Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T. - io9 Comments

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

MRCAB — Wed, 21 May 2008 07:46:23 PDT

I loved the E.T. breakfast cereal when I was a kid. I was really sad that it didn't last long. I remember it tasting pretty damn good.

MRCAB

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

VardonHizhouse — Fri, 16 May 2008 20:07:49 PDT

Such an insecure pre-teen, I decided that California kids' slang was much more sophisticated than that of my own friends after seeing the whole "sinus supremus"/"zero charisma" exchange. Something about kids my own age speaking "Latin" or at least using multisyllabic words. Turns out in hindsight, this dialog was not only meaningless and bogus, but kind of stupid. Oh, if only I'd had the good taste then that I have now. Like Peanut Butter Crunch and Nutter Butters, Reese's Pieces are loathsome unless you're eating them right now. Then they're delicious. Afterwards, I always go back to hating them again. As for Neil Diamond, that song may have been awful, but it was not his most awful song. Later, in an embarrassingly naked attempt to court a new generation of listeners, he recorded "Headed for the Future." (Truth told, a more accurate description of his career at that point would have been "Headed Down the Toilet.") An ignominious end for the creator of "Tap Root Ministry." --rangergordon (new, unapproved member) No virus found in this outgoing message. Checked by AVG. Version: 7.5.524 / Virus Database: 269.23.16/1448 - Release Date: 5/16/2008 7:42 PM

VardonHizhouse

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

UtaNardwuar — Mon, 12 May 2008 07:07:53 PDT

ET is "Citizen Kane" next to the most overrated movie of all-time: STAR WARS

UtaNardwuar

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

Torley — Sat, 10 May 2008 11:29:04 PDT

@mr.dandy: My goodness. It's called priaprism!

That second image in the article makes E.T. look like a Gremlin in drag! Oh wait, they already did that. :D

Torley

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

mr.dandy — Sat, 10 May 2008 04:44:08 PDT

[www.javno.com]

Also, I'd feel very sorry for anyone with a dick that looks like this.

mr.dandy

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

mr.dandy — Sat, 10 May 2008 04:36:50 PDT

Sure, a ton of stuff in that movie was pure sentimental hokum. But come on, Elliot showing ET all the toys in his room was brilliant.
"This is the shark. Nobody eats the shark."

Plus, what's wrong with something looking like it's set in the 80's (since it actually WAS set in the 80s)?

If I had the History Erase Button, I'd wipe out all of you without a second thought to return to the 80s.

Sorry, that's harsh. But still.

mr.dandy

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

mizmoose — Fri, 09 May 2008 23:54:12 PDT

THANK YOU JEEBUS!!
I thought I was the only one who hated E.T.

Feh. A millyun years later, it still sucks.

mizmoose

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

patrickben — Fri, 09 May 2008 10:13:50 PDT

Finally, someone else who hates ET. I've been comparing it to a lame Old Yeller rip-off all these years. As a kid, I went to see ET expecting an intelligent movie about aliens, and I felt cheated right away.
[p-userpic.livejournal.com]

patrickben

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

radio1 — Fri, 09 May 2008 09:19:59 PDT

7) I agree with the CGI remake of ET and replacing guns with walkie talkies...
8) I also agree with the knock-off movies...
9) I disagree about the ET video game... Blame Atari and their rush to get a video game out before Christmas-time.

radio1

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

victheremin — Fri, 09 May 2008 09:04:36 PDT

INCREDIBLE ASSHOLES!

you made me remember Neil Diamond's Heart-blight song.

You've ruined my whole day.

victheremin

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

radio1 — Fri, 09 May 2008 08:53:58 PDT

Don't mess with the T, Annalee!

Since you were a kid your memories are slightly warped...

Lessee,
1) Speak and Spells came out in '78- 4 yrs before ET was released.
2)There were no Reese's Pieces before ET, the movie was their introduction. And I think they are still sold today.
3) Jeez, I was horny 15 year old boy, and I never thought ET looked like a penis.
4) ET as far I'm concerned- al;ways came u8nder the heading of "so ugly he's cute".
5) Neil Diamond is the fu**ing balls, Google what songs he has written.
6) Old Yeller while I love him, was a faithful dog who got rabies. If you are to compare a dog to an extra-terrestrial being, you know not your cinema. A more fair comparison would to Shane.

radio1

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

Pouncer — Fri, 09 May 2008 07:17:48 PDT

I hate E.T. because my mother and older sister dragged me out of bed on a Saturday to see it. I'd far rather have slept in, and recall napping through large parts of the film. Never cross a child -- they'll loathe you forever.

