The Slowest, Stretchiest Countdowns In Science Fiction History - io9 Comments

The Slowest, Stretchiest Countdowns In Science Fiction History

zenpoet — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 12:58:44 PDT

@CMG: I did not think that I would live to see that day that someone could possible headbang whilst playing bass or cello.

Thank you for allowing me to die tomorrow.

zenpoet

The Slowest, Stretchiest Countdowns In Science Fiction History

DozeUser — Sat, 26 Apr 2008 13:23:52 PDT

@zenpoet: I LOVE that song it is so god damn epic, it makes me feel like i should be doing something, I listen to it every day when I wake up and before i go to sleep

DozeUser

The Slowest, Stretchiest Countdowns In Science Fiction History

Git Em SteveDave — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 09:25:46 PDT

@CMG: Is that Yo-Yo Ma w/back up provided by Harry Potter and Ron Weasley?

Git Em SteveDave

The Slowest, Stretchiest Countdowns In Science Fiction History

Jack — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 08:06:53 PDT

@CMG: ZOMG that's totally made of awesome!

Jack

The Slowest, Stretchiest Countdowns In Science Fiction History

CMG — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 05:55:51 PDT

@zenpoet:

CMG

The Slowest, Stretchiest Countdowns In Science Fiction History

Git Em SteveDave — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 05:08:17 PDT

@Charlie Jane Anders: I doubt the StarFleet science boys were like

Boy 1:"OK, we need something that will prevent enemies from taking over the ship and using it."
Boy 2:"How about a auto destruct?"
B1:"Brilliant. Now b/c this is a last ditch measure, only to be used as the ship is about to be overrun, I think it should take about five minutes to enable, require four crew members to initiate, involve some sort of flashing lights, and be un-cancellable during the last five seconds."
B2:"Well, then wouldn't five seconds really be zero?"
B1:"No. That would just be silly. And for good measure, the process should involve a lot of eye shots."

Git Em SteveDave

The Slowest, Stretchiest Countdowns In Science Fiction History

Charlie Jane Anders — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 22:55:12 PDT

@Git Em SteveDave: I really think that episode was running about 5 minutes short, and they were like, "we have to pad this out somehow..."

Charlie Jane Anders

The Slowest, Stretchiest Countdowns In Science Fiction History

Git Em SteveDave — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 20:37:51 PDT

I think worse than how long the countdown takes in the Star Trek clip is how long and involved the destruct sequence is to initiate. Picard and Riker could do it in 15 seconds flat. W/ Data it takes 20, but that's cuz he has to impersonate Picard AND type a 100 digit code in. But he's tricky like that.

Git Em SteveDave

The Slowest, Stretchiest Countdowns In Science Fiction History

Git Em SteveDave — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 20:28:08 PDT

OK, the only point I have in favor for the Fifth Element is that this was immediately preceded by the large fire fight/explosion, during which I'm sure many people were headed towards the escape areas, so it's not THAT implausable for it to have happened.

I think one of the cooler things in the Fifth Element is when Zeus tells Cornelius he has 20 seconds to explain, and he does it in exactly twenty seconds.

Git Em SteveDave

The Slowest, Stretchiest Countdowns In Science Fiction History

shehanum — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 17:26:18 PDT

@orbital1: Amen! Right!

shehanum

The Slowest, Stretchiest Countdowns In Science Fiction History

orbital1 — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 16:09:18 PDT

And the Lord spake, saying, "First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.

orbital1

The Slowest, Stretchiest Countdowns In Science Fiction History

rovroman — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 15:36:39 PDT

The countdown in "Outlander" starring Sean Connery was dreadfully pointless and longwinded. The badguys show up an hour early, but Connery has already laid his traps in plenty of time, so the "surprise" has zero impact on anyone's game plan.

rovroman

The Slowest, Stretchiest Countdowns In Science Fiction History

dustinwwhite — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 15:15:58 PDT

I work on a a very large RCI cruise ship. International safety codes say that we have to have every "soul" off the ship and loaded in to lifeboats in 22 to 30 minutes.....most people on board would not have even left the buffet after 2 minutes.....awesome list

dustinwwhite

The Slowest, Stretchiest Countdowns In Science Fiction History

doctor_cos — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 15:12:52 PDT

Not only is the Trek countdown screwed up once, but several times! Time it!
At 5 1/2 seconds to go, Kirk starts the abort sequence and finishes the abort sequence 7 seconds later!

