Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard? - io9 Comments

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

MackenzieFigulus — Sat, 02 Aug 2008 17:27:53 PDT

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MackenzieFigulus

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

Defendant — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 20:04:18 PDT

@CargoCult: Actually, if you can remember that one Chinese phrase you should be OK.

Defendant

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

ggodo — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 21:19:28 PDT

"I'm definitely feeling some aggressive tendencies, Captain"

Worf FTW!

ggodo

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

That One Guy — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 12:09:42 PDT

Leeloo

That One Guy

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

Bellatrixie — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 07:39:58 PDT

Mara Jade from her Emporer's Hand years, prior to wussification.

Bellatrixie

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

etho — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 09:40:56 PDT

Hmm. Apparently I'm not the only one to immediately think of a knife missile or Molly from Neuromancer.

So I'm gonna have to day Dmitri "Raven" Ravinoff, from Snow Crash. Poor Impulse Control indeed.

etho

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

Marcus — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 08:15:01 PDT

Not to get all classic on e'eybody, but R. Daneel Olivaw would be my choice. Post-Giskard adjustment.

Marcus

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

finite_elephant — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 07:30:04 PDT

Man. Brock Samson. Although, if we're staying out of the realm of parody, I'll take Molly Millions or Spike (from Cowboy Bebop, not the less-trustworthy Buffy-verse character).

Geek admission: I've always thought that if Brock had a D&D-style NPC description, it'd contain have something like "automatic hit vs. henchmen lvl 10 or lower."

finite_elephant

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

DONAR — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 06:40:31 PDT

No deal, they're all flawed.

Jayne would do half the job that Mal could, Chewbacca and Worf would kill you if you beat one at chess or offended the other one's honor, Lara would be ok unless you were attacked by water or a cliff, whereupon she would drown and/or leap blindly to her death. Robocop and Cameron would be ok until they were programmed to "Kill The Meatbag" and Alice is a goddamned zombie magnet.

I'll take Hellboy or Deadpool anyday.

DONAR

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

apronk — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 06:31:25 PDT

I think my official answer is not listed in the poll - BSG's Starbuck (the Katee Sackoff version).

apronk

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

Thrubeingcool — Sun, 23 Mar 2008 19:40:36 PDT

Aeon Flux would be good too except that you could never trust her.

Thrubeingcool

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

Thrubeingcool — Sun, 23 Mar 2008 19:35:13 PDT

Molly MIllions for me too. The original uber-babe, bikini girl with a machine gun. She's the pioneer of her archetype.

Thrubeingcool

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

radio1 — Sun, 23 Mar 2008 08:41:14 PDT

Chewie! Chewie! Chewie!

radio1

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

dOk — Sat, 22 Mar 2008 23:40:02 PDT

I had to pick Milla Jovovich because come on...
Who wouldn't want her as a body guard... I mean just so you can have her around all the time... drool lol

dOk

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

icelight — Sat, 22 Mar 2008 22:57:01 PDT

Once again, the Shrike/Fedman Kassad for me. Not big on conversation, but anyone who could defend a sci-fi second coming against time-shifting AI super-assassins is good enough for me.

icelight

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

QuasarErazar — Sat, 22 Mar 2008 21:06:54 PDT

Elaine Ripley from Aliens. Part sexy female, part alien killing machine. Plus she's got a quirky sense of humor that I like along with a lot of common sense. Also, if I had kids with her, they might be the only human survivors of the coming alien onslaught.

QuasarErazar

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

clothingoptional — Sat, 22 Mar 2008 18:22:08 PDT

I picked Jayne because I thought he'd be the most fun to hang out with. Oh, alright, I watched My Bodyguard too many times when it was on HBO back in the mid-80s. I'm so ashamed...

clothingoptional

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

skeksis — Sat, 22 Mar 2008 17:43:08 PDT

@Dug:

Steppin' Razor... like unto a whippin' stick.

