey in the constellation Kasterborous...I'm 903 years old and I'm the man who's going to save your lives and all 6 billion people on the planet below!"

*stunned silence*

The Doctor: "Do you have a problem with that?"

Officious SOB: "No..."

The Doctor: "Well then...Allons-y!"

mhking

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

Git Em SteveDave loves this guy->★ — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 18:51:38 PDT

@@Marcus: drazaelb:

About 4 minutes in.

Git Em SteveDave loves this guy->★

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

Adam_C — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 18:38:35 PDT

I love Janeways' "I don't like threats !" lines.

But also from Voyager, here's The Doctor's way :

from ep. "tinker tenor doctor spy"

Adam_C

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

Charlie Jane Anders — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 18:19:22 PDT

@aspiringexpatriate: Thanks! I added it to the post. I really appreciate it.

Charlie Jane Anders

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

Charlie Jane Anders — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 18:18:59 PDT

@kingzilch: I like "Idiots!" even better than Jericho's "Nuts!".

Charlie Jane Anders

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

Lizfu — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 17:25:00 PDT

@Charlie Jane Anders: But even then, Kirk's new found virulence couldn't save Star Trek V from itself....

@EBone: Noooo! You tempt me into sending it to an academic journal! I'm trying to avoid academic journals until I get a MFA and a professorship....

Lizfu

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

kadaj_sama — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 17:21:38 PDT

you missed a great bit in doctor who season two where the daleks out smack talk the cyber-man (i think thats in the episode doomsday but it might be the one preceeding it)

kadaj_sama

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

ithidet — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 17:08:14 PDT

yo moma sooo fat she makes a repulsor ray cause a quasi demensional shift displacing the beta energy of a omega scale star ship !

buuuurn

ithidet

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

Slatz_Grobnik — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 16:43:40 PDT

Red Dwarf, "Holoship"

The hologramatic crewman appears on Star Bug, takes out his communicator, and begins to make a derisive assessment of the place, whereupon Lister pulls out a pack of smokes, starts talking to it like a communicator, and returns smack.

A sample:

-Binks to Enlightenment. The human seems to be under the delusion that he is somehow capable of bestowing physical violence to a hologram.

-Lister to Red Dwarf. The intruder seems blissfully unaware that we have a fairly sturdy holowhip in the Munitions cabinet.

It's all topped off when, as a conclusion, Lister bites off the top of the smokes he's been speaking into and swallows them, filters and all, rushing to get to violence. As I understand, this was impromptu and afterwards Craig, who played Lister, got seriously ill from all the paper, tobacco, and styrofoam and shooting had to stop for the day.

Red Dwarf also has one of the singular best lines in a space combat, though not purely smack, in "Gunmen of the Apocalypse": "I know this game. Cat and Mouse. There's only one way to win a game of cat and mouse: don't be the mouse."

Slatz_Grobnik

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

Ronestar — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 16:40:04 PDT

There is some great smack being said in 'Event Horizon', between Sam Neil and Lawrence Fishbourne. The fact that Neil's plan is to suck them all to hell adds a great atmosphere to it.

Ronestar

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

doctor_cos — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 16:26:13 PDT

It is very cold....in spaaaaace.

[www.khaaan.com]

doctor_cos

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

kingzilch — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 16:18:12 PDT

Hot damn, some love for Star Blazers!

That show was full of great smack-talk. Right from the beginning, in the first Battle Of Pluto, when the Gamilons call on the Earth fleet to surrender, and Captain Avatar sends back the one-word response, "Idiots!"

Of course, the fleet gets devastated, leaving earth with a year to live, but still.

kingzilch

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

darcymcgee — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 15:30:54 PDT

Serenity. 100%.

darcymcgee

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

Justin K. Rivers — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 15:24:38 PDT

@aspiringexpatriate: that would be my nominee for best Doctor Who smack talk.

Justin K. Rivers

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

modernboy — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 15:10:55 PDT

not in space but the best trash talk dialogue i can think of Daleks vs. Cybermen from "Doomsday"

Cyber Leader: Daleks, be warned. You have declared war upon the Cybermen.
Dalek Leader: This is not war - this is pest control!
Cyber Leader: We have five million Cybermen. How many are you?
Dalek Leader: Four.
Cyber Leader: You would destroy the Cybermen with four Daleks?
Dalek Leader: We would destroy the Cybermen with one Dalek! You superior in only one respect.
Cyber Leader: What is that?
Dalek Leader: You are better at dying. Raise communications barrier!

modernboy

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

drazaelb — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 15:08:35 PDT

@Marcus: Nope, not the only one. Just remembering that scene gives me goosebumps. It's much better if you know Delenn's character and the whole story leading up to it. I've tried playing it for people who don't know the context and they usually just shrug.