I....am.....Kiiiirrrok!

doctor_cos

The Slowest, Stretchiest Countdowns In Science Fiction History

lillian27 — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 14:09:25 PDT

/threadjack

For something completely different, I nominate the BSG episode "33" (season one, episode one) as one of the BEST uses of the countdown ever.

lillian27

The Slowest, Stretchiest Countdowns In Science Fiction History

Daveinva — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 14:08:08 PDT

@Bluecell: Outrun the sunrise? Try outrunning *heat*-- in Riddick, they not only outrun the sun-line on the planet Crematoria, apparently the sun hitting just feet away from them does absolutely nothing to heat up the atmosphere, cooking everyone across the entire hemisphere.

Good times. . .

Daveinva

The Slowest, Stretchiest Countdowns In Science Fiction History

oldandintheway — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 13:59:52 PDT

@zenpoet: Not only does that song take forever..its used on just about EVERY car dealer commercial in most local markets on TV...

oldandintheway

The Slowest, Stretchiest Countdowns In Science Fiction History

Charlie Jane Anders — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 13:53:47 PDT

@Ubik2501: Good one!

Charlie Jane Anders

The Slowest, Stretchiest Countdowns In Science Fiction History

Ubik2501 — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 13:51:49 PDT

@Klebert L. Hall: Independence Day actually DID have its own hilarious extended countdown sequence, when they launch the nuke with the 30-second timer and have to get out of the 500km-diameter ship before it blows. By the time they get to about the 10-second mark and they're just exiting the ship, about 45 seconds have already passed. And when the nuke actually goes off, our heroes are magically well over a thousand km away from the mothership.

Ubik2501

The Slowest, Stretchiest Countdowns In Science Fiction History

Charlie Jane Anders — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 13:50:42 PDT

@deandude: The Star Trek one and the Time Chasers one are definitely slowed down... I think the Doctor Who one is also slowed down, but also just stops randomly for no reason to allow the scene to continue for another minute. Spaceballs is definitely a messed up countdown (on purpose)... which one looked normal to you?

Charlie Jane Anders

The Slowest, Stretchiest Countdowns In Science Fiction History

russdanger — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 13:46:18 PDT

@B:

No gravity, hence no bustenhalter...

russdanger

The Slowest, Stretchiest Countdowns In Science Fiction History

deandude — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 13:31:07 PDT

On some it seemed slow but on others it seemed to go like a regular 10sec go.

deandude

The Slowest, Stretchiest Countdowns In Science Fiction History

Mileron — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 13:21:05 PDT

Wait, what about Galaxy Quest, when the countdown stops at one, after they hit the "stop countdown" button at 10? :)

Mileron

The Slowest, Stretchiest Countdowns In Science Fiction History

Dunny0 — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 13:20:49 PDT

@t3knomanser: That is one of the greatest moments of MST3k during the SciFi era.

Dunny0

The Slowest, Stretchiest Countdowns In Science Fiction History

Charlie Jane Anders — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 12:47:56 PDT

@BullfightsOnAcid: My answer to everything from now on is going to be, "Not according to the science boys!"

Charlie Jane Anders

The Slowest, Stretchiest Countdowns In Science Fiction History

Nighthawke — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 12:38:29 PDT

Stargate: Atlantis... "Thirty-Eight Minutes" It was filmed and paced so it would take precisely 38 minutes.

Nighthawke

The Slowest, Stretchiest Countdowns In Science Fiction History

Charlie Jane Anders — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 12:29:45 PDT

@t3knomanser: I found it and swapped out the Fifth Element clip for the Time Chasers clip... it's just the most perfect illustration ever. Thanks so much!

Charlie Jane Anders

The Slowest, Stretchiest Countdowns In Science Fiction History

aspiringexpatriate — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 12:21:52 PDT

Wait, so Fifth Element goes from 4:51 seconds on the clock to 0 in just over 3 minutes.