She's definitely the one.

skeksis

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

ginocoolowski — Sat, 22 Mar 2008 16:31:05 PDT

@unplugandrun: Wait which driver? Mr. Frankenstien, or "Machine Gun" Joe Vaterbo?

ginocoolowski

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

ginocoolowski — Sat, 22 Mar 2008 16:29:41 PDT

Where is the Robocop love? He's half man, have machine, all cop! Other than his suicidal tendencies he's the best shot around. Watch Robocop 2 again, he makes 80% of his shots without looking, he trick-shoots room after room of Nuked out hooligans. Plus, if he does break down he can tell you funny stuff. Also, he eats baby food. Which is adorable. Though If I had to pick I would certainly go with Robocop 1: Robocop. Lastly he shoots rapists in the genitals, showing that
1-He's a ruthless robot, with a full knowledge of human anatomy.
2-He's got an amazing sense of poetic justice.

Now, if I got to pick one on my own. It would be a toss up between:
ABC Robot-Judge Dredd: ABC Robot tear his arms off! Done deal.
-Or-
Wez: Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior: This is Lord Humongus' second hand man, with the red mohawk, and assless chaps! Hooray!

ginocoolowski

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

femto — Sat, 22 Mar 2008 14:20:09 PDT

@CarolynG: The problem with HK-47 as a bodyguard is that he kills all his employers. I'd rather keep my eye out for a backstab from Jayne that HK any day.

femto

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

unplugandrun — Sat, 22 Mar 2008 13:28:58 PDT

ewwwww jayne and cameron
is there any way i can get the driver from deathrace?

unplugandrun

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

Mouser_UK — Sat, 22 Mar 2008 12:54:25 PDT

Id go for Dizzy aka Rasd-Codurersa Diziet Embless Sma da' Marenhide and Fohristi-whirl Skaffen-Amtiskaw Handrahen Dran Easpyou

Mouser_UK

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

Maeg — Sat, 22 Mar 2008 10:20:15 PDT

Oh my Gods!

No Briareos from Appleseed?
No Yautja?? Or a xenomorph for that matter??
No Richard B. Riddick???

Mmm... Riddick....

Maeg

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

ParJoe — Sat, 22 Mar 2008 09:22:28 PDT

@bigshiny90: I'm glad someone mentioned that! I loved that movie when I was a kid.

I picked Milla though...from the 5th Element. She was way cuter in that movie and could still kick major ass.

ParJoe

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

Final - should have been the first Black President. — Sat, 22 Mar 2008 07:39:44 PDT

Worf even though Data beat his ass on a couple of occasions and the fact we might have a female Kingon toss a chair at us during mating season,
Being able to say, "It's a Bat'leth, You filthy P'tahk!" would make up for it.

As far as unlisted go, I'd rather have Luke Cage and Iron Fist.

Having a female handle your light work is never a good look.

Final - should have been the first Black President.

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

Benjo — Sat, 22 Mar 2008 07:35:33 PDT

Always go with the Wookie.

Benjo

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

cljohnston108 — Sat, 22 Mar 2008 04:09:07 PDT

@CarolynG: Here ya go!

cljohnston108

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

Jaffo — Sat, 22 Mar 2008 02:32:15 PDT

@SavannahJack: That was my thinking too!

Jaffo

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

CarolynG — Sat, 22 Mar 2008 00:30:37 PDT

HK-47 from KOTOR. A completely loyal hunter killer assassin droid with a sadistic sense of humor? Sign me up!
HK-47:"Definition: 'Love' is making a shot to the knees of a target 120 kilometers away using an Aratech sniper rifle with a tri-light scope. Statement: This definition, I am told, is subject to interpretation."
"Advisory: It is not possible to destroy the master. It is suggested that you run while my blaster warms up."
"I think he is making fun of you, Master. Shall I proceed with wasting the Meatbag?"

CarolynG

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

inconstant_reader — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 22:50:42 PDT

Zoe for the guard. Jayne for the body.

inconstant_reader

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

Bob_of_Mars — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 22:08:23 PDT

@1369ic: Oooo, I didn't even think of him, he would be real good! Then again, one would think he wouldn't be employed for long, as he would probably eventually teach you to grok as he does, and then you don't need a bodyguard!