Pouncer

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

tiemposbuenos — Fri, 09 May 2008 06:48:35 PDT

Funny you should mention the "penis breath" line. I remember watching ET with my mom as a kid and my mom saying to one of the other moms, "that line is so unnecessary" or something like that. Guess my mom would be happy about the new censored version!

tiemposbuenos

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

Jeff-Minor — Fri, 09 May 2008 05:52:07 PDT

@Hobbity: I simply wanted to be the kid with the little space friend. The movie was enchanting, especially the bike riding/flying. Sure it was Disney-ish, but it was a movie that also tought kids that the Feds were the bad guys. Now how cool is that?

Jeff-Minor

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

Hobbity — Fri, 09 May 2008 05:33:51 PDT

Gah! I always loved this movie... I saw it as, like, another Star Wars movie. It brought the storyline to Earth! This was totally reinforced for me in 1999 when The Phantom Menace came out.

Haters to the left.

Hobbity

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

pheagan — Fri, 09 May 2008 02:11:21 PDT

I always hated it but I still have no idea why. Something about it is just-- no. I remember being bored to death by the hospital business. And pretty much everything else. As a kid.

pheagan

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

burlives — Fri, 09 May 2008 01:53:40 PDT

You take back your comment about Neil Diamond right this minute.

burlives

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

Balius — Thu, 08 May 2008 22:48:36 PDT

I've never found ET remotely cute, and never understood anyone who has. For some reason, his skin reminds me of an earthworm, and always has...

Never noticed the penis similarity, still don't.

Balius

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

tmyprod — Thu, 08 May 2008 21:23:52 PDT

@cybergrunt:

you shut your mouth, The Goonies ruled! (and still do)

tmyprod

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

Belabras — Thu, 08 May 2008 21:05:27 PDT

@corpore-metal:
That's fair. Iron Giant is a great movie.

Belabras

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

cybergrunt — Thu, 08 May 2008 19:35:31 PDT

yeah ok, so you're right, but it's still not as bad as The Goonies (except the E.T. game which is quite possibly worse than anything ever invented).

cybergrunt

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

SeanOHara — Thu, 08 May 2008 19:04:58 PDT

If you think ET's head looks like a penis, I think you need to stop dating circus freaks.

SeanOHara

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

Space_Crime — Thu, 08 May 2008 18:33:32 PDT

Here's my #1 reason...

ET brainwashed Spielberg by making happy endings :)

Space_Crime

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

wildness — Thu, 08 May 2008 18:20:45 PDT

I have boycotted ET my whole life!

wildness

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

Git Em SteveDave is a poor substitute for LindsayJoy — Thu, 08 May 2008 17:51:10 PDT

"I'm going to have to respectfully disagree with you on Neil Diamond in general and "Heartlight" specifically" I liked this song also. I used to play it on my little fischer price tape recorder. God I loved that thing. Never give a child a toy that can record sound. Perhaps thats why I like cameras enough to have a webcam on my computer 24/7 (just click my name here to get a link).

@dOk: Didn't they also bury a shitload of "LISA"'s there too? I remember reading about it in a Steve Jobs book.

Git Em SteveDave is a poor substitute for LindsayJoy

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

Zantor — Thu, 08 May 2008 16:56:18 PDT

(sp) You are

Zantor

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

Zantor — Thu, 08 May 2008 16:43:43 PDT

@oldandintheway:
Pokemon, Lite Beer and the new "Flash Gordon" series.

Zantor

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

Zantor — Thu, 08 May 2008 16:41:47 PDT

@Garrison Dean, King Awesome:
(sp) Horse. (See, even today the thought gives me the shakes!)

Your Welcome!

You should see the "Godzilla" tribute videos we shot stomping around in the "City Vista Scene" fly-over model after hours.

