Nuclear Missiles Are Rock Stars In Moscow - io9 Comments

Nuclear Missiles Are Rock Stars In Moscow

Guizzy — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 11:23:51 PDT

They forgot to put the price tags.

Guizzy

Nuclear Missiles Are Rock Stars In Moscow

Pouncer — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 08:14:46 PDT

More about the Topol-M, better known to me as the SS-27: [en.wikipedia.org]

Russia has more than enough ICBMs to make an attack on the May Day Parade futile. The pictures do remind me of a friend who had a Red Army greatcoat. Now that was a piece of magnificent design. I feel like tracking one down for myself. Although the fur hat would probably be overkill for Washington winters.

Pouncer

Nuclear Missiles Are Rock Stars In Moscow

deckard97 — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 05:22:16 PDT

FYI: it is very unlikely that any military organization is going to take the "real" missiles out for a parade. Those sit in guarded areas and never see the light of day. Why? just think of the security or accident risk. Typically there are available weapon dummies or empty hulls that are used for training, display, PR, etc. Also typically warheads and delivery systems are kept seperate and are only assembled together right before launch. So at least part of that missile in the picture is fake.

deckard97

Nuclear Missiles Are Rock Stars In Moscow

HeyCholly — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 01:02:18 PDT

"Nuclear Missiles Are Rock Stars In Moscow"

. . . and we have The B52's in the USA!

HeyCholly

Nuclear Missiles Are Rock Stars In Moscow

Siegeman — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 21:10:29 PDT

Sooo the only thing that's changed was that they put a little camo paintjob on the vehicles?

Siegeman

Nuclear Missiles Are Rock Stars In Moscow

Klappstuhl — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 21:02:11 PDT

Of course they celebrate! They are happy about anything that they can get for free in Russia, even if it's only radiation!

Klappstuhl

Nuclear Missiles Are Rock Stars In Moscow

SigmundTheSeaMonster — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 19:42:31 PDT

Ahh.. it's an obvious commie trick, Mr. President. We're wasting valuable time. Look at the big board! They're getting ready to clobber us!

SigmundTheSeaMonster

Nuclear Missiles Are Rock Stars In Moscow

Sh1fty — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 19:42:20 PDT

Lets just set them all off and be done with it! Nuke the whales! Nuke the whales!

MOTHERLAND!!!

Sh1fty

Nuclear Missiles Are Rock Stars In Moscow

strider_mt2k — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 19:36:34 PDT

In Soviet Russia...well...this happens.

Sorry.

strider_mt2k

Nuclear Missiles Are Rock Stars In Moscow

Fagatron — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 15:32:52 PDT

Ummm they are not grey or shiny. They look green and dull to me.

And WTF are they thinking parading around nukes...maybe we should do that too and China and Israel and India and France and the UK, etc...it will be a global nuke party!

Fagatron

Nuclear Missiles Are Rock Stars In Moscow

Garrison Dean, King Awesome — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 15:24:54 PDT

@Zapp Brannigan's Girdle: If the Russians weren't such skirt wearing nancies maybe we could have some real fall out boys, but no they're too busy tarting around Moscow with their nesting dolls and riding on green trucks instead of lobbing hand grenades and warheads our way like they had a pair of Faberges.

there I go again

Garrison Dean, King Awesome

Nuclear Missiles Are Rock Stars In Moscow

NcSchu — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 14:46:17 PDT

@Sh1fty: No it was definitely missiles I was thinking about. I thought I read something a few years back about how most of the missiles were actually made out of wood. It might have been North Korea though, not Russia.

NcSchu

Nuclear Missiles Are Rock Stars In Moscow

Zapp Brannigan's Girdle — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 14:40:04 PDT

I'm gonna miss Putin. He's really gone the extra kilometer to put the Soviet back into Russia, even going so far as to rig an election to ensure his hand-picked successor wins.

@Garrison Dean: At least it won't end like the next Cold War (probably Fall Out Boy whining and murdering Eastern impressions of the superiority of Western popular culture in the middle of Red Square).

Zapp Brannigan's Girdle

Nuclear Missiles Are Rock Stars In Moscow

Plague — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 14:20:03 PDT

@Miranda Kali:
Tatu? A good thing?
Sure if you like badly auto-tuned fake lesbians who are controlled by some rooskie mob wannabe.
But they are cute.

Plague

Nuclear Missiles Are Rock Stars In Moscow

Imipolex_G-Unit — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 14:00:34 PDT

Wow. What a bunch of dicks. I think only a flesh-colored paint-job could make those look more penile.

Imipolex_G-Unit

Nuclear Missiles Are Rock Stars In Moscow

Garrison Dean, King Awesome — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 13:45:27 PDT

@Miranda Kali: You brought this on yourself.

Garrison Dean, King Awesome

Nuclear Missiles Are Rock Stars In Moscow

Miranda Kali — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 13:37:29 PDT

...I thought it was the Scorpions, but yeah, I see your point.
'course we did get some good stuff out of the deal...There's always Tatu, or if rockabilly's more your speed, there's the Red Elvis's (did the "Six String Samurai" soundtrack)

Miranda Kali

Nuclear Missiles Are Rock Stars In Moscow

sartoman — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 13:31:12 PDT

Good way to account for warheads that might be missing!

sartoman

Nuclear Missiles Are Rock Stars In Moscow

Garrison Dean, King Awesome — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 13:22:49 PDT

@Miranda Kali: I can't help it. I just feel let down after the Cold War. It ends with The Hoff, singing on a wall?!! I want my money back.

Garrison Dean, King Awesome

Nuclear Missiles Are Rock Stars In Moscow

Klebert L. Hall — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 13:18:56 PDT

Oh, well. This one looks kind of boring - aside from the Topol-M TELs, all that's there are a bunch of old BTRs and BMPs.
-Kle.

Klebert L. Hall

Nuclear Missiles Are Rock Stars In Moscow

Miranda Kali — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 13:18:37 PDT

@Garrison Dean:
Garrison, stop goading the Russians into Armageddon.

Miranda Kali

Nuclear Missiles Are Rock Stars In Moscow

Klebert L. Hall — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 13:07:06 PDT

The May Day parade was easily the third or fourth coolest thing about the Soviet Union. All those cool, Flash-Gordon-looking missiles, the crazy giant truck transporters, all full of Gerry-Andersonesque excessive numbers of wheels... It didn't matter that most of the equipment was technically lame junk, it all looked like Golden Age SF.

I think those ones above are Topol-M mobile ICBMs. They're pretty new, and are supposed to be decent (though the sub-launched version seems to be having problems). So, probably a low fake/craptastic factor.
-Kle.

Klebert L. Hall

Nuclear Missiles Are Rock Stars In Moscow

Garrison Dean, King Awesome — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 12:57:09 PDT

Boy they really put the square in Red Square! They have to parade them around because they're to pussy to use them!! OH!!! AMERICA RULZ COMMIES DROOL

WOLVERINES!!!!!

Garrison Dean, King Awesome

Nuclear Missiles Are Rock Stars In Moscow

Charlie Jane Anders — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 12:50:59 PDT

OK... the gallery is there... Phew.

Charlie Jane Anders

Nuclear Missiles Are Rock Stars In Moscow

Charlie Jane Anders — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 12:46:20 PDT

@Ryan H: Sorry! Gallery should be appearing in a sec. It's been a day of technical glitches...

Charlie Jane Anders

Nuclear Missiles Are Rock Stars In Moscow

Annalee Newitz — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 12:45:59 PDT

@Ryan H: Sorry we are having a lot of server problems today. There is in fact a gallery but our server doesn't want you to see it. It will return.

Annalee Newitz

Nuclear Missiles Are Rock Stars In Moscow

ManchuCandidate — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 12:34:36 PDT

Must crush Kaptialism!!

ManchuCandidate

Nuclear Missiles Are Rock Stars In Moscow

Ryan H — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 12:31:15 PDT

It would appear that Gawker has eaten the comments.
So, to say it again. there is no gallery. Or it is a display issue. Either way, I was promised weapon porn and weapon porn was not delivered.

Ryan H

Nuclear Missiles Are Rock Stars In Moscow

Sh1fty — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 12:28:40 PDT

Lets hope they don't accidentally drop one...

@NcSchu -

Possibly. What you're probably thinking about was when the Soviets flew new planes over the parade. The planes made large circles and came back over in different formations, making people watching think they had more of a new types of jets than they really did.

Sh1fty

Nuclear Missiles Are Rock Stars In Moscow

Guizzy — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 12:26:48 PDT

Why doesn't this surprise me? I don't know, maybe like when Putin reintroduced the Soviet National Anthem as the Russian National Anthem.

Sure, it's easily the best national anthem on the planet (catchier than any other), but maybe bringing it back carried a tiiiny bit of symbolism.

Guizzy

Nuclear Missiles Are Rock Stars In Moscow

NcSchu — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 12:19:59 PDT

Weren't like more than half of the ones paraded during the Cold War actually fake? I sincerely hope these are.

NcSchu

Nuclear Missiles Are Rock Stars In Moscow

Miranda Kali — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 12:14:23 PDT

Why does this give me the chills? Should this scare me, cause it scares me a little. Definitely got the heebee-jeebees.
This bit of retro-futurist nostalgia gives me retro-futurist paranoia.

Miranda Kali

Nuclear Missiles Are Rock Stars In Moscow

Ryan H — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 12:11:23 PDT

Let me be the first to say there is no Gallery. Of perhapses I am just getting some odd error. Either way, I feel gypped out of my weapon porn.

Ryan H

Nuclear Missiles Are Rock Stars In Moscow

NefariousNewt — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 12:08:10 PDT

Let them parade them through Red Square. Just don't let them parade them through Times Square.

NefariousNewt