Bob_of_Mars

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

cljohnston108 — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 19:49:38 PDT

Oh, and I second the vote for Teal'c.
If he's not available I'll settle for Snake Plissken.

cljohnston108

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

cljohnston108 — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 19:41:51 PDT

@Auld_Lang_Ziety: Don't forget that cool "FlatSpace Technology" in UltraViolet!
Milla Jovovich's Violet could carry a truckload of weapons with her!

cljohnston108

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

1369ic — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 19:37:27 PDT

I voted for Worf for the obvious reasons, but the whole "honor" bit does tend to lead to questionable decision-making that could cost you when you least expect it. For an off-list choice I'd go with Valentine Michael Smith. He could keep you safe by turning the bad guys -- or bullets, or anything up to the whole planet -- at right angles to the rest of the universe. No muss, no fuss, very effective. And when you're not being attacked he can help you grok the rest of the universe and have group sex with the nurses.

I love all the votes for River Tam, but obviously you guys must have missed those few episodes (13, I think) where she was completely batshit. OK, not her fault, but she was screwed up and programmed by the nasty government, and even they weren't safe from her. The person who had the best luck with her was her brother, and she kicked his ass at least once. These are not good qualifications for a bodyguard.

1369ic

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

Skeller — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 19:37:17 PDT

I want the 12 legged Cat bus from My Neighbor Totoro.

Skeller

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

Slatz_Grobnik — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 19:26:39 PDT

I don't want "a" bodyguard. I want an endless supply of red shirts.

Slatz_Grobnik

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

zorazero — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 19:08:23 PDT

Voted for Cameron, would have preferred R. Tam (River to Jayne: "I can kill you with my brain"); but unlisted top pick? Major Motoko, Ghost in the Shell. In between jacking her style and playing with the bassett hound's cute floppy ears, you could totally spend all day twirling guns and discoursing on Koestler.

zorazero

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

ithidet — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 18:44:59 PDT

WAAAASRGAAAAARL!

thats wookie for "what the hell! I thought you geeks liked me !"

ithidet

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

Jonn — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 18:26:53 PDT

Milla. Cameron would be my second choice, but she'd be creepy.

Jonn

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

Sharpless — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 17:55:25 PDT

@Rus McLaughlin: But Master Chief has the personality of a flash drive.

If I had to choose an unlisted bodyguard, I'd choose a Transformer. I'm not sure which one. I can't decide whether to go with a practical choice (i.e. someone who is effective, but blends in) or someone who's just plain kickass but doesn't blend in so well. In the latter area, I'm torn between Ultra Magnus and Grimlock.

Sharpless

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

drift_marlo — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 17:51:37 PDT

@RRich: I thought he was dead.

drift_marlo

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

drift_marlo — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 17:48:47 PDT

@RRich:
I thought he was dead.

drift_marlo

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

femto — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 17:29:52 PDT

@upwithgravity: Ooh, I wanna change my vote to that.

femto

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

upwithgravity — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 16:50:06 PDT

Angela Bassett's Lornette "Mace" Mason from "Strange Days." Hands down.

upwithgravity

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

tuckerch — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 16:31:23 PDT

Two Words:

Doc. Savage.

tuckerch

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

SundaySunday — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 16:24:31 PDT

@atrus123: You make a good point. I'll go off script and take Barf from Spaceballs. He seems like a lot of fun and he's his own best friend.

SundaySunday

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

Ronestar — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 16:13:32 PDT

Ummm... I go with Master Chief John 117 for the win. Pretty much all the pros of a Terminator with a soft human center - as soft as any future Spartan-trained soldier could ever be. MC117 was trained just as the children were waaaay back in King Leionidas' time - just with MA5Bs, M6Ds, and M199s. Bonus feature: witty banter provided by both MC and incorporated AI Cortana.