I'm first to admit that lots of shows elongate countdowns, cause it raises the tension for an audience who isn't paying attention.

But Besson shaved off a minute. Surely that's a good thing.

aspiringexpatriate

The Slowest, Stretchiest Countdowns In Science Fiction History

Thu, 24 Apr 2008 12:18:25 PDT

@t3knomanser: Filmed in my home town.

The Slowest, Stretchiest Countdowns In Science Fiction History

Hes-Dead-Jim — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 12:06:33 PDT

It seems appropriate here that we pay tribute to the BEST countdown in sci-fi history: John Carpenter's 1974 film, "Dark Star," when the spaceship's lieutenant argues epistemology with a talking bomb to convince it not to explode.

Hes-Dead-Jim

The Slowest, Stretchiest Countdowns In Science Fiction History

Bluecell — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 12:04:09 PDT

@Charlie Jane Anders: True. In that regard, I was looking for a video clip of a great scene from Galaxy Quest, but I turned up dry.
They have to stop the self destruct of the ship, and though they press the button with time to spare, the timer keeps going until it reaches 1 because that's where it always stops.

Bluecell

The Slowest, Stretchiest Countdowns In Science Fiction History

Charlie Jane Anders — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 12:04:02 PDT

@t3knomanser:Wow, I've never even heard of Time Chasers, but it sounds fantastic.

Charlie Jane Anders

The Slowest, Stretchiest Countdowns In Science Fiction History

t3knomanser — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 12:00:04 PDT

This list is useless without Time Chasers. The big climax involves our butt-chinned hero fighting our helmet-haired villain while the plane/time machine's countdown time takes an entire minute to count ten seconds.

t3knomanser

The Slowest, Stretchiest Countdowns In Science Fiction History

Charlie Jane Anders — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 11:58:47 PDT

@Bluecell: Yeah, the Star Trek clip is the best example, but I put the Fifth Element one up top because it was funny... and the business of evacuating an entire huge pleasure ship in five minutes (or three, really) is just a bit unlikely.

Charlie Jane Anders

The Slowest, Stretchiest Countdowns In Science Fiction History

Bluecell — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 11:45:54 PDT

@AaronZ: Agreed. That's not the greatest example. It seems that the place evacuated within the 5 minutes, and the movie skipped 3 minutes to the two minute mark when Corben is watching the timer.

@Klebert L. Hall: I never thought of that scene, but good example. That reminds me of The Mummy Returns where Brendan Fraser outruns the fucking sunrise.

Bluecell

The Slowest, Stretchiest Countdowns In Science Fiction History

ManchuCandidate — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 11:39:18 PDT

@Klebert L. Hall:
That would be the James Bond out run the flaming fire ball special skill. See Moonraker, Goldeneye etc.

Speaking of lousy countdowns, as much as I enjoy the many variations of the James Bond Film, those countdowns do piss me off.

ManchuCandidate

The Slowest, Stretchiest Countdowns In Science Fiction History

Charlie Jane Anders — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 11:39:06 PDT

@AaronZ: Yeah, in the case of Fifth Element, it's mostly just the unrealistic nature of the entire pleasure ship evacuating in five minutes, rather than the actual countdown itself, which isn't stretched out.

Charlie Jane Anders

The Slowest, Stretchiest Countdowns In Science Fiction History

Log1c — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 11:26:23 PDT

@Shiryu: At one point I believe I had 4 copies of Space Balls due to xmas gifts... I should have watched it 4 times in a row on the different dvds!

Log1c

The Slowest, Stretchiest Countdowns In Science Fiction History

Smeagol92055 — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 11:24:39 PDT

@zenpoet:
Yeah, but the power guitar solo more than makes up for it.

Smeagol92055

The Slowest, Stretchiest Countdowns In Science Fiction History

Klebert L. Hall — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 11:23:42 PDT

This isn't quite the same thing, but I believe it deserves mention...

In the horrible Independence Day, Our Hero's fiance is in a car in a tunnel. She looks behind her, sees the explosion already in the tunnel and has time to get out of the car, run to a utility closet, use her Super-Stripper Power! (tm) to bust open the steel door and get in to hide (somehow) from the car-hurling pressure wave.