Zantor

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

oldandintheway — Thu, 08 May 2008 16:37:26 PDT

So, if ET had never been filmed what would you all find to bitch and moan about???

oldandintheway

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

Garrison Dean, Mr. Privilege — Thu, 08 May 2008 16:33:12 PDT

@Zantor: Thank you for your pain and suffering Zantor. That ride at the Hollywood Universal Park coupled with the copius amounts of booze available at Universal led to several wonderful trips through that ride.

I was so pissed when that became a friggin Mummy Roller Coaster.

Garrison Dean, Mr. Privilege

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

Zantor — Thu, 08 May 2008 16:22:20 PDT

Back in 1987-1990 I was a designer for the "E.T. and his adventure on earth" ride for Universal Studios in Orlando.

For "creative inspiration" they would constantly play that damn movie or the soundtrack in the shop.

For over TWO DAMN YEARS I had to be exposed to that horror, five days a week.
Since then I have never watched or listened to anything to do with E.T. without getting a sick headache and diarrhea.

Screw E.T. and the gorse he rode in on!

Zantor

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

humperdinck — Thu, 08 May 2008 15:59:59 PDT

The "penis breath" line was NOT removed from the special edition.

Your facts are almost as wrong as your opinion.

humperdinck

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

capntim — Thu, 08 May 2008 15:46:24 PDT

Annalee, what kind of men have you been sleeping with? Something is very wrong here.

capntim

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

Bob_of_Mars — Thu, 08 May 2008 15:39:24 PDT

Wow... I never saw him as a penis (probably because I had one when I was seven...and, you know, afterwards as well). That puts the scene where ET meets Drew Barrymore in a whole new light. Also, when Eliot calls his brother 'penis-breath'.

as for your reasons for dislike:
1.like I said, I never picked up on this. Personally, I find this a bad reason to dislike it. I mean, if you just didn't like that he was penis like, I could understand that, but not liking it because there is no reason for him to look like a penis....meh.

actually, if this is actually like old yeller, then he has every reason to look like a peen: he's the symbolism of Eliot becoming a man (hence the penis neck....I think)

2. Personal taste I guess, but I must warn you: he's an alien. Gonna look strange no matter what.

3.The Star Wars movies were redone with CGI (crappy stuff in some cases. Does that make them any less awesome?

4. No, it doesn't: Jesus had it, and people worship him now. Basically, ET's so badass that he doesn't NEED to eliminate his enemies with lasers, he heals them and keeps them around for a while. Bad-ass!

5. Meh, don't see the connection all that much

6. Has nothing to do with the movie, no matter how bad

7. Like most movies I've seen in EVERY DECADE (I mean, have you seen Iron Man?! Let's watch that in 10-20 years)

8. First off, ALF ate cats. He has my support for that. Secondly, has nothing to do with the original movie. Businesses always copy what works

9. What's wrong with Neil Diamond? Again, has nothing to do with the movie. Plus, I find Nirvana sucks, so that doesn't say much.

So, um, yeah. TAKE THAT!!

Bob_of_Mars

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

TheFemGeek — Thu, 08 May 2008 15:36:29 PDT

@Annalee Newitz: hahahaha I love you. That list is so true. I have sat in a room with cousins and friends attacking me because I have brought a few of these points out to them, especially the penis point and the fact that it's a deformed penis. But nawwww, I'm the one with problems because I noticed these things.

And I'd like to add why didn't anyone ask about the little handicapped kid under the sheet when they went trick or treating (he did waddle when he walked), why didn't it freak the kid out that E.T.'s head pulsed every now and then, and I always wonder why were the kids still pedaling when they were flying.

These things I have wondered for quite some time now.

TheFemGeek

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

Veronica — Thu, 08 May 2008 15:34:02 PDT

Oh, however, I disagree with you on the Reeses Pieces. They stood the (delicious) test of time!

Veronica

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

corpore-metal — Thu, 08 May 2008 15:33:20 PDT

@Belabras: Iron Giant. 'Nuff said.

corpore-metal

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

Veronica — Thu, 08 May 2008 15:32:21 PDT

Can we form a support group for this? I agree wholeheartedly!