I'm glad you posted it, because I came in here specifically to try to post it from memory if nobody else had come up with it yet. I love the line "if you value your life, be somewhere else"... I keep hoping I'll have a chance to use it myself someday. :-)

Second favorite is Ivanova's "God sent me" speech. The dialogue was a bit goofy, I thought it would have been better had she forgotten all about boots and ass kicking. Still, I thought Claudia did an awesome job delivering the lines she was given. Again, much better if you know Ivanova's character.

drazaelb

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

nygenxer — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 15:07:32 PDT

Scotty from "The Enterprise Incident" season 3 TOS.

"The Enterprise takes no orders except those of Captain Kirk and we will stay right here until he returns. And if you make any attempt to board or commandeer the Enterprise, it will be blown to bits with as many of you as we can take with us."

F***en A!

nygenxer

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

rdosser — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 14:58:56 PDT

There was a video clip posted here not too long ago from the old scif-fi comedy series "Quark." In it the warrior planet "Sparta" is confronting an unseen invader over a voice-only channel. They issue proud and chilling threats until they see the size of the enemy starship, then immediately say "Just give us a few minutes to move our things out of the palace."

rdosser

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

DarkPlaces — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 14:58:53 PDT

@Marcus: I agree with you, although I'd like to expand that to ALL pointless filler episodes that seem to plague Sci-Fi television in general. Is it really so difficult to craft one over-arching story that can span an entire season?

DarkPlaces

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

Pham Nuwen — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 14:55:27 PDT

You're welcome

Pham Nuwen

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

rdosser — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 14:53:17 PDT

From "The Last Starfighter" - not trash talk per se, but mighty cool:

Kodan Officer: She won't answer the helm! We're locked into the moon's gravitational pull. What do we do?

Lord Kril: We die.

rdosser

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

RRich — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 14:42:37 PDT

@Marcus: Call him "Joe." That's what everyone else does, and that's the name he answers to.
And yeah, I'm on his e-mail list, so I've seen the hints, too. We shall see...

RRich

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

jedikalos — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 14:29:36 PDT

the star trek where janeway is riding the beat up enterprise into the time ship thing (called year in hell I think): loved that scene.

jedikalos

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

Marcus — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 14:26:34 PDT

@DarkPlaces: As much as I like the new BSG, that episode disappointed me. "Scar" was such a rip-off of "Chiggy von Richtoffen" in the Space: Above and Beyond episode "Never No More". Good quote, though.

Marcus

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

wyst — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 14:21:15 PDT

as early as "Balance of Terror"'s Romulan Sub-Commander Tal.

This is from the third season episode "The Enterprise Incident", not (the much better) first season Balance.

wyst

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

erejota — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 14:15:30 PDT

It's a shame Lando didn't get a scene of trash-talking with the Emperor as he leads the attack on the second Death Star. That would have been a sweet verbal duel. Instead, we have Ackbar's anti-trash talk: "It's a trap. Get us the hell out of here."

erejota

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

Marcus — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 14:15:07 PDT

@EBone: He did, didn't he? Albeit in clone/android form, IIRC...

Marcus

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

Pham Nuwen — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 14:13:24 PDT

@EBone: If ever there was a Porn Heaven, that would be on the shelves - as a double laser disc. A double D if you will.

In fact if I ever get a chance to visit Khan's Fantasy Island, I know what I would request (and no, Gil Gerard would not be involved, sorry Buck.).

Pham Nuwen

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

DarkPlaces — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 14:13:15 PDT

Battlestar Galactica ep "Scar"

Starbuck: "All right, Scar, let's see how much you like playing chicken when you can't download, bitch. How's it feel, you bastard? one of us is gonna have to break away first and it isn't gonna be me!"

Scar:

DarkPlaces

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

EBone — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 14:13:03 PDT

@Lizfu: I would love to read that!

EBone

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

Marcus — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 14:10:29 PDT

@Pham Nuwen: Holy damn. I had completely forgotten about Tiger Man. What a stereotypical product of seventies sci-fi television. According to IMDb, there were two. One of them (Tigerman 1), that was all he ever did, and the other (Tigerman 2, who was the one who appeared beyond the pilot) is dead (from complications arising from stroke and broken neck, apparently).

And let me just say it REALLY annoys me when people post off-topic on these things.

Oh.

Um, there was really good smack talk in that one episode, "Buck Talks Smack to The Little Blue Midget from Season 2".