Ronestar

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

Greasy Thumb Guzik — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 16:02:30 PDT

@ratlas:
I was going to say Friday, but having the Empress of the Universe is a much better idea.

Greasy Thumb Guzik

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

Jada — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 15:56:43 PDT

Jayne would make an awesome drinking buddy, but hell-no on the bodyguard front. As soon as your would-be assassin offers him more money (and/or guns and/or boobies), you're dead.

Chewie's a cutie, but shedding, allergies, and the language barrier would suck. I'm morally against trusting my life to a robot in this Microsoft/virus-infested day and age. No thanks on impossibly-proportioned women with boobs big enough to blind them if they start running.

That leaves Mr. Worf, and that is a not a bad thing at all. I wonder if I'd have to pay extra to get him to sing some Klingon Drinking Songs for me...

Jada

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

gaderson — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 15:55:37 PDT

@Grey_Area: @Rus McLaughlin: @Pham Nuwen:

So, if we stuck with TV/Movies go with 'Q'. But, then we think of Glory (another go in the TV Buffyverse) which means that Buffy would also be a good candidate too.

gaderson

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

gaderson — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 15:53:16 PDT

Cameron seemed the closest, but, like many others I'd go with Molly Millions (Neuromancer, Count Zero, etc.) though even Johnny wasn't safe with her.

gaderson

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

comp_wiz101 — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 15:43:58 PDT

I voted for Cameron, but I wanted to vote for River.

comp_wiz101

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

bigshiny90 — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 15:16:26 PDT

Does nobody remember that Jayne has been doing this for some 27 years? Check out "My Bodyguard" from the 80's. Jayne has 'previous experience' on his resume...

bigshiny90

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

Grey_Area — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 15:03:13 PDT

@Rus McLaughlin: @Pham Nuwen: Yeah, not sure if Malevolent
Cosmic Deities hire themselves out for personal protection gigs. But hey-think big, right?

Grey_Area

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

Pham Nuwen — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 14:57:40 PDT

The Shrike (from Hyperion) all the way. Unstoppable killing machine (think Alien AND Predator rolled into one) that can slow or stop the flow of time, do some surgery on your ass and feed it to you before you can move a pinkie.

That's the kind of protection I want when the chips are down, and I'm all out of luck.

Pham Nuwen

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

latoberg — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 14:40:28 PDT

Alternate for Chewbacca would be Ka D'argo.

latoberg

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

Rus — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 14:40:17 PDT

Screw it. I want Cthulu as my bodyguard. And I'm never paying taxes or stopping at red lights ever again. What'cha gonna do about it, Mr. Government?

Rus

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

Bob_of_Mars — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 14:34:37 PDT

Tars Tarkas. He can take on everyone on Barsoom and win, except for John Carter. If I got Woola in the deal as well, I'd be safer than...someone who is really safe.

Also, he laughs at your pain.

Bob_of_Mars

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

Garro — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 14:25:30 PDT

If I had enough money to shake at him, Jayne. Or at least if I could promise him more than he had previousley.

Garro

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

CmdrHunt — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 14:15:39 PDT

@Grey_Area: Kovacs! NICE!

I went with Alice... she's got uncontrollable telekinesis...

CmdrHunt

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

cenceless — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 14:14:51 PDT

Miles Teg from the Dune novels. With superhuman speed, he'd beat anyone.

cenceless

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

Rus — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 14:14:10 PDT

Jayne: screw-up, poor hygene.
Chewbacca: clogs the shower drain.
Lara Croft: too British.
RoboCop: my iPod has more flash memory.
Cameron: unable to close her damn mouth.
Worf: history of repeated spinal injuries.
Milla Jovovich: sings pretty, but clip her wires and she's done.

If I'm expecting trouble, I want the Master Chief watching my six. Or Godzilla. Same thing.