Veronica

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

DocGratis — Thu, 08 May 2008 15:27:06 PDT

@extracrispy: So it is detachable?

Detachable penis... detachable penis...

(don't mind me, I am all music references today)

DocGratis

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

extracrispy — Thu, 08 May 2008 15:12:05 PDT

@Annalee Newitz: I actually do have a penis with a bulbous head and blinky blue eyes on top. But I keep it in the bottom of my sock drawer.

extracrispy

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

structuregeek — Thu, 08 May 2008 15:08:41 PDT

I know that I'm missing the point of the rant, but the "penis breath" line was NOT removed in the 20th Anniversary Edition. However: Spielberg did remove the dread word "terrorist" from the soundtrack, which is even more lame than the CGI walkie-talkies.

structuregeek

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

Blue Oyster Cultist — Thu, 08 May 2008 15:04:14 PDT

Went and saw it as a kid and spent the 2nd half of the movie in the lobby playing video games. No regrets...

Blue Oyster Cultist

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

DocGratis — Thu, 08 May 2008 15:02:01 PDT

@Rev. Eaton Yorke Hunt: Yes, if she (Annalee Newitz:) has a penis, it would most likely look pretty weird...

DocGratis

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

MonkeyT — Thu, 08 May 2008 14:58:10 PDT

If I recall, the producers approached M&M/Mars to use M&Ms and, after negotiations, they were sent away with the explanation that the candy company believed the hideous little alien would frighten small children. Reese's jumped at the chance to create a new candy that would fit the plotline. Many consider it one of the biggest marketing blunders of the decade.

MonkeyT

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

Rev. Eaton Yorke Hunt — Thu, 08 May 2008 14:51:26 PDT

Ewwwwww...
Your penis must look really weird.
I can't believe I just typed that.

Rev. Eaton Yorke Hunt

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

Grey_Area — Thu, 08 May 2008 14:49:18 PDT

@Annalee Newitz: Nah, they're just messing with you. If we didn't have eyes there how else would we get it in the right spot?

Grey_Area

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

laughingmangits — Thu, 08 May 2008 14:47:50 PDT

Why goto ET? Sell your ticket to a kid named 'M' and goto a nudie bar!

laughingmangits

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

Belabras — Thu, 08 May 2008 14:46:14 PDT

@jargonking:
This is true. But time heals all wounds - I wouldn't watch E.T. again for money, but I watch The Thing every time I catch it on.

Belabras

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

Annalee Newitz — Thu, 08 May 2008 14:41:52 PDT

@jargonking: Agreed. The Thing is one of the all-time best alien movies ever.

Annalee Newitz

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

spoogy — Thu, 08 May 2008 14:40:10 PDT

I would say that the plot of E.T. more closely resembles the Christ story than any other, and I wouldn't be the first to point that out. Old Yeller seems like a stretch. For instance, Old Yeller didn't rise from the dead and ascend into the heavens.

Also, if a man's junk looks like E.T., run. There's clearly something wrong.

spoogy

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

jargonking — Thu, 08 May 2008 14:39:37 PDT

Don't forget that the mania for all things ET practically buried another alien-on-earth movie that same year...namely John Carpenter's The Thing, one of the greatest SF movies ever made.

jargonking

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

russdanger — Thu, 08 May 2008 14:39:34 PDT

I've managed to avoid watching this movie so far. Why spoil a good thing?

russdanger

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

Garrison Dean, Mr. Privilege — Thu, 08 May 2008 14:35:43 PDT

@Annalee Newitz: Haha, oh yeah. do you suppose....

Also the reverse is somewhat awesome as well.
[www.imdb.com]

Garrison Dean, Mr. Privilege

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

IHateWhatYouHaveOn — Thu, 08 May 2008 14:31:51 PDT

Oh thank God. I thought I was the only one who despised this movie. I hated it when it first came out, with its sappiness ratched up so high it oozed and the playing on people's emtions-look! A cute,lonely boy! A divorced Mom! A cute (not in my opinion)lonely alien! Don't you like them? It was way too manipulative for me-and I was 14 when I saw it.

IHateWhatYouHaveOn

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

Annalee Newitz — Thu, 08 May 2008 14:31:40 PDT

@Garrison Dean, King Awesome: Do not forget: AWESOME BROWSER.