Yeah.

Marcus

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

EBone — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 14:07:49 PDT

@Pham Nuwen: Mmmmm...Princess Ardala...drool...

You think Buck would have tapped that at least once. Gil Gerard would have.

EBone

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

Pham Nuwen — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 14:01:40 PDT

@Marcus: Cain, Princess Ardala and Princess Ardala's outfits... very cool, very hot, and the best thing a 10 year old boy could possibly want, in that order.

Speaking of badly decomposed cheese, how about Tiger Man, Ardala's pet muscle man from the Pilot? Where did they find him, in a Mexican wrestling ring? Homeboy did not even need a mask, he was just a freak.

Pham Nuwen

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

Marcus — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 13:59:23 PDT

I think I totally misused "a priori" up there...

Marcus

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

Marcus — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 13:55:47 PDT

@EBone: Ooo. Good one. I was trying to come up with a Picard one, but couldn't remember any. Nailed it. Patrick Stewart is nothing less than an out-gorram-standing actor.

Marcus

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

Marcus — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 13:53:10 PDT

@RRich: Firefly was every bit as good, but Fox turned its head into a canoe, of course. The new Battlestar Galactica is the closest out there right now, but J. Mike (that's J. Michael Straczynski, creator of B5 (I have a problem assuming a priori knowledge)) is brewing up some new stuff, apparently, so be watching for that.

For the record, I do not have Mr. Straczynski's permission to refer to him as "J. Mike". One simply tires of "JMS".

Marcus

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

EBone — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 13:50:56 PDT

ST:TNG Episode "The Defector":

Picard has a great moment with Romulan Commander Tomalok over the viewscreen. Tomalok has surrounded the Enterprise with three warbirds and has told Picard that he will display the Enterprise's broken hull in the Romulan capital as a message to anyone else that would cross the Neutral Zone. He asks Picard why he should let his crew die so senselessly.

Picard responses "That if the cause is just, his people are prepared to give their lives for it. Are you prepared to give your life for this cause?" harkening back to the play "King Lear" Data was practicing earlier.

Tomalok says he expects more than idle threats from Picard. Picard states, "Then you shall have it. Mr Worf, now."

Worf signals for three friendly Kingon birds of prey who had been covertly escorting the Enterprise under cloak to de-cloak. Tomalok's face drops. Seeing HE is now surrounded, Tomalok says the Enterprise shall not survive the initial assault. Picard responds, "Neither will you. Shall we die together?"

Tomalok, his bluff called, cloaks his three warbirds and withdraws.

The fact Patrick Stewart never got an Emmy is unforgivable.

EBone

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

RRich — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 13:47:47 PDT

Loved B5. Really miss it a lot. Sure wish there was something remotely like it on TV these days.

Gimme a good ol' space opera any day (preferably Saturday late afternoon/early evening).

RRich

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

Marcus — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 13:46:47 PDT

@Pham Nuwen: I've always had a stubborn loyalty to Buck Rogers since Gil Gerard graduated from my high school. Some of the episodes are actually quite good, though any with wacky light-snake dancing are automatically horrid, no matter what the plot.

Cain, however, is ALWAYS cool.

Marcus

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

Git Em SteveDave loves this guy->★ — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 13:43:40 PDT

What about the scene where the aliens were tweaking Janeway's brain to experiment and she aims the ship in between the binary stars. Does that count?

Git Em SteveDave loves this guy->★

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

Pham Nuwen — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 13:42:37 PDT

@Marcus: Yeah, I just re-discovered Buck and the Gang recently on Netflix. Some of it has aged really well and other parts of it... were more rotten than aged. Funny references in the Searcher episodes to Isaac Asimov, which I did not catch when I was 10.

Pham Nuwen

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

Marcus — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 13:39:56 PDT

@LordMaim:
@ManchuCandidate:
@SavannahJack: Yeah. No matter how many times I see it, it always sends chills down my spine and makes me want to sling a righteous beatdown on somebody evil. With a cricket bat.

Marcus

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

LordMaim — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 13:35:41 PDT

@Marcus: Probably my favorite scene in all of Babylon 5.

LordMaim

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

Marcus — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 13:35:00 PDT

@Charlie Jane Anders: Yeah, I'm a rather rabid B5 fan, so I'll be chiming in to let you know about any five-mile-long-space-station-shaped... holes in any lists that may come up.

Marcus

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

BcBeBop — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 13:34:14 PDT

I setup an account specifically so I could post this clip:

BcBeBop

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

EBone — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 13:33:31 PDT

What, no "All Your Base Are Belong To Us"?