Rus

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

atrus123 — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 13:49:15 PDT

I'm voting for Chewbacca... not because I'm a Star Wars fan (which I'm not), but because he's completely loyal and I like the idea of having a big, intelligent dog follow me around everywhere.

atrus123

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

Bowl of Snakes — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 13:48:18 PDT

Just make sure the one you pick isn't going to be a prick the other 99.9% when your life is not being threatened. If I went through my whole life without being attacked by giant spiders, I'd still want someone that could help keep my outlook calendar organized.

Bowl of Snakes

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

Sharpless — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 13:45:10 PDT

I almost went with Chewbacca, but decided on Worf. Not sure why. I just see Worf as being the most sound choice. Plus, he speaks English, and I don't speak Wookiee.

Sharpless

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

Erzengel — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 13:42:06 PDT

i want leeloo... but thinking abouut the terminator lolita... is she anatomically correct, rigth? hmmm, posibilities...

Erzengel

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

CargoCult — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 13:35:35 PDT

@Grey_Area:
Drones being superior? Absolutely - and offensive drones are armed with knife missiles anyway, so making them into the grumpy, sarcastic, argumentative sods we all know and love.

(Yes, guess who has an unopened copy of Matter ready and awaiting reading...)

@Defendant:
I was going to say something about River being programmed as an assassin, rather than as a bodyguard - but then remembered that her Cameron counterpart was built as an assassin - one for whom all humans are enemies.

Just keep River away from Fruity Oaty Bar commercials, and you'd be perfectly safe...

Talking about deadly killing machines - does this hypothetical bodyguard Jayne include Vera? If so, I may have to change my vote...

CargoCult

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

RacerMex — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 13:31:27 PDT

CAMERON!!! Terminators for the win
1. Bullet Shield
2. Never sleeps
3. Conventional Weapons Have limited Effects
(I would like to see an SRAW or a .50 Cal sniper rifle against one though.)
4. Good looking female, even though synthetic.

Secondly,
Worf would be great but would take some training to get comfortable with "fitting in", Klingons have no ears and wrinkly heads. Too hard to blend in.

RacerMex

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

Mathmos — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 13:21:09 PDT

Or maybe one of Neal Asher's Old Captains from Spatterjay.

Mathmos

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

Defendant — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 13:19:37 PDT

@foolish-rain: I said Cameron, because I like Summer. But River would be a much better choice. Seeing as how she's human, and isn't likely to go back to original programming. And she's certainly better at ass-kickery than Jayne.

So, why wasn't River on the list?

Defendant

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

Grey_Area — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 13:17:27 PDT

Reading a lot of love for the knife missiles. Just remember, with them it's all shop talk: "Stab this and decap that, stabby, stabby, pierce, eviscerate..." *yawn* You'd be better off with a SC drone who can tolerate conversations with meat.

Grey_Area

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

Jeff-Minor — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 13:04:25 PDT

Lara Croft of course. Is there anyone more perfect? God I love her guns.

In second place: an Extremely Dangerous Situations field unit. Better than a little ol'knife missile by about 1000%. You wear it like a second skin. Nanotech at its best.

Jeff-Minor

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

Zantor — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 12:50:22 PDT

Swedish Bikini Team.
I'm not that big of a target so I'm figuring on a lot of down time!

Zantor

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

Mathmos — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 12:49:00 PDT

Star from Heinlein's Glory Road

Mathmos

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

Darkweave — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 12:38:29 PDT

RIVER!!

Darkweave

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

Cupajo — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 12:33:39 PDT

Marvin, from Hitchhikers Guide. But only to help keep my spirits up.

Cupajo

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

Annalee Newitz — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 12:32:09 PDT

Another vote for knife missile, here.

Annalee Newitz

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

femto — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 12:31:41 PDT

The results seem to be for the hottest bodyguard. Yes, 13% of you are furries.

femto

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

darthsodomizer — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 12:23:16 PDT

As long as I had enough money to keep him on my side, I would go with Jayne. I would say Chewie, but what does a wookie smell like?

darthsodomizer

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

RRich — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 12:22:02 PDT

Snake Plissken. Anyone else, not so much.