Annalee Newitz

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

Annalee Newitz — Thu, 08 May 2008 14:31:08 PDT

@knots: They aren't supposed to have bulbous heads on top with blinky blue eyes? Wait, do you guys not have pensises like that? Uh oh I am so confused.

Annalee Newitz

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

Garrison Dean, Mr. Privilege — Thu, 08 May 2008 14:31:02 PDT

@diverguy: Firefox. Awesome Spy movie, awesome plane movie, awesome Charlie Jane style Sci-Fi movie.

Garrison Dean, Mr. Privilege

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

AutobotTrixter — Thu, 08 May 2008 14:24:35 PDT

I've never actually seen it, but that 2600 game was awesome when I was like 6 years old and didn't know what awesome was.

AutobotTrixter

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

diverguy — Thu, 08 May 2008 14:22:33 PDT

I hate ET because when my cousin visited me I was forced to go see that movie instead of Firefox (with Clint Eastwood). So instead of seeing a movie about a really neat aircraft, I was forced to watch this sickening thing.

At least Drew Barrymore grew up nice.

diverguy

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

Grey_Area — Thu, 08 May 2008 14:13:25 PDT

Oh Annalee, only nine?

@Belabras: Exactly. I wasn't crying, never happened. Can I help it that they always show Wrath o' Khan in the middle of allergy season?

Grey_Area

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

DocGratis — Thu, 08 May 2008 14:12:12 PDT

See I think ET tried to teach lots of things...

Like knock-offs based on successful movies always suck...
(be they: Video games, cereal, or other movies/ TV shows)...

Sadly, it did just the opposite.. it desensitized us...

I mean yes the ET game was terrible...
but how many other movie video game are terrible... most of them..

@moff: And yes, C-3P0 the cereal was an exception..

And a penis? wow.. weird. I never heard that/thought that as a kid...

DocGratis

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

Jeff-Minor — Thu, 08 May 2008 14:09:07 PDT

I loved ET. I remember taking my little brother to see it. A my group of friends seemed to like it. It was sweet and charming and I have no desire to ever see it again.

Jeff-Minor

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

Acheman — Thu, 08 May 2008 14:07:32 PDT

I still haven't watched all the way to the end of ET. When I was a kid I read too much scifi and Usborne Illustrated Science Guides too young and found radioactivity the most terrifying thing imaginable. It's only just now, reading plot summaries, that I find there was no radiation sickness in the film; that was what I'd assumed was going on when they became ill and the men in Hazmat suits quarantined the house. At which point, I cried and insisted that we stop watching.

A friend gave me a copy of the DVD for my birthday a few years ago, telling me to get over it already. But somehow I never got around to watching it, and, weirdly, now that I find that I was just plain wrong about the film I discover upon introspecting that I'm much less disinclined to. Now I'm shifting to thinking about it as some schmaltzy crappy kids' film, but before it was pretty much represented internally by a large sign saying "NO!". The odd thing is that I didn't retain the phobia of radioactivity (well, I have a little healthy nervousness of the thing itself, you understand) just the emotional cathexis upon ET. In a similar manner, I can still call back the terror which led to my breaking off 'The Little Mermaid' too before its close.

Just a little slice of my personal psychodrama for you all to enjoy.

Acheman

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

StrangelyBrown — Thu, 08 May 2008 14:07:11 PDT

@Annalee Newitz: All right, I guess it does exhibit penis-like tendencies (and as an alien, it may actually be "his" penis). But equating "penises" with "ET" from age seven? Yikes! That must have set you up for a very interesting adolescence...

StrangelyBrown

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

moff — Thu, 08 May 2008 14:06:04 PDT

@Annalee Newitz: If they'd bring it back and Kool-Aid would rerelease Sunshine Punch, I'd be set for breakfast for the rest of my life.

moff

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

knots — Thu, 08 May 2008 13:59:12 PDT

@Annalee Newitz:

"Bumpy bits" OMFG please tell me you no longer spend time with dicks that have "Bumpy Bits" I mean you did have health class where you grew up right?

knots

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

phoenix — Thu, 08 May 2008 13:56:37 PDT

Preach it, Sister Newitz! I never liked ET. Didn't like it then, don't like it now, laugh at every joke at it's expense. :D

phoenix

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

Miranda Kali — Thu, 08 May 2008 13:56:00 PDT

@CD3s-of-the-future:
Actually the SNL she hosted shortly after the E.T. came out was hilarious. As I recall, she beat the tar out of the xeno-peni with a baseball bat. It was also apparently the episode where she was given tons of beer to drink behind the scenes.
Hmmm. Come to think of it, I suppose it shouldn't be all that hilarious.

