​Why America Will Never Truly Be Able To Make Its Own Anime

Hello, folks. I'm sorry for the absence of last week's mail column; suffice it to say there was some… difficulty in escaping the intelligent apes, and I couldn't do it without endangering myself. In related news, if you ever go to Ape City, they will no longer be fooled by ape costumes. Just FYI. Now, on with the mail! » 9/17/14 8:00am Wednesday 8:00am

​Why Are Superhero Movies So Much Better Than Superhero Comics?

Greetings, my stamp stars. I must escape this land ruled by apes. Generally it's pretty great here — the apes are chill, the banana wine is pretty good — but they have me delivering the mail here too, and half of what they send to each other is their own feces, because they're too civilized to throw it at each other. » 9/03/14 8:10am 9/03/14 8:10am

​Is The Age Of The Superhero Team-Up Movie Upon Us?

Greetings, my little stamp scamps. I've wandered into a new area of my post-apocalyptic world where intelligent apes rule instead of man. They can speak, they have they have their own society… I know there's only one thing I must do: Come back with bananas and see if I can rule them as their god. Wish me luck. » 8/20/14 9:40am 8/20/14 9:40am

​It's Been A Bad Week For Strong Female Characters

I think I've finally discovered what caused my mysterious, unknown apocalypse. I believe the illness known as "con flu" — in which one sick person at a con basically makes every attendee sick — mutated in some way to affect everybody that even thought about Comic-Con this week. Because I feel like shit. But not as bad… » 7/30/14 9:02am 7/30/14 9:02am

The Argument For Being Genuinely Optimistic About Batman V. Superman

I'm not being sarcastic. Despite my previous comments and constant unease regarding DC's future cinematic endeavors, I have tried to make the case why there are many reasons to look forward to these movies, and even more reasons to hope. Seriously, this is a Batman V. Superman-criticism-free zone. Read on if you don't… » 7/09/14 8:11am 7/09/14 8:11am

​When Game Of Thrones Runs Out Of Book Material, What's Next?!

Hey, post fans! You know, I love answering all your letters, but I actually have a question for you guys: Where the hell do all these tigers keep coming from? I understand seeing a tiger or two in an abandoned city, presumably from the zoo. But I've passed like 18 tigers in the last week alone. Please, stop with all… » 6/25/14 9:05am 6/25/14 9:05am

The Math Formula That Determines Whether You Love Or Hate Adaptations

Greetings, mail parasites. Sorry if I'm in a bad mood, it's just been a tough week here in the vague post-apocalypse. Food is scare, the cannibal mutants aren't, and I just remembered it's been 38 years since I last saw a Game of Thrones book. NO SPOILERS PAST BOOK 9, A SOCIETY OF PSYCHOPATHS, PLEASE. » 6/18/14 8:20am 6/18/14 8:20am

​Why There's No Goddamn Point In Ever Making An American Akira Movie

Greetings, letter-writers of the past! I'm doing pretty well, myself. I found this new village where they have some local lottery. I assume they don't give out cash, since society has fallen and all, but I entered it,hoping for some good prizes. We all drew slips this morning, and mine had a black dot... » 6/11/14 8:05am 6/11/14 8:05am

Are Dr. Strange And Magic Too Weird For The Marvel Cinematic Universe?

Goddammit, summer has started here in the post-apocalypse, and it already sucks. You know how I know civilization has collapsed? Because only two things make a civilized society: air conditioners and technology that lets you avoid walking up stairs, like elevators and escalators. Everything else is just gravy. » 6/04/14 8:05am 6/04/14 8:05am

​Dear Woman-Hating Comic Store Employees: Eat A Bowl Of Shit

Sorry to use a picture from The Big Bang Theory — especially since I don't know if this comic book store-running character is actually awful or not — but since he appears to be staring at his customer's breasts, it seemed a decent bet that it would be appropriately representative for our first letter. Now on with the… » 5/28/14 8:05am 5/28/14 8:05am

One Of These Star Wars Characters Is Going To Die (Probably)

Before you freak out: I have no special information about the Star Wars sequels. I merely have an educated guess about what might occur, and thus my headline is in no way an Episode VII spoiler. Unless I'm right. Which we won't know until the movie comes out. At which point it will no longer be a spoiler. Paradox! » 5/07/14 8:06am 5/07/14 8:06am

Why Is Zack Snyder The Only Director Of The DC Cinematic Universe?

Greetings, dear readers! I regret to inform you that the price of stamps is going up yet again. I know it feel like I — I mean we, the totally real U.S. Postal Service — just raised them, but our costs are unfortunately still rising. Mainly bullets. Bullets and food. It's the post-apocalypse out here people. You can… » 4/30/14 8:03am 4/30/14 8:03am