EBone

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

Michael A. B. — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 13:33:29 PDT

My favorite ever, from Babylon 5: Between the Darkness and the Light:

Susan Ivanova: This is the White Star fleet. Negative on the surrender. We will not stand down.
Captain Thomson, Earthforce: Who is this? Identify yourself!
Ivanova: Who am I? I am Susan Ivanova. Commander. Daughter of Andrei and Sophie Ivanov. I am the right hand of vengeance, and the boot that is going to kick your sorry ass all the way back to Earth, sweetheart! I am Death Incarnate, and the last living thing that you are ever going to see. God sent me.

Michael A. B.

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

ManchuCandidate — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 13:32:41 PDT

@Marcus:
Yeah! Delenn's most memorable moment.

ManchuCandidate

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

Marcus — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 13:32:14 PDT

@Pham Nuwen: Oh Hell yeah. As goofy as the Searcher episodes were (not that the non-Searcher ones didn't have their share of goof), I always really liked Hawk (and Thom Christopher, despite that whole "Space Pirates" thing).

And, for the record, I found Ivanova's "right hand of vengeance" speech from "Between the Darkness and the Light" to be kind of goofy and melodramatic, though it's definitely space battle smack talk as well.

Marcus

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

aspiringexpatriate — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 13:27:45 PDT

Doctor Who 'Bad Wolf'

Dalek: We have your associate. You will obey or she will be exterminated.
The Doctor: No.
[everyone looks at The Doctor, stunned]
Dalek: Explain yourself.
The Doctor: I said no.
Dalek: What is the meaning of this negative?
The Doctor: It means no!
Dalek: But she will be destroyed!
The Doctor: *No*! 'Cause this is what I'm gonna do - I'm gonna rescue her! I'm gonna save Rose Tyler from the middle of the Dalek fleet, and then I'm gonna save the Earth, and *then* - just to finish you off - I'm gonna wipe every last stinking Dalek out of the sky!
Dalek: But you have no weapons, no defences, no *plan*!
The Doctor: Yeah, and doesn't that scare you to death?

[taken from imdb]

aspiringexpatriate

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

Charlie Jane Anders — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 13:26:08 PDT

@Marcus: @Marcus: I *knew* I was forgetting something from Babylon 5...

Charlie Jane Anders

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

Pham Nuwen — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 13:24:46 PDT

Buck Rogers and Hawk when they first meet... classic.

Buck's got Hawk's mate captive after he finds the notorious space pirate's mate in his cave, Hawk finds them flying away, maneuvers above Buck, smack talk ensues, Hawk don't back down and shishkebob's his own mate with the talons of his bird-like starfighter as he bears down on Buck's starfighter. Buck's all... told ya, sucker. She dies of course, so Hawk Mad. Hawk want to kill Buck. Naturally they become allies and best friends by end of the two parter.

Pham Nuwen

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

SavannahJack — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 13:23:56 PDT

@Marcus: Brilliant scene! Thanks for the reminder!

SavannahJack

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

SavannahJack — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 13:22:58 PDT

Actually, what this threat indicates to me is how very few actual space battle shows/films there have been ... pity really.

SavannahJack

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

Marcus — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 13:22:28 PDT

Am I the only one who immediately thought of Babylon 5's awesome season 3 episode "Severed Dreams"? After the station and two friendly destroyers barely fend of an attack by Clarke's forces, another wave arrives to finish the job. Then, Delenn and four big, nasty Minbari cruisers come to the rescue:

Delenn: This is Ambassador Delenn of the Minbari. Babylon 5 is under our protection. Withdraw or be destroyed.

Clarke's Bad Guy Officer: Negative. We have authority here. Do not force us to engage your ship.

Delenn: Why not? Only one human captain has ever survived battle with a Minbari Fleet. He is behind me. You are in front of me. If you value your lives, be somewhere else.

They withdraw. Schmack.

Marcus

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

SavannahJack — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 13:20:55 PDT

Star Trek TNG:
Best of Both Worlds Borg Battle.
Picard/Locutis: Resistance is futile, you will be assimilated.
Riker: Give it your best shot.