Miranda Kali

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

tph — Thu, 08 May 2008 13:55:05 PDT

@moff: auuuugh! kill it with fire!

tph

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

Thu, 08 May 2008 13:53:14 PDT

I don't know about the Old Yeller comparison. E.T. would have been much better if it ended with E.T. getting shot in the face.

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

Belabras — Thu, 08 May 2008 13:48:52 PDT

@pinkiedeathhead:
Like Baseball, there is no crying in Khan. It's a rule.

Belabras

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

Annalee Newitz — Thu, 08 May 2008 13:47:39 PDT

@moff: I want to try the C3P0 cereal now.

Annalee Newitz

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

pinkiedeathhead — Thu, 08 May 2008 13:47:35 PDT

@Belabras: Or STAR TREK: WRATH OF KHAN. Or was it just me and mom that cried at that movie? Are we total saps?

pinkiedeathhead

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

Annalee Newitz — Thu, 08 May 2008 13:47:05 PDT

@StrangelyBrown: Penis-esque!!! It gets erect and has sort of bumpy bits. Trust me, the penis thing totally made sense when I was seven.

Annalee Newitz

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

CD3s-of-the-future — Thu, 08 May 2008 13:46:36 PDT

You know what I hate about ET? Drew Barrymore. If she hadn't been in this movie, we would have been spared 25 years of crappy, crappy, crappy Drew Barrymore vehicles, useless SNL appearances, etc

CD3s-of-the-future

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

Gann — Thu, 08 May 2008 13:42:09 PDT

"Two decades worth of kid-alien space movies" Surely you're not talking about Mac and Me?

Gann

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

StrangelyBrown — Thu, 08 May 2008 13:35:32 PDT

I don't know what any of your penis experiences are like, but I personally have a difficult time calling something with a massive head atop a long, spindly neck "penis-shaped." What species of penis are we talking about, exactly?

StrangelyBrown

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

Garrison Dean, Mr. Privilege — Thu, 08 May 2008 13:32:17 PDT

Follow this link to see how great ET was compared to it's possible sequel. I didn't want to direct link a PDF, so go to this page and click on

E.T. II Nocturnal Fears ( I shit you not.)

[writingtreatments.com]

Garrison Dean, Mr. Privilege

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

knots — Thu, 08 May 2008 13:31:26 PDT

I have to ask. If you think E.T. looks like a dick, I have to wonder what kind of insane mutant bulging helmet cocks you've experience with. Most of them look more like Darth Vader (I mean he has a helmet)-

knots

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

DCI Gene Hunt — Thu, 08 May 2008 13:28:30 PDT

Hallelujah, Amen, and good night!

Bless you, Annalee! I no longer feel alone in a silent minority. E.T. is awful, pandering schmaltz, and you're right on point with your entire list.

We're here.
We hate ET for the demeaning tripe that it is.
Get used to it.

DCI Gene Hunt

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

NefariousNewt — Thu, 08 May 2008 13:27:13 PDT

@Belabras: Not tears of rage, no. Sadness... all encompassing sadness... to see a franchise laid low...

NefariousNewt

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

NefariousNewt — Thu, 08 May 2008 13:25:28 PDT

@N__B: With you there. To this day, I have only seen bits of it in commercials. I heard the premise and told myself it wasn't worth the $3.50.

NefariousNewt

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

Belabras — Thu, 08 May 2008 13:25:28 PDT

@moff:
Tears of rage are different. But you have a point my friend.

Belabras

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

moff — Thu, 08 May 2008 13:24:15 PDT

@Belabras: I guess you haven't heard of The Phantom Menace, friend.

moff

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

joemono — Thu, 08 May 2008 13:23:44 PDT

I never really thought of ET as a giant penis. I guess that's just me?