That's not even the best part though - once she's in the closet, she calls the dog, still in the car. Dogs are so much faster than people, that the dog easily runs in, too.

Someone needs to explain "hypersonic" to Hollywood.
-Kle.

Klebert L. Hall

The Slowest, Stretchiest Countdowns In Science Fiction History

EBone — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 11:23:32 PDT

Quite possibly the worst scene from the worst episode from the worst season of the original Star Trek.

The only thing more uncomfortable than the super-tight close-ups of the actor's eyes and mouths are the super-tight marble-bag costumes on guest stars Loki and Bele.

EBone

The Slowest, Stretchiest Countdowns In Science Fiction History

Rus — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 11:19:54 PDT

@92BuickLeSabre: That was back when a Dalek could be overcome by putting a blanket on the electric floor, so when they rolled over it they lost power.

They upgraded quick and often, though, just like Nazi iPods.

Rus

The Slowest, Stretchiest Countdowns In Science Fiction History

Shiryu — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 11:16:18 PDT

Ah, Space Balls.... good times!

Shiryu

The Slowest, Stretchiest Countdowns In Science Fiction History

Miranda Kali — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 11:14:43 PDT

@zenpoet:
Oh thank you soooo much for that pleasant little earworm.

Miranda Kali

The Slowest, Stretchiest Countdowns In Science Fiction History

92BuickLeSabre — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 11:14:30 PDT

@Charlie Jane Anders: So all that "Exterminate! Exterminate! Exterminate!" stuff is really just the equivalent of the pre-game huddle?

92BuickLeSabre

The Slowest, Stretchiest Countdowns In Science Fiction History

AaronZ — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 11:14:09 PDT

Just to nit-pick, the scene you posted for the 5th Element starts off with a bomb set with a 5 minute timer.
The whole scene runs 3min 10sec long.

It might seem like it lasted a long time, but it actually ran *faster* than the countdown implied.

AaronZ

The Slowest, Stretchiest Countdowns In Science Fiction History

Charlie Jane Anders — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 11:13:59 PDT

@BullfightsOnAcid: It's all totally accurate, with the Science Boys seal of approval!

Charlie Jane Anders

The Slowest, Stretchiest Countdowns In Science Fiction History

BullfightsOnAcid — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 11:11:33 PDT

Those Green Lantern/Green Arrow panels are hilarious. I love how he opens the air lock and continues to give his speech. I guess the "Science Boys" forgot to tell him about de-pressurization. And then he just leaves the hot chick in the half tank top in a room that's just emptied of breathable oxygen. And then there's a reference to the villain as 'Taupin'. Is this Bernie Taupin, Elton John's long time song-writing partner?

BullfightsOnAcid

The Slowest, Stretchiest Countdowns In Science Fiction History

Thu, 24 Apr 2008 11:09:00 PDT

The Brunette's outfit doesn't look very pressurized in Green Lantern Arrow. I guess there's no need for a bra in space, though.

The Slowest, Stretchiest Countdowns In Science Fiction History

Charlie Jane Anders — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 11:06:33 PDT

@92BuickLeSabre: They were just getting ready to kick some ass... but the humans attacked before they had finished psyching themselves up.

Charlie Jane Anders

The Slowest, Stretchiest Countdowns In Science Fiction History

92BuickLeSabre — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 11:02:34 PDT

Wow those early Daleks were kind of...weak...weren't they.

92BuickLeSabre

The Slowest, Stretchiest Countdowns In Science Fiction History

zenpoet — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 11:00:48 PDT

"Its the Final Countdown!"

That songs takes forever!

zenpoet

The Slowest, Stretchiest Countdowns In Science Fiction History

Log1c — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 10:55:42 PDT

I never would have expected anyone to ever say "Spaceballs" and "taken seriously" in the same sentance without the word "can't" in between.

Log1c

The Slowest, Stretchiest Countdowns In Science Fiction History

DSTRYA — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 10:55:05 PDT

this brought to mind Aliens and that damn, nagging, "minimum safe distance" recording-- that thing went on for like twenty minutes! how many warnings do these people get? i prefer Lando Calrissian's emergency announcement from Empire: "OK my people, the shit has hit the fan. I recommend you split." So simple, so effective.

DSTRYA