SavannahJack

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

nygenxer — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 13:19:20 PDT

On the opposite end of the spectrum is Arnold Rimmer's spineless:

"This is Acting Captain Arnold J. Rimmer of the Jupiter Mining Corporation. Now hear this, 'cause it's only coming once:

"We surrender! Totally and unequivocally, and under the Geneva convention demand our rights to be taken as prisoners without harm to our persons or property. Thank you for listening, sorry for taking up your valuable time... sorry, thank you, bye, sorry, bye... bye, sorry..."

nygenxer

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

designguybrown — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 13:09:52 PDT

Sorry - I could never find Khan intimidating in the least having watched that infamous escapist tv series which always started with:
"Boss Da Plane! da Plane!"
"My dear guests! I am Mr. Roarke, your host. Welcome... to Fantasy Island! Tattoo, show our guests to..."

designguybrown

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

GenXCub — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 13:09:51 PDT

While technically planetside and not a space battle, Alia's taunting of Emperor Shaddam IV and Vladimir Harkkonnen is, well, more disturbing than evil, but creepy nonetheless.

GenXCub

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

Git Em SteveDave loves this guy->★ — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 13:06:00 PDT

Galaxy Quest was a kick ass film IMHO. Of course, I do have a love of Alan Rickman. But Tim Allen really showed some dramatic chops in that film.

Git Em SteveDave loves this guy->★

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

Im a people person. Who drinks. — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 13:05:07 PDT

@Im a people person. Who drinks.: And aslo - that I can't enter comments well either....

Im a people person. Who drinks.

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

Im a people person. Who drinks. — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 13:03:44 PDT

@Charlie Jane Anders: Yeah - I guess they really aren't. I saw smack talk and thought of Hudson's scene, instead of seeing space battle smack talk. On the plus side - that scene, and all of Aliens does kick ass. On the negative - I've revealed I can't read...

Im a people person. Who drinks.

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

Im a people person. Who drinks. — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 13:00:54 PDT

@Charlie Jane Anders: Yeah - I saw smack talk and thought of Aliens instead of seeing space battle smack talk. On the plus side - it made me think of all those awesome lines in Aliens, on the down side, I've revealed that I can't read.

Im a people person. Who drinks.

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

Charlie Jane Anders — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 12:54:36 PDT

@Lizfu: Luckily Kirk's rage discovered Viagra by the time Star Trek V rolled around. Sorry, couldn't resist....

Charlie Jane Anders

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

Charlie Jane Anders — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 12:53:32 PDT

@Im a people person. Who drinks.: I do love those scenes from Aliens... not sure if they count as space-battle trash talk though...

Charlie Jane Anders

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

Rasselas — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 12:53:30 PDT

"From Hell's heart, I stab at thee. For hate's sake, I spit my last breath at thee."

Rasselas

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

Grey_Area — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 12:53:03 PDT

That Voltron clip made me happy in places I didn't know I had.
If I recall correctly, somewhere in Dan Simmon's Ilium/Olympus saga the Moravecs (really cool robot folks) utter the phrase "Neener, neener, neener!"

Grey_Area

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

Lizfu — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 12:53:03 PDT

The smack-talking in 'Star Trek II: Wrath of Khan' is wonderful. In my film studies class last school semester, I wrote a paper of the dynamics of the whole KHAAANN!! scene and entitled it, "KHAAANN!!: The Impotent Rage of Captain Kirk". I need to revise it some time and publish it somewhere.

Lizfu

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

Im a people person. Who drinks. — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 12:49:40 PDT

Hey Charlie have you ever been mistaken for a man?
(Charlie addressing random new commenter) No, have you?

Tons of other stuff in Aliens. Ripley's tell of to Burke about Aliens not fucking over their own species for a perecentage, and also, Hudson's classic death scene, which I hope, my own death mirrors, at least, in the sense of the dialogue.

Im a people person. Who drinks.

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

Zantor — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 12:46:08 PDT

Bruce Campbell from "MOONTRAP"

"We dont take shit off no machine!"

Zantor

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cmg — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 12:45:28 PDT

@braak: ditto.

cmg

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

Charlie Jane Anders — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 12:42:39 PDT

@RRich: That's okay... just as long as someone doesn't come along and say, "You forgot that awesome scene in Stargate!" :)

Charlie Jane Anders

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

Charlie Jane Anders — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 12:42:07 PDT

@braak: I actually think it works better than the more verbose scripted version.

Charlie Jane Anders

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

Charlie Jane Anders — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 12:41:50 PDT

@nmcvaugh: I have been wasting my life, b/c I missed that episode of Robot Chicken. I am humbled.

Charlie Jane Anders

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

braak — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 12:41:12 PDT

I have to say--that scene in Galaxy Quest is one of my favorites.

braak

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

RRich — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 12:39:36 PDT

Jeez. There had to be one for Stargate, but damned if I can think of one. Sorry, CJ.

RRich

Best Space Battle Smack Talk

nmcvaugh — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 12:38:22 PDT

What, no mention of Voltron's challenge? Volotron - Represent!

nmcvaugh