As for the healing powers, it sounds like you're basically saying there wasn't enough "pew pew," in the movie for your taste. Hey, maybe you could rent Independence Day?

ET is either ugly, or cute, please pick one. You sound like those douche-bags judges on that project runway show who say things like "it's very dark, yet light at the same time."

The extra-curricular activities of Atari and Neil Diamond have nothing to do with the quality of the original movie.

It's a fantastic movie. And the music is some of John Williams' best.

Also, if you're looking for ways to dog ET, you really missed the boat (see photo).

[elblogdelcangrejo.files.wordpress.com]

Weak.

joemono

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

Belabras — Thu, 08 May 2008 13:22:42 PDT

I know this is semi tongue in cheek, but you know Old Yeller is dated too right? What with the clothes and the costumes and the frontier lifestyle.

E.T may not be the best movie ever, but it's probably one of the most widely accepted sci-fi movies of all time. And when was the last time you heard of someone crying while watching a sci-fi movie? I'd bet money it was watching E.T.

Belabras

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

dOk — Thu, 08 May 2008 13:22:04 PDT

@Annalee Newitz

"The E.T. videogame wasn't just the most hideous thing ever mde for the Atari 2600 - it was the worst game ever made in the entire world. Rumor has it that it sold so badly that most of the cartridges were turned into landfill."

Thats not a rumor, they buried a warehouse full of them in the Arizona desert, and there was an online project dedicated to finding them.

The people on the site did actually find the location and dug up a couple hundred or so.

btw... I owned a copy and yea it was a totally crappy game... lol

dOk

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

Garrison Dean, Mr. Privilege — Thu, 08 May 2008 13:20:48 PDT

@moff: That looks like something doctors use to show you what your throat looks like if you smoke too much.

Garrison Dean, Mr. Privilege

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

extracrispy — Thu, 08 May 2008 13:20:42 PDT

E.T. did inspire a song by Outkast. And they're pretty cool.

But yeh, I hate E.T. too.

extracrispy

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

kromekoran — Thu, 08 May 2008 13:19:44 PDT

Annalee, you have turned me to the darkside. I used to believe I liked ET, maybe because I haven't seen it in 20 years, but I still had fond memories.

but now, fuck ET (but leave the wig on, baby).

kromekoran

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

Smeagol92055 — Thu, 08 May 2008 13:19:22 PDT

Hey! I had a speak 'n' Spell!

I made it say mildly dirty things, (which to my seven-year-old self consisted of doodoo and fart).

Smeagol92055

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

Plague — Thu, 08 May 2008 13:19:07 PDT

You know who I hate? God.
He's such a fucker.

Plague

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

moff — Thu, 08 May 2008 13:17:27 PDT

I'm going to have to respectfully disagree with you on Neil Diamond in general and "Heartlight" specifically, Annalee, but I'll give you a replacement reason: E.T. breakfast cereal, which

(1) tasted like shit, instead of peanut butter and chocolate
(2) came in a box only slightly larger than the huge Cheerios boxes
(3) was obviously expensive, because otherwise I don't know why my mom insisted on me finishing all of it before she would buy new cereal.

(You know what was great, though? C-3PO had a cereal, briefly, and it was DELICIOUS.)

moff

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

Garrison Dean, Mr. Privilege — Thu, 08 May 2008 13:16:11 PDT

Hey, I still eat reeses pieces and think of this movie. So that clearly worked. And you can't rag on a movie for dated product placement because Blade Runner basically cursed just about everyone who shows up as a sign in that movie.

Garrison Dean, Mr. Privilege

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

designguybrown — Thu, 08 May 2008 13:15:41 PDT

I think that someone needs a nap - followed by a Cute Creature Hate-management course...

no wait. that new ET did blow chunks (hah - did ya get that 80s reference)

carry on.

designguybrown

Nine Reasons Why I Hate E.T.

N__B — Thu, 08 May 2008 13:12:58 PDT

I never saw it. Saw no reason to see it, see no reason to see it now. Nothing I've ever heard about it has given me any reason to see it.

It might be a masterpiece and I'll never know.

N__B