RRich

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

VorticalBeans — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 12:18:20 PDT

What about Teal'k from Stargate SG-1!

VorticalBeans

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

deckard97 — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 12:17:36 PDT

@foolish-rain: besides, she's easy on the eyes. River and Inara, uuhhh that is an idea, they can guard this body anytime...

deckard97

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

safety_otter — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 12:13:58 PDT

Dug: Molly Millions was my first thought when i read the headline as well, certainly a better body guard than most of the non-Milla's on the list ;)

safety_otter

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

foolish-rain — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 12:10:58 PDT

@onefoot: I'd say River "I can kill you with my brain" Tam would beat 'bot any day.

foolish-rain

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

Outlandish — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 12:08:53 PDT

That's it? That all the choices.
Ok - you've got Mila Jovovich's Resident Evil character (Alice?) - but these come to mind though: Any of the really deep down "good" characters played by Jeanne Claude Van Damme (my favorites Time Cop and Double Team), and maybe Gort. There's others but I'm kinda busy.

Oh yeah Ronon Dex SG Atlantis and Teal'C SG-1

Outlandish

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

foolish-rain — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 12:08:52 PDT

Forget Jayne--I want River Tam! What could be cooler than a bodyguard who kills by closing her eyes, then firing?

foolish-rain

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

CargoCult — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 12:07:58 PDT

An offensive drone along the lines of Skaffen-Amtiskaw. The way to a man's heart? Through his sternum, with a knife missile.

Failing that, a somewhat less argumentative Glaubot would probably suffice.

CargoCult

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

onefoot — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 12:06:31 PDT

@deckard97:
i voted for Jayne but i'd take Zoe over him. there's also Iron Man who really is Stark's (supposed) bodyguard.

here's a non-related question. who would win if it was River vs. Cameron?

onefoot

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

KiddChaos — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 12:05:45 PDT

What about Molly Millions (Neuromancer)? Mirror lenses and razor claws: I rest my case.

That said, I'll vote for Jayne. I'll just have to watch my back while he's watching my back.

KiddChaos

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

AhnyerKeester — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 12:05:07 PDT

Jayne'd turn on you. Chewie would get fur all over the place. Croft would have a phalanx of geeky fan boys following her. Robocop: just as you've said. I still don't trust Cameron. Not into Resident Evil.

That leaves Worf and I don't think that's a bad thing.

Off the list, yea, Duncan Idaho. Bourne's bad ass but he has mental issues. Master Chief? He tends to fly solo though, doesn't he?

AhnyerKeester

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

Auld_Lang_Ziety — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 12:03:47 PDT

On second thought, I'll take Milla Jovovich from Ultra-Violet. Yep, that's it. Except, maybe Charlize Theron from Aeon Flux.

Auld_Lang_Ziety

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

Grey_Area — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 12:03:28 PDT

@Rasselas: Ouch, good point. Log1c may have the right idea with Duncan Idaho. A loyal ghola swordmaster mentat could be pretty handy. I could have him cover those creepy metallic eyes with some shades.

Grey_Area

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

ComicDork — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 12:02:57 PDT

Jayne is the bestest. Hilarious to a fault.

1 thing about Worf, though, he is consistent: attack/kill "it" FIRST. Always.

ComicDork

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

Auld_Lang_Ziety — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 12:01:48 PDT

Rico from Starship Troopers is the obvious choice. (OK, maybe Col. O'Neill from SG1 would be alright).

Worf suffers from the well-known Klingon weakness for stryofoam storage modules in the cargo hold.

Auld_Lang_Ziety

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

tetracycloide — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 11:58:37 PDT

how anyone could be so remiss as to put milla jovovich on this list as alice before putting her on the list as leeloo is beyond me.

tetracycloide

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

bonniegrrl — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 11:56:52 PDT

Even though they shed like crazy, I vote for Camp Wookiee when it comes to loyal bodyguards.

bonniegrrl

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

Dug — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 11:54:57 PDT

Molly Millions or perhaps a nice Knife Missile.

Dug

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

deckard97 — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 11:54:27 PDT

The Hero of Canton, the man they call Jayne. I bet he's a good drinking buddy too. Hell, hire Zoe and Mal too.

deckard97

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

All_Thumbs — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 11:54:22 PDT

I voted for Jane, but I'd rather have Wrex from Mass Effect. He blew up a whole space station to save a client, and even though he missed his equally badass target, his client died of natural causes. Plus he's some kind of giant Frog/lizard alien (Krogan) whose entire race was sterilized because they were too bad ass and were taking over their corner of the galaxy to quickly.

All_Thumbs

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

All_Thumbs — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 11:54:19 PDT

I voted for Jane, but I'd rather have Wrex from Mass Effect. He blew up a whole space station to save a client, and even though he missed his equally badass target, his client died of natural causes. Plus he's some kind of giant Frog/lizard alien whose entire race was sterilized because they were too bad ass and were taking over the galaxy to quickly.

All_Thumbs

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

dhuywhatever — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 11:54:19 PDT

worf is a horrible security chief. he let the enterprise get taken over by ferengi. FERENGI!!

plus guinan is a better shot.

dhuywhatever

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

SVreader — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 11:51:03 PDT

@Dolly-At-School: Not to mention how resilient he is. Harpoon through the leg? Just slap some gauze on there and he's good to go!

SVreader

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

origamimavin — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 11:50:53 PDT

Jayne, hands down, although Milla Jovovich would be fun to be around during down time ;)

origamimavin

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

Rasselas — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 11:46:34 PDT

@Grey_Area: The first time you were attacked, he'd do pretty well; the second time, a little less well but still OK; and the third time he'd just lecture you and your attacker about how bad religion and capitalism are until you both killed yourselves.

Rasselas

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

BunsenH — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 11:44:47 PDT

Jayne, maybe. River Tam kicked Reaver ass in Serenity.

BunsenH

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

z3rks — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 11:43:58 PDT

How can one choose?

a bipedal canidae whos never a lack for something to say AND can be your designated starship driver after an all-night bender at the canteena...

or, a super-hot, indestructable danseuse who would throw some thug through a wall just-as-soon do your math homework or you; and might just be ready to explore ALL aspects of humanity.

Decisions, decisions....

z3rks

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

Plague — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 11:41:45 PDT

@Grey_Area:
Yes!

Plague

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

SavannahJack — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 11:40:52 PDT

Gee, I voted for Lara Croft. Perhaps I put too much emphasis on that "a person you'd like to spend all your time with" characteristic?

SavannahJack

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

Miranda Kali (Desperate But Not Serious) — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 11:40:17 PDT

Cameron, absolutely. She's amazing, gorgeous, and I just might be able to use her as a wifi router. (Ooooo! AND she can do my nails)

Miranda Kali (Desperate But Not Serious)

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

Dolly-At-School — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 11:40:12 PDT

@SVreader: Yes, the hat is key. Plus I would much rather hang out with him than any of the others.

Dolly-At-School

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

Log1c — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 11:36:06 PDT

Duncan Idaho.

Log1c

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

Gyrus — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 11:34:39 PDT

Worf, all the way. Know who's loyal and will never let your back go unguarded? An Effing Klingon, that's who.

"Today is a good day to die!"

"We're just making a Starbucks run. leave the bat'leth in the car."

Gyrus

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

braak — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 11:34:31 PDT

Chewbacca, definitely.

braak

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

Project Thanatos — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 11:33:16 PDT

Jason Bourne. Hands down.

Project Thanatos

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

Grey_Area — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 11:31:16 PDT

I realize these lists are usually all TV/Movie/Game stuff but I'd take Takeshi Kovacs (Altered Carbon et al) any day.

Grey_Area

Which Science Fiction Ass-Kicker Would You Want As Your Bodyguard?

SVreader — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 11:29:24 PDT

Jayne, and I'd have him wear the hat all the time!